THE LESSON OF IMPATIENT PATIENCE; A GEITHNER BRIGHTENER UPDATE

Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner pointed out that we need to beware of taking steps to fix the economy and then when we see a bit of progress stopping those steps. This can be compared to someone who takes medicine to get cured, and then when he/she feels a bit better they stop taking the medicine. The probable result will be a relapse of the illness. Geithner has agreed with our theory that the key to fixing the economy is “banks a lot” (to get banks lending again), but had correctly pointed out that banks only do about 50% of the lending in this economy and the rest is from secondary market securities and other such entities. So what we need to do is not just stop with bank fixing but continue the healing process by stabilizing every lending entity in the economy until we are a once again healthy stable patient.

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HEALTH CARE; THE TRUE OBAMA DRAMA?

Many are saying that health care will be for Obama what social security was for FDR, the first true and major challenge that he will have to confront (obviously with a continuous eye on the economy). Our opinion is that you can’t stop a population from getting older so you need to have a government that gets bolder. So while we don’t know (nor do we claim to know) how to solve the health care crisis, we sure hope that the Obama is bold enough to tackle this issue.

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NEW SERIES AT THE FAUX

Faux News Network is announcing the launch of a new series that we will begin covering that we are calling FERA’s. That stands for Facts Even Republicans Admit. We will have constant updates on these facts and we ask all our readers to submit any facts that you have seen admitted by a Republican. Our first FERA; the liberal (meet the) press myth. We always hear about the liberal press and liberal media not giving conservatives their due time and opinion. Interestingly, the 2 leading appearers on Meet the Press are John McCain (64 appearances) and Bob Dole (63). Both men are clearly well known for their liberal views.

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A BUSH LEGACY; NO BAND AID FOR BRAIN AID

In 2007 the federal AIDS budget was 22.8 billion dollars, Parkinson’s disease research received 250 million and (as was recently released) only 8.5 million was allocated to treat traumatic brain injury. It was also just released that former President Bush had even suggested eliminating the program altogether. This is an often sad subject, but you have to fund a chuckle where you can. Think about it; George Bush proposed ending funding for brain injuries, as conservatives obviously don’t want funding for anything at which they are (or will be) at risk.

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THE JETER FUTURE, A SHORT STOP AT SHORT STOP?

There is much discussion about Derek Jeters’s ability to be the Yankees shortstop for the future as he has been for the past (and at least for now the present). Its hard to say where he will be after his contract is up at the end of the 2010 season, but our guess is that the Yankees will move him to left and put Johnny Damon who has one year left on his contract at shortstop. It’s sad to hear people criticizing Jeter for getting a bit slower as he gets a bit older, I mean think of the alternative to not getting older. We at the Faux still consider Jeter a great player and suffice it to say that with him at short the Yankees are still “well armed”.

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Friday Fauxlosophies

1. Nothing more accurately describes “bittersweet” than taking heroic actions for non heroic causes. 2. For people who complain that Barack Obama is taking on too many problems at once, realize that we learned from his predecessor that the world does not become simple just because the president is. 3. Stretching relaxes you. And when you are relaxed you become less irritable. The families that stretch together don’t kvetch together. 4. It seems that there are many who feel that the lord is to be prayed to but not listened to.

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From the American scene; the paper chase

Many newspapers throughout the country have gone out of business due to heavy losses. They blame their losses on the rise of the internet and to some extent we agree, but it also has to do with their non coverage of many types of stories that perhaps they should focus on. For example, John Stewart took on Jim Cramer(To watch the debate Click here) and it made front page news; but the story didn’t focus on what the interview was about, only that it had happened. The front page news was “Cable personalities battle” not “financial news network betrays millions of Americans”. As long as the story in the paper is just on others covering the story there will be a great paper chase. We hope they straighten this out and fast. Another area they can improve (and the NY Times has done this) is to write in great detail stories that can’t be done in 22 minutes cable shows. There is something relevant and traditional about holding a physical newspaper in your hand, we just want the news in it to be just as relevant.

