FAUXLOSOPHY

prejudice has no greater enabler than short memories.

JOE PA, WE HARDLY KNEW YE

Irish philosopher Edmund Burke famously and correctly said “All that is necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing”. Whether former Penn State football coach Joe Paterno, an educated man in his own right was familiar with the writings of Mr. Burke, I cannot say. But such knowledge would have served him well. Failing that, he hopefully read “The Emperor’s New Clothes”, again with the same sad lesson. One you are aware of a crime you can’t become unaware. And I truly hope that other coaches, administrators and leaders who are facing a similar situation and test that Coach Paterno has failed, take heed.

A Nugget of Knowledge from Paul Krugman

Newt Gingrich was being described by Peggy Noonan in somewhat glowing terms for his supposed intellect and Paul Krugman said that Newt Gingrich is a stupid man’s idea of what a smart man sounds like. Say it, think it, and try not to laugh. That’s some nuggets – from the Krug.

Flight of Flitt

Flitt (you know him as Mitt) Romney has curiously decided not to show at events in Iowa preceding the Iowa primary. The Iowa governor says he thinks that’s an incredible mistake. It’s certainly a puzzling one. But no more puzzling than his attempt to make himself the “butt” of a joke when he falsely claimed, again as a joke, that a waitress pinched his rear-end in a New Hampshire restaurant. Well, talk about flying the campaign by the seat of your pants…

Your Vote Do Mean A Thing When It Does Got That Swing.

Right now according to almost every survey voters are fed-up with these “flat tax, enrich the rich” ideas. 70% in this country feel that Congressional Republican policies favor the wealthy. And 2/3rds say there should be an increase in taxes on millionaires. This could be as odious as 3%. Here’s the rub: their sentiments are admirable, their logic is correct, but they need to keep this intensity going just long enough to the first Tues in November of 2012 and actually go out and vote. If America votes like America thinks, especially in the key states, their vote will mean a thing - cause it will have that swing.

Luxury Foods - We’re Not Talking Peanuts

One of the staples of American diets, peanut, as in peanut butter, as in peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, is going up 40% in price. We’re told the average child will have 1,500 peanut butter and jelly sandwiches before graduating high school. We see these facts to be correct. What have you changed in the product to raise the price from $450 a ton and up to almost $1,200? That’s getting kind of crunchy - in the budget anyway. And maybe down the road peanut will be considered more of a luxury treat. But for now, price-wise, it’s not just peanuts.

Executive Traction

President Obama this week is issuing an executive order which he and his admin believe will stop the growing number of shortages of vital medicines. Many are used to treat life threatening illnesses including cancer and bacterial infections. He’s both offering help and rather “direct incentive” to drug manufacturers and wholesalers. It’s the first time since 1985 that a President has “become involved in FDA (Food & Drug Administration) issues,” but the fact is, people need these medications and we need executive action. Drugs for the following disease have been declared in short supply: Child Leukemia, breast and colon cancer, and a number of other infections. And some of these prices have risen between 15 to 100 times. For people who don’t want government to interfere, I think we want government to interfere when it’s our medicine. And that’s good medicine for us all to remember that we at times have to take.

A Republican In Favor Of Health Care – Mrs. Gingrich

To Mrs. Gingrich (the third lady who would be our First Lady), an important note: When Mrs. Gingrich (the first) got cancer, the eye of the Newt then began to wander and he cheated. When Mrs. Gingrich II got cancer the eye of the Newt wandered again and he spent 6 years with you auditioning for your current position as Mrs. Gingrich III. You must be in favor of health care and pro-active exams. Stay healthy. And if you should get the “C” word, don’t let him know.

Acting Like Half-Wits To Patrick Witt

The Rhodes scholarship committee in all its “wisdom” has decided the one day of the calendar year 2011 they can interview the Yale starting quarterback is the day of “The Game” (Harvard vs. Yale). Are you kidding us? The kid can’t change the day of the football game. He can’t change the fact that he’s the starting QB. And you’re saying he’s got to choose between taking a shot at a Rhodes Scholarship and playing his final game for Yale against Harvard? Mr. Patrick Witt transferred from Nebraska and has a 3.9 average in history and has a legitimate Rhodes Scholarship candidate. We wish the Rhodes Scholarship people had kept their wits about them regarding Patrick Witt.

