G-D D#$%! IT. OH WAIT, THATS OKAY WHEN ITS THE RIGHT NOT THE WRIGHT

That's it, left wing democrats; we have had enough with out of control ministers. Go ahead and justify the following remarks and the venom they spill. And never mind the caveats that Jeremiah Wright's remarks were based in 2001 - we've got more stuff from that era and more recent as well. Consider this one (in condemnation of the Catholic Church); "when Adolf Hitler came to power he said I'm not going to do anything in my lifetime that hasn't been done by the Roman Church the past 800 years". Okay, and then there's this (regarding Muslims in America); "this survey revealed that while American Muslims live in America, 82% are not loyal to America". More recently there came this explanation (Sept 18, 2006) of the devastation of Hurricane Katrina; "I believe that New Orleans had a level of sin that was offensive to G-d". Enough Reverend Wright, Enough.
Ragingly and righteously submitted.

P.S. Ahem, uh well, it turns out all the above quotes were actually made by ardent John McCain supporter Pastor John Hagee, but don't worry my right winged angels (that does make us fly in circles huh) while they (the quotes) are on video, John Stewart who aired them (and his audience) are sworn to secrecy. Besides Senator McCain when confronted with such statements said none the less "I'm glad to have his endorsement" but he smiled that warm and frozen smile of his, so it's alright, right? So take that selective listeners on the left. How about Michelle Obama's senior thesis in her college years. that's got to be more relevant.

THE SHUT YOUR TRAP BECAUSE IT IS A TRAP FAUXLOSOPHY

To Michelle Obama, Bill Clinton, and Reverend Jeremiah Wright, take a breath. First we could use the break because taking that pause would mean you are not talking because in this You Tube age when you open your trap, you can fall into a trap. Consider please that given the tenor of your sound bites the ones who can be bitten are the ones you claim to love and/or support. So please give us less ego, less sounds, and for those who need you at their back or by their side, less traps.

SOME CORRESPONDING THOUGHTS

There may never be a white house correspondence dinner to match the 2006 classic engineered by Stephen Colbert. Nonetheless, the 2008 edition (Mr. Bush's last) featured his own unique brand of, heh heh, humor. He attempted to play the political pundit and talked about all the 3 major candidates for his office. He mentioned John McCain not being there, allowing that Mr. McCain wanted to distance himself from him, he noted Hillary Clinton's absence by saying that she couldn't get through the sniper fire, and said Barack Obama couldn't make it because he was at church. Mr. Bush's humor, alas, reminds us of what we've said at the Faux that complete sentences are frequently used in lieu of complete truths (case in point; the Bush administration). Here's how he may have more fully developed his humor with (dare we say it) a more Fauxvian flavor; Mr. McCain isn't here so I guess he wanted to distance himself from me, trying perhaps to get as far away from me as he was while serving/imprisoned in Vietnam, hey I was free from duty and everything else. Mrs. Clinton couldn't get through the sniper fire, its too bad my national guard unit from Alabama wasn't around to give her support. And Mr. Obama was at church and if there is one thing that my administration would never do, its use religion as any kind of refuge for political gain. We would then have rated our Presidents last performance a full 3 heh hehs.

FRIDAY FAUXLOSOPHY

Affection without respect is something better given to a pet.

