FRIDAY FAUXLOSOPHY

With intolerance threatening to rule the debate and the day in the Republican discussions on immigration, we offer this Friday Fauxlosophy:
Is there any greater inheritance we can leave to future generations than tolerance?

HAPPY HOLY DAYS TO A SHRILL O’REILLY

We’re coming up on the 3rd anniversary of some very memorable, if not laudable words spoken on a show called “The O’Reilly Factor”, hosted by Bill O’Reilly. Truth be told, seems more like “The Fracture” to us. In any event, the subject remarks which caused an outrage among some (the few, the proud) Jews and non-Jews, as well, were as blunt as they were vicious. That many didn’t notice or weren’t offended by the offensive gives us pause because the words and the sentiment behind them were clear and went like this “All Jews, who don’t want to say Merry Christmas, should go back to Israel”. The ADL rightly objected and if Mr. O’Reilly ever apologized, we never heard it. And speaking of apologies and . . . spin zoners, I suppose the lovers of Bush and “The Fracture” might spin it that they love Israel so much, they want to help increase the population, right.
Wonder if O’Reilly and like minds know, or want to know, that the root word of Holidays as in “Happy Holidays”, is in fact “Holy Days”. Now we know that many Jews tolerate this administration’s apologists, of which O’Reilly is certainly one; we just don’t know how a proud Jew can.

GUNS (AND THIS TIME) NO POSES DEPT.

New York City is on pace to have less than 500 murders for the calendar year of 2007. And of these
w e l l u n d e r 1 0 0 w i l l h a v e b e e n by strangers, and this is in a city of over 8 million people. Talk about a death wish for those opposing gun control laws because New York does have in place ones which impose a mandatory year in jail for a first time offense for carrying an unlicensed firearm. That noted, is it possible then that many, many fewer guns have resulted in many, many fewer gun deaths? Is it as logical and simple as that? Especially since most of the victims, in fact, over 80%, (police statistics confirm this) are killed by people they knew, or thought they did. That given, future crazy ideas to be addressed on the Faux include the idea that less super size eating will result in fewer super sized people. And further that more efficient vehicles use less gas which will mean fewer petrol dollars to our petrol enemies. Well, from the Guns and Poses Dept., it’s a shot in the dark anyway.
In closing, we really do need to mention Fred Thompson’s recent criticism of our own Rudy for such radical statements as “Guns and automobiles should both be registered”. Faux Law And Order man Thompson then pointed out that New York City is not emblematic of the rest of the country and he’s right; New Yorkers are shooting and killing way, way, way fewer of their fellow citizens than just about every other city in America.

OUR THANKSGIVING FRIDAY FAUXLOSOPHY

The goal of all who can, should be to help the under privileged and guide the over privileged.

HEARD AGAIN FROM THE TOWER OF BABBLE-ON: DAVID BROOKS

Mr. Brooks has done it again, and he’s done it by emulating one of OUR PRINCIPLES: namely that complete sentences are OK in lieu of complete truths. This past week, he wrote in defense of what would be (based on the whole truth) the indefensible, namely Ronald Reagan’s presidential campaign kickoff in 1980 at the lush media center known as Philadelphia, Mississippi. You see, aw shucks, Ronald Reagan didn’t mean nothing by it, nothing racial anyway; his support of “State Rights” weren’t no code just a get together of plain, regular locals, many of whom were Klansmen to be sure, but hear us out, there’s (at least) two slides to every story. Well, OK, Philadelphia was the sight of the torture murders in what has come to be known as the “Mississippi Burning” story and the FBI report confirms that the Klan meeting on the eve of that crime opened with the statement that “tonight we’re going to get a couple of Jew boys”, but that could just be some local folksy thing, maybe their own code pronunciation for “you boys”. Anyway, years later when he honored the German SS at Bitburg, Mr. Reagan explained that he understood these may have been young SS and that considered, d o w e r e a l l y know how mature the Klansmen involved in the Mississippi murders actually were? And anyway, the once chairman of the Republican National Committee, Ken Mehlman, attempted to right things for the right by admitting “Some Republicans gave up on winning the African-American vote, looking the other way or trying to benefit politically from racial polarization”. And, in fact, Mehlman got right on that, making this declaration in 2005, only a quarter century after Mr. Reagan’s speech.

And when the good old boy Republican Committeeman from Mississippi noted that this speech of Reagan’s would help gain the support of “George Wallace inclined voters”, as the fact obsessed Paul Krugman recently wrote, what could young Klansmen do, Wallace wasn’t running any longer, for president anyway.
So the lesson here is quite clear; it’s OK for political gain for a politician to employ racism, to encourage racism, and to benefit from racism as long as he doesn’t personally exhibit racism. And all we can think each time such a crafty, nuanced and especially shrewd approach is used to excuse Mr. Reagan’s use of such tactics is Reagan’s own signature remark to Jimmy Carter in their debates: “there you go again”.

SEVEN SCORE AND FOUR YEARS AGO

November 19th, 2007 marks the 144th anniversary of Abraham Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address. Long before an internet age when all is recorded and rehashed, Mr. Lincoln predicted that “they will little note nor long remember what we say here”, but the nation and history obviously did. Also ironically this speech for the ages which began with so elegant a chronology “FOUR score and SEVEN years ago” is now SEVEN score and FOUR years old, and hasn’t aged a bit. Would that the current leaders of the Republican Party who so repeatedly play on Mr. Lincoln’s name at some point, exhibit a fraction of the progressively, fairness and dare we hope, eloquence of their great predecessor.

THIS WEEK’S FRIDAY FAUXLOSOPHY:

Is of a “Jeopardy” nature, but not in jeopardy.

ANSWER: Abraham Lincoln
QUERY: Who is the only Republican President in history Fox News wouldn’t endorse.

JUDGING BARRY BONDS, AW BE FLAXIBLE

That’s right “flaxible” because Barry Bonds says he really thought the stuff he was taking was flaxseed oil, not steroids, no way. You see he heard there was this stuff which, if you rubbed it on, gave you acne, swelled your head, made your hair fall out and shrunk your testicles and he thought, as would any thinking guy, man where can I get some of that. And besides others have had stimulants to enhance them; Babe Ruth beer, Roger Maris cigarettes and Henry Aaron, well, he was just a talented, low key human being, but he may have had wine with dinner. So we believe you Barry, now go and flax your muscles, and review your testimony, because your next uniform number may also be enhanced.

THE CROSS-HAIRS, CARCASS, CANVAS, CAUCUS DEPT.

As people try to canvas the vote on the key primary in Iowa, the quote of the week belongs to former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee. Responding to the fact that he was now the object of other Republican’s criticisms (he’s been rising in the polls) he spoke from his hunter’s turf as follows, “You never put the cross-hairs on a dead carcass”. Which puts a little perspective on the targeting by Republicans and most all Democratics (except maybe her logical VP nominee New Mexico Governor Richardson) