On Talking the Talk; Some (GOP) Base Truths

The President of Iran, we call (and pronounce) his name: Imadimwhack job is like other Arab leaders, quite rational. The proof is that no top guy from Bin Laden to those in charge of Hamas, or other terror groups sponsored by Saudi Arabia or Iran have ever led a mission themselves. The rationale is, of course, that they’re still around and since their missions are suicide ones, they’re aware enough and cowardly enough to be aware that no one does two of those. Thus while Senator McCain says we won’t talk to such enemies (unlike the policies of JFK, Nixon, Regan et. al.), you know if elected he will, because presidents always do, as even to some degree has the Bush Administration. So, tell us, why the bluster buster? Maybe it’s because one can eventually act rationally once they’ve been elected by the Republican base, but they can’t get elected by talking rationally to the Republican base.

Friday Fauxlosophy

A dispatch from the San Juan’s in the great Northwest:
If it is the right one, there’s no place like an island to make one feel connected.

Like, About Out of the Sky Come.....

Like a bolt out of the sky come well, a bolt out of the sky as our residence was hit by lightening. Yes, it left a mark, and we’ll have the cons and believe it or not the pros of an almost disastrous moment.

Faux Features Futures

We, Norman and Northern Reb have been on hiatus this week but we’ll be back in full swing in the coming days. We thought we’d give a preview of the coming attractions, so here goes. The Faux has intercepted signals from another civilization in the galaxy which is only good news because it turns out they’re out protectors, we’ll explain in the article in which they’re the featured creatures. Also there will be updates on the bad leader(s) that John McCain won’t talk to and the good ones he will. Also, we’ll discuss elitism for the common folk and have invented a new word- conservmythicism, we believe you’ll see the relevance. And last and most important we'll be doing a series on our interviews with World War II and Korean veteran Charles (Chick) Ames, a genuine American hero, who at 93 is still sharp as a tack with opinions to match. We’ll be in contact soon.

Class? The Right Stuff

Mike Huckabee long third for the GOP nomination contest (thus our pet name: Mike Heck of a three) has alas because just third rate these days. A case in point happened at this week’s appearance by Gov Huckabee at the NRA meeting and his reaction to a noise in the hall backstage. He joked, “That was Barack Obama falling off a stool; he thought we were going to shoot him”. Swift move Mike, an assassination joke is just what the country needs approaching the 40th anniversary of the murder of Robert Kennedy. Yet this kind of gaff by the right had only a fraction of the shelf life of Hillary Clinton’s reference to the same anniversary. And while the press jumped and twitched regarding their next news cycle, Robert Kennedy Jr. himself aid he took no offense to Mrs. Clinton’s remarks. Wonder if Barack Obama’s family in Republican world would have a right to be offended by Gov Huckbee’s “joke”?

RELIGION IN AMERICA; DUAL LOYALTIES

As a devoutly practicing Jewish American, there are multiple loyalties that I hold dear. My religion is first and foremost. It is the faith of my ancestors and the traditions that I hope to pass on to my children. This faith has held steadfast through thousands of years of horror, torture and pain as millions of Jews, men women and children, willingly gave up their life and kept their faith intact.
I believe that this devotion is what has kept us alive as a people. The idea that our religion has consistently meant more to us than life itself is one that defies reasonableness but defines our reason for being. Still throughout Jewish history the one unifying factor that has united all Jews, regardless of their knowledge of the Torah or their level of observance, has been their willingness to die for their faith.
My next loyalty is to the country that I live in, the United States of America. This wonderful country has made it possible for the first time in history for Jews to practice their faith freely, without the fear of persecution. The vision of our founding fathers of a great nation that is tolerant and accepting of all religions has truly changed the international landscape to the point where communism and authoritarianism are becoming more and more isolated, and will hopefully eventually wither away. I am and forever will be grateful to this country for allowing me to celebrate Shabbat, wear a Yarmulka, circumcise my son, and live as a Jew openly and proudly.
So when I hear influential people in the USA making statements that imply that Jews are not as welcome here as Christians it scares me. When I hear that “America is a Christian nation” and “let all Jews who don’t want to say merry christmas go back to Israel” it troubles me and should concern others. When US Presidents and their close advisers make subtle (and sometimes not so subtle) remarks that seem to blame the Jews for the problems that we face as a country, it scares me. It reminds me of the tribulations of my noble ancestors and how they reacted in the face of bigotry, and it makes me promise to do the same.
I fully believe that America will continue to be at the international forefront of democracy, and that we will always be able to live freely as Jews here. But if the day would ever come where I would have to choose between my religion and my country, the choice would be an easy one. And when I read the paper and watch the news and I see the anti-semitic bigotry being espoused, I think to myself…to which party to these people belong, both past and present? Just listen to the candidates and those whose endorsements they eagerly accept.

