A BLUE MOOD ON BARACK OBAMA’S PROSPECTS

Barack Obama is on vacation. And sure enough there’s a natural disaster – hurricane Irene – set to hit states on the east coast, all but two (Florida and S. Carolina) of which were blue states in the last election. Additionally, Washington had its first earthquake in 113 years this week. So with all the blue states about to be hit by a hurricane, one must ask themselves if a Republican president would not have been able to prevent this disaster from hitting the red states. Besides for the drout in the Midwest, the tornadoes in Texas, the raging forest fires in Arizona, oh never mind…lets return to blue mood Barack Obama, because the beauty of having a Democratic president instead of a Republican is that you can blame them for natural disasters. Mr. Obama, where is your leadership? Why cant you push Irene out to sea? You are supposedly in much better shape than John McCain was! Postscript; this will be our 10th(!) disaster of a billion dollars or more this year weatherwise. This could mean the lord is starting to show disapproval of this president, no? But wait, he was president for 2 years with no disasters, so maybe he actually doesn’t like the tea party and is showing what he thinks of their economics by letting heaven trickle down on us…

TREASONOUS JEW-BOY BRINGS MUCH STOCK JOY

Ben Bernanke, the “treasonous” chairman of the federal reserve, is at it again helping the American economy. By his pledging to help the markets regain momentum, we may actually have our first plus week in over a month. As we know, Gov. Rick Perry has recently claimed that the Ben Bernanke’s economic policies were “treasonous”. For the record, the punishment for treason is death, we think that might be a but harsh for a disagreement over fiscal policy. Nonetheless, Mr. Bernankes moves today were widely applauded, it helped the stock rally, helped many 401k’s, and definitely produced some all-around good. Lets remind Rick Perry that Mr. Bernanke has never been a secessionist.

HECK OF A JOB CLOWNIE

Such masters of human compassion as Eric Cantor and Dick Cheney and Rand Paul are complaining about the amount of money FEMA is spending to deal with the human and financial toll of hurricane Irene. Irene has been called one of the 10 greatest disasters in American history, and remarkably the preparedness of FEMA and the other government agencies have kept the death toll to a minimum. It’s a tragedy that anyone was lost, but consider Katrina, where we just stood by and let it happen. There were way too many deaths in New Orleans, a great city was destroyed, and well over 100,000 people were displaced, many of them permanently. Well, you can disregard Katrina if you are Michael Brown of “heck of a job, Brownie” fame (or as we call it “heck of a job, clownie), as he is one of those condemning the government for overreacting to Irene. Messrs. Paul, Cantor, Cheney and Brown are creatures of nature, so in that sense they are natural disasters. Heck of a job clownies!

TAKING STOCK ON THE TEABAGGERS

The stock market had its first up week in months this week and now it’s at the highest level since before the major drop in August, and it’s still having good days. Perhaps it’s because the teabaggers are out of Washington, when they return we have no doubt the market will go down. So when taking stock in the teabaggers, remember that their greatest asset is their absence.

MUCH LESS GOOD AND PAWLENTY

Presidential candidate Tim Pawlenty is a candidate no more. He has dropped out of the race after placing a distant third in the Iowa straw poll. This is a non-official poll whose winners have often failed to gain traction in the actual presidential election. Tim Pawlenty was the one Republican who was the Governor of a blue state (Minnesota) and had a reputation for working well with the Democrats, which is probably why the tea baggers won’t vote for him. Columnist George Will (of “when there’s a will there’s a sway” fame) wrote that Pawlenty was one of only two logical Republican candidates, the other being Indiana Governor Mitch Daniels who also won’t run (This makes Mr. Will 0-2). We were hoping down the road to have more “good and Pawlenty” but it seems we are doomed to not having a farthing of bipartisanship. Clearly, that’s what this Republican party wants, heaven help us if that’s what they get.

A PERRY POOR IMITATION, “G” WHIZ

Watching Rick Perry and listening to Sarah Palin brings back certain speech memories of George W. Bush. Because these folks seem to hate the letter G. They are about campaignin’, speakin’ readin’ (oops, we forgot…they don’t do much of that), huntin’, fishin’, and just plain not G’ing. What is the zen about not being able to pronounce the G at the end of words? It gets us thinkin’…

THEY DON’T REVERE REVERE

THEY DON’T REVERE REVERE

It seems the conservative crowd, with all their supposed love of patriotism and the revolution, doesn’t particularly revere, well, Paul Revere. Because yesterday they attempted to rewrite the history of his ride on Wikipedia for the purposes of making it match Sarah Palin’s version (hey, if you don’t know history, redo history). Sarah Palin should know history; she studied it at five or six different colleges. So she has quite the history, and we are confident we will be seeing more of her history, as she says it and they attempt to re-write it. And folks, you know what’s really interesting? Sarah Palin wasn’t asked about Paul Revere, she was asked by the reporter “what did you see and what did take away from today”. Meaning, she actually volunteered inaccuracies, as she so often does. So will they succeed in redoing the history on Sarah Palin’s history? I am sure Wikipedia will have an update.

MASCOT MONIKER

We wish to thank again our contestants attempting to "Name the Fox" representing Real Fox News. Some of our favorites were "Righteous and Trixie and Swiper" but the winner is and should be "Scooter" and hence worth our bushy tailed guy shall be known as Scooter L. Fox. Congratulations to Penn. Bryce who came up with the winning name. He will receive his prize, 2 Yankees tickets.

