When the “Abstainers” Aren’t the “Refrainers”

We’ve learned recently that a healthy skepticism is being shown by a growing number of states on the “abstinence only” sex education programs which are federally funded. We wonder what is causing that. They, the states, you see, have been distancing themselves from these funds because boys and girls in the program are doing just the opposite, to each other that is. In fact according to the Washington Post at least 15 of the 50 million dollars or so ear marked are not being taken. Also, on point is that after a 14 year decline, teenage pregnancy is getting more frequent, according to Federal Health officials. We hope the right wing does not wonder what is causing that.

FRIDAY FAUXLOSOPHY

There is no kind of help nearer and dearer than non-judgmental help.

A MAN OF NOTE, WHO NEEDS HIS NOTICE

Time Magazine has just announced its Man of the Year is to be Vladmir Putin; their choice, but they’re wrong. Ours (and this is our first such choice) is President Bush, for a myriad of reasons, and we’ll enumerate a few. First, as we’ve previously allowed in the age of list and top 100’s, he’s one of our 50 GREATEST PRESIDENTS, EVER. Next, he’s had virtually no mistakes in office other than the bad break of not getting sufficient notice for impending crisis. We’ll explain. First, go back to Hurricane Katrina; reliable weather maps indicated that oncoming storm, a mere 5 to 6 days before it hit, less than a week and, given Mr. Bush’s legendary exercise and nap schedules, he had even less than that to react to the crisis. Then there was the Summer of 2001, early August to be exact, when Condi Rice and others received an intelligence memo entitled “Osama Bin Laden Determined To Attack The United States”, and sure there was talk about aircraft and people who wanted to learn to steer them (aim them, actually) but not land them, but this type of stuff just takes a while to get through our president’s radar. True, an intelligence operative visited Mr. Bush at his ranch but isn’t it OK to brush off information if you’re clearing brush instead? Besides, in the Republican spirit of Lincoln, our president eloquently replied “OK, you’ve covered your ass, you can go now”, or is that what the brush is for? But this was barely five (5) weeks before 9/11, and again a man’s got to have time to react; which happens some time after one actually reads the reports.
Now we learn that this past summer our National Intelligence estimates were that Iran had stopped working on nuclear weapons since 2003, but Mr. Bush only got that report in the summer of 2007, and we’re not sure if his schedule allowed him to inquire or go over them when he spoke in October of being focused on Iran and “World War III”.
So here’s the word to would be terrorists, and storm systems as well; be considerate, plan ahead, considering Mr. Bush’s reaction cycle, especially when he’s working out on his stationary cycle, reports on any potential destruction planned against the U.S. before January 2009 when Mr. Bush leaves office is due no later than the 4th of July; make that July 3rd, the 4th is one of his off days.

SOME BITS FROM MITT AS IN A ROMNEY AND A RODMAN MOMENT

Mitt Romney’s recent speech asking for tolerance of his Mormon faith was called by some a JFK moment was, alas, anything but. Where JFK assured the American people his religion would be separate from his presidential policies and that he’d respect all differences, Mr. Romney’s speech was in many ways quite opposite. His contention that all members of organized religions are united as in similar, versus those who are not religions is illogical and anything but inclusive. Guess what, there are
some . . . differences between organized religions, duh, try Old and New Testament and the Koran; they are not quite replicates. And for what it’s worth, there are some pretty decent non-religious people around too Mitt, maybe even the one who took your place in the draft; you remember three Vietnam era deferments, another story.
Again as far as Mitt “the inclusive”, facts are that until 1978, Mormonism was officially a racist religion and while Romney now embraces the Mormonist view of racial equality of today, he never flipped or flopped against their anti-black sentiments of prior years, although to be fair, his parents did. But they’re not running.
Now then our Rodman, as opposed to Romney moment; Dennis Rodman was a basketball player of some note; and maybe as good a pure re-bounder as the NBA has ever had. Off the court, however, he could be off the wall and said so in his biography, “Bad As I Wanna Be”. So when we see people like Mr. Romney who, a relatively short time ago, preached or at least tolerated racial prejudice and divide, but who now claim to embrace inclusionism, part of us says will their biographies read “Fair As I Hadda Be”?
And we have mentioned, but will again, that Mr. Romney kicked off his presidential campaign at the Henry Ford Museum and to all who are not familiar with Mr. Ford’s view on religious tolerance, you need to read.

LITTLE SOULS HAS GREAT HEART

Yesterday a youngster from the South, Little Rock, as in Arkansas, got his first real taste of a northeast winter and literally dashed through the snow. I say literally because his name is Dash and he’s a dog who’s been rescued from an untimely end by a warm and wonderful group who run the “Little Souls Foundation”. It’s based in Connecticut and adopts only a few dogs at a time, and these good boys and girls are given the chance they deserve and are placed only with people in Connecticut. Our pup is of a very rare breed: a Tibetan Squirrel Terrier to be exact. His lineage was discovered by his obedience school instructor (another good story for the future) and it should be of note that Tibetan Squirrel Terriers are unbelievably rare. Why, because it’s a made up breed, as our little mutt is not pure bred, he’s multiply pure bred, he’s that mixed. And, when my sister Lois pointed out that there are no squirrels in Tibet; that just shows the great job the “breed” has done.
Should you wish to consider having a warm friend of your own, all initial contact should be via e-mail to LittleSouls@att.net; include your home phone, as opposed to a call. And tell them you saw their name on Fauxnewsnetwork and we’ll keep on woofing.

FRIDAY FAUXLOSOPHY

It does not bode well for any religion when the moderates only sit and whisper while extremists stand and yell.

OUR INCURIOUS GEORGE

This past August, President Bush’s Intelligence Director, came to him with “new information” on Iran but according to the Prez, “he didn’t tell me what the information was”, continuing “he did tell me it was going to take a while to analyze”. Dub, duh, couldn’t you have asked? . . . And then after they did, in fact, get a confirmation that Iran’s nuclear program was long done (2003), Mr. Bush still talked in October of “World War III” and . . . it seems, as always, there was regarding the truth, a dearth from Darth, as Mr. Cheney warned them (Iran) “against staying on their present course”, or the international community would “impose serious consequences”. But if they (Iran) change their present course, that would mean starting up their program again. Right, Dub? Darth? Duh?

GUNS AND SUPPOSES DEPT.

Mike Huckabee, Arkansas Republican running for president, is now the leader in the Iowa primary polls. As we at the Faux and others have mentioned, he’s now being taken more seriously and thus being examined position wise more seriously, and one such policy is his view on guns. He wants them, you see, for all our citizens, for hunting (quite logical), for home security (we guess if you don’t have a dog) and most interestingly, he also recommends that people arm themselves to protect them from the government. OK . . . this is a bit different, from mainstream politicians, anyway, but what if Mr. Huckabee actually wins the election. Then, seriously, when he is leading the government, doesn’t it follow that he’s advising the populace to arm themselves against him.

FRIDAY FAUXLOSOPHY

It’s a query to President Bush:
What’s the difference between Ira(no nukes) and Ira(quagmire)?
Answer: Your deliberate misstatements about Iran didn’t get anyone killed.

OBAMA, NO LONGER THE DELAY LAMA?

We hear the phrase, we feel the timber, Barak Obama has found his voice. And as a result, he’s now 3% ahead in the Democratic Iowa primary polls and has closed the gap considerably as those of the New Hampshire contest as well. Perhaps, recent gaffs by Senator Clinton has made Democrats wary of the Hill she has to climb to be elected (sorry) and, perhaps the skilled Frank Rich is right by saying the number of those who won’t vote for Mr. Obama because of race is an exaggeration. We hope he’s right at least about America not being as racist now as in prior times but a glance back to an earlier age, say around 2000, gives us pause on the poll-arity of such an assumption, both as to race and gender. Consider please two races: Democrats Hillary Clinton and Ron Kirk ran for Senate, Hil in NY, Mr. Kirk, in Texas. The election eve polls, and we’ll admit this is partially by memory went like this, Mrs. Clinton was + 6% and Mr. Kirk was dead even. She won by 12%, he lost by 12. Now, what these numbers mean: as to race and gender, prejudice or participation, we’re not sure; we’re just telling you folks what the scoreboard said.

RUDY TUESDAY, JUDY NATHAN, A GETAWAY WITH A FULL SECURITY DETAIL: NOW THAT’S SAFE SEX

Rudy was in love, again, and from 1999 and on, while courting his 3rd wife, Judy Nathan, he took trips to Long Island. Well, his second and then current wife wasn’t invited, but there certainly was a crowd because he brought his entire personal security detail along. He then buried the cost of this outing in the budget of various NYC agencies to put if you will, a financial beard on these expenses: looks like despite Pat Robertson’s endorsements, when it comes to family values for Rudy Tuesday that was not a new day, but . . . with all that security around, we dare not say he wasn’t practicing safe sex.

THIS TIME, IN ADVANCE, IT’S A 3-PLAGE

We’ve all heard the term trifecta, most famously or maybe infamously used by our president referring to his political clout right after 9/11, and we know of the phrase “three –peat” which Lakers Coach Pat Riley unsuccessfully (thankfully) attempted to patent. But now, this week on the Faux, we did a three-plage; that is we plagiarized in advance not one or two, but three times.
First, in our article titled “The Cross Hairs, Carcass, Canvas, Caucus Dept”, we foretold of coming criticism as being taken seriously, aimed at GOP candidate Mike Huckabee and sure enough, in the latest Republican debate at St. Petersburg, Florida, for the first time really he was truly in the “crosshairs”.
We’ve also mentioned, at length actually, the duplicity of the GOP right, many of whom profess love and concern for Israel,
but . . . don’t seem all that tolerant to Jews. President Reagan’s conduct at Bitburg was one example and Richard Nixon’s anti-Semitic rantings were another; and it keeps becoming evident that if and when the GOP loves Israel, it’s way more with words than deeds. A stark example of this was just revealed in Richard Nixon’s tapes in which he had great reservations about accepting that the beleaguered nation of Israel had nuclear weapons to defend itself. This memo dates from 1969, just two (2) years after the Six Day War and with the (1973) Yom Kippur (sneak attack) War ahead. Mr. Nixon also was considering withholding the delivery of crucial phantom jets previously promised, but in meetings with Prime Minister Golda Mier, was somewhat mollified.
But more satisfying than plagiarizing and prognosticating on the political right (it’s often not that hard) is when we can do the same regarding a Pulitzer Prize winning columnist from the other side, namely Cynthia Tucker of the Atlanta Constitution. This was not our first time with her, but our “Guns (And This Time) No Poses” article of this past week, emulated part of her column of this week where she points out the staggeringly low homicide rate in 2007 in New York City as one relevant judge of Rudy Giuliani’s effectiveness as mayor, although, to be fair, this has kept improving under Mike Bloomberg. We’ve credited gun control, which both men favor, and Ms. Tucker gives kudos to the larger police presence funded by Bill Clinton and we’d say both have worked. Although it would be a month of Sunday’s before Rudy Tuesday gives Bubba due credit on that one.