A FAUXVIAN FOCUS ON SOME NON-STOP NUMBERS

In the recent days, the news and the numbers have been all about the Catholic Church and alas . . . the war in Iraq. Regarding the church, here are the numbers that count: 11,000, 4,400, 50, 2 and an all-important one. They relate, sadly, to the sex scandals which Pope Benedict has shown determination to face and it goes like this: 11,000 victims, 4,400 priests who were culpable, 50 years the time period over which this went unchecked and 2 as in two billion dollars in payments and settlements by the Church. And the 1, that’s one big hope and benefit of the doubt which must be given to the Pope who has been forthright enough to meet some victims face to face and to commit to changing the cannons involving the churches intent to reduce tolerance and increase punishment for such inexcusable conduct. Again, this is one benefit of the doubt we would hope all people of good will want proven worthy.
Now on Iraq, the numbers are numbing and are not all that worthy of hope and there are many of them. They are (drum roll): 31, 300,000, 320,000, 30,000, 19 and 12 and also 27, 104, 1,600, 700, 2, 6, 35 and maybe 100 . . . These figures have to do with the personal cost of the war: 31 is the percent of soldiers who return from Iraq and Afghanistan with some mental disorder, 300,000 suffer PTSD, 320,000 have suffered traumatic brain injury, and 30,000 have been the victims of physical wounds. To continue, 12% of the troops after one tour show combat stress and for those who’ve been sent for two tours, the number rises to 19 percent, and as the Rand Report, our source material (hope Mssrs. Bush and McCain take some time to actually read up on this) informs that only 50% of returning soldiers dare to ask for help and by the Army’s own admission, at best half (they claim) get the help they so desperately need.
Now we like to be a fun Faux but these numbers cry out, they are of a human toll and there are more, which have to do with an ongoing involvement in Iraq, namely the U.S. Embassy in Baghdad. There are 27 buildings, covering 104 acres, offices for 1,600 people at a construction cost of (so far) over 700 million dollars. The number 2 as in two billion dollars is again relevant because that is the supposed cost to operate the complex each year, when it opens, that is. Six is the number of months construction has been delayed, and wait, they forgot to build a place for General Petraeus and his staff, which will cost another 35 million dollars.
Bye the bye, since diplomats (as in ours) are refusing to volunteer to serve in Iraq, the government may have to order some there, because it’s obvious with such a “city within a city” (in the words of NBC’s Brian Williams) we’re going to be there a long, long time, but less than 100 years, right?
Fauxvians, we thank you for your indulgence if you could follow, at all, this rather lengthy nomenclature. If it made you ache and you just wanted to put your head in your hands, fair enough, so many who’ve heroically served there, now wish they had that option.

FRIDAY FAUXLOSOPHY ON THURSDAY

When certain people or groups disapprove of your actions, you know you are doing something right.

TRIMMING GOVERNMENT AND THE WINGS OF THE FAA?

Senator John McCain, in his quest to make the Bush tax cuts (which he voted against when he wasn’t running for office) permanent, has explained how. He’ll do it by cutting back on government services, but since the logical question is which one, we’ll provide weekly hypotheses of possible areas to trim the slack. The FAA, whistle blowers and all, has been pressured by the Bush administration, and the airlines, to ease up. They (the FAA) say they’ve got crucial, possibly life saving work to do, and despite extortion threats have whistled while they work. Which has resulted in over 1000 planes being grounded for such minor problems as fuel tank glitches and shattering windshields. How have they done so far, well for 2007 the stats are in and there were no fatalities for scheduled commercial airline flights. Oh, for those who like to look out on the right wing when they aviate, and we presume this means those who can afford private flights, generally not your less affluent types, there were four hundred and ninety one (491) fatalities on private flights. There are some flights of fancy going on in the fancy flight crowd if they don’t think the FAA inspectors inspect for a reason. We should all regret these deaths for the tragedy and possibly for the preventability. Anyway, so if we send away the FAA, can it be after we’ve landed?

IS JOHN MCCAIN JOHN MCSAME?

Senator John McCain on This Week with George Stephanopoulos says he’s “got an economic” plan, and the Democratic National Committee has an ad coming with some choice quotes and all of them are actually Mr. McCain’s own words referring to the last eight years and the economy. They go as follows; “Americans over all are better off”, “we’ve had a pretty good prosperous time”, “low unemployment”, “low inflation” “A lot of good things have happened”, “A lot of jobs have been created”, and “I think we are better off over all” . A couple of fact checks just might be in order considering the price of gas is up 200%, there’s been among the highest inflation in 17 years, 1.8 million jobs have been lost, and the income in the average American household is down $1,000, this does not apply to any of John McCain’s donors of course. Wonder how come the Dems left out our favorite McSame quote: “economic woes are often psychological”, tell it to everyday Americans pumping gas.
Oh bye the bye he said, he’s going start his economic reform by cutting all the ear marks passed by Congress. We’ll give you two from the past two years; two billion dollars, Emergency aid to Israel and a substantial increase in veteran’s Housing benefits. These gals and guys psychologically need homes, really.