A BLUE MOOD ON BARACK OBAMA’S PROSPECTS

Barack Obama is on vacation. And sure enough there’s a natural disaster – hurricane Irene – set to hit states on the east coast, all but two (Florida and S. Carolina) of which were blue states in the last election. Additionally, Washington had its first earthquake in 113 years this week. So with all the blue states about to be hit by a hurricane, one must ask themselves if a Republican president would not have been able to prevent this disaster from hitting the red states. Besides for the drout in the Midwest, the tornadoes in Texas, the raging forest fires in Arizona, oh never mind…lets return to blue mood Barack Obama, because the beauty of having a Democratic president instead of a Republican is that you can blame them for natural disasters. Mr. Obama, where is your leadership? Why cant you push Irene out to sea? You are supposedly in much better shape than John McCain was! Postscript; this will be our 10th(!) disaster of a billion dollars or more this year weatherwise. This could mean the lord is starting to show disapproval of this president, no? But wait, he was president for 2 years with no disasters, so maybe he actually doesn’t like the tea party and is showing what he thinks of their economics by letting heaven trickle down on us…

TREASONOUS JEW-BOY BRINGS MUCH STOCK JOY

Ben Bernanke, the “treasonous” chairman of the federal reserve, is at it again helping the American economy. By his pledging to help the markets regain momentum, we may actually have our first plus week in over a month. As we know, Gov. Rick Perry has recently claimed that the Ben Bernanke’s economic policies were “treasonous”. For the record, the punishment for treason is death, we think that might be a but harsh for a disagreement over fiscal policy. Nonetheless, Mr. Bernankes moves today were widely applauded, it helped the stock rally, helped many 401k’s, and definitely produced some all-around good. Lets remind Rick Perry that Mr. Bernanke has never been a secessionist.

HECK OF A JOB CLOWNIE

Such masters of human compassion as Eric Cantor and Dick Cheney and Rand Paul are complaining about the amount of money FEMA is spending to deal with the human and financial toll of hurricane Irene. Irene has been called one of the 10 greatest disasters in American history, and remarkably the preparedness of FEMA and the other government agencies have kept the death toll to a minimum. It’s a tragedy that anyone was lost, but consider Katrina, where we just stood by and let it happen. There were way too many deaths in New Orleans, a great city was destroyed, and well over 100,000 people were displaced, many of them permanently. Well, you can disregard Katrina if you are Michael Brown of “heck of a job, Brownie” fame (or as we call it “heck of a job, clownie), as he is one of those condemning the government for overreacting to Irene. Messrs. Paul, Cantor, Cheney and Brown are creatures of nature, so in that sense they are natural disasters. Heck of a job clownies!

TAKING STOCK ON THE TEABAGGERS

The stock market had its first up week in months this week and now it’s at the highest level since before the major drop in August, and it’s still having good days. Perhaps it’s because the teabaggers are out of Washington, when they return we have no doubt the market will go down. So when taking stock in the teabaggers, remember that their greatest asset is their absence.

MUCH LESS GOOD AND PAWLENTY

Presidential candidate Tim Pawlenty is a candidate no more. He has dropped out of the race after placing a distant third in the Iowa straw poll. This is a non-official poll whose winners have often failed to gain traction in the actual presidential election. Tim Pawlenty was the one Republican who was the Governor of a blue state (Minnesota) and had a reputation for working well with the Democrats, which is probably why the tea baggers won’t vote for him. Columnist George Will (of “when there’s a will there’s a sway” fame) wrote that Pawlenty was one of only two logical Republican candidates, the other being Indiana Governor Mitch Daniels who also won’t run (This makes Mr. Will 0-2). We were hoping down the road to have more “good and Pawlenty” but it seems we are doomed to not having a farthing of bipartisanship. Clearly, that’s what this Republican party wants, heaven help us if that’s what they get.