FRIDAY FAUXLOSOPHY

With intolerance threatening to rule the debate and the day in the Republican discussions on immigration, we offer this Friday Fauxlosophy:
Is there any greater inheritance we can leave to future generations than tolerance?

HAPPY HOLY DAYS TO A SHRILL O’REILLY

We’re coming up on the 3rd anniversary of some very memorable, if not laudable words spoken on a show called “The O’Reilly Factor”, hosted by Bill O’Reilly. Truth be told, seems more like “The Fracture” to us. In any event, the subject remarks which caused an outrage among some (the few, the proud) Jews and non-Jews, as well, were as blunt as they were vicious. That many didn’t notice or weren’t offended by the offensive gives us pause because the words and the sentiment behind them were clear and went like this “All Jews, who don’t want to say Merry Christmas, should go back to Israel”. The ADL rightly objected and if Mr. O’Reilly ever apologized, we never heard it. And speaking of apologies and . . . spin zoners, I suppose the lovers of Bush and “The Fracture” might spin it that they love Israel so much, they want to help increase the population, right.
Wonder if O’Reilly and like minds know, or want to know, that the root word of Holidays as in “Happy Holidays”, is in fact “Holy Days”. Now we know that many Jews tolerate this administration’s apologists, of which O’Reilly is certainly one; we just don’t know how a proud Jew can.

GUNS (AND THIS TIME) NO POSES DEPT.

New York City is on pace to have less than 500 murders for the calendar year of 2007. And of these
w e l l u n d e r 1 0 0 w i l l h a v e b e e n by strangers, and this is in a city of over 8 million people. Talk about a death wish for those opposing gun control laws because New York does have in place ones which impose a mandatory year in jail for a first time offense for carrying an unlicensed firearm. That noted, is it possible then that many, many fewer guns have resulted in many, many fewer gun deaths? Is it as logical and simple as that? Especially since most of the victims, in fact, over 80%, (police statistics confirm this) are killed by people they knew, or thought they did. That given, future crazy ideas to be addressed on the Faux include the idea that less super size eating will result in fewer super sized people. And further that more efficient vehicles use less gas which will mean fewer petrol dollars to our petrol enemies. Well, from the Guns and Poses Dept., it’s a shot in the dark anyway.
In closing, we really do need to mention Fred Thompson’s recent criticism of our own Rudy for such radical statements as “Guns and automobiles should both be registered”. Faux Law And Order man Thompson then pointed out that New York City is not emblematic of the rest of the country and he’s right; New Yorkers are shooting and killing way, way, way fewer of their fellow citizens than just about every other city in America.

OUR THANKSGIVING FRIDAY FAUXLOSOPHY

The goal of all who can, should be to help the under privileged and guide the over privileged.

HEARD AGAIN FROM THE TOWER OF BABBLE-ON: DAVID BROOKS

Mr. Brooks has done it again, and he’s done it by emulating one of OUR PRINCIPLES: namely that complete sentences are OK in lieu of complete truths. This past week, he wrote in defense of what would be (based on the whole truth) the indefensible, namely Ronald Reagan’s presidential campaign kickoff in 1980 at the lush media center known as Philadelphia, Mississippi. You see, aw shucks, Ronald Reagan didn’t mean nothing by it, nothing racial anyway; his support of “State Rights” weren’t no code just a get together of plain, regular locals, many of whom were Klansmen to be sure, but hear us out, there’s (at least) two slides to every story. Well, OK, Philadelphia was the sight of the torture murders in what has come to be known as the “Mississippi Burning” story and the FBI report confirms that the Klan meeting on the eve of that crime opened with the statement that “tonight we’re going to get a couple of Jew boys”, but that could just be some local folksy thing, maybe their own code pronunciation for “you boys”. Anyway, years later when he honored the German SS at Bitburg, Mr. Reagan explained that he understood these may have been young SS and that considered, d o w e r e a l l y know how mature the Klansmen involved in the Mississippi murders actually were? And anyway, the once chairman of the Republican National Committee, Ken Mehlman, attempted to right things for the right by admitting “Some Republicans gave up on winning the African-American vote, looking the other way or trying to benefit politically from racial polarization”. And, in fact, Mehlman got right on that, making this declaration in 2005, only a quarter century after Mr. Reagan’s speech.

And when the good old boy Republican Committeeman from Mississippi noted that this speech of Reagan’s would help gain the support of “George Wallace inclined voters”, as the fact obsessed Paul Krugman recently wrote, what could young Klansmen do, Wallace wasn’t running any longer, for president anyway.
So the lesson here is quite clear; it’s OK for political gain for a politician to employ racism, to encourage racism, and to benefit from racism as long as he doesn’t personally exhibit racism. And all we can think each time such a crafty, nuanced and especially shrewd approach is used to excuse Mr. Reagan’s use of such tactics is Reagan’s own signature remark to Jimmy Carter in their debates: “there you go again”.

SEVEN SCORE AND FOUR YEARS AGO

November 19th, 2007 marks the 144th anniversary of Abraham Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address. Long before an internet age when all is recorded and rehashed, Mr. Lincoln predicted that “they will little note nor long remember what we say here”, but the nation and history obviously did. Also ironically this speech for the ages which began with so elegant a chronology “FOUR score and SEVEN years ago” is now SEVEN score and FOUR years old, and hasn’t aged a bit. Would that the current leaders of the Republican Party who so repeatedly play on Mr. Lincoln’s name at some point, exhibit a fraction of the progressively, fairness and dare we hope, eloquence of their great predecessor.

THIS WEEK’S FRIDAY FAUXLOSOPHY:

Is of a “Jeopardy” nature, but not in jeopardy.

ANSWER: Abraham Lincoln
QUERY: Who is the only Republican President in history Fox News wouldn’t endorse.

JUDGING BARRY BONDS, AW BE FLAXIBLE

That’s right “flaxible” because Barry Bonds says he really thought the stuff he was taking was flaxseed oil, not steroids, no way. You see he heard there was this stuff which, if you rubbed it on, gave you acne, swelled your head, made your hair fall out and shrunk your testicles and he thought, as would any thinking guy, man where can I get some of that. And besides others have had stimulants to enhance them; Babe Ruth beer, Roger Maris cigarettes and Henry Aaron, well, he was just a talented, low key human being, but he may have had wine with dinner. So we believe you Barry, now go and flax your muscles, and review your testimony, because your next uniform number may also be enhanced.

THE CROSS-HAIRS, CARCASS, CANVAS, CAUCUS DEPT.

As people try to canvas the vote on the key primary in Iowa, the quote of the week belongs to former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee. Responding to the fact that he was now the object of other Republican’s criticisms (he’s been rising in the polls) he spoke from his hunter’s turf as follows, “You never put the cross-hairs on a dead carcass”. Which puts a little perspective on the targeting by Republicans and most all Democratics (except maybe her logical VP nominee New Mexico Governor Richardson) of Hilary. She’s the biggest game, she’s the livest game, and we’ll see in the forthcoming debates if she continues to have game.

OOPS RUDY CAN’T RECALL! OH WELL, JUST A KERIKAL ERROR

Rudy Giuliani’s former police commissioner, Bernard Kerik, surrendered last week to a variety of federal indictments. These include corruption and tax violations and lead people to question Rudy Tuesday’s judgment as to potential cabinet appointees when he’s sworn in as the 911th, we mean 44th president. It seems city inspectors advised the then hizzoner that Mr. Kerik had an obvious conflict of interest as he worked for a corporation trying to generate some lucrative contracts with NYC for work involving its prison system, and Rudy says he did, in fact, have a meeting with the inspector but as to the exact content on Mr. Kerik’s conflicts, he just can’t recall. He can’t recall, perfect because now at least we know one of Mr. Giuliani’s cabinet members: Alberto Gonzales, the man who could never recall, for Attorney General.

THE A ROD ALL TIME A PLAN

Many have been giving Mr. Rodriguez grief for opting out of his contract with the NY Yankees d u r i n g the seventh inning of the concluding World Series game, denying the Red Sox their due celebrative attention. To those who say he went too far, we say he didn’t, considering His needs (and are any others as important) go far enough, and to that end, we’ve some suggestions. First he should announce his choice of a new team during the Super Bowl, preferably during a tense drive in the second half. Second, his new contract should have two “opt out” dates, the first to be November 7th, 2008, and the second January 20, 2009. That way, he can interrupt the ’08 national elections, and, if he so chooses (and he will) also be a talking point on Inauguration Day. Then A Rod will be the A-vent, the A-topic and thus the biggest A of all time.

NO LAPELS SAY IT JUST AS WELL

Some members of my family were involved militarily in WWII, Vietnam, and the Gulf War; none have ever worn a flag lapel. Another group of family members consistently wear the flag lapels and often sport the shirts with a “United We Stand” logo. This is fine because a “United We Served” logo would have been inappropriate since none of them ever wore this country’s uniform for a minute and to be frank, in most cases, by specific and for their personal safety, intelligent design. My late father-in-law, Colonel Robert Matheson, who fought in the tank battles in the blizzards of Europe, and his best friend, Charles “Chick” Aimes (still with us) who also fought with him under General George Patton said it best “Wear a little pin of flag, nah, I served the flag”.

As to what these old war dogs said about our Flagger-In-Chief, this being a family blog, we can’t repeat.

THIS FRIDAY: A QUESTION OF FAUXLOSOPHIES

A political query: There are many throughout history who’ve viewed prejudice as a scourge and many as well who’ve used it as an opportunity. From which tradition do your candidates descend?

RUDY SEZ: IT’S MINE ONE ONE

This Monday, November 11th, or should we say the Monday nearest the 11th, marks the celebration of Veteran’s Day. November eleventh is, of course, the anniversary of (a temporary) armistice, to end hostilities in WWI, known then as the Great War. General John Pershing, or so the legend goes, liked the number eleven even more than Rudy Giuliani likes the number nine eleven (well, at least as much) and thus the signing took place the 11th day of the 11th month, and . . . on the 11th hour, although the rumor that it was eleven minutes after the hour has never been resolved.