HAPPY PASSOVER TO ALL OUR READERS

We hope we've given you enough Faux food for thought on the news to enable you to "Pass Over" until this Tuesday when we return.

WE’RE DRAWN TO A MAN WHO’S FAST ON THE DRAW

Political cartoonist, Mike Luckovich, of the Atlanta Constitution and beyond, admits to having a messy desk but he more than compensates with a creative and orderly mind. He’s been at the Constitution for 9 years and his skill of lampooning the three political persons running for president is legendary. Every four years he has his political Olympics to find if a picture (or cartoon) is worth a thousand words. His are, and hopefully we can, every now and then, provide a blogging blurb that is worth at least one picture.

DRY CLEANING COSTS UP; HANG ‘EM HIGH

One of the latest sources of inflation is being felt and passed along in the dry cleaning industry. Why, because hangers, with brass ends, due to raw material costs and tariffs on those imported from China, have doubled in cost to the cleaners themselves. For now, many dry cleaners are proactively recycling hangers whenever they’re reusable, which is often the case; no sense in getting too wired . . .

IRAQIS AND NEOCONS, BIRDS (CHICKEN HAWKS) OF A FEATHER

Having watched the Iraqi army retreat and retreat and retreat this past week, the thought comes to mind that Iraqis who will stay on and fight for Iraq (as opposed to their Mullahs) are as rare as neocons who did not avoid the vietnam draft. And as to the Faux "gun law" where only liberals are vulnerable to random homicides if gun laws are loosened; you guys shouldnt joke about that. Many conservatives really believe that.

POOR CHOICE” OF WORDS, WELL HE’S THE POOREST CANDIDATE

Barack Obama is being asked to explain his remarks about small town America and we’ll know in a week how this plays in PA. Will he lose the culture wars for being too elite, well let’s consider what Ronald Reagan called the “stubbornness of numbers”, because to be not all that super elite, it may also help you considerably if you’re not all that super rich either. Consider, Fauxvians, the Clintons made 109 million dollars as a "non-elite" couple in the last 10 years, before taxes, of course. But the even “non-eliter” John McCain who chose to be the candidate of change marriage wise (and portfolio wise) when he married the very, very rich Cindy McCain approximately two years after his release as a POW from Vietnam and their worth as a couple (due to her families brewery interests) is well over 100 million dollars. Are these guys going to debate just who is the most "just plain" 9 figures worth folks?

GUNNING OR IS THAT GUMMING UP THE WORKS

Michael Nutter, the mayor of Philadelphia has engineered a gun law with which we at the Faux don't agree. The law (one of 5 actually) which gets our attention prohibits Philadelphians from buying more than one hand gun per month. Mr. Nutter explained on the Colbert Report that he just doesn't like people getting shot. He goes on to say its a matter of individual rights, that "everyone has the right not to be shot".
As we previously (and in fact for years) have maintained BF (Before Faux) and since, we feel that everyone should be allowed to legally buy all the guns they want and at one time if they so choose, as long as they adhere to two crucial principles. One is that they will agree to make sure that only liberals or their family members will be the victims of stray bullets or spontaneous homicides which may originate from any of their weapons and two, that no one will be allowed to own in total more guns than they have teeth. And that Fauxvians is how not to gum up the works while your gunning them up, which as my learned reportorial friend Janet suggested is so often followed by the gunning downs.

WHICH CUT CAN WE STOMACH?

Mr. McCain has said his tax cuts will make economic sense as long he cuts back on government services to match. Each week were going to give you a service and picture it either reduced or gone with the windfall for the Bush tax cut Mr. McCain wants to make permanent.
The service on topic would be government food inspectors which have to deal with the following: 76,000,000 Americans each year get food poisoning and 5,000 die. These numbers have held firm for the last four years. Can we cut back on food inspection; what does your gut tell you gang?