DOUBLE YOUR STANDARDS, DOUBLE YOUR NEWS FUN

John McCain and Hillary Clinton are united on at least one political position and that is that Barack Obama is somehow responsible in support of is pastor (we should say former pastor) of many years, Jeremiah Wright. We at the Faux question the Flux News bunch’s obsessive repetition of Reverend Wright’s idiocies although they don’t necessarily typify his 30+ years of sermons. Wright’s blights aside, it does seem a white Wright might have gotten far less replays; we’d be curious to know how many of the Flux News watchers are aware that one of then candidate Rudy Guiliani’s then inner circle, in fact the man who officiated at his marriage (one of his times) is a priest who is facing numerous charges as a child molester. Again in the arena of awareness, how many know that John McCain accepted, quite eagerly in fact, the endorsements of Pat Robertson, Jerry Falwell and John Hagee, “gentlemen” who take some interesting news when it comes to those they consider “different”. Mr. Robertson blamed 9/11 on homosexuals, as did Mr. Falwell who also went to his grave unapologetic for his condemnation of Jews as deficient people “not deserving of an afterlife”. And while Reverend Hagee, way back in 2006, (don’t forget Reverent Wright’s remarks date from 2001) emphasized (what he considered) the similarities between the agenda of Adolph Hitler and the “Roman Church”, you never see Flux News flexing these clips . . . That noted, Mr. McCain said he’s anti “anyone who’s anti anything” but . . . still maintained he “welcomed” Hagee’s endorsement. Again, no news clips on the Flux regarding this stuff but then Mr. McCain’s embrace of Mr. Hagee does goes all the way back to . . . 2008.

HOW WOULD AMERICA DO IF…

How would we make out as a nation in the next 8 years if we had a president who predictably wore a flag pin on his lapel but stood by as veterans benefits fell? What if we had one who talked about religion but avoided the real message of faiths (such as Christianity, Judaism etc.) which prioritize helping the neediest among us? How would America be doing if we had a president who regularly took care of himself with exercise and access to the country’s best health care but didn’t seem at all fazed by the fact that over 50 million Americans lack that level of support or often any health care at all? What if our president claimed to feel “compassion” for the economic hardship Americans faced while paying record gas prices but who would never consider passing a windfall profits tax on big oil, let alone cutting back on the subsidies that the oil industry now receives?
Answer; we’d get through 8 years of this okay. Haven't we already?