Such a number nuance has, of course, been used as a cornerstone of New York City’s own Rudy Tuesday’s (Tuesday 9/11/01 – his one great day) campaign to run for president, while continuing to stand upon the shoulders of those who were victims, and heroes on that tragic day. He has claimed their heroism and sacrifices as his symbol, despite their many vigorous criticisms, and latched onto the combination of the nine and one and one as if it were his own invention, and all the while we thought they were part of the Arabic number system. But he could milk it even more.

For instance, should he be nominated, we suggest he demand the election be moved up to September 11th, and should he be inaugurated, January 19th as in 1.19 (the closest we could get) comes to mind. Of course, he will place his hand on the Bible at 11minutes after 9, and no doubt, berate all who oppose him for nine hundred and eleven minutes. And he’ll be as beloved as he was in New York on September 10th, 2001, another day and number of nuance. And, by the by, when Senator Joe Biden recently remarked that Rudy Tuesday’s sentence consists of a noun, a verb and the phrase “911”; that was just not fair Mr. Biden, because Rudy’s occasionally pitches in with an adverb.

THE FAUXGOTTEN WORD DEPT.

There are many who feel the most dangerous country in the world right now is Pakistan, and we at the Faux may have to agree.
And while our State Department, facing no good choices, seems to be saying “better the devil you know than the devil you don’t”, we’d like those folks to consider inserting the word “maybe”, before the “better” part of the relevant devilry. We in the Fauxvian Nation would also like our folks to consider just what Prime Minister Pervez Musharraf has done. He’s fired his Chief Court Justice, while defying our government’s wishes, and his own law as well, although President Bush, to his credit, has been clear in his disapproval. In addition, Mr. Musharraf has suspended his own constitution, closed down TV networks that opposed him and is talking about suspending his country’s next scheduled elections. But interestingly, to us at least, the Republican candidates (all of them) who’ve echoed President Bush’s past policies have been so focused on running to the right of him, that none have voiced any objection as to where supporting Musharraf unconditionally has led us. From front runners Rudy Giuliani and Mitt Romney, right on down, instead of asking regarding Mr. Musharraf’s silencing, jailing, and eventually disenfranchising his political opponents, “how can HE do that”?, they seem to be wondering in the ’08 election and beyond “when can WE do that”? Which means the real fauxgotten word from their point of view will be: better “envy” the devil you know . . .
One more thing, if these events mark the end of rule of law in Pakistan as we know it, they also mark the end of lawyer jokes as we know them. Because they’re the ones, in the streets, showing the courage to stand up to Musharraf.

WHAT A BLUNDERFULL WORLD THIS CAN BE

In 2003 Syria began building the nuclear reactor which the Israelis recently took out. Also, in 2003, we invaded Iraq which didn’t have any WMD’s. Is this another stanza of “don’t know much about geography”? And we know Iran has an imbecillian president, I’m a Dim Whack Job, who is well, imbecillian, but are any aware that Iran’s military budget is currently (according to the accurate, if overly fact obsessed Paul Krugman) equal to that of Sweden’s?

FRIDAY FAUXLOSOPHY

To those who say dance like no one’s watching, we at the Faux agree, ‘cause we write like no one’s critiquing.

THE ANCESTRAL DICK CHENEY (COULD HAVE BEEN) A SAVER OF LIVES, A FREER OF SLAVES

The NY Post and the Daily News, hardly the NY Times’ “liberal” rivals, reported that this week VP Dick Cheney went a-hunting again, this time at the Clove Valley Rod and Gun Club in Union Vale, NY, hardly the heart of the South but philosophy anyway, it showed the rather dark heart of the old South as a Confederate flag was prominently displayed at a garage on the Hunts’ Club premises. Mr. Cheney as is the right wing tradition with such symbols claimed neither he nor any of his party noticed, they never do. But . . . this got us to speculating what if the Confederate Army had consisted of Dick Cheney-like soldiers? They, of course, would not have noticed the human cost caused by the South’s enslavement of humans, would have been happy to bear arms but (like Cheney who, don’t forget forged five (5) deferments from service in the Vietnam era) j u s t w o u l d n’ t h a v e f o u g h t plus, if and when they did shoot, they’d probably just shoot each other in the face; witness Mr. Cheney’s infamous 2006 Texas hunting accident. It’s obvious there’d have been no Civil War and the Confederacy would have had to dismantle the slave plantation system and possibly avoided the destructive Reconstruction era as well. Because, to reiterate, if the Army had been manned by Dick Cheney types, the only thing they would have fought for was to avoid fighting.

AND NOW FEMA NEWS, THEY REPORT AND THEY DECIDE

Some time back, we referred to this administration as the commissars of the right; opposing the Russians in ideology but emulating them in style. And as many of you no doubt heard in the tradition of the “spontaneous” town meeting, and their own more foxy version of Pravda, the administration’s news comrades are FEMA-ing their oats again and this time at the scene of the California wildfires where FEMA held a fabulously faux media news conference, with everyone present, but the media. It seems the “reporter’s” questions were asked by FEMA employees to other FEMA employees and, surprise, they approved of themselves. Alas, at least for now, the truth tends to come out in these United States and we’re assured when the administration says they were embarrassed, an emotion we didn’t know they were capable of and they’ve promised the public such a bad act won’t take place again. And you know them; it won’t, at least not without better actors.

IS RUDY TUESDAY ALRIGHT WITH THE EVANGELICAL RIGHT?

On values issues, et al to get healthy poll numbers, Rudy may be socially diseased, according to John McCain who says culturally the Republican base don’t want a new day. So then does Rudy, our own Mr. Mine One One, need to flip on social issues to unite the Republican Party? According to a John McCain memo if he doesn’t flip, he’ll flop. To his credit, Senator McCain also recently reminded us on the torture question that yes, water boarding was, is, and always will be torture, back from when it was first employed, namely in the Spanish Inquisition. To anyone, including Attorney General Nominee Michael S. Mukasey, who thinks it’s OK, we guess that Spanish thing was just the compassionate conversionism of its day, eh.

THE WE PROUDLY PLAGIARIZE IN ADVANCE DEPT, AGAIN

    Of all our favorite principles, none is more fauxly favored than our masthead “we have nothing to fear so much as not having the use of fear itself” and we give all due credit to Karl “Roosevelt” Rove, whose embellishing perspiration was our inspiration.  But now, in Monday’s New York Times the much read and discussed Paul Krugman, has devoted his whole column basically to our concept of what frightens so many Republican politicians the most is a world without being able to frighten Republican voters.  And you know us, gang, if we plagiarize someone in advance once; we predict  . . . we’ll do it again.

CAN A LIBERAL WIN BEN STEIN’S MONEY?

    For the informational benefit of those who don’t know him, Ben Stein is an extremely educated man (Columbia, Yale Law) who went on to be a speech writer for Richard Nixon.  He then gained fame (and some fortune) on Comedy Central TV as a host and creator of shows, but now according to some conservatives has crossed the line, at least party lines as this long, long time Republican has gone frankly, Franken.  We refer, of course, to one Al Franken, noted actor, author, liberal activist and now candidate for the Democratic nomination in the Minnesota Senate seat in play in the 2008 election.  Mr. Stein’s reasons for contributing to Mr. Franken’s campaign include the current Republican’s failure to live up to their self proclaimed legacy as proponents of individual rights, and he gave the party’s desertion of Senator Larry Craig (R) for Idaho as a case in point.  On running against incumbent Norman Coleman, Al Franken who is a native Minnesotan, remarked that in a race of two Jews who’ve resided in NYC, at least one will have actually been born in Minnesota.  Guess that’s the kind of answer which wins Ben Stein’s money.     

FRIDAY FAUXLOSOPHY

    We must never forget that virtually all the freedoms we consider “givens” in their formative time had to be “takens”, often at great risk by brave people of good intent.

ZZ FLOP?

    Did Dick Cheney really find the cabinet meeting to discuss the horrible fire situation in California so boring that he fell asleep during said meeting?  Someone should have whispered oil prices rising, that’s the only way you could get a rise out of that Richard head.

RUDY TUESDAY, A BACK STAB NEWSDAY

We at the Faux said it in the spring and we’re saying it now – the Red Sox are the best team in baseball and are well on their way to the franchise’s 7th World Series Championship. That said, Mr. Mine One One, oh we mean 911, Rudy Tuesday (the one day he’s lived off since) has brought his knee pads to New Hampshire, really. You think not, this supposed "all time" Yankee fan (he brags how in NYC elections, he’s told Mets fans so) is rooting and tooting (that’s not a bean town joke) for the Red Sox. If the best team wins the Series fine, at least the Sox’ ascension has showed us how desperate Giuliani is to be the best primary candidate in New Hampshire and in this primary, he’s showing his true colors, indeed, and they ain’t true blue.

THE SUMMIT OF VOTERS VALUED

            This
past week, a politically conservative group called the “Values Voters”, held
their summit, and so they called it the Values Voter’s Summit and all those vying for the Republican
presidential nomination attempted to make the ascent.  We at the Faux truly value values, especially
the valuable ones and on that values thing, would like to offer some
perspective of our own.  Nowadays at
least, virtually all political camps, from far right conservatives to far left
liberals, support certain freedoms and the values they represent as a “given”
though in the struggles of their time, they were not given but had to be
taken.  The abolition of slavery,
securing women’s right to vote, and preserving access to all that is America without
regard to religion or race, among many others, and the values that inspired
them, were anything but unanimous back in the day.  And to be historically fair, conservatives of
those times    r   e   s   i   s   t   e   d      e   v   e  r  y   o  n  e    of these changes though by consensus they do
accept them today.  So here’s our rub,
does anyone every wonder at these “summits” what are they against today, that they
will readily accept as self evident down the road, kind of an “Historical Values
Voter’s Summit”.  That would be a
discussion truly worth a trip up the mountain, for again, values that
historically and morally prove to actually be valuable.

  

           

 

INDEFENSIVELY OFFENSIVE

We heard it in the Vietnam era, and we hear more now than ever and in an increasingly strident voice. It goes something like this: YOU PLAY OFFENSE, YOU DON’T PLAY DEFENSE and, of course, they’re talking about our invasion of Iraq, as a sports analogy but n o t as the quagmire of a war it is, and for the sad record, this conflict has already outlasted, time wise, our involvement in WWII. But they make a good point; do Mr. Romney and Mr. Giuliani, two who frequently talk in these terms, because really does anyone ever win in sports by playing any defense? Does a baseball team in the playoffs worry about their defense and pitching, and do the Red Sox really count on Josh Beckett, or does a basketball team concentrate on stopping the opposing teams best, as in blocking shots and, did Bill Russell really help the Celtics to championships? Right, or does a football team worry about a pass rush and great line backing in their Super Bowl runs, and was Lawrence Taylor really that valuable and why would a hockey team ever count on having a great goalie in their run at a Stanley Cup, and did the Canadiens really need Ken Dryden? No, they’d just worry about playing "offense" with no concern with what damage was inflicted against them by the opposition. Yes sir, only play offense said Mssrs. Giuliani and Romney, although as Vietnam eligible draftees, they had six (6) deferments between them, and that, to avoid serving in a war in which they professed to believe. See, they didn’t play offense either, they did what they wanted the American people to do, just play cheerleaders. They just talk the talk, offensively that is.

FRIDAY'S FAUXLOSOPHY

If you write with verve, you can well hit a nerve.

And that said if any out there in the Fauxvian Universe has something to contribute - send it, we'll give it a look, and if you wish (your choice) we'll make up our own kind of twisted titles for your offerings; hope to hear.

BUSH AND SCIENCE – POLES APART

    This week, the U.S. Government’s own report card on climate and the Artic indicated some rather low grades as opposed to the environmentally necessary low temperatures for that region.  It seems that since 2005, a full 23% of the ice has melted and the usual new ice made during the winter is just not developing.  To underscore the vastness of the short fall the report pointed out that an area 1 ½ times the size of Texas should have been renewed but simply doesn’t exist.  How can our administration deny or delay coming to grips with such indisputable and ominous warming trends.
    On a related, but hopefully not too belated storyline, Steven Colbert recently mentioned that Hilary Clinton has charged President Bush with waging a war on science, based on his truculence regarding global warming and stem cell research among other issues.  However, Mr. Colbert said that based on the success of Mr. Bush’s other wars, science should eventually be in good shape.  Mr. Colbert’s “optimism” aside, it’s a time honored sales pitch to “get ‘em while they’re hot”, but in the matter of the Artic, the climate trends which threaten it, and the prospect of another such administration following this one, the travel industry may need to advertise to those wanting to visit the Artic “get there while it’s cold”.

ANN PREYING ON

    Ann Coulter has frequently, in the media, been described as praying mantis like, which we at the Faux maintain is unfair, not to her mind you, but to that voracious, but efficient insect.  Besides they consume to live; with Ms. Coulter it seems just the opposite and a case in point is her latest remarks on NBC’s “The Big Idea” that only Christian people had the “fast track” to the Lord.  She went on that Jews had to be “perfected” into being Christians.
    Now we Fauxvians do possibly share one belief with Ann and that is that of intelligent design versus evolution;   w  e  ’r  e   n  o  t      p  r  e  p  a  r  e  d      t  o     r  u  l  e     i   t      o    u    t , we’ll explain.  For the record, she was engaged several times but the marriages were never consummated, maybe the prospective suitors were aware what female mantises do to male mantises, and in any event, her would be spouses evolved to a better place.  But back to the ever preying Ann, at age 45+, who by good fate, fortune, or whatever, appears destined not to reproduce:  Can such a design be called unintelligent?
    Oh, food for thought, (we hope) to people of goodwill, Christian or Jewish, who find themselves, time after time, supporting and voting for the same political candidates as Ms. Coulter; keep in mind,  like all good mantises,    s  h  e       h   a   s t   o      c   o   n   s   u   m   e;  where do you fit in?
 

PROFESSOR ALAN DERSHOWITZ: INDESPUTABLE AND IRREFUTABLE

            We
at the Faux are honored to report that we really do have a report, having
interviewed Professor Alan Dershowitz, the irrefutable one.  Among his subjects of interest (well, they
all were) was Israel
and the constant and growing antipathy (of some) on the left towards the
Israeli’s policy towards the Palestinians and Her approach towards surviving in
general. It
is of note the professor maintained that so few people in the political center,
seem at the center of the discussions on Israel, and gave a rather definite
example of just how slanted this opposition can be.  His example, a memorable one, was found on a
picket sign (one of many he’s faced when speaking) which boldly proclaimed
“Gay’s For Palestine”.  Long story short,
Mr. Dershowitz wondered if those folks with the sign knew what the Palestinians
do to gays.  Well . . . it’s a rather
hard edged response and there’s no easy way to say it, and the punishment does
involve actually making a long story short. 
And . . . speaking of being unfairly cut off, public radio has had Mr.
Dershowitz on a number of times but  w i
l l    n o t   l e t   h i m   s p e a k    o n    I
s r a e l.  His guess and ours is that he
recognizes legitimate arguments on both sides, is not the extreme of their
dreams, and inevitably comes down not on the side of the State of Israel being
perfect, but on the side of they’re having a perfect right to continue being.  That said, we fauxvians wish that the powers
that be at NPR for all their other good works were just a little less tolerant
of the intolerant. 

ON RACE AND INTOLERANCE IN AMERICA: FROM NIXON ON THE REPUBLICANS NEVER MADE A DENT

    They say the Heavens rejoice when one repents, even in their last moments, but in the case of Harry Dent who passed two weeks ago, there was far more time for celebration.  First the bad: while working as a strategist for Richard Nixon’s 1968 campaign, Mr. Dent sought to take advantage of uneasy or just plain bigoted whites who resented the Civil Rights Bill of 1964, using such terms as “State’s rights” and “law and order”, Dent articulated what has been known as the “Southern Strategy” and was given a large amount of credit for Nixon’s 1968 election win.  
    Now for the ugly; this ploy kept working and became such an integral part of the right wing playbook, that Ronald Reagan opened his successful 1980 campaign at Philadelphia, Mississippi, (that of “Mississippi Burning” infamy involving the murder and torture of 3 civil right’s workers), with a pledge of reverence, again, for “state’s rights”.  And unfortunately, such divisive race based strategy, used repeatedly, from Willie Horton on down, has worked for the GOP to this day.  But now the good; in 1981, Harry Dent retired from his politics of darkness and saw the light and left the practice of law to become a Southern Baptist deacon.  That same year in an interview with the Washington Post, he candidly spoke of his “Southern Strategy” as follows:  “When I look back, my biggest regret now is anything I did that stood in the way of rights of black people”, he said, “Or any people.”
    He worked to help build churches and orphanages in Romania and in the end, he proved to be a uniter not a divider:  I wonder if our president, who brags he reads little in the news, saw Mr. Dent’s obituary.
   

FRIDAY FAUXLOSOPHY

    Religion can and should be ideally employed as the best of all guiding lights but by so many in authority, is regrettably used as the most shadowy of camouflages.

CHRIS ON A ROLL

    This weekend my dear son-in-law, Chris Hennessy, will be taking part in a 100 mile bike ride (whew) to raise funds to fight for a cure for MS.  Chris was so diagnosed in the last year but he’s made great strides and, as can be seen by Sunday’s trek, is continuing to cover ground; plus he’s giving a key note speech prior to the event.  So here’s to Chris as he rises to the challenge by riding to the challenge.

A FAUX PHRASEOLOGY ON A GENUINE ICON

Anyone and everyone who follows baseball, knows of the legend of George Herman Ruth, known as the Babe. Babe Ruth was baseball’s first great slugger and given his lack of chemical enhancements, may be still the greatest in that respect; thus the term “Ruthian”. In Greek and Roman mythology, there was a man named Hercules, the offspring of Zeus and Alcamore, who really got a rep for doing the heavy lifting of his day with the result that his level of physical prowess came to be known as “Herculean”.

Babe Ruth did exist although some of his feats are embellished in legend, and Hercules was, of course, born from myth, but there is an individual among us whose challenges and subsequent triumphs should inspire his own descriptive term and that man is Alan Dershowitz and we at the Faux feel the phrase of achievement in his, the legal fields of scholarship and law should be “Dershowitian”. Consider the man stood against the Soviets in the case of Anatoly Sharansky and our government, many times, involving a mind boggling scope of individuals. His clients included Dr. Benjamin Spock, David Crosby, Mike Milken, Mike Tyson, OJ Simpson, Kenny Rogers and even Harry Reems, to name but a few. His successes are as consistent as they are remarkable; they are truly “Dershowitian”. We at the Faux hope to have the honor of meeting Mr. Dershowitz soon.

GEORGE BUSH IN TONGUES

Much is made, in fact we at the Faux believe maybe too much, of our president’s challenge with language, and with well, complete sentences. To be fair, we’ll cite some recent examples but there is to come, the balanced part as well. The president’s veto on the S-Chip bill which passed both the House and Senate and would have given several million children from low income families’ health care is a case in point, and we will use Mr. Bush’s exact words. First he discussed the decision making process, “My job is a decision making job and as a result, I make a lot of decisions”. Oh, OK . . . and he continued “I want to share with you why I vetoed the bill this morning, poor kids first . . .” and again these are his exact words. An impartial observer, even one from a different planet, might be moved to utter but you’re putting poor kids last you . . ., since it’s obvious who’s getting the short end here; as in, is our childrens healing. But, to be balanced, our president is often a clear and even functional speaker (not as in Gettysburg address eloquent) mind you, but only; repeat only, on certain topics. He speaks clearly, when he clearly believes; listen to him on more troop surges, greater tax cuts and the regular use of the death penalty, his tongue is not tied because his mind is free. It’s only on such topics as realistically educating our youth (which does cost actual money) when he has his “is our childrens learning” moments. Again, to be fair and balanced or impaired and imbalanced, take your choice, George Bush is not a clumsy or bad speaker, he’s a clumsy and bad liar. But he is trying sooooo . . . hard not to be as he keeps practicing.

FROM THE BAR (EXAM) SET-SO-LOW DEPT.

nbsp;Attorney General Alberto Gonzales may indeed be guilty of perjury in his testimony regarding his 2004 confrontation with other top Justice officials.  But while guilty, he may also be blameless.  Why blameless, because with his tendency to not recall (and presuming these are not manufactured non-recalls) he probably forgot what he intended to do even before he’d began doing it, basically he was an accidental jurist.  We are puzzled by one other thing at the Faux and that is if these memory lapses have been an ongoing problem for Attorney Gonzales in his personal history, how did he pass his bar exam to become an attorney in the first place?   Or fittingly, did the man who serves the commander of the bar-set-so-low ranch become an attorney by passing a bar-set-so-low exam?  Has Mr. Gonzales been an open book, hardly, but our guess is that’s the kind of test he probably got.

TAKING A DOG POUNDING

Now suspended Atlanta Falcons QB Michael Vick is currently facing Federal charges involving a large scale dog fighting operation.  A statement (supposedly authored by Mr. Vick) was read by his attorney, Billy Martin, in which he (Mr. Vick) “respectfully asked” that people withhold judgment until “all the facts are in”.  Fair enough, but we at the Faux do like animals, especially those that help people, like dogs, and don’t like people who abuse them, acting, well kind of like animals.  Oh, and regarding Vick’s future statements, we’ll actually listen to and/or  read them when he actually writes them.

STRAY CAP NUTS

 Good news from Iraq; by barring cars in Baghdad during the celebration of their team’s winning of the Asia Cup in soccer, there were no car bombings during the festivities.  Now the bad news: at least 4 Iraqi’s were killed and 17 wounded by stray gunfire joyfully set off to commemorate this victory.  Imagine what these guys do when they lose.

FRIDAY FAUXLOSOPHY

The only truly free market is a truly fair market.

NOW THAT YOU'RE SIXTY AND MORE

Happy Birthday to Mick Jaggar - now that you're 64, and still loved and...still listened to. Hopefully, in about, no make that exactly 2 years from now, those of you blogging in on the faux will still consider me a friend.

Editor's note; On behalf of the staff and friends of the Faux News Network, we wish a very Happy Birthday to our founder Mr. Norman Bender. Norman, May G-d bless you with a year of health, happiness, and continued success in all your endeavors. We love you!

THE NEW CENSURIONS

    Senator Russ Feingold, D-Wisconsin, has proposed
something with no legal significance but maybe some moral, and that is
to call for a motion in the Senate to censure President Bush.  Mr.
Feingold feels it should be on the record that the American electorate
expects accountability to all that’s gone wrong in Iraq, and, on point,
Gordon Smith, R-Oregon, said recently also on the record in session,
that this Iraq situation “may have criminal elements”.  David
Brooks, however, has commented this action might make Republicans who
wish to distance themselves from the president be drawn to defend
him.  Ironic, isn’t it, if despite Mr. Feingold’s attempt to be a
uniter, he winds up being a divider instead.  But . . . if that
proves to be the case, we’d expect Mr. Brooks to consider such
misdirection rather presidential, and give Mr. Feingold support
accordingly, because, that is a precedent we at the Faux did not “pull
out of the air”. 

BABBLE ON POSTSCRIPT

    On this week’s “Meet the Press”, David Brooks talked
uncritically on our president’s serenity that his cause in Iraq is, and
always has been just.  We have to choose between loosing, Brooks
asserts, 125 Americans a month over the next 5 years while “stabilizing
Iraq” OR ten thousand (10,000) Iraqi deaths a month.  Bob Woodward
asked him where that number came from; Brooks’ answer was lengthy and
qualified as his forte but then he quietly (and quickly) allowed that
he just “TOOK THAT 10,000 OUT OF THE AIR”.  The caps are ours, his
was a confessional whisper.  These seconds of candor are a poor
second to an honest approach, Mr. Brooks.  Really you should be a
beat writer because you never miss a beat, or a trick.

BABBLE ON POSTSCRIPT

    On this week’s “Meet the Press”, David Brooks talked
uncritically on our president’s serenity that his cause in Iraq is, and
always has been just.  We have to choose between loosing, Brooks
asserts, 125 Americans a month over the next 5 years while “stabilizing
Iraq” OR ten thousand (10,000) Iraqi deaths a month.  Bob Woodward
asked him where that number came from; Brooks’ answer was lengthy and
qualified as his forte but then he quietly (and quickly) allowed that
he just “TOOK THAT 10,000 OUT OF THE AIR”.  The caps are ours, his
was a confessional whisper.  These seconds of candor are a poor
second to an honest approach, Mr. Brooks.  Really you should be a
beat writer because you never miss a beat, or a trick.

WITH APOLOGIES TO THE VILLAGE PEOPLE

(WITH APOLOGIES TO THE VILLAGE PEOPLE) THERE’S



NO MAYBE, THERE’S NO MAYBE, THEY DO TOO, THEY



DO TOO, THEY DO TOO, GET NEW RECRUITS



    Mike McConnell, Director of National Intelligence,
recently conceded and (then nervously digressed) that our occupation in
Iraq has been an excellent device for al-Qaeda to recruit and
indoctrinate in the broader based Sunni extremist community.  The
National Intelligence estimate released this month allows that could
well translate into Homeland attacks, as in right here on us. 
Turns out those in D.C. who always talk about using their tools have
given al-Qaeda real tools . . . so much for our tools.

THE DAVID BROOKS BABBLE-ON DEPT.

    George W. Bush has had no more resilient if nuanced
supporter than columnist David Brooks.  One brief but revealing
exception occurred the night of the 2004 Democratic convention when Mr.
Brooks endorsed John Kerry after hearing him “report for duty” but
reversed his position in less than a day; concerned that . . . Mr.
Kerry might prove to be a flip flopper.  But that aside, to every
presidential misjudgment, Mr. Brooks in his column has extended a
presidential pardon.  So when discussing an unrelated subject to
the Iraq war, he mentioned the Greek philosophy that people “suffer to
wisdom”; we couldn’t help but think, great notion Mr. Brooks.  Why
not continue that thought in your next pro- President Bush column,
because based on learning by suffering under the Bush administration,
many Americans, especially the non-rich, non-health covered are much
wiser, and the Iraq people, by now, again courtesy of Mr. Bush, must
include many Solomons. 

 

FRIDAY FAUXLOSOPHY

It is rarely worth winning an argument if it loses you a friend.

THE PETTY, LOW, GUMPTION DEPT.

    On July 11th, Wolf Blitzer interviewed outgoing
Surgeon General, Richard Carmona.  Dr. Carmona had some stuff to
get off his chest including the pettiness of the Bush administration
which required him to mention President Bush some three times on every
page in every speech he gave.  But what he found to be really low
and what took real gumption was when he was invited to speak at the
Japanese Special Olympics and was DENIED PERMISSION.  When Dr.
Carmona pushed for a reason, he was asked wasn’t he aware that the
Special Olympics movement was founded by those “other” people, namely
the Kennedys and Democrats.  Compassionate conservatives, you
folks be the judge but don’t use this as a case in point of Mr. Bush
being a divider not uniter.  That’s because Stephen Colbert got it
right, OUR PRESIDENT IS A UNITER: 79% of our population can’t stomach
him and his bunch and you don’t get an American electorate any more
united then that.

WE REVILE KYLE

    Makes you think of Joe Torre’s regular use of right
hander Kyle Farnsworth in the Yankee eighth innings as their setup
man.  Well, they’re winning games; duh, can you say in friggin’
spite of?  One other theory:  Tums and Rolaids are having a
bidding war over Joe Torre’s endorsing them, and part of the deal is he
keep trotting out this yo-yo.  Think about it, Farnsworth has
pitched just one (1), 1-2-3 inning since mid-June.  Does he have
compromising photos of Joe Torre?  We’re stumped.

TWO WRONGS MAKING A RIGHT, AND WE AIN’T BEEN ATTACKED SINCE 9/11

    One of the first, and formative political anecdotes
I ever heard was about a farmer interviewed just prior to the 1936
national election.  This man, like so many other honest, hard
working Americans, had been virtually wiped out in The Great Depression
but under FDR’s revitalization, which included power projects to help
irrigate his land, he had come back from the brink to solvency. 
His dust had turned to green.  A reporter interviewing this man
was a bit non-pulsed when this member of the electorate announced he
would be voting AGAINST FDR in the coming presidential race.  This
man explained his thought process in “logic” relevant to much of the
right wing thought of today.  (I paraphrase):  “I voted
against FDR in 1932 and things got good, and I’m gonna do so
again”.  And on point, we believe, it was reported across the
nation, that the president’s own counter-terrorism advisors
acknowledged the grim reality that the Bush strategy for fighting and
weakening Osama bin Laden’s leadership of Al Qaeda has been a total
failure.  They’d get the farmer’s vote.

THE JOHN MCCAIN DOWN MARKET CONTINUED

    As pointed out on “Meet the Press” by Robert Novak,
John McCain has alienated the Republican base on many issues not just
outspoken, attention getting, support for the Iraq war.  These
topics included immigration reform, he feels we need it; global
warming, he knows it’s a hot issue; stem cell research, we presume
right wingers won’t refuse the cures, and campaign finance reform, his
own, alas, is broke.  Add to that his dogged insistence that the
earth is round and there were dinosaurs and you have a dogma
dilemma.  Oh, and talk about having ironies in the fire; the one
time John McCain really compromises his integrity, by going to speak at
Jerry Falwell’s Liberty University, what does it get him?  The
“agent of intolerance” (Mr. McCain’s words, not ours) goes and gets to
test his own theory on an afterlife so he’s no longer any help to the
Senator in this life, if he ever was.  Say, in the interests of
accuracy, we should probably make that ironies in the hellfire. 

OCCUPATIONAL THERAPY DEPT.

    Senator Jim Webb, D-Virginia, got it right this past
Sunday on “Meet the Press”.  Mr. Webb, a combat veteran in
Vietnam, has been there and seen that and feels the Congress and the
nation need to recognize that the so called Iraq war is not a war but
an occupation.  Plus . . . it’s a botched occupation at
that.  And as to our learning curve, Jim Webb is correct again
when he emphasizes that in the 4 years since “mission accomplished”,
we’re still experimenting with our military strategy in that
quagmire.  Can you say mission embellished gang?

FRIDAY FAUXLOSOPHY

    President Bush takes heat from all directions for his stubbornness – which brings us to:

                                                    
THIS FRIDAY’S FAUXLOSOPHY

    Mr. Bush has shown there is something far more lethal than a will of iron: that is a whim of iron.

CUT AND RUM UPDATE

    According to Elisabeth Bumiller of The New York
Times, Donald Rumsfeld is attempting a literary surge of his own and
has taken an office in D.C.  Mr. Cut and Rum himself is planning,
so the word goes, to write a book, on well himself, but is trying to
figure out a way for it not to be dominated by the Iraq war.  Oh
well guess you go to word with the story you have, not the story you
wish you ha

THE UNPARDONABLE BILL CLINTON

     “Scooter” Libby, as all now know, has been
pardoned by the “Insider”, we mean the “Decider”, our president, G.W.
Bush.  Bush, Tony Snow and others were quick to deflect criticism
by pointing out that President Clinton had a few unpardonables of his
own, although none like Libby who’d already been convicted, and might
just sing a song before he got his get out of jail pard.  But
they’ve got a point, particularly in the case of the infamous financier
and accused tax evader, Marc Rich, who was given his own life
mulligan.  What gives us a chuckle at FNN.C, is that Mr. Rich’s
lawyer was the aforementioned Mr. Libby.  See Bubba, what happens
when you trust a Republican.

