DEBATE; PALIN VS DASH - THE SPUNK SQUARE-OFF

Palin uses Twitter, Dash uses Barker but apparently they have been able to communicate and we will be giving you at Faux News some excerpts of their recent and ongoing debate. Dash began: “You say you’re a Pit bull with lipstick, I’m not scared of Pit-bulls, I’m all muscle and I’m way quicker than them and by the way I know how to snap a neck” Palin:“Did I tell you I’m a really big Pit-bull with lots of lipstick? And also I can morph into other species.” Dash: “I attack other species; I recently bit a 200 pound deer on the leg and have in the past killed numerous lizards and other animals”. Palin:”Did I tell you that I’ve switched from being a Pitt-Bull to a Mama Grizzly? And tell me how some little cultish Terrier is going to stand against that.” Dash: “Listen, you have no idea of my speed and what I got through on death row. You’re on “speech row” and my needs are much fewer, just a couple bowls full of the proper food each day and a few of my stuffed animal possessions. You however are on a money tour. “ Palin; “Listen just because you no longer have to go out on a leash and are trained, the Republicans took the leash off me after the first month in the McCain campaign. I take no backseat to you. Besides, if I believed and understood evolution, I’d know that dogs are the decedents of Mid East wolves, and I hunt wolves, Dash.” Dash: “According to Levi Johnson (you’re almost son-in-law several times), you don’t know how to operate a gun, much less shoot one. Based on your aim, I’m safe, I’ll just lean right, fake left; all you do is shoot right.” Palin: “Are you just like this mixed Terrier, of supposedly Tibetan Squirrel Terrier? Are there any squirrels even in Tibet?” Dash: “Which shows what a good job the breed did, Terriers are the smartest dogs, not that I want to throw up your education, and I question it. I went to puppy-obedience school and completed the class the first time.” Palin: “Puppy Obedience School!? I went to college.” Dash: “Colleges, you went to six of them, we are not even sure you got a degree. And I got the silver medal for puppy sit-ups.” Palin: “This is incredible, I am arguing with a Terrier and what’s this about, The Book of Dash on Faux News Network?” Dash: “Yes, folks felt the need to talk about me, and incidentally, I apparently wrote the same percentage of my book that you wrote of yours.”

OILS WELL THAT SPINS WELL

From April through July BP has spent 93 million dollars to enhance their image. That‘s three times what they spent the same period last year, but of course they weren’t polluting major portions of the United States last year. We hope the payments to innocent victims will vastly exceed the payments for the not so innocent oil company to improve its image. In any event, oil’s well that spins well.

BEYOND THE PALE, WHAT’S NEXT A TERRIER?

Dash Sarah We hear that Sara Palin has spunk. My terrier has spunk, he’s 15 lbs, he bit a deer on the leg, he’s killed a number of moles and other rodents, he faces anything down (faced two foxes in a fight and drove them off) now my terrier has spunk. He however, despite his total self confidence, gets no responsibility in long term financial or healthcare planning for the family. Now for those of you who are offended with me comparing Sara Palin to an animal, she always does that with herself. She was a pit-bull with lipstick, then she was a Mama Grizzly, so should she get executive office. I think we are entitled to know what species she’d serve as. And again on the matter of spunk, she can’t match up with my Dash.

RESISTING THE URGE

Clemens Taking A Oath On Monday, August 30, 2010 Roger Clemens pleaded not guilty to having lied under oath at a Congressional hearing. According to reports, he then left the court and went golfing. So we are trying – really, really trying - to resist the urge to talk about how well the driven man drove, how well the man with the iron will played his irons. And as far as putting and putts? History will be the judge; we did try to resist the urge, really.

"THE BABBLING OF THE BROOK, AN UPDATE ON HEY SCHOOL BOY REMEMBER “SCHOOL GIRL”

Wow, that’s a complicated title, we will explain; David Brooks certainly is as educated as they come, and has earned his magnificent piece of journalism real estate on a regular Op Ed column in the New York Times. But he is still the master of the not as far right, of the complete sentence as opposed to the complete truth. A flash backward is in order; there used to be a singing group called “Tom & Jerry” and they had a song called “Hey School Girl” and they had a t-shirt that stated they were 300 something on the hit parade, and their motto was; nowhere to go but up. Now, flash forward; Mr. Brooks points out that Iraq has the twelfth fastest growing economy in the world and is expected to grow at “7% for the next several years”, yah but again, think of this school girl situation, nowhere to go but up. After our 2003 campaign of Shock and Awe or based on what Halliburton and others did, Schlock and Claw, Iraq had nowhere to go but up. We certainly wish them well, but again, put a complete truth with that complete sentence; look how far down they are and as their economic development hopefully grows, could that include 24 hour electricity that most countries in the world have and actually what they used to have.

THE LANGUAGE OF LANGUAGE

Ok gang, you Fauxians out there converse regularly in English, although many of you (we have no doubt) have other language skills. But worldwide what are the most popular languages? In reverse order 10th most popular is German, 9th Japanese, 8th Russian, 7th Bengali, 6th Portuguese (I guess a lot of South America there). Ok, ready for the top five? (drum roll) the fifth most spoken language is Arabic, 4th English, uh oh, so that means there are three more, you probably guessed Spanish that’s 3rd. Did you guess Hindi is 2? We didn’t. And of course because of the population despite the one child policy the number one is Mandarin Chinese. We wonder when that is going to be offered regularly in school, in high school and pre-high school courses. In any event we think of English as the universal language of the world for literature and commerce because it’s ours, but it’s obviously something to think about speaking of speaking of languages.