THE KRISTOL SHTIK

It was on the morning of Yom Kippur in Israel, in 1973 and the stakes couldn’t have been higher. Prime Minister Golda Meir met with the Minister of Defense Moshe Dayan and Israeli General David Elazar, and there wasn’t, in the opinion of Golda Meir and General Elazar, a bit of a doubt that Syria and friends planned to launch an attack, sooner rather than later, deeper rather than shallower and far, far deadlier than any previous such excursion. The most logical option to many in the know including Ms. Meir and General Elazar was a pre-emptive strike sure to save many, many Israeli lives, particularly those of the young soldiers who would take the brunt that comes with being on the defensive. There were considerations and these came in the form of the support and supply Israel needed to logistically wage the battle. With their previous European trading powers cowered by threats of an Arab oil blackmail Israel’s
survival was to a great extent, dependent on United States support. The U.S. led by Richard M. Nixon and his court capo Henry Kissinger, in no uncertain terms threatened Israel if they dared pre-empt with Mr. Kissinger warning that if Israel literally didn’t wait for the inevitable and damaging first strikes before answering back, that “we won’t send you so much as a nail”. In what had to be an agonizing, almost faustian bargain, Ms. Meir prevailed and Israel did nothing until after the lethal attacks which cost over 2,500 lives of her heroic young men and women in battle. No military historian disputed the disadvantage of being the one attacked but one current pundit who is most definitely not of a military background (however militarily he postures) William Kristol, recently called Richard M. Nixon a “defender of Israel”.

OH REALLY, WE’D HATE TO SEE THEIR DETRACTORS
Jon Stewart frequently refers to this neo-con pundit this way “Oh, Bill Kristol, are you ever right?” while we at the Faux refer to him differently, namely as a court capo for this administration. Incidentally, our current president who took until his eighth year in office to even visit Israel in support (Bill Clinton did it by his second) is also listed as another of Israel’s “defenders”. Speaking of Mr. Kristol, I assured a friend, before it was factually confirmed that Bill Kristol despite being of age and practical opinion did not serve in the Vietnam era army. The friend when his researching confirmed my judgment said that a leopard is not changing his spots: no in the case of Mr. Kristol it’s a jackal not changing his approach.

FRIDAY FAUXLOSOPHY

We must always be careful with the words that we say; trying to take back our words can be compared to taking cream out of coffee, to date an impossible feat.

COMMON SENSE, TAXED AGAIN

Another thought, and this taxes our common sense and it concerns those corporations who take their operations overseas for the purpose of keeping their profits overseas and thus defer paying taxes. Mr. McCain and other Republicans claim that if tax rates were lower in the U.S., businesses would move back here but what taxes our sense, is that since they’re paying no taxes overseas, how could we make our corporate tax rate “lower”. It’s a lot of nothing to think this problem of corporation’s living off Americans working in and for America isn’t something?

MORE NOT LOQUACIOUS BUT QUOTATIOUS FOLK

It’s easy to be economical in praise that is of the economical policies and approaches of John McCain and company. In one such instance, Ms. Carly Fiorina, a McCain campaign surrogate, when asked (as was Hillary Clinton) to name a single credible economist who supports the gas tax cut (remember we get all of .30 a day back, wow) said, “No, I can’t but I don’t think it matters”. Omigod, is McCain going to be a less knowledgeable president that George Bush? Is a Bush II light even conceivable?

SHE KNOWS OLD

Gertrude Noone is thought of as an authority on a number of issues because she’s seen a lot and absorbed a lot, and been around a lot. She was asked recently on her thoughts on Senators McCain, Clinton and Obama as candidates. Her opinions went something like this; on Barack Obama “he’s smart”, but believes he “makes too many promises”. Regarding Senator Clinton, Ms. Noone is impressed by Hillary’s energy and conditioning and talks in general about how she’s concerned that for all politicians “it’s all about money”. As for Senator McCain, “so far” she favors him feeling there’s something “presidential” about him but feels “he’s a little old”. And when Gertrude Noone calls someone “a little old”, we have to take note, as she was recently featured in a New Haven Register article honoring her on her 109th birthday . . . like we said, she knows old.

ALL THE NEWS THAT’S FIT TO TINT?