THEY’RE CUTTING BECAUSE THEY’RE RUNNING

Senator after Senator, loyal Bush supporters on the Iraq invasion are
dividing from their uniter, on mindlessly, heedlessly staying the
course.  Senators Richard G. Lugar of Indiana and Peter V.
Domenici of New Mexico, (whose personal pull back is especially painful
to the administration) are among them, and a veto proof majority (60)
may be building in the Senate to set phase out dates for troop cuts.
But what is causing this to happen now, over four (4) years after
“mission accomplished”?  Perhaps it’s that a number of these
formerly pro-war Republicans are engaging in their own phased
withdrawal, not because they’re scared of terrorists, if they ever
were, but because they’re scared of their own electorate.  You
see, many Republicans, including the prominent Senator Domenici, are up
for re-election in 2008 and they’re cutting now because they’ll be
running then.

SOME GUT WRENCHING GENERALITIES

    It is widely agreed (even by our Generals) as
reported by the Washington Post, that the Iraqi government is unlikely
to meet ANY of the political and security goals or time lines President
Bush set forth in January.  Senior administration officials have
confirmed this, and on point, General David Petreus has recently
acknowledged there will be no military solution in Iraq.  That
noted, Chuck Hagel, Republican senator from Nebraska asserted Sunday on
“Meet the Press”, that with our military bogged down in Iraq, we can’t
find and fight the terrorism in OTHER LOCALES around the world WHICH
ACTUALLY MAY THEATEN US.  What to do: let’s first honestly face
what we haven’t done.  Senator Hagel says a great opportunity was
missed last year by Mr. Bush in not implementing the recommendations of
the Baker Hamilton Commission and, as to those who say if we withdraw,
there’d be a mess, a bold insurgency, and a civil war well . . . what
do we have now?  The commission’s approach may be our only
reasonable course, not perfect but reasonable.  Senator Hagel went
on to draw parallels between this war and the war in Vietnam; he now
feels that like Vietnam, the invasion of Iraq was built, best case, on
an “edifice of distortion”.

    This all brings to mind the thoughts of my dear late
father-in-law, Colonel Robert Matheson, who served under a man named
George Patton, on the front, in the WW II European Theater . . . at the
height.  Bob said to rest assured that Patton’s men did not like
the General one whit.  Robert’s comments were short and to the
point but spoke volumes:  as he explained that when Patton’s
soldiers called him “blood and guts”, we need to remember it was “his
guts, our blood”.   And it doesn’t take a great deal of
thought to see that that’s how Bush, Cheney and company have conducted
their adventure in Iraq: their guts, others blood.  Their cronies
get tax refunds, their children don’t serve while others suffer and
sacrifice.

TORTURE SPIN CYCLE

    I read with interest that Rudolph Giuliani is
separating himself from torture practices which have taken place under
the Bush administration, notably water boarding, a practice, as the
Times pointed out, that was first used in the Spanish
Inquisition.  Spain has long been condemned for that sad chapter
in its history but we need to remember that the Spanish authorities did
not have the strategy of Karl Rove or the tones of Tony Snow to give
them a more respectable voice.  Much can be done with spin and
qualifiers, for example, they might well have described their
philosophy as say “compassionate conversionism”.

THIS FRIDAY'S BEG YOUR PARDON FAUXLOSOPHY

The tragedy of G.W.Bush is that he had the personality of a follower and the charge of a leader.

RUDY: THE POWER OF THREE UP-DATE

    If Hiz911honor were a lost sheep, this past week
would indeed have been a three-bleat.  First the chairman of Mr.
Giuliani’s South Carolina primary operation, Thomas Revenal, had an
operation of his own and was arrested for cocaine trafficking. 
Next there is the specter of another mayor of New York, a man people
actually like, who has chosen to leave the Republican Party but . . .
not center stage as a possible independent presidential
candidate.  And it has been revealed that Mr. the Whole 911 yards
was kicked off the Iraq study because of his attendance record, which
was a below ground zero as in the exact number of meetings he attended,
that’s right, zero.

    Hiz911’s explanation was that the group’s
discussions might have had political overtones; so let’s get this
straight, he put his political image over helping a committee entrusted
with the mission to develop and recommend defenses against a future
terrorist attack.

    Rudy’s explanation reminds us of what Stephen
Colbert said in his appearance on the Bill O’Reilly Show:  to the
effect that Mr. O’Reilly (Mr. Colbert calls him Papa Bear) gets criticized for the
content of what he says, but “never credit for how loudly you say
it.”  Kind of like Rudy’s bullhorn post-9/11 being balanced by the
bull that he did a single pro-active thing before it:  WE think
his supporters are in for a Rudy awakening.

DAVID BROOKS, THE BABBLE-ON DEPT.

As I read David Brook’s description of Scooter Libby being the only one
“sane in this asylum” and that of President Bush’s “getting it right”,
I was struck by the thought that Mr. Bush had one more important task
before him in this matter.  That would be, of course, to present
Mr. Libby with the customary Medal of Freedom to add mettle to Mr.
Libby’s actual freedom.  And gang, don’t go worrying about Mr.
Liddy’s (whoops...we had a G. Gordon moment there) I mean Libby's future employment without a law license; he can be counsel in
Dick Cheney’s mythical non-congressional, no executive branch of
government, which also operates without a license. 

YANKEE FANS HAVING FITS

    The Yankee fans among us must acknowledge the oft
reported homily that if the shoe fits, wear it.  That said the
performance of this year’s team must be termed as pucking
fitable. 

A BAD INITIAL IMPRESSION

    Watching Dick Cheney skirt responsibility, and the
Constitution, brings to mind that this past week marked the 35th
anniversary of the break-in at the office of Daniel Ellsberg’s
psychiatrist, Dr. Lewis Fielding.  Mr. Ellsberg, of course, was at
the head of Nixon’s hit list, having been instrumental in the release
of the Pentagon paper but I’ve always been most fascinated by the
identities of the two main perps in this affair: former FBI agent

G. Gordon Liddy and former CIA agent, E. Howard Hunt; talk about
initial bad impressions.  Fortunately, and symbolically, President
Nixon and Vice President Cheney never chose to be called R. Milhouse
Nixon and R. Bruce Cheney, respectively, and that’s a good thing. 
Because with all due respect to all the fine men I know named Richard,
isn’t it fitting that those who know Mssrs. Nixon and Cheney, and
historically we all do, can properly address them as
Dicks.    

FRIDAY FAUXLOSOPHY

To achieve a sound body, treat it as you would a sound
business.  Pay all bills well before
they’re overdue so nature doesn’t have to foreclose.

MURDOCTORED UP NEWS DEPT.

    We’re offering a scoop to Fox News:  you know
the F_X news service with nothing (O) in the middle as opposed to the
(AU) gold, we modestly offer from ours, ahem.  That said, we now
reach out to inform this staunchly anti-communist guardian (or Pravda,
take your choice) of the right about a big time business man who’s
aiding the communist party and Chinese government on many levels. 
This gentleman has been effusive in his public praise of the current
Chinese communist party leaders, engaged in financial dealings with
their children, and helped them in their development of a
website.  He is now even in league with the Communist Youth League
on a fledgling television project.  What is it with such short
sighted self serving capitalists so memorably mocked by Lenin with his
declaration that a capitalist will sell you the rope you use to hang
him?  Why aren’t the murdoctored forces of Murdoch’s minions
exposing this communist enabler?  Well, there’s one reason and
that is under the you can’t make this up genre because, and you may
have guessed it, the businessman we’ve described is Rupert Murdoch
himself.  The reality of these guys is so bizarre, they’re killing
fiction.

WILL THE BLOOMBERG STAY ON THE ROSE-DEPT.

Independent candidates make great press but face even greater
odds.  Billionaires or not (actually yes, Michael Bloomberg is
worth eight billion dollars), well financed candidates have shown they
can get votes from the people (Ross Perot got 19% in 1992) but rarely
get enough for the Electoral College; Perot got zero.

 

We could make an argument that Mr. Bloomberg is the most capable person
holding elective office in the U.S. but, that said, he could prove to
be the most disruptive, however well intentioned.  On the positive
side, it must be noted that the mayor is currently the public enemy
Number 1 of the NRA due to his targeting the 1% of all gun dealers that
supply 60% of the guns used in crimes in the U.S.  And, gosh, we
would have hoped the NRA would have targeted criminals as the
enemy.  On the downside, there remains the open ended question . .
. if he runs, does he spoil and get us yet another “fir me or agin me”
president, you know a “uniter not a divider”?  Were that to
happen, historically the Bloomberg would sadly have come off the rose.

Friday Fauxlosophy

Ink dries, life is fluid.

TORT REFORM, STICK A BORK IN IT

    In 1987 towards the end of his presidency, Ronald
Reagan wanted to make a conservative statement, and to do so, he
nominated Robert Bork to fill a Supreme Court vacancy.  Mr. Bork
was a man who regularly made conservative statements as well and wanted
to effect serious change on what he felt was an off course
America.  Among his foremost goals was to achieve tort reform, to
guard against greedy people suing for all they could get, deserving or
not.  He called these suits “expensive, capricious and
unpredictable”, basically the act of a real slime ball.

    Recently, such a suit appears to have been filed
against the Yale Club of NYC (by a Yale Alum) in fact, by a man who
fell while stepping off a podium in June of 2006.  The suit is for
a million dollars and could be a case in point for Mr. Bork’s argument
if the lowlife, we mean plaintiff, or well, both, was not Mr. Bork
himself.  The lesson:  a right wing ideologue trumpeting the
dangers of self serving greed should be taken seriously; it’s like a
great white warning that certain fish are carnivorous.

JOHN MCCAIN, A DOWN MARKET

The current trend is unmistakable; John McCain is failing badly in the Republican polls. Mr. McCain is a true military hero who’s tried to become a true ideological hard right conservative but that sometimes rather base base has never really trusted him. For one thing, he stands up to less than dutiful defense contractors and come Haliburton or high water, that is something this ruling group of right wingers never does, as if supporting the troops includes actually giving them the best support, in materials and armor. So let’s take a Faux Network look then at some of the other leading candidates, Rudy Giuliani, Mitt Romney, and Fred Thompson to see how these brave, hawkish proactive would be commanders-in-chief in theory, served our country in fact, as did former Vietnam prisoner of war, McCain.

