Monday, October 29, 2007

THE WE PROUDLY PLAGIARIZE IN ADVANCE DEPT, AGAIN

    Of all our favorite principles, none is more fauxly favored than our masthead “we have nothing to fear so much as not having the use of fear itself” and we give all due credit to Karl “Roosevelt” Rove, whose embellishing perspiration was our inspiration.  But now, in Monday’s New York Times the much read and discussed Paul Krugman, has devoted his whole column basically to our concept of what frightens so many Republican politicians the most is a world without being able to frighten Republican voters.  And you know us, gang, if we plagiarize someone in advance once; we predict  . . . we’ll do it again.

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The Faux News Network Principles


A) We distort, you abide
B) Or we retort if you deride, unless we choose not to
C) Complete sentences are acceptable in lieu of complete truths
D) It’s OK to criticize the 2006 Democratic Congress for all America’s problems since 2001
E) We shoot from the flip
F) We’re not always accurate but we’re always certain
G) On what we feel is wrong in this world, we can’t stop people from saying I don’t agree or I don’t care, but we won’t let them say I didn’t know
H) The director’s board has a whim of irony
I) In times of emergency, we should rally around our President: In times of democracy he should do the same for us
J) We proudly plagiarize in advance, examples available upon request
K) It’s easy to be fun-based when you’re fact based
L) Good news parody makes for good news parity
M) And, of course, our goal is and always will be to be the most trusted name in Faux News