ON SCORCHING THE TORCH FROM THE WAR OF FOG, TO THE FOG OF WAR

The phrase breathing free does not come to mind when one thinks of China. “Free” doesn’t seem to fit because where China is concerned, many humans aren’t, including Tibetans and other Chinese, and the “breathe” part can be challenging too, if the fog pictured in so many scenes of China these days is to be believed as opposed to breathed, and we do believe those pictures. So on with the “Free Tibet” signs which we at the Faux hope results in more than just liberating people from lead filled toys. But the attempts by protesters to douse the Olympic torch bring to mind some pretty interesting 20th Century history that is unfortunately often forgotten and on point, Speaker Peloli’s thoughts that we should consider not attending the opening ceremony are really worth considering, for several reasons. First, the touring of the torch; according to what Jon Stewart says (which means that it’s so), that was started by Adolph Hitler, and to follow in Mr. Stewart’s words “how dare they besmirch the legacy of Adolph Hitler”. Indeed. Second, in the 1936 Munich Olympics, there was discussion of whether the American contingent should bow our flag, as did many others when they passed Hitler’s reviewing stand. We did not and so bragged. But, and there is a “but”, when our Olympic delegation led by one Avery Brundage, a man who philosophically leaned so far to the right he could well have fallen off Hitler’s stage was told okay, you did that flag bit but ….no Jews including yours will be allowed to compete, to which in effect he retorted: oh, okay. Thus the US team which had held its flag so high took the low road and just like that Jewish track stars Marty Glickman and Sam Stoller were robbed of their moment.
Maybe it would help to think of it this way, the Germans were not “Soup Nazi’s”, you remember from Seinfeld, “No soup for you”. No, they were Nazi Nazi’s, who said “No Jews for you” and then we, the proud United States of America betrayed two of our own.
Marty Glickman and Sam Stoller were by all accounts fine gentlemen who passed away, their Olympic chance forever denied. If it should be necessary this time, 72 years later, for our honor and that of others wishing to be free to skip the opening ceremonies in Beijing, we at the Faux feel certain Mssrs. Glickman and Stroller would agree that this time around at last, our honor took a victory lap, finally.

FAUX NEWS GETS TO QUESTION TIM RUSSERT (VERY NEARLY)

Dear Mr. Russert,
I was privileged to be in the SCSU audience this past Wednesday, April 9th, 2008 and thoroughly enjoyed your talk. Alas, I was “scheduled” to be the next to ask a question, but as the gentlemen with the microphone came my way, the “Madam President” of the University come on stage to wrap things up.
Here then is hoping my question reaches you and you are able to reply:
My Name is Norman Bender from Woodbridge, CT. I am a Vietnam veteran and a Jew and proud on both counts. We hear so often lately that due to Jeremiah Wright et. al., Senator Barack Obama needs to reassure American Jews, even though Mr. Obama himself has never personally spoken or acted like Reverend Wright. Yet the same obligation to assure never seems to be required of the Republican/right wing end of the political spectrum. Senator John McCain (as you pointed out on “Meet the Press”) embraced the endorsement of Jerry Fallwell in 2006 and said he no longer considered him “an agent of intolerance”, which were in fact Mr. McCain’s very sentiments in 2000. And Mitt Romney, who may well be Mr. McCain’s VP choice, kicked off his president campaign at the Henry Ford Museum, and the legacy of Mr. Ford’s anti-Semitic intolerance still haunts may older Jews and others, to say the least. So then Mr. Russert, how does the right do it? They don’t ever, it seems, have to explain their actions the way the left does. I’d really like to know.

FRIDAY FAUXLOSOPHY

If you should choose to fight a battle for a loved one, good, as long as you let them choose the battle.