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Our president, w-r-o-n-g

Barack Obama is normally right and correct, but on his plan to make veterans who have private insurance pay for their own injuries he got it w-r-o-n-g. Thankfully, he realized his mistake and retreated from that position (an interesting word given the military background). On the upside General Eric Shinseki, Secretary of Veterans Affairs (who was against Obamas proposal), pointed out that Obama was requesting 113 billion for the department of VA in the 2010 budget, an increase of 16% over this years allotment. This budget includes money to treat veterans of Afghanistan and Iraq and it will be up 15% this year and 61% from 2008. To put any part of their medical expenses on the vets shoulders was his wrong and President Obama knows it. Thank you Mr. Obama for correcting your mistake.

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SOME CONSERVATIVE STIMULATION

Over the past 8 years, conservative Republicans have tried to manage both facts and emotions for this country. The Obama election has made the management of facts a bit more difficult (as Stephen Colbert says “stay away from facts…they are known to have a liberal bias”) but the conservatives are showing they still know how to manage our emotions. Its going to be a huge challenge for Democrats not to engage in a “shrill kill” exchange, and let the Republicans howl at the moon. The Dems have to remain focused on the agenda, fix the economy, properly allocate the stimulus package, and (do what government is supposed to do) help the American people. This is going to be a challenge because of the old legal adage “if you have the facts speak calmly and slowly, and if you don’t shriek loudly and quickly” applies much more to politicians than it does to lawyers.

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ONWARD KRUGMAN ONWARD FRIEDMAN

One reason that I tend to view the articles, theories and philosophies of Paul Krugman and Tom Friedman so positively is that they have so accurate at proving what could go wrong with the “opposite theories”. Now, that doesn’t guarantee that their proposals on the economy and the Middle East (respectively) are right, but since they have never been tried we have to presume that they might not necessarily be wrong.

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SUMMERS TIME AND THE GIVING AINT EASY

We hear the phrase constantly being used in sports (the quintessential version being) that’s Manny being Manny”. Sometimes this is used as an excuse, a disclaimer, or an explanation. I think that what economic adviser Larry Summer has been trying to say to the country regarding the recession is that when we bail out the banks what we have to ensure is that “banks just be banks”. That means that we should give them a portion of the bailout money, and not give them more until we see that money has been lent. The giving aint easy, but banks still have to be banks.

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A GEITHNER BRIGHTENER

Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner needs help. By everyone’s admission (the left and right) the treasury department is understaffed and over challenged. So yes, he can be nitpicked and shoved around and he certainly doesn’t have a big booming voice with a presence, but we say that what he really needs is people. There is a major deficit in the treasury and that is personnel.

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THE RACKET OVER THE (FIRST) BRACKET

Many people are upset that President Obama took the time to fill out a basketball bracket for the NCAA games. For those that shoot from the flip (as we do here at the Faux), that typically takes about 15-20 minutes. Those people probably prefer a President who took 77 vacations and only had 47 news conferences. And one of the good things about Obama filling out a bracket is that he will make mistakes and admit them, unlike his predecessor. That’s the beauty of putting yourself out there even for something as trivial as a March madness bracket. Now just think, if Bush had filled out a bracket (and can never be wrong), they would have had to go back and revise those games and scores lest they be deemed unpatriotic.

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THE BONUSES, MECHANICALLY AND TITANICALLY

An AIG (Aint I Greedy) update; One set of suggestions is to threaten those that don’t give back their bonuses that they will lose their jobs. The problem is that about 1/3 of them have already left their jobs. So you are left with the Titanic question. The Titanic itself may have been full of a bunch of scoundrels and lowlifes, yet saving the Titanic would have meant saving them too. Sometimes you have to save the entire ship even if it means saving those who don’t deserve to be saved, in this case AIG, the big banks and what we should have done with Bear Sterns.

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YANKEES PRESEASON OR PRECURSOR SEASON?

2 of the biggest days in the Yankees season were actually not during the season. The first was March 15th when Jorge Posada took his place behind home plate and the second was March 17th when Mariano Rivera took the mound to pitch. If these two players are on track, the loss of A-Rod should prove to be non-essential, yet if they do well the prognosis stays well.

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WHAT WOULD WE SAY IF THEY HAD THEIR WAY?

