Friday, May 22, 2015

In Honor of Memorial Day


I AM HONORED TO HELP KEEP ALIVE the memory of five brave men I have known who served this country well and are regrettably no longer with us. 

CHICK AIMES served in both World War II and the Korean War, including some time in the DMZ between North and South Korea, where he used to say with a smile "we were never there". He was a keen student of politics and veterans benefits and did not suffer gladly those politicians who avoided military service, and in his words “waived the flag but never served it”.

TOM COADY was an on-the-ground combat WWII Ranger. I knew him from when I was 10 years old, and he taught me so much including how to drive a truck and safely load material. He enlisted right after Pearl Harbor, and the running joke about Tom was that was the only argument he ever won with his wife was when he insisted she sign the waiver necessary for married men to enlist.

JERRY LEVY, a member of a "rival" youth group  in my teen years, was the first person I knew who went to Vietnam. I can't say we were close friends, but I was saddened to learn that in his last month in that country he died in action saving another soldier. When I visit the Vietnam wall, his name is the first I seek.

BOB MATHESON was my father-in-law, and served under General George Patton’s armored division. He won numerous metals with a "V" for valor and was also involved in some of the earliest liberations of concentration camps including the notorious Ohrdruf, the Nazi death camp that Patton wanted all his troops to witness. Ironically he died around the time of Memorial Day, 11 years ago. Still miss him.

ED MEAGHER was Tom Coady's coworker and my co-mentor. In World War II in Europe he found himself in a ditch with a few other men and German tank hovering over them. Late one summer afternoon he took a long sip of his beer and looked at me and said "I was determined not to die doin' nothing." So he did something, and sprinted alongside the tank, shot a grenade into the turret which for the moment was open, rolled away and then boom! He won a Silver star, and when I said as a naïve youngster it's a good thing you didn't miss, Ed answered "if I did, we wouldn't be having this conversation would we champ?" Without men like these there's a lot of conversations we wouldn't be free to have.

Wednesday, May 20, 2015

A No Bull Elephant

A BULL ELEPHANT who apparently takes no bull lives in a place called Chewore North, Zimbabwe. On April 17 one Ian Gibson was leading an "expedition" for a firm called "Safari Classics", just a polite way of saying they go on this macho man elephant hunt with the purpose of bagging one of these rather imposing majestic and often  threatened species. Well on this particular day there was some irony involved in chasing the ivory, because the head of the herd wasn't with their program. And he so to speak he “put his foot down” on Mr. Gibson, a number of times. The website of the Safari Classics organization said that Mr. Gibson was "brutally trampled to death" (hey, did you think it would be gentle?) and noted their client wasn't hurt. Good for you Mr. Client, worse luck next time.

The Faux News Network Principles


A) We distort, you abide
B) Or we retort if you deride, unless we choose not to
C) Complete sentences are acceptable in lieu of complete truths
D) It’s OK to criticize the 2006 Democratic Congress for all America’s problems since 2001
E) We shoot from the flip
F) We’re not always accurate but we’re always certain
G) On what we feel is wrong in this world, we can’t stop people from saying I don’t agree or I don’t care, but we won’t let them say I didn’t know
H) The director’s board has a whim of irony
I) In times of emergency, we should rally around our President: In times of democracy he should do the same for us
J) We proudly plagiarize in advance, examples available upon request
K) It’s easy to be fun-based when you’re fact based
L) Good news parody makes for good news parity
M) And, of course, our goal is and always will be to be the most trusted name in Faux News