THE KRISTOL SHTICK

Whenever we at the Faux think of Bill Kristol, it’s not a desire but a political alas, and we are reminded of Jim Morrison (of The Doors) and Jon Stewart of The Daily Show. With regards to The Doors, one of whose first great hits “The Crystal Ship”, the relevant line is “the crystal ship is being filled, a thousand girls, a thousand thrills”. And our version is “The Kristol shtick is being billed, a thousand spins, a thousand shills”, and then there is Jon Stewart’s remark “Oh, Bill Kristol, are you ever right?” Given that Mr. Kristol has out Cheneyed Cheney as to his optimism on Iraq and other Bushian politics of the day, probably not, or at least previously, but now . . . he just may be.
His recent op-ed in the NY Times makes frightening sense to us and that’s scary, right there. First, Mr. Kristol points out that many Republicans believe Barack Obama will be the next President of the United States and, that a substantial number of Democrats believe the same about Senator John McCain. With apologies to Tom Brokaw the author of “Boom”, both political parties are still dominated by boom and doom politics, but if Mr. Obama wins the election, the country may no longer have to be.

YOU GOT TO ACCENT THE POSITIVE, ELIM-INATE THE NEGATIVE

As the polls roll on, here are some updates on Hillary vs. Barack, it’s 45 to 45, they are dead even. On the general election
Mr. McCain is 46 to 44 over Clinton while Obama is 44 to 42 over McCain. But it’s on the negative where Mrs. Clinton shows the most “negative” positive; she has a 48% negative, even worse than her own 43% negative of two weeks ago. Mr. Obama has a negative of only 32% (it was 28% before the Jeremiah Wright clips) while his positive is still at 49%, as opposed to Mrs. Clinton’s 37%. As to who would best unite our country; it’s Clinton 40%, McCain 58%, and Obama 60%, and this holds even after all the Reverend Wright stuff. Oh, we should point out that there are countless more polls to go; including the only or, at least most valid one, when FauxNews is included in the survey. We’re raring and ready, and remember we may not always be right, but we’re always sure.

UCONN, UCOULD, AND DID, A LOT REALLY

47-46 was (in a sense) the score of both Women’s Final Four Semi’s this past Sunday. Those numbers were in fact the final score of the Tennessee – LSU game with Tennessee triumphant, but that same tally was pivotal to the final run of a UConn team which overcame grievous injuries to two starters, Kalena Green and Mel Thomas, and tried to do the undoable in an NCAA National, ride a freshman’s wings to victory. The freshmen, Maya Moore led the team in points, rebounds and steals but after Charde Houston’s drive cut the Husky deficit to 46-47, the Stanford Cardinal, led by their special player of the year Candice Wiggins, felt the power of three and hit 4 of 5 trey tries in the next few minutes to insure their place in the championship game. I was privileged to talk to Maya Moore later Sunday evening; she is a poised gracious lady who made no excuses and none were needed. She has three more years as a Husky and I’ll predict on the Faux what I did to her: “Ms Moore, you’ll be back, you’ll be back, you’ll be back. She is one of a group of special "student athlete", her grade average is in fact a 3.86 who are classy enough to politely and willingly talk with and appreciate their fans. And this, she did even after experiencing a heart wrenching defeat. Height-wise and charachter-wise the Lady Huskies are women we can look up to.

AS A BELL WEATHER, IT MIGHT JUST BE ILLINOIS OH BOY

The fate of Dennis Hassert’s congressional seat (from which he “resigned”) was decided a couple of weeks past. We need to keep in mind that this district in Illinois has over a two to one Republican registration advantage, so when the special election went to the Democrats, both conservative and liberal pundits alike were startled to say the least. One possible reason, when Barack Obama campaigns in Illinois, he reigns in Illinois. But such a turn around has to frighten the GOP regarding Mr. Obama’s potential impact far beyond “the Land of Lincoln”. Now the Republicans really think they can run against Hillary, and after seeing how classily Obama handled the Jeremiah Wright business, they may be running from Barack Obama. And he’s keeping Mrs. Obama sooo…low key

FOR DR. KING, 40 YEARS LATER COMPASSIONATE CONSERVATISM

For April 4th, the 40th anniversary of the murder of the Reverend Martin Luther King Jr, some pundits on the right have produced compassionate and respectful columns. Would that the conservative writers of Reverend King's time were so enlightened, for example the recently departed William Buckley's position concerning black voting rights is quite revealing and not at all gentlemanly, despite Mr. Buckley's personal polish. To be fair most of the political right, does not openly take that position now but unfortunately only seems to "get" history, once events have become history. The isolationist movement in WWII is another case in point.
Years from now future conservative columnists will surely dismiss the very real support, nuances and all, for President Bush and his inept policies that they themselves now represent, but that again, will be after the day.