A PERRY POOR IMITATION, “G” WHIZ

Watching Rick Perry and listening to Sarah Palin brings back certain speech memories of George W. Bush. Because these folks seem to hate the letter G. They are about campaignin’, speakin’ readin’ (oops, we forgot…they don’t do much of that), huntin’, fishin’, and just plain not G’ing. What is the zen about not being able to pronounce the G at the end of words? It gets us thinkin’…

THEY DON’T REVERE REVERE

THEY DON’T REVERE REVERE

It seems the conservative crowd, with all their supposed love of patriotism and the revolution, doesn’t particularly revere, well, Paul Revere. Because yesterday they attempted to rewrite the history of his ride on Wikipedia for the purposes of making it match Sarah Palin’s version (hey, if you don’t know history, redo history). Sarah Palin should know history; she studied it at five or six different colleges. So she has quite the history, and we are confident we will be seeing more of her history, as she says it and they attempt to re-write it. And folks, you know what’s really interesting? Sarah Palin wasn’t asked about Paul Revere, she was asked by the reporter “what did you see and what did take away from today”. Meaning, she actually volunteered inaccuracies, as she so often does. So will they succeed in redoing the history on Sarah Palin’s history? I am sure Wikipedia will have an update.

MASCOT MONIKER

We wish to thank again our contestants attempting to "Name the Fox" representing Real Fox News. Some of our favorites were "Righteous and Trixie and Swiper" but the winner is and should be "Scooter" and hence worth our bushy tailed guy shall be known as Scooter L. Fox. Congratulations to Penn. Bryce who came up with the winning name. He will receive his prize, 2 Yankees tickets.

MEMORIAL DAY MISSIVE FROM REAL FOX NEWS

It is the VETERAN, not the preacher, who has given us freedom of religion It is the VETERAN, not the reporter, who has given us freedom of press It is the VETERAN, not the poet, who has given us freedom of speech It is the VETERAN, not the campus organizer, who has given us freedom to assemble It is the VETERAN who serves under the Flag THANKS TO RICHARD WHO IS SEAWORTHY

THE COMPANY THAT COMPANY KEEPS/BELIEVES

We have all heard the homily that you are judged by the company that you keep. But we’d like to expound upon that thought. And that is you are also judged by the company who’s beliefs you keep/trust. We are referring of course, as Real Fox News to the “other” Fox News. Because here’s the thing gang, our President, our joint chiefs of staff and our unbelievably brave Navy SEAL’s (not to mention DNA evidence) all confirm that Osama Bin Laden is dead and gone. Yet, a certain company, Fox News, had their doubts. They wanted picture proof, as if that would satisfy all of them anymore than our presidents long form birth certificate did. But alas, now comes (for the Fox folks at least) the undeniable voice of truth, Al Qaeda who recently acknowledged what almost everyone else understood, that Osama’s “bin Laden” to rest. And now Fox has the company they can keep and believe, and by whom we believe they should be judged.

A YOUNG GRAHAM CRACKER

Billy Graham’s son (jr.) was on “This Week” and by golly, even though he wont say it, he is obviously a Sarah Palin fan as well as a birther. He claimed Barack Obama could put an end to this by just showing the birth certificate. What is it with these people that keep claiming that? Its been shown again and again! Its an issue they will never allow to be put to rest, because they created it and cant lose it now. Its as if they would claim he is purple and require him to prove otherwise. Its sad to see this, because Billy Graham Sr. has come a long way since his anti semitic remarks in the office of Richard Nixon, his son however has fallen far from the current tree and gone back to the earlier tree. It was not a great moment for religious introspection in America to hear the young Mr. Graham talk, and we dont mean to be wise-crackers!