Birthdays are celebrated in different ways, benchmark ones like a 50th or 70th for instance might merit a big blowout or at least a party, but this week one such anniversary, Israel’s 60th in fact seemed to spur a critique. That’s right, a critique as the New York Times decided to focus on those Arabs who while being Israeli citizens with the right to vote, get health care, thrive in capitalistic enterprises et al., consider themselves “outsiders” in a Jewish state. In some respects the Palestinians and other Arabs have real issues and their lives are certainly influenced by Israel’s policies, but as we at the Faux frequently expound, there are complete sentences and complete truths and the two are not always the same.
The Times gets to some of the whole truths but interestingly adds a new wrinkle to our “complete sentence saying” by showing us there is no truth like timely truth. A case in point is the way in the very latter stages of the article some Israeli points of view are explained. Again, late in the narrative about Arab villages destroyed in 1947-48 it is correctly explained that local Arab’s and their militias initiated attacks against the first Jewish settlements and then, the Jewish settlers came back at them, hard. Mommy, they hit me back …happens.
Wars have been fought and literary careers have been launched to explain and reframe the conflicts between the Israelis, the Palestinians, and others Arabs, so we certainly won’t attempt a consummate discussion here. That said however, NYT, with all due respect and we do respect you, we’d like to suggest a future feature. One might discuss a Palestinian or other Arab run democracy which gives full voting and vesting rights to those Jews who live in their society. Another might center on, complete with all due disrespect, examples of Jewish suicide bombers, you know where Jewish parents hate the Arab children more than they love their own. We realize such articles might not be viable due to lack of available content. As far as the news that’s fit, we suggest you print on, and promise that on your next big anniversary to wish you an unfettered happy birthday.

FEE FI FOUR FAUXLOSOPHIES (THAT MAYBE SOME CANDIDATES CAN USE AS WELL)

1. Our change will keep working so you keep working.
2. We don't always need big government, but we sure need a governmentr which is capable fo coming up big.
3. Nothing says "high road" better than saying it low key.
4. We should worry less about happy endings than happy continuings.

SOME NEW BRIER PATCH BABBLING, FROM THE BROOKS?

What follows is a lethal but classic role reversal; For those of you dear readers who’ve never seen “Song of the South”, a Disney cartoon set in the ante-bellum South, it is for all its cultural distortions, a work worth seeing. At the center of it all is Uncle Remus, a wise and basically happy slave as perhaps he's anticipating getting his 40 acres and a mule but he has wisdom. Additional sages in this zippedee-do-dah of an animation are the animals (also happy and ostensibly liberated) the most savvy of whom is one Br’er Rabbit. This humble bunny, when actually captured, pulls off a mental coup worthy of any of the many of the right wing columnists who are “concerned” for the country that the Democratic nominees are doing irreparable harm to each other as a national candidate. That may well prove valid, but it isn’t what these people, particularly David Brooks fear for, it’s what they hope for. Now back to Br’er Rabbit whose persona has been co-opted by Brooks using his wiles to fool a bear (a less manipulative earlier version of O’Reilly?) and a rather mean spirited fox (he’s not yet in the news business). The Rabbit “begs” NOT to be thrown in the briar patch, where he can easily and speedily elude them. They, of course, do so and the plot continues.
So every time I see conservative pundits or news stations “troubled” by the unfair treatment of Hillary or giving “fair and balanced” exposure to Jeremiah Wright (yea, we haven't seen him enough), I keep thinking of that briar patch. Mr. Brooks’ current missive is a case in point as he struggles to figure out who would most likely lose to Mr. McCain so he can endorse him or her to that end. He’ll switch some more folks, because he hasn’t resolved in his own mind who is the most defeatable candidate whom he thus wants to recommend and because that’s in his pundit genes. Who can forget that he endorsed John Kerry for president, the first night of the Democratic Convention in 2004 and changed less than 24 hours later because, get this, he decided Mr. Kerry had a tendency to flip flop. So stay tuned to this folks, but beware of running along to this modern day op-ed “Song of the Mouth”. You see friends, folks like Mr. Brooks and brethren are getting shrewder and shrewder as they emulate Bre'er Rabbit duping the bear and fox who more truly represent them. But they don’t do swift boating of candidates (that’s for their thugs), instead they do briar patching, you’ll know by who they “endorse”.