NOT LOQUACIOUS BUT QUOTACIOUS

Here, in what may become a regular Faux feature are some of the best “if” shortest quotes in recent public life. First exhibit; Secretary of State Condi Rice on the Iraq War (which has now actually outlasted WWII): “I knew it would be difficult, but not this difficult.”. Second exhibit is courtesy of Dick Cheney: When told the vast vast majority of Americans disapprove of the direction the country is going in general and the war in Iraq specifically, Mr. Cheney said,” So?” And that and probably third and probably the real winner, is our President’s reply to a reporter noting that oil is over $100.00 a barrel and that gas is nearing $4.00 a gallon, Mr. Bush said, “ I’ll have to look into that”. What’s your rush sir?

FRIDAY FAUXLOSOPHY

Despite these challenging times, our country's democracy flourishes. And that is because the vast majority of americans ultimately will show their leadership, respect and patriotism even when its not reciprocated.

FROM JOE LIEBERMAN TO JOE'S LOST-ER-MAN

This week on national TV Joe Lieberman using any reason but the real one (his hurt feelings in the Connecticut Senatorial race), explained why he now favored John McCain. This is the same John McCain who has opposed Mr. Lieberman for decades on approaches to social security, Supreme court justices, and the Bush tax cuts to mention a few. We’ll spend more time on this in the future but for now we’re currently making tapes of Mr. Lieberman’s voice and vocal patterns to sell to sleep disorder clinics. Joe Lieberman, the “McCain youth” spokesman, who could have imagined it, although those two together does keep some people up nights.

THE CODE WORD CAPOS ARE US ALL STARS

We’ve made passing commentary on Mr. McCain’s choice of running mate on the Republican ticket which given his age and the aging that goes with serving as president is one important choice. A contributor to this blog, Charles Sandras, in fact, wagged that it will be the equivalent of a political living will. Well, more and more it seems that Mitt Romney’s name is coming up on the short list in the D.C. spin machines, and for all those right wing Jewish columnists, Brooks, Kristol, Krauthammer et.al. al. this would seem this is a dream team. Please consider the following; John McCain having previously refused (in 2000), in 2006 received, and relished the support of Jerry Falwell, a man who went to his grave an unrepentant bigot. Among the many principles we hold to be self evident, which Falwell religiously distorted, was the idea that Jews were deficient people unworthy of entry into Heaven. Mr. McCain, by the way, was on Meet the Press and asked by Tim Russert, “do you still believe Jerry Falwell to be an agent of intolerance” (his exact description of these exact same views in 2000), but in 2006 Mr. McCain found Mr. Falwell quite tolerable and told Mr. Russert, “no”, that he no longer considered Mr. Falwell such an intolerant individual.
The record of Mitt Romney, who made an unsuccessful bid for the nomination Mr. McCain has now secured, deserves a little scrutiny as well. Mr. Romney interestingly opened his campaign to be the Republican candidate in 2008 at, of all places, the Henry Ford Museum. Henry Ford for any who don’t know; was through word, deed, money and influence till the day he died one of the most famous, or should we say infamous anti-Semites in our country’s history.
So then if Mitt Romney is Mr. McCain’s choice for Vice President, could there be then a more palatable, polite and subtle bunch of under the radar Jew baiters for right leaning Jews to lean to?
Hey, maybe even William Sattire, famed Jewish speech writer for Richard Nixon could come out of retirement as kind of an elder Court Jew. He could then advise the current "capos are us" how to weather whatever criticism any of the Jewish establishment may have the back bone to muster. And speaking of the “weather”, Mr. Sattire could also be there to remind Msrs. Brooks, Kristol, Krauthmmer and any others of equal moral timber that when intolerance is spit in your face by the Republican right, it’s merely raining.