FAMILY VALUES AND THE AIDS PIMPED WIFE

FAMILY VALUES AND THE AIDS PIMPED WIFE

Senator John Ensign on Nevada has long been the subject of an investigation. His problems began when this (not) family values candidate began an affair with his aide’s wife. Most fascinating is that after his aide Doug Hampton found out there was a fallout, as one might imagine. First, Mr. Hampton had been his best friend. Secondly, the affair went on for quite a while, having both passion and length. Thirdly, Mr. Ensigns family paid the mortgage on the home of Mr. Hampton and (for a while) this went away. Quite simply, Mr. Hampton pimped his wife! If not for the fact that the candidate running against Ensign is significantly worse, I think it would be quite obvious which way this family values candidate would be heading.

ONE WILE KYL

ONE WILE KYL

Senator Jon Kyl (R-AZ) has pointed out in the “budget” debate that planned parenthood allocates 90% of their budget to providing abortions. Actually, the real number is 3%. When questioned on it, his office responded “he never meant his statement on it to be factual”, which brings us back to Colbert’s famous statement “beware of facts, they are known to have a liberal bias”. We say beware of Republican numbers, they are about as real as “genuine plastic”. How incredible that a US Senator uses statistics in a debate in the senate chamber, and then argues that they are not meant to be factual! But it should not surprise us…after all he is Republican, and from Arizona.

HERE’S A GASSER, WILL WE ALL SWOON FROM BOONE?

HERE’S A GASSER, WILL WE ALL SWOON FROM BOONE?

There is a bipartisan bill before the house right now that is sponsored by 2 Democrats and 2 Republicans. Its called the “Boone Pickens” bill and it encourages a subsidy towards drilling domestically for natural gas. The feeling is that tax incentives, while only enough to cover 140,000 trucks, would cut our OPEC dependency in half. Every president since Richard Nixon has called for energy independence. This actually would be a big step, it would be a “gasser” (as in natural gasser), and even though T. Boone Pickens is known as an oil man he has been a steady advocate for use of natural gas. Besides he’s a billionaire many times over and 82 years old so he might actually have some reflective selfless view for some of this. Imagine cutting away half of OPEC imports, truly we can all swoon from Boone.

THE MODERATE RICHARD NIXON

THE MODERATE RICHARD NIXON

Richard Nixon was elected President in 1968 after being defeated by JFK in 1960. He crushed George McGovern in his re-election in 1972 but of course had to resign shortly after due to the Watergate scandal. At the time, he was thought to be one of the most right wing presidents ever. But watching the Republicans move the bar further and further to the right gives us pause when we think of what Nixon would be considered today. To explain; 2 states in the US, Texas and Utah, have speed limits of 80 mph. Republicans feel that isn’t fast enough and want to raise the limit in Texas to 85 mph. It was Nixon that said we have to limit dependence on foreign oil and created the speed limit of, get this, 55 mph! We also cant forget his opening a relationship with communist China, and introducing title 9 which allows women to get recognition on the sports field. This makes us think that the right wingers of the past, would be “blue dog Democrats” today. And if you happen to be driving through Texas, keep an eye on the rear view mirror. Do the same while looking at the political direction of this country.

EQUAL OPPURTUNITY IDIOCY

EQUAL OPPURTUNITY IDIOCY

In France, they have just outlawed the wearing of veils for Moslem women. While personally I don’t consider that a great fashion statement, that isn’t our call to make. Many Moslem women feel that the veil is a sign of respect for G-d. We tell all Christians and Jews to pay heed; the day can easily come again when they make Jews remove those Yarmulkas from your head. It’s a slippery slope and it ends in a muddy muck. Its pure bigotry towards the Moslem women, and doesn’t say much for the morality of the French people. Especially as other nations will no doubt follow.

REAL FOX FAUXLOSOPHY

REAL FOX FAUXLOSOPHY

The sign of how polarized our nation is, can be seen by how polarized the truth is.

UCONN, UCANN

UCONN, UCANN

An unbelievable year has just concluded for the UConn basketball program. The women seeking a third championship made it to the final four but went no further after being eliminated by a hot and deserving Notre Dame team. The men had a run that was so improbable that the laws of probability themselves were challenged. They completed a 14-0 tournament on neutral sites for Coach Jim Calhoun’s third national championship. Its puts them in elite company and this year goes into the category of elite years. No doubt Coach Calhoun appreciated his elite team in ’99 and ’04, but I think in his heart of hearts he would say about this year “I never had a better one”.