THE NUMBERS ARE DOING A NUMBER ON MANY

From the recent news, here’s some stuff by the numbers. 73% of Americans disapprove of our President and only 21 % approve of his performance, the lowest rating since such polls have been done. But while he (Mr. Bush) is not done, many people’s savings are as their principle assets, their homes, have dropped 13% in value, on average. Oil’s well however for oil; profits were up 25% this past year at Shell and 63% at BP but profits are really spilling over(sorry, couldn’t help it) at Exxon Mobile which made FORTY BILLION dollars last year, not counting their subsides from Bush and company. So the fact that the number of families planning a summer vacation is at a 30 year low, should not surprise. Interestingly, the Clinton and McCain summer gas tax reduction also features a “30” of its own, namely that we’ll each save thirty whole cents a day. Talk about trying to buy voters on the cheap.

A TAXING TASK

Making the Bush tax cuts permanent as a means to achieve economic improvement and optimism, is like putting diabetics on a regular diet of hot fudge sundaes to cheer them up.

YOU CAN OFTEN GET A BETTER READ ON THINGS WHEN YOU DO READ

This is a brief story, as all ours are, of a journey and of perception. First, the journey which was taken by a Torah, which for now resides at the Central Synagogue, which is located at Lexington Avenue and Fifth Street. It’s the beginning of the scroll’s trip that is remarkable, which originated in the City of Oswiecim, Poland, later known as Auschwitz, where it was buried and thus hidden from the Germans. The men who did so perished in the concentration camp but word was passed on and over 60 years later, the Torah was discovered and is being restored. On April 30th, Holocaust Remembrance Day, The New York Times featured this remarkable narrative as the lead in its Metro Section. For those who naively believe the Times to be indifferent to Jewish issues, et al, it might help if you read the caringly written article of that day.
Another perception involves Barack Obama, and the increasingly annoying, and self-serving former minister of his, Jeremiah Wright. In the discussions I’ve had with folks about the sincerity of Mr. Obama’s “divorce” from his preacher, I’ve found no one who actually heard or read the entire text of his press conference this week. I hope this man (Mr. Wright) is in no way a swift reverend funded by the Senator’s opponents. Hopefully, those that judge will read, although a number of the news commentators judging by their comments, had not yet done so. And still, and this never ceases to amaze, so little attention given to two supporters of Senator John McCain, whose endorsement he did not and does not repudiate. Pastor John Hagee who has regularly denigrated Catholics and the late Jerry Falwell who until his dying day did the same regarding Jews. So just how do these men, Hagee and Falwell, both Caucasians, get a pass not given to the, as we said odiously annoying, and Black Mr. Wright; be there a different standard for the White stuff-it versus the Wright-stuff it.

FLORIDA TAKES LICENSE WITH RELIGIOUS IDENTITY

We at the Faux will be watching closely a current bill proposed before the Florida State legislature by Edward Bullard. This would-be ground breaking legislation is sure to cast shadows over the Sunshine State. Because this bill, it seems, would actually allow Christians in Florida to purchase a Christian license plate, complete with the symbol of the cross over a representation of a stained glass window and the saying “I believe”. Think of the fascinating effects this would have on road (rage?) relationships, and the decisions of traffic policemen (we can presume those without such a license don’t believe) among other things. It will be the first such official state recognition of a specific religion in the history of the United States, but if it passes, we predict certainly it will not be not be the last. Hey, even if it becomes the law, it will be optional, at least at first. It’s not like they’re making Muslims display crescents on their license plates or Jews the Star of David on theirs, although if they ever do make the display of the Jewish star mandatory for Jews, we suggest they avoid making the stars gold ones, and stay away from putting it on driver’s licenses and apparel.