A couple things that come to mind as the Republicans say no no no to everything that the Democrats propose, is their word list and their wish list. Their word list begins with Ronald Reagan who viewed Medicare as socialism and people on food stamps as welfare recipients. This was a prelude to calling America a “group of whiners”. And their wish list would include social security put into the stock market and turned over to these stock brokers who helped wreak absolute havoc on our current economic situation. Just picture our social security portfolios looking like our stock portfolio, which would happen if the Republican had their word and had their way.

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MAD ABOUT MADOFF; UPDATE

The ponzi scheme of Bernie Madoff has a list of victims 162 pages long, and doesn’t include the “victims within victims” meaning anyone who was an investor in a fund that had investments with Madoff. Among the known victims is the charity foundation of Auschwitz survivor  , and we wonder how a Jew can do this horrible act to another Jew? The only way to find some good in the evil would be to discover that anti- Semites like Mel Gibson, Bill O’Reilly and Ann Coulter were also invested with Madoff. We wouldn’t call that a silver lining, rather a “tarnished bronze” lining and it would make many people less “mad about Madoff”.

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THE ECONOMIC KEY TO THE KINGDOM, BANKS A LOT

President Obama gets criticism from the right wingers for attempting too complex an agenda…as if these aren’t complex times. And while we at the Faux believe the stimulus was an absolute necessity we feel its just as important that the focus be on getting the credit markets to give credit and when they are thus functioning, Mr. Obama will get credit. So we know you have a lot to do Mr. President, but on top of the list should be Banks A lot.

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THE CRAMER DEFENSE; NO FAIR, I WAS AMBUSHED

One of the great Mel Brooks comedies of all times (which makes it one of the comedies of all time), is Blazing Saddles. In that classic there is an unforgettable scene when a Marshall played by actor Cleavon Little is surrounded by the unhappy townsfolk, puts his own gun to his own head and threatens to “shoot the Marshall” (himself). Jim Cramer, visibly shaken went on the Jon Stewart show and he was confronted with a video from 2006 in which he indicated not only that the markets could be unfairly manipulated but he confided that he had done so previously. He seemed shocked that this tape had been found and exposed by Jon Stewart, but with all deference to Mel Brooks this was indeed a “Blazing Saddle moment” because this video exposed Jim Cramer’s duplicity was on a website founded by Jim Cramer. So where Cleavon Little threatens himself, Jim Cramer ambushed himself…some defense, huh?

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AIG = AINT I GREEDY

For those of you out in Fauxvia who may consider this title a bit flip, remember we are describing a bunch of flops. Because all we have to do is watch the actions this week of the AIG Board of Directors. After being kept afloat by $170 billion dollars in bailout money, they are planning this week to give out 165 million dollars of employee bonuses. This they say, is required by pre-existing contracts, and also enabled by their friend George Bush who gave them bailouts with no preconditions. President Obama isnt pleased (to put it mildly), and Larry Summers was on record this weekend as to the administrations intent to explore every legal means to limit or eliminate this junk bonding (our words, not his) between executives and their own interests while remaining oblivious to the performance levels of their companies. This is why we now call it AINT I GREEDY.

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ANY RIGHT WING TALK SHOW WITH A SHRED OF HONESTY…

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart M - Th 11p / 10c Intro - Brawl Street: Get Ready to Buy Low! And Sell Die comedycentral.com Daily Show Full Episodes Important Things w/ Demetri Martin Political Humor The Daily Show With Jon Stewart M - Th 11p / 10c Jim Cramer Pt. 1 comedycentral.com Daily Show Full Episodes Important Things w/ Demetri Martin Political Humor The Daily Show With Jon Stewart M - Th 11p / 10c Jim Cramer Pt. 2 comedycentral.com Daily Show Full Episodes Important Things w/ Demetri Martin Political Humor The Daily Show With Jon Stewart M - Th 11p / 10c Jim Cramer Pt. 3 comedycentral.com Daily Show Full Episodes Important Things w/ Demetri Martin Political Humor Occasionally we introduce contradicting terms on Faux News (e.g. friendly fire, benign tumor, amicable divorce etc.), but anyone who watched Jim Cramer on the Daily Show with Jon Stewart attempt to resolve, rationalize and explain himself knows that if that had been a fight it would have been stopped before the first commercial break. Stewart was more prepared, more in control, more poised, and as we now see much smarter than Jim Cramer. Stewart said “it would be nice to see you guys giving honest business answers and not be the defenders of Wall St. insiders vs. the 401k people…than I can go back to telling fart jokes”. The Stewart show was prepared with a clip from 2006 showing Cramer talking about doing to the market exactly what he was claiming to be against (cheating, G-d bless interns). The first 3rd was Stewart peking and poking, the second 3rd was exposing Cramers hypocrisy, and the 3rd was Cramer swearing to revise the way he runs his show. Stewart concluded his show by saying “I hope this was just as uncomfortable for you watching this as it is for me saying this”. We salute you John, and we are thankful for people like you who ask the hard questions.