THE FINAL FOUR AND PRAISE FOR ALL GALORE

THE FINAL FOUR AND PRAISE FOR ALL GALORE

As a UConn booster having just come back from the final four, needless to say I am one happy guy. The run our team had this season may not be matched again for a generation. But I have to say, while in the hotel I was charmed by some lovely classy folks from VCU (Virginia Commonwealth) who were constantly being talked about on ESPN as not belonging in the tournament. Clearly ESPY was wrong and VCU was GREAT in the tournament, making it to the final four. While I am not a VCU alumni, I am now an official supporter and I advise ESPN’s Dick Vitale to come speak at the VCU dinner and rehash what they did wrong, and more importantly what they did right.

SIGNS OF THE TIMES

SIGNS OF THE TIMES

In Houston (TX) I saw a truly remarkable billboard. As you know people like to have letters and numbers to form words and help catch your attention and in this case avoid detention. This billboard showed a criminal defense attorney whose phone number is 713-wasnt-me.

FOR A MORE PERFECT (OR LESS IMPERFECT WORLD)

FOR A MORE PERFECT (OR LESS IMPERFECT WORLD)

Politics today has become, well, so political. And by any other standard in PKR (Pre Karl Rove) era, I would be a middle of the road person, sometimes voting Democrat and sometimes Republican, as I have voted both in the past. But things have gotten so extreme, that what used to be called the middle is now called by those that wish to attack it “the far left”. That said, how do we make it a less imperfect world? Two things that makes it more imperfect is 1. confusing terms and 2. People who claim to know G-ds plans. To be continued…

MICHELLE BACHMANN, A HISTORIC MIND

Speaking in New Hampshire Congresswoman Michelle Bachmann a leading tea partier who is frequently mentioned as a potential presidential candidate congratulated the people of that state for their "contribution to the American revolution" when she noted that was where the "shot heard round the world was fired". This surprised many in the audience, as well as the people of Massachusetts...where the American revolution actually began. Why is it that it seems that so often every tea bagger who would want to shrink the budget for our country's education, proves whenever they speak just how much there is still to learn?

THE GOOD BOOK GETS “GOODER”

For the benefit of those most ideologically driven politically particularly those on the right, and for those who are fundamentalist religiously driven changes have been made in the Bible. One fascinating one we found was taking out the word “booty” and replacing it with “riches”. Some things never change except when slang and laughter make them change. If you want to get the guide in advance for the next 100 years as to how responsive the ideological and fundamentalist folks can be the “cliff notes” are already available by former NBA star Dennis Rodman, who titled his own biography “Bad as I want to be”. Because those that are so driven by ideology and fundamentalism can look at Dennis Rodman’s  book and know that they are going to be “fair as they gotta be”. I hope the good book keeps getting gooder.

THE DIABETES BELT – AND IT’S A LARGE ONE

The CDC has identified a portion of the USA which is not overly petite. Its called the diabetes belt. Its mainly deep south and lower Midwest states e.g. Mississippi, Alabama, and Louisiana etc. The grand news is this; whatever they have missed in nutritional education, they have sadly not missed in meals. The national average of diabetes is 8.5%, and in these regions its over 11%. They might want to listen to this government study, because this belt can tighten and it can strangle. Anyone who makes light of diabetes its because they have never had it seen it or read about it. What these people need is education and culinary discipline. Of course, all this has to do with facts which as we all know (and out friend Stephen Colbert says often) have a liberal bias.

BECKERHEAD ALERT

Glen Beck recently said that Michelle Obama has 43 people on her staff and Nancy Reagan only had 3. Apparently the only thing wrong with Mr. Beck and the Beckerheads that follow him is math because records show they were identical.