THE POWER OF THREE

9 Rudy 1 Giuliani 1 is not, of course, his legal name but we bet he’d make it that if he could. People forget he was Rudy the reviled before that tragic day, and he’s been living off it politically AND financially ever since but a look at Mayor Rudy’s career suggests that there’s a better number for him than 911. Please follow, his much maligned post 9/11 security business had THREE partners who were indicted or under investigation. He claims to have always valued families and, in fact, has had THREE of them, or at least that’s the number of his marriages and just how did rugged Rudy serve his country in the Vietnam era, he had, you guessed it, THREE deferments.

THE MISSIONARY POSITION

Presidential candidate, Mitt Romney, is riding the financial wave of having raised the most money for his campaign and, of having the most money in his pockets, as well. However, he’s running against the cultural tide as some 30% of Americans feel they would have difficulties voting for a Mormon, claiming they’re a sect and citing the early Mormons’ polygamy, among other differences. As to the polygamy thing, there are only currently 40, sorry, make that 40,000 polygamists in this country, but Mr. Romney himself has had a singularly happy marriage so if you’re going to point fingers regarding the conduct of other Mormons, take their wives, please. On the military side, mega Mitt avoided service in the Vietnam era a number of times, in a related way by taking on what he describes as missions for his calling, assuming, if you will, the missionary position as he faced the draft.

WHAT WILL CANDIDATE THOMPSON SHOW AND WHEN WILL HE SHOW IT?

Fred Thompson is not yet a full candidate so he doesn’t merit a full article, he will announce, we’re told, on July 4th. None of his bios mention military service but he is famous for the singular question during the Watergate inquiries, a line he fed Howard Baker, “What did the President know, and when did he know it”?, so what will candidate Thompson show . . .

OUR FRIDAY FAUXLOSOPHY

To those who feel tough talk is the litmus for leadership; careful, don’t confuse attitude with aptitude.

THEIR OWN WORSE ENMITY

What did it take for Republicans to turn on G.W. Bush, as so
many now have. Was it an incompetent occupation of Iraq, a botched budget due to an absurd up with the rich tax refund, or a stubborn refusal to protect our country as he fails to implement any significant portion of the 9/11 Commission’s recommendations. No, it’s that Mr. Bush had the temerity to offer a plan which would give avenues, not easy ones mind you, to citizenship for the 12 million plus immigrants now in residence in the U.S. So why then does his conservative base object so virulently? Could it be, dare we raise the issue, that the would be citizens in question are not fair skinned? The political right’s tradition of not welcoming those “different” has been historically, and sadly, consistent and was in previous times, confirmed by the way in which first and second generation Irish, Italian, and Jewish citizens aligned themselves politically: namely as democrats. Were I an Hispanic citizen, I’d so “register” my reaction.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BY, WE MEAN TO GEORGE

It’s George H. W. Bush’s 83rd birthday and we wish him a happy. We’re unable to suppress a grin, however, because of the mug given to me by my dear son-in-law, Dan, featuring 41’s picture with the following “quote”: I should have pulled out. Nonetheless to H.W., we wish a happy and many more.

A SEMI-COLIN UPDATE

This past Sunday on “Meet the Press”, former Bush cabinet member, Colin Powell, took a deep breath and exhaled a few candid ones. First, he acknowledged that if he knew the true facts about there being no WMD’s in Iraq, he would not have been able to make a case for attacking Iraq in his appearance before the U.N. He also allowed that the management of the Iraqi occupation by his former boss, Mr. Bush, had been unbelievably mismanaged and that the surge as constructed won’t work because it’s not backed up by the requisite training of Iraqi troops and the proper diplomatic steps among the warring Iraqi factions. And, Mr. Powell closed with among other thoughts that, what we should do with the Guantanamo Bay interrogation centers is close them. Right now, in fact and if people go to trial he said “So what”. It seems Colin Powell has confidence in our judicial systems as most Americans do, and it seems our Constitution, as well. Wish Mssrs. Bush and Cheney, among others, had more of Mr. Powell’s mettle of freedom in their own constitutions.

OUR FRIDAY FAUXLOSOPHY: THE RAPPORT ON SUPPORT

My input and experience confirms indisputably that the survival instinct of soldiers is not diminished one little bit by any real, or perceived lack of public support or sympathy. We didn’t give a crap if they were fornicating at Furman or protesting in Pepperdine; we protected each other and ourselves, knowing all too well that our future quality of life depended on many non- regrowable parts. We anticipated and reacted accordingly.

THEY SHOOT ZEBRAS, DON'T THEY?

Yet again, another acquaintance has likened the battlefield to the football field, with both Vietnam and Iraq in his terms, cases in point. You play to win say such bold (and safe) men, but are we in Iraq the players? I ask this because in uniform on a football field, there are 3 groups of people, the two competing teams, and the officials. Those lining up opposite each other, of course, (the two teams) agree on few things, except more often then not their dislike of the group in the striped shirts called derisively “the zebras”. And since this civil war in Iraq, and it is one with all its sub plots and splinter plots, is basically between the Sunni’s and the Shiites, now that the central government of Saddam Hussein is long gone, what else are we but the on the ground umpires and referees, et al.
Imagine then, a gridiron contest with no enforcement of rules, and the mayhem and bodily harm sure to follow. Chaos might ensue or . . . getting their violence unedited, and first hand, might just encourage the rival forces to ratchet on down, resulting in at least a bit of sanity not just for our sake but for their’s as well. In the meantime, with our forces as buffer targets, the combatants continue to IED and snipe away. Again, if people want to analogize this situation to a football game, remember our role, and that in this secular crossfire of a contest, they shoot zebras, don’t they?

THIS WEEK'S FAUXLOSOPHY FOR FRIDAY

The small owner operated business has, invariably, this unique dynamic; we pay taxes on our profits but our aggravation is net.  And, alas, often a good deal of take home.   

FROM THE BAR-SET-SO-LOW RANCH OR . . .INTERNATIONAL LAMPOON’S SUMMER VACATION

We’re not clear yet if the 2 months planned summer vacation for the Iraqi Parliament is still on, but even the very idea upsets us and we understand upsets our president too.  He’s got his pride, you know, he may be out worked but he won’t be out leisured.  Consider that he wouldn’t break away from a 6 week vacation in the summer of ’01 despite a memo stating “Osama Bin Laden determined to attack U.S.”, because well, no attack had happened yet; so why go back to work.  These Iraqi’s, however; are in a country experiencing a civil war with daily, almost hourly sectarian violence and they still talk of knocking off (each other?) for the summer while our soldiers are still out there as targets.
There is a satisfying side bar-so-high, from the Bar-Set-So-Low, however because . . . since we were attacked on 9/11, President Bush’s total vacation days have exceeded that of any two term president in history.  The great ones adjust.

A GIANT YANKEE PLAN

    As a NY Giants football fan, I’ve watched many late
season games focusing on that game day only because there were no
realistic hopes of going into the post season beyond one round, if
that.  Then, sigh, we Giant fans look onto next season and
consider what I like to call the play-off placebo, speculation on the
next year’s draft.  For us Yankee’s fans too, some of this may now
be necessary, and some, may be optimistically different.  This
season 2007, the Yankees are gone, even the wild card is off the
charts, much less any chance of catching the ‘07 Red Sox  which
look more like the ‘98 Yankees than any team in recent memory. 
What then for Yankee fans to do?  First, is watch, try and enjoy
each game as a separate entity and ideally if more of the younger
pitchers; Hughes, Karstens, Rassner, et al, regain health and get
experience, there will be the strength of a well armed future to build
on.  Second, unlike the football draft for the Giants, the
baseball off season for the Yankees is not structured, and that is
where the Yankee advantage in dollars, big dollars could(?) serve us
well.  Consider, dear readers, the average fan spends $100.00 per
game at Yankee stadium, between ticket price, food, etc; and some 4.3
million in attendance (a record) are expected this year despite the
other record, i.e. NY’s won lost.  The result is a gross income
(not counting the souvenir catalogues, radio fees and YES Network
returns) of approximately 430,000,000 dollars.  So, how do you
support a $190,000,000 plus payroll, that’s how.  And
with                    
what promises to be a great free agent crop: that may include Tori
Hunter, Ichiro, Andrew Jones and others, the Bronx Bomber’s fans may be
playing “speculation ball” from June on, if they aren’t already. 
And as for the Red Sox, we have to tip our hat:  the Boston Herald
had proclaimed they are “the best team in baseball”, who can argue.

A GUNS AND POSES UPDATE - A NOT SO SWEET 16

Imagine there was a medicine – let’s call it ballistica, which made
folks feel powerful and safe, and was dispensed in all 50 states, but,
with an ominous undercurrent.  And that was that the states with
highest use of ballistica had markedly higher, and sudden death rates
than those that didn’t, especially among 5 to 14 year old
children.  This, even though such youngsters are not allowed to
purchase ballistica.  Wouldn’t there be an outcry, a non-partisan
outcry, to examine the problem of ballistica proliferation?  We
would like to think so.  Imagine further that there were 105,000
doctors prescribing this drug but one percent, just one, were
responsible for 60% of the incidents where it was misused; would these
doctors be allowed to stay in business and if they were, who would
visit them anyway?  Well if you, dear readers, haven’t guessed, in
the faux universe ballistica is our symbol for guns, and the doctors
are arms dealers.  But numbers here are not symbolic, they are
actual and, lethal, please follow.  The facts are these: 
seriously and sadly, only vehicular crashes and cancer claim more lives
of children in the U.S. then do guns.  The last time there was a
comprehensive survey covering a decade or more, it was found that
certain states stood out as to mortality, and guns per capita involving
5 to 14 year olds.  The dominant factor in high death rates was
not education level, or rate of poverty, but the simple truth (we don’t
consider this a liberal or conservative truth, just a truth truth) that
fewer guns meant fewer children killed and more guns meant more
children killed, by not only homicide, but suicide as well.  The
high gun states were, and we understand are, Louisiana, Alabama,
Mississippi, Arkansas and West Virginia (West Virginia?) and the low
gun states were Hawaii, Massachusetts, Rhode Island, New Jersey and
Delaware.  And the difference is not 3 or 5 or even 10 times the
death rate:  it’s a not so sweet 16. 