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THE ‘CONN VS. THE ‘CUSE, TIME AFTER TIME AFTER TIME…

The University of Arkansas once had a very intense and effective coach named Nolan Richardson. Mr. Richardson, in his brief but brilliant carreer leading the razorbacks coined the phrase for his teams defense “40 minutes of hell”. He did achieve one national title, and while last nights UConn-Syracuse big east tournament game will not determine a title, it will still no doubt engender a number of nicknames. For the record the game completed regulation (40 Minutes) and 6 overtimes (5 minutes each), thus our nickname at the Faux “70 minutes of purgatory”. Fans from both sides cheered, despaired and yawned but not from boredom, rather from exhaustion as the game ended circa 1am. Great 7 act play, guys.

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DIG THE BEAT YEAH YEAH

Rhianna and Chris Brown are the celebrity couple du jour lately featured on Oprah and several other shows. They are getting this attention because she angered him, he beat the crap out of her, and she says she now wants to work it out with him despite the assertion by anyone who knows anything that he will hit her again. The latest (from the Oprah show) is that they are doing a song duet together. We don’t see this as ebony and ivory, we see this as felony and battery. Enjoy the song and dig the beat.

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THE BUSH BOOM GOTTA GO TO MO(TEL)S

An interesting trend lately in California, Colorado and a host of other areas is that due to the real estate collapse and mortgage crisis many couples are losing their homes and many families of 5-6 people are living in a single hotel room. Its more cramped than camping but they’ve really got no choice (and obviously there is a certain element of motel life that small children shouldn’t see). It is definitely better than living in a cardboard box and clearly the hotel industry is booming and we have noticed price hikes as well. Families have stayed together even if they have divorced because they are too poor to break up. This is just another aspect of the Bush boom…when you gotta go, you go to mo(tel)s.

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FRIDAY FAUXLOSOPHY

One of the smartest actions a person can take is to sometimes not act so smart.

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FEE FI FAUX FOX

Faux those of you, pardon us, for those of you that have recently joined the Faux News Network, we thought it was in order to review one of our principles. If you take F X and insert an O in between you have FOX, but if you replace the O with AU (Gold) you have FAUX. We continue to hope and expect the Faux News Network to be the gold standard in faux news. Our main competitor in FOX who loses points by pretending to actually represent the real news.

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TO THE TOWER OF BABBLE; STAY OUT OF ARMS WAY

David Brooks (who we call “The Tower of Babble”) is at it again with his nuanced obsession about all things that he thinks relates to Democrats and liberals. The latest, we’re told by Maureen Dowd in her recent NY Times column, is Brooks obsession with Michelle Obama’s arms. Yes, he says her biceps are to cut and she should stay away from sleeveless dresses. David, is that the focus of your economic recovery plan, worrying about how well “armed” the first lady is? Please. You didn’t complain when Arnold Schwarzenegger (who is now begging for a bit of stimulus) called the Democrats “economic girlie men”, so don’t be upset when you have a womanly woman who is first lady, likes the job and does the job, and enhances the job. Sleeveless women…what will the Democrats think of next? Would you feel better if we had that all-American (and 7 time draft deffering) hero John Ashcroft back to stop us from having marble statues with women’s breasts exposed?