POLLS APART FROM REASON

Here’s the latest result of the NBC News/Wall Street Journal Poll; 79% of Americans think that government workers should have the same collective bargaining rights as unions and only 19% say no. They however feel that workers should contribute in the following ways; 68% feel that contributions should be made to raise their retirement, 63% said they should raise their healthcare contributions and 58% said one year salary freeze. The poll continues; how to balance deficits, the most unacceptable ways they say are cutting Medicare, Social Security, and kindergarten through 12th grade education. And the most acceptable ways are eliminating tax credits for oil and gas industries, eliminating earmarks for congress. And the number one most acceptable way would be going out the millionaire tax. Well you weren’t paying attention folks because not enough of you voted in the last election. But I think your heart’s in the right direction. It does show that the Tea Party people are polls apart from reason.

PROOF THAT SOME PEOPLE HAVE TOO MUCH MONEY, THE HAIR APPARENTLY

A lock of Justin Bieber’s hair went for somewhere between 15 and 40 thousand dollars (accounts differ) but these accounts should lose no accounting for what folks think is worth spending on. Not that we have a country and a world where there is some poverty, hunger and suffering, but if the heavens want proof  that there is economic disparity and too much funny money rolling around in people’s lives the answer is the hair apparently.

BRUTAL BILLIONAIRE BASTARDS

BRUTAL BILLIONAIRE BASTARDS

Guess how rich Moammar Kadafi is after having looted the Libyans’ for only 4 decades. Many claim he's worth in the range of 32 billion dollars, but that’s not even a billion a year since he’s done that for 40 years. Still keeping in mind what J. Paul Getty said many years ago when he was worth billions when no one else was; you have to remember a billion doesn’t go as far as it used to. But speaking of bumbling billionaire bums; Ousted Egyptian president Hosni Mubarak is worth 70 billion. Now these assets are hidden in various banks and properties around the world as the forces of Egyptian democracy and others are attempting to seize them as is the US with Libyans. But 70 Billion and he did that in only 30 years. Kadafi, you have something to learn from Hosni.

THE AYE OF THE NEWT

Newt Gingrich has said yes to an exploratory committee which might mean he would give another yes to running for president. That’s what this country needs, a man who can head the government while devoted to shutting it down. We can’t wait and we hope the aye of the Newt says aye, aye and all aboard, this guy is fun.

FROM THE STOCKHOLM SYNDROME TO THE SUCKED-IN-SYNDROME

For those who haven’t heard the term Stockholm syndrome, long story short is when folks imitate the very captors who own them, take advantage of them and control them. And that has a lot to do with American politics but in a different form which we shall call the sucked-in-syndrome. Every person of moderate means who cheers the Republican attack on unions, needs to remember virtually all private worker advances came from union advances. They need to realize that a balanced budget achieved without billionaires paying a few extra percent (poor babies) means that services for their own parents and their children are affected, often drastically. One time I heard a very well to do Democratic voter arguing with a person who made a very moderate income (he was a Republican voter) saying something I will never forget “we have a wonderful synergy. Every election I vote your economic interests and you vote mine”. There is the magic of the Republican party, they get people to vote in large against their own economic interest and there is the failure of the Democratic party, they fail to get them to recognize it, thus the Sucked-in-Syndrome.

THE SLAVERY OF MYTH

There is a book named The Fiery Trial, the subject is Abraham Lincoln and American slavery, the author is Eric Foner and said author was recently on the Colbert Report and talked about what Lincoln learned during his presidency and listening to Mr. Foner was quite a learning experience as well. Playing as the conservative foil, Stephen Colbert said the civil war was about tariffs, states rights and basically economic issues. When in fact Mr. Foner pointed out that the South Carolina declarations concession was that they felt it was “no longer safe for slavery since Lincoln had been elected president".  We learned that Mr. Lincoln had not gone into the presidency determined to abolish slavery, but the south conceding gave him the chance. Another, be careful what you wish for moment; the obviously, how succeeding did not succeed. Although, in some ways, at least parts of it act as if it had. And recently Governor Rick Perry of Texas talked again about succeeding, but that said how many black men with folks out there in Fauxvia nation actually served in the Civil War? I thought it was a few thousand, it was actually 200,000. But again, as Stephen Colbert has said in the past; facts have such a liberal bias.