SOME SUNDAY FUNDAY FAUX FACTS; HALL OF FAME EVENTUALLY GETS IT

The baseball establishment personified by the Hall of Fame, for those who don’t know, is legendarily conservative. Some years back, pre-Faux, they wanted to honor the great baseball movie “Bull Durham”, but without inviting back Tim Robbins and Susan Sarandon as they were deemed too left wing to grace the Cooperstown shrine. I previously wrote, in an Op-ed column forum, pointing out that all gains in baseball were made by turning left (on the base paths) and that the consensus greatest baseball player of all, Babe Ruth, hit and threw from the left side. I also noted that the greatest winning percentage by pitcher with 300 wins (Lefty Grove) and 200 wins or more (Whitey Ford) were by lefties, that Sandy Koufax’s biography was “Legacy of a Lefty”, and concluded by noting that the highest batting average in history (.367) was held by the left-handed batter Ty Cobb. For this attempt at erudition, I received several dis-like letters (or maybe they were hate ones) signed as always by those pillars of the American right, Anonymous. That family, by the way, has written me for years.
But this week, the Hall of Fame emulated our impression of conservatives and history, namely that they always get history but only after it’s become history. They did this on May 3rd when they honored Jackie Robinson by finally giving him a new plaque, recognizing that in 1947, that seems like awhile huh, he broke baseball’s color line. Way to finally get it Hall, but wasn’t such information available in 1962 when Jackie was first inducted into the Hall?

AS OF NOW, MR. OBAMA AND MRS. CLINTON STILL HAVE AN APPOINTMENT WITH THE CONTESTED RACE CARD

Barack Obama for some weeks now, especially in Pennsylvania has been, because he’s had to be, a campaign warrior, but he is anything but a happy warrior. His last victory of any substance was Wisconsin way back on February 22nd, with a way more crucial than originally supposed Indiana primary looming. There are nine more contests, with eight of them being popular vote primaries and while trying to figure who we want (we haven’t yet) it’s just as tough to figure who can recover best from this bruising, and yes, wounding contest. Our offerings: to Barack, accept you may have a stop loss situation before your tour of duty is complete; the battle could go for a while yet. And to Hillary we say, of course, you can rightly continue your possible sojourn to the nomination, but please know, it’s your duty to know when your possible tour has finished and be prepared to leave battles on the battleground.
There is this to remember: the increased Democratic registration has been unprecedented; forcing even the knee reflex right writer George Will to still expect a Democratic victory. This is a contested race, but we feel it’s more about the younger voter issue than the race issue. They may have to decide whether they are true to their ideals or one specific candidate, and ideals are meaningless unless at the end of the game, you show up and play, which means vote.

FRIDAY FAUXLOSOPHY

You will meet many many more people who are really friendly as opposed to those who are really friends.

COULD HILLARY BE MORE POPULAR NOW? OR WHO AS THE DOORS WOULD SAY INTO CAN “TOUCH ME NOW”

Right now the popular vote in the Democratic primaries so far is 14.3 million for Senator Obama and 13.8 million for Senator Clinton. But if you count Florida, which by law apparently Floridians have done, the lead becomes less than 300,000 with still some contests to go. Rep. Shella Jackson Lee (D) from Texas pointed out this past Sunday that she considers (and we at the Faux tend to agree) that the cup is half full or more, because more, a lot more people have shown up to vote in the Democratic primaries than any time in history. The question, so many seem to agree, is who of the three candidates (remember we’ve still got John McCain with the world’s best frozen smile) is most “in touch”. That, alas, seems to have political ads focusing on who’s most not in touch. Naturally they all have a story from Barack’s being raised by a single mother, to Hillary with her ground breaking journey (for a woman) from Yale Law degree to her very realistic presidential candidacy. And Senator McCain, the descendant of not one, but two Navy Admirals had to recover from a grievous stay in Vietnam as a prisoner of war. We wonder, though, if having married the very, very rich Cindy McCain (worth between 100 and 200 million dollars) when he calls the Obama’s and Clinton’s very well off, me thinks the gentleman pretexts too much.