MEMORIAL DAY MISSIVE FROM REAL FOX NEWS

It is the VETERAN, not the preacher, who has given us freedom of religion It is the VETERAN, not the reporter, who has given us freedom of press It is the VETERAN, not the poet, who has given us freedom of speech It is the VETERAN, not the campus organizer, who has given us freedom to assemble It is the VETERAN who serves under the Flag THANKS TO RICHARD WHO IS SEAWORTHY

THE COMPANY THAT COMPANY KEEPS/BELIEVES

We have all heard the homily that you are judged by the company that you keep. But we’d like to expound upon that thought. And that is you are also judged by the company who’s beliefs you keep/trust. We are referring of course, as Real Fox News to the “other” Fox News. Because here’s the thing gang, our President, our joint chiefs of staff and our unbelievably brave Navy SEAL’s (not to mention DNA evidence) all confirm that Osama Bin Laden is dead and gone. Yet, a certain company, Fox News, had their doubts. They wanted picture proof, as if that would satisfy all of them anymore than our presidents long form birth certificate did. But alas, now comes (for the Fox folks at least) the undeniable voice of truth, Al Qaeda who recently acknowledged what almost everyone else understood, that Osama’s “bin Laden” to rest. And now Fox has the company they can keep and believe, and by whom we believe they should be judged.

A YOUNG GRAHAM CRACKER

Billy Graham’s son (jr.) was on “This Week” and by golly, even though he wont say it, he is obviously a Sarah Palin fan as well as a birther. He claimed Barack Obama could put an end to this by just showing the birth certificate. What is it with these people that keep claiming that? Its been shown again and again! Its an issue they will never allow to be put to rest, because they created it and cant lose it now. Its as if they would claim he is purple and require him to prove otherwise. Its sad to see this, because Billy Graham Sr. has come a long way since his anti semitic remarks in the office of Richard Nixon, his son however has fallen far from the current tree and gone back to the earlier tree. It was not a great moment for religious introspection in America to hear the young Mr. Graham talk, and we dont mean to be wise-crackers!

FAMILY VALUES AND THE AIDS PIMPED WIFE

FAMILY VALUES AND THE AIDS PIMPED WIFE

Senator John Ensign on Nevada has long been the subject of an investigation. His problems began when this (not) family values candidate began an affair with his aide’s wife. Most fascinating is that after his aide Doug Hampton found out there was a fallout, as one might imagine. First, Mr. Hampton had been his best friend. Secondly, the affair went on for quite a while, having both passion and length. Thirdly, Mr. Ensigns family paid the mortgage on the home of Mr. Hampton and (for a while) this went away. Quite simply, Mr. Hampton pimped his wife! If not for the fact that the candidate running against Ensign is significantly worse, I think it would be quite obvious which way this family values candidate would be heading.

ONE WILE KYL

ONE WILE KYL

Senator Jon Kyl (R-AZ) has pointed out in the “budget” debate that planned parenthood allocates 90% of their budget to providing abortions. Actually, the real number is 3%. When questioned on it, his office responded “he never meant his statement on it to be factual”, which brings us back to Colbert’s famous statement “beware of facts, they are known to have a liberal bias”. We say beware of Republican numbers, they are about as real as “genuine plastic”. How incredible that a US Senator uses statistics in a debate in the senate chamber, and then argues that they are not meant to be factual! But it should not surprise us…after all he is Republican, and from Arizona.

HERE’S A GASSER, WILL WE ALL SWOON FROM BOONE?

HERE’S A GASSER, WILL WE ALL SWOON FROM BOONE?

There is a bipartisan bill before the house right now that is sponsored by 2 Democrats and 2 Republicans. Its called the “Boone Pickens” bill and it encourages a subsidy towards drilling domestically for natural gas. The feeling is that tax incentives, while only enough to cover 140,000 trucks, would cut our OPEC dependency in half. Every president since Richard Nixon has called for energy independence. This actually would be a big step, it would be a “gasser” (as in natural gasser), and even though T. Boone Pickens is known as an oil man he has been a steady advocate for use of natural gas. Besides he’s a billionaire many times over and 82 years old so he might actually have some reflective selfless view for some of this. Imagine cutting away half of OPEC imports, truly we can all swoon from Boone.

THE MODERATE RICHARD NIXON

THE MODERATE RICHARD NIXON

Richard Nixon was elected President in 1968 after being defeated by JFK in 1960. He crushed George McGovern in his re-election in 1972 but of course had to resign shortly after due to the Watergate scandal. At the time, he was thought to be one of the most right wing presidents ever. But watching the Republicans move the bar further and further to the right gives us pause when we think of what Nixon would be considered today. To explain; 2 states in the US, Texas and Utah, have speed limits of 80 mph. Republicans feel that isn’t fast enough and want to raise the limit in Texas to 85 mph. It was Nixon that said we have to limit dependence on foreign oil and created the speed limit of, get this, 55 mph! We also cant forget his opening a relationship with communist China, and introducing title 9 which allows women to get recognition on the sports field. This makes us think that the right wingers of the past, would be “blue dog Democrats” today. And if you happen to be driving through Texas, keep an eye on the rear view mirror. Do the same while looking at the political direction of this country.