THE UN-IMMACULATE CONTRACEPTION

The State of Texas is at it again, using that special logic that only they can use. They recommend abstinence as a method of preventing pregnancy (“abstinence works” as quoted by Governor Rick Perry). They have also made it more and more difficult to get contraception and claim the results speak for themselves. And the results definitely do; they have the third highest teen pregnancy rate among all states in the country. But beyond that they have the HIGHEST RATE of repeat teen pregnancies. Thus you have to abstain from thinking to think that young people will abstain from having sexual relations and it is a very un-immaculate contraception plan that has some very tangible and long range damage in itself. But not to the conservative males who keep such laws in place.

THE LAST 20 BULLETS CONTINUED

Former Major League pitcher and manager Dallas Green showed up as he was expected to at the Philadelphia Phillies training camp in Clearwater, Florida. He is special advisor to the team and was in fact the manager of their first ever world championship in 1980. He is a big tough guy, but the random tragedies of this world have hit him below the belt as they can hit any of us, as his beloved daughter Christina Taylor Green was the youngest victim of the shooting in Tucson this past month. She was not hit in the first wave of bullets, that was for target Gabby Giffords; she was hit later on when the shooter with a 33 bullet magazine could keep shooting. Green addressed it; “I don’t have a glock, or whatever it is, I don’t have a magazine with 33 bullets in it” he continued “ that doesn’t make any sense to me be able to sell those kinds of things, I guess I never thought about it until this happened. What reason is there to have all those kinds of guns out there and to kill people? I just don’t understand that". Our minds and our hearts and our questions as well are with Dallas Green, we don’t understand it either, especially when your loss involves the last 20 bullets.

Fox naming

Fox naming

Attention all Fauxvians: Due to a theft the name Faux News Network was no longer viable but we able to secure realfoxnews.com and with it our own fox to watch the hen house. But alas, this fox has not yet been named and/or titled. To that end we welcome your suggestions and should we use your input you will receive 1. our gratitude and 2. a pair of NY Yankees box seats for a game to be determined this season.

OUR PREZ TREASURES YET ANOTHER YEHUDI

David Cohen was just hired as the new secretary of treasury by Barack Obama. For that small but very, very vocal sliver of Jews that are suspicious of him, this shows his remarkable cleverness in that he will basically hire all the Jews in the public service market to be able to control their opinions. Or maybe because he really thinks they are the best person best job. Na, that will never sell. Oh by the by Mr. Cohen replaced Stuart Levy.

THE WEBS WE WEAVE

They advertise that the Broadway show Spiderman is the most ”talked about” show in Broadway history. True enough, in a related development the Titanic is the most talked about ship in the luxury cruise industry.

BIGGER TO BE SURE, BUT IS IT WORTH THE WEIGHT?

As we approach Super Bowl (45) XLV, writer Jere Longman of the New York Times pointed out an interesting trend for those who have the Super Bowl Championship as the center of their sporting year. The players have gotten better and certainly bigger. But is it worth the weight? Consider the heaviest player on the Packers in Super Bowl 1 was Ron Kostelnik, he was a defensive tackle weighing 250 lbs. There are 13 members on the Packers now who weight more than 300. And here how it’s gone league –wise; in 1970 one player in the league weighed 300, there were three 300 pounders by 1980, ten years later. There were 94 in 1990, 300 in the year 2000 and as the teams opened last year there were 532 players in the league weighing 300 lbs or more. We’re not sure if anyone checks these guys medically, but instead of saying supersize me, they may want to go back to their families and saysupervise me.

GEE WHIZ GE

President Obama has appointed CEO of GE, Jeffrey Immelt as head of the President’s Advisory Board. It is an attempt to reach out toward businesses and his poll numbers are in fact sharply Independents. 58% do and 40 % don’t in fact feel that Obama understands the problems of this country, a really solid high for him. That said, you’ve got to say, gee whiz GE, because they did take billions of dollars from the Fed in the bailout, they do have most of their profitable subsidiaries offshore and wind up getting a huge tax refund. But we want to hope for the best and we believe that GE Chairman, Jeffrey Immelt will be loyal to his job and his president and who knows maybe even loyal enough to keep some more jobs here and pay some more honest taxes. So we are going to hold up on saying; oh, gee GE and see what happens.