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DON’T BUY IN VOLUME

Why is it that when watching the news on TV and they start playing an advertisement, that they always pump up the volume on the ad so much louder than the regular broadcast? This is a pain, not only to our eardrums but to our sense of convenience when we keep having to readjust the remote control. We should start keeping track of those companies and “buy down” from companies that “volume up” and we should “sound off” when they “sound up” until they lower the volume. We should answer with our wallets with the sound of silence. Our first ad offender happens to be the ESPN ad on ESPN, which is radically louder the regular ESPN broadcast.

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IF IT SAINTS BROKE, DO FIX IT

Republican’s problems (as many are pointing out) is that they don’t dare cross paths with the orthodoxy of the “sainted” Ronald Reagan. He may have been “sainted” in terms of economic polices in the 1980’s (he actually caused a great recession and our first great deficit), but even David Brooks (who we have called the “Tower of Babble”) has said that in todays world the Reagan policies would be considered “insane”, something that we regard as a negative. So we say to conservatives who keep looking back to Reagan; If the saints broke, do fix it!

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NATIONALIZATION, WORD TO YOUR TRAUMA

Chuck Schumer and Lindsay Graham, 2 very different Senators ideologically, have a very similar and we believe pragmatic view on the bank crisis. Namely, that they have to be fixed as one of the key players of the financial system. The term “nationalization” evokes in many people an unpleasant reaction, so they really don’t need a different course of action (as to have the government examine bank by bank) and much as they need a different course of words, such as “receivership”. We think the American people like to play offense, so we propose the term “quarterbackship”. The federal government won’t run the banks, but they will definitely help make the plays that are called. Additionally, they say “one size does not fit all” and we know that one play does not fit all…which is why you need a quarterback. So we predict that sometime down the road someone will use this term, as we see that both “nationalization” and receivership” seem to frighten various parts of American society.

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EVERY INACTION IS AN ENACTION

Eric Sevareid, a legendary newsman, so often used the phrase “every action is a reaction”. When we hear people complaining about the emissions cap which is a small amount of money that people will have to pay for their electric and gas (a tax) to improve the planet and the economy, we cant believe how illogical those people are. It’s like saying that if you work out for 5 days per week, 1 hour per day, you will extend your life quality and your life length by 10-20 years for many people, and you refuse because you don’t want to lose the 5 hours each week. Seriously, you can’t make these people up.

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A REPLY REPLY

We appreciate the many responses we have been getting to recent posts on Faux News and many of them have been pretty pointed. To paraphrase Stephen Colbert when he went to meet Bill O’Reilly “Papa bear, you often get criticized for what you say but never for how loudly you say it”. Some have criticized our article “24 Carrot Bold” as having a racial undertone, and one critic pointed out that he is a white conservative who asks if it ever gets lonely up high on our white horse. Please don’t assume that in order to be “up high” the horse has to be white, and let’s be honest here; not every conservative I know is a racist, but most racists I know are conservative.

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MISSING BILL KRISTOL

Paul Krugman recently reminded us about some of the “predictions” of the conservative CATO institute, and it all made me miss Bill Kristol. First the predictions; Going back 2-3 years they said reforms have made Iceland a Nordic tiger, and later on they quoted the (conservative heritage foundation) said how Ireland became the Celtic tiger, and mentioned the Estonian economy as a “miracle”. Of course we know these are 3 areas which have crises far worse than ours, which reminds of Bill Kristol who when appearing on the John Stewart show was asked by John “Oh Bill Kristol, are you ever right?” We ask the CATO institute and the heritage foundation “are you ever right?” We miss you Bill.

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NO ED. AHEAD

Of all the 3 big initiatives of President Obama (health care, education, the housing crisis) we feel the Republicans will resist the most strongly to education reform. Most of them are older and have no personal stake and more importantly we have heard form the CPAC convention the Republican code word for an educated voter; Democrat.

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STATE OF THE NATION

I was asked by “Princess of quite a lot” if I think Mr. Bush or McCain could have written the speech that Obama gave. My response, my dear... they couldn’t have even read it.