    A Doonesbury strip on this subject some years ago
said it best, taking on firearm apologists thusly: “So then guns don’t
kill kids, kids kill kids”.  We close with wishes for a safe and
happy holiday, and the Hunter’s Prayer:  “Oh Lord, oh Lord, if you
can’t help me, please don’t help the bear”.

    When it comes to auto safety and cancer; everyone in
America seems determined to work on behalf of a remedy and cure; when
it comes to gun deaths, so many seem to support the cause, to help the
bear.  When it comes to our kids safety, are we friend or faux?

FROM THE ASHCROFT OF DEFEAT – THE EAGLE SOARS

    John Ashcroft is one strange bird, and not just
because, like birds, he intensely fears cats, considering them agents
of Satan, dogs on the other hand, we guess work for purgatory. 
Really he’s known for that, the cat stuff, we mean.  And it’s not
certainly because of his rendition of “Let the Eagle Soar” – which is
actually sort of functional.  No, what distinguishes Mr. Ashcroft
and where he really spread his wings is an episode of what we at Faux
News Network.com would call Attorney General Hospital.  This all
took place in March of 2004 when, according to former Deputy AG, James
Comey, the White House tried to get the seriously ill Mr. Ashcroft to
sign off on a continuation of eavesdropping, despite the opinion of
Mssrs. Ashcroft and Coley that the program, as proposed, was
illegal.  And who were the men dispatched on this White House
mission implausible, why it was White House Chief of Staff, Andrew Card
and one Alberto Gonzales.  Once made aware, John Ashcroft refused
to go along and that is to his credit.  Mr. Comey’s memory of that
time is clear; he and FBI Director, Robert Mueller, had to arouse a
virtually unconscious John Ashcroft to avert yet another presidential
mis-adventure; that darned Constitution.  Mr. Bush, could you
please remember your job description and get rid of Gonzales finally,
although, in fairness, you’ll have to remind him of what’s happened
because we’re sure he’s already forgotten. 

ON BABBLING BROOKS

    There would be no sense in establishing a “Friend or
Faux Award” until next year, since this year’s has been won before it
could be contested, and that’s because there’s no faux like a nuanced
faux and, with apologies to James Bond’s “The Spy Who Loved Me”, no one
nuance’s it better than David Brooks of the NY Times.  In each of
the next few weeks, we’ll bring you, dear readers, such an example, of
months, sometimes years of Mr. Brooks’ complete sentences in lieu of
complete truths, and then the heartfelt disclaimer of 3 to sometimes as
many as 7 seconds, in duration or even, get this, a part of a sentence.

    One such faux for the ages took place several months
ago on “Meet The Press” during a discussion of the great numbers of
Iraqi’s who have decided that rather than greet us as liberators,
they’ll leave Iraq as emigrators, preferring to live in a refugee camp,
in tents, rather than under our version of non-civil war.  Brooks
allowed that “these people (now over 2,000,000) are not leaving Iraq
because they’re reading the NY Times” (you think), conceding that this
is no (left wing) media creation.  And then Brooks continued, sooo
quickly . . . and sooo quietly . . . that he had bought into that (and
wrote it as well) for some time, and in an instant, the discussion of
so many, many arguments which led but mislead was dismissed and he went
forth to babble-on, in the mid-east, among other places.  More to
follow, from David Brooks, and us.

A FAUXWELL FAREWELL TO FALWELL

    Jerry Falwell was a man who engendered strong
reactions, having been called an “agent of intolerance” as well as a
man with a right to play a major role in the Republican Party. Actually
he was described both those ways by the same man, John McCain (in 2000
standing up to the Republican establishment) and in 2006 (bowing to the
same) proving that in addition to polarizing people, he could polarize
a person.



Mr. Falwell called Muhammad a terrorist on “60 Minutes” and certainly
some practice terrorism in Muhammad’s name. Yet, of those Falwell
himself considered terrorists, he said we should “blow them all away in
the name of the Lord”.  He also blamed 9/11 on permissive elements
in American society including “pagans, abortionists, feminists, gays,
and the ACLU”, among others.  Reverend Falwell bragged about his
support for Israel and claimed to have warm feelings for Jews
maintaining they were welcome into his version of Heaven, as long as
they embraced his brand of Christianity, that is.  He was 73 years
old and Jerry, alas, we really knew ye. If you’ve planned correctly for
your next journey, you need not worry about the winter coat.

THE LOOK BEFORE YOU LEPER SHOW

    Apparently Lou Dobbs in his passionate crusade
against all immigrants (is he of Native-American descent by the way?)
has claimed that there are over 7,000 new cases of leprosy in the U.S.
in the past few years.  This Mr. Dobbs asserts is due to
“unscreened illegal immigrants”.  Since according to the U.S.
Center for Disease Control, 1985 was the year when there was the
greatest number of new cases (less than 400) recorded, and it’s gone
down since; Dobbs’ theory is difficult to believe.  We at Faux
News Network.com were considering fighting the urge to make a bad leper
joke about Mr. Dobbs to his network, CNN, but nah.   So how
about this one: may Dobbs’ limp dictum, not rooted in fact, weaken, and
eventually fall off; in influence that is.  And may he then learn
to look before he lepers. 

YOUNG NAZIS, OLD NAZIS, FEEL ALRIGHT ON A WARM UBER ALLES NIGHT

This past week marked the 22nd anniversary of President Ronald Reagan's
memorable but unsettling visit to the Bitburg Cemetery in West Germany
to honor war dead from the German Army of WWII. In this burial ground,
there lay 49 members of the SS and many around the world didn't feel
they deserved all that much honor. Elie Weisel, a Nazi death camp
survivor among many others, implored Reagan not to pay homage to these
notorious waffen SS troops, but despite the legendary warm smile,
President Reagan had a rather cold agenda and layed a wreath where the
soldiers were interred. The qualifier by the Reagan administration (in
the tradition of complete sentences in lieu of complete truths) was
that many of the soldiers at Bitburg were young; not that the SS
officers were.



I've never argued with conservative thinking Jews involving the
political right's commitment to Israel, although the only president to
threaten Israel with withholding aid was a Republican. My problem is
that so many Republican I've heard, and I've known, may not seem
anti-Semitic, and they may not act anti-Semitic, but they so
comfortably seem to tolerate that which is anti-Semitic. And on that
matter, I add some personal perspective: when Jesse Jackson uttered his
infamous description of NYC as "Hymie Town"; more than one black friend
apologized to me as a Jew, and said Mr. Jackson certainly did not speak
for them. No supporter of Mr. Reagan with whom I'm acquainted, and
there are many, has ever modified their conservatism with any such
compassion, to this day.

DON’T, . . . WE MEAN DO BLAME THE DICTUM

    With all the discussion surrounding George Tenet,
whose name ironically means doctrine, this much is clear; everyone in
the White House after September 11, 2001 was looking for a reason to
tie the attacks to Iraq.  They had their ideological verdict in
place, they just had to get the sham trial done; and while they did,
the lowlifes who actually killed innocent Americans got to escape in
the confusion of Afghanistan.  When will those law and disorder
folks get it; pre-judging a crime is a failure on many levels; in
addition to coming after the wrong guys, you stop searching for the
right ones.  Makes you wonder why some resist using available DNA
evidence in terrorist crimes, capital crimes, or any crimes; quick is
better than correct, we guess.  And our political right might, in
the bargain, get a bit more respect domestically and around the globe
if they focused on getting it right.

THIS SPORTING STRIFE; ROGER GETS A HAND, AND A HANDFUL

    Yankee haters, and Red Sox lovers sometimes, believe
it or not, the same folks have a right to be annoyed with New York’s
signing of Roger Clemens.  The Yanks have made the ultimate
mercenary move with the ultimate mercenary player but . . . we at Faux
News Network love it.  Hey, among other things, it’s the classic
complete sentence which is not a complete truth.  Consider the
“free agent” Yankees probable rotation; Chein Ming Wang, Mike Mussina,
Andy Pettitte, Roger Clemens, Philip Hughes, and as swing man, Darrell
Rassner, the ultimate import group, right, or maybe.  Because
Wang, Pettitte (a resign), Hughes, and Rassner, are actually Yankee
products; who knew that?  Now, you folks
do.                         


                                                                                             


    The Red Sox, currently the best team in baseball
have a
rotation of Kurt Schilling, Josh Beckett, Dice K. (can’t spell it), Tim
Wakefield, and Julian Taverez, an entirely home grown bunch, right,
except for Schilling, Beckett, Dice K, Wakefield and Taverez.  But
the old town Boston team does have at least 3 farm products on the
major league roster, another complete sentence; because the Yankees'
squad, with the highest payroll in the major leagues, happens to have
many more than 3
from their system; and that’s a pretty complete truth.

IMUS (MAYBE) OFF HIS MOORING, BUT AS COMPARED TO WHOM

Some aftermath is in order.  In an attempt to
achieve a meeting of the minds between the principle parties here, and
some laughs, well at least some laughs, we proposed on this site, a
basketball meeting between some Rutgers women and Imus’ snide-kicks,
McCord and McGuirk, we sent letters, return receipt to the
following:  Tim Russert, Gwenn Ifill, Eugene Robinson, John
Hardwood, David Brooks, C. Vivian Springer, Gino Auriemma, Mike
Fracesca, and Christopher Russo but have heard nothing.  Too busy,
too scared, who knows.  Two of the gentlemen on our mailing list,
David Brooks of the NY Times, and John Harwood of The Wall Street
Journal, were on Meet the Press involved in a lengthy discussion of
race, and verbal insults in the Imus aftermath and, gave clear examples
of what conservatives in 2007 have learned from this affair. 
First consider one David Brooks whose actual dazzling level of insight
is almost equal to his self estimate of same.  Mr. Brooks has been
a guest on Mr. Imus’ show regularly for the last 4 years, and like all
guests, waits on the phone line hearing the broadcast until his
interview begins.  Now get this gang, this conservative master of
insight said he never (until now) realized that Don Imus’ show engaged
in negative stereotypes regarding blacks and women, and others. 
Reminds one of “Animal House’s” Faber College which proudly proclaimed
“Knowledge is good”.  And it gets gooder as John Harwood, of The
Wall Street Journal, another member of that wing of conservatism known
as the, “I Had No Idea Club”, allowed that he has just now come to
realize this (in April of 2007) that the Rap music to which his
children have been listening may have lyrics and messages denigrating
to women.  Here’s a clue Mr. Harwood, when you hear seventeen
words that rhyme with bitch, think about it.  These writers on the
right have their hand on the cultural pulse all right; we just wish
they were ones which had heart rates.