WHERE THERE’S A WILL THERE’S A SWAY, ON THE STATEMENT OF THE UNION

We have to thank George Will for actually giving us some factual knowledge we did not know as he spins the rising popularity of our president. But what we do know and he pointed out that between Thomas Jefferson and Woodrow Wilson the State of the Union was a statement of the union, (our words not his) literally a written copy was sent over to congress, it wasn’t given in person. Nice to know, we never claimed Mr. Will was knowledgeable, we’ve always claimed he was the expert of the erudite sentence, just not the erudites complete truth.

FRIDAY FAUXLOSOPHY

On American extreme politics, does being fearful cause us to act stupidly, or does being stupid cause us to be fearful?

SO GOES JOE DOZE

Fittingly even before Senator Joe Lieberman was to hold his press conference to announce whether he would run or not word already leaked out that he would not run. So figuratively there would be no drama and you could sleep through the conference, but then again, which one of Joe’s conferences or speeches couldn’t you sleep through? We again renew our latest addition to the drug industry, “Joe Doze” assorted tapes of the senator’s career - guaranteed to cure the most hard core insomniac. It would be like counting 10 to 1 backwards when they give you whatever that IV stuff is, you won’t make seven. So while Joe Doze now goes we still have his tape for prosperity and they can help ease the evenings of restless Americans. That, and the fact that he won’t run again.

MISSING WOMAN

No doubt all the news agencies, real or faux, be it NBC, MSNBC, Fox News, Faux news or the real Fox News (www.realfoxnews.com) will all unite that everyone of them must be alert to a serious situation where a lovely young woman, an honor student from Union Academy has gone missing. Her name is Phylicia Simone Barnes; she has been missing since December 28, 2010 in Baltimore. She had left the apartment and according to her half sister has not been seen since. So why are we just focusing on it now? Well it has been reported in the local media in Baltimore and it has been on NBC as well as CNN but it has little legs Nationwide. Why is this? Why isn’t a high school student, honor student, straight A student beautiful young woman, why isn’t this missing white woman getting more attention? I mean who can forget the attention given to Natalie Holloway, this is crucial stuff. Why, we repeat isn’t there more effort to find this beautiful, bright accomplished missing white woman? Police Chief Anthony Guglielmi of Baltimore has a theory and we have a confession, this missing white woman is not a missing white woman she is a missing black woman. So what’s the story? Well maybe the story is the lack of story and we fervently hope this young lady is found safe and we also hope people look at our news, our interest level, our thought process that makes the disappearance of Phylicia Barnes such a late breaking and we sadly predict short-lived story. I guess for the next unfortunate missing lady of similar profile, better luck in the coverage and gene department.

THE INSANITY (IN)DIFFERENCE

Question; is there any record of any of the gun shops, let’s say particularly in Arizona having ever reported to police that there is person here who seems obviously deranged looking to buy a gun with an extended clip and we won’t sell it to him. It would warm my heart to know that those who so fervently live, sell and prosper by the second amendment also have some regard for the sixth commandment, thou shall not kill. If there are any such records I’d love to hear them, but so far haven’t heard of any.

JOB LOSS, THAT’S A GOOD JOB BY OUR GOVERNMENT

Our government is supposed to create jobs but sometimes by eliminating jobs you show that they have helped create and maintain life. Example; Philip Morris is the largest cigarette manufacture in the country; they are going to be giving people buy-outs to trim their employee force of 2600. Keep that number in mind because at one point their work force was 15,000. Don’t think cigarette smoke is dropping? And of course that is loss jobs for late care practitioners and for undertakers, but it has increased jobs for people who sell everything else (food, clothes etc.) these people eat and use and consume as they live on. So this is a job loss again which shows by the US Government is a good job, the smoking campaign has worked and it needs to keep on working.