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“YOU BET YOUR LIFE” - IT’S THE DUMBEST THING YOU CAN SAY

With all this talk about which baseball players have taken steroids in the past, you constantly hear all these talk show yoyos saying “would you bet your life on this or that”? First of all, what do you win if you bet your life and win? Do you win another life? Someone else’s life? A guaranteed afterlife? There is no phrase as dumb as “you bet your life because you could be right 9 out of 10 times and I think we would still call that a bad day.

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A NURSE RX RHYME

Sooner or later for better or worse, when you are hopefully older you will need a nurse.

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PHILADELPHIA – THE CITY OF HOUSERLY LOVE

In Philadelphia an interesting precedent has been created with the foreclosure crisis. Namely, there is now a court of bankruptcy appeal in which the lender and borrower/homeowner face each other in court before a foreclosure can be made. Money is a human problem, and while we cant guarantee that this approach will make the situation better, it surely cant hurt when you add a human dimension to it.

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ORSZAG DOESN’T ZIG

Give Peter Orszag (Director, Office of Management and budget in the Obama Administration) credit; when confronted by George Stephanopoulos about the fact that their budget projections were followed by the release of the drop in gross national product development last quarter he had the best answer anyone could give. He said “isn’t it a good idea that we acted so quickly” because this sore doesn’t get any better if you don’t treat it (not with voodoo economics but) with antibiotic economics.

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MORE SLUDGE FROM DRUDGE

This past week Drudge pointed to what he called the “declining Obama popularity”, when Obama’s approval ratings decreased from 60% to (get ready for this) 59%. Now, this week in turns out that his approval ratings are back up to 61%. There are Americans who trust his handling og the economy as opposed to 26% who say the Republicans would do a better economic job, those number are even worse than when W was in office. From now on we at the Faux will refer to this new unit as the “W” factor, and as long as Obama more than doubles the W we know he has the publics trust.

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GOP = GRUMPY OLD PARTISANS

A gentleman named John Huntsman from Utah had some real problems with the Republican response to President Obama speech last week to Congress. John says that he wont listen to the Republican response because he claim they are inconsequential, he says they are ignoring whats happening in this country. Who is this guy who seems to be so anti Republican? Well, he actually happens to be the Republican Governor of Utah. We at the Faux feel that this indicates that the old guard of the GOP is now Grumpy Old Partisans, which is bad for this country because we need a 2 party system.

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ERIC CANTOR (R-VA) - A PONZI SCHEME OR A FONZI SCHEME

All of us who followed Happy Days remember Fonzi could never say or pronounce the word w-r-o-n-g. He would say w-r…but he couldn’t pronounce the word. Well, Cantor couldn’t pronounce his condemnation of Rush Limbaugh. He said no one wants this President to fail, but at the end of his interview with George Stephanopoulos, he was asked specifically about the “Rush Limbaugh politics” and rather than condemn Rush and say the word “wrong” he just kept repeating “no one wants this President to fail”. This is definitely a Fonzi scheme.

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SEE YOU AT THE GATES OF TELL

Secretary of Defense Robert Gates conceded on Meet the Press that for the first time in US history you had a Secretary of State and Secretary of Defense who a doctorate in Russian history and said we (the Bush administration) didn’t have a clue what was going on in Russia. We appreciate his candor and we see why he is the first Defense Secretary to serve Presidents from both major political parties.

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WHERE “THIS WEEK” IS WEAK

The program “This Week with George Stephanopoulos” is growing in prestige and importance and will soon be on the level of Meet the Press. But when interviewing Republicans they consistently forget the ask the 2 most important questions. 1. When discussing small business, Mr. Stephanopoulos keeps forgetting to mention that fact that one of the first actions of George W. Bush was to cut the small business bureau in half. 2. When they criticize the budget of President Obama, he fails to respond religiously that Bush’s budget didn’t include the Iraq war at all, could it get any more misleading than that? Additionally, he should point out that 90% of debt in this country happened under Reagan, Bush 41 and Bush 43. So while we love the program, there are some areas in which “This Week” is weak.

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BUSH’N BOO

Every so often looking back on the Bush economy, we thing of a particular mantra. No, we are not thinking of “Uniter, not divider”, we are referring to his constant promise to restore “dignity” to the Whitehouse. It seems that dignity isn’t what the country needed, Boo also had dignity…he just wasn’t a great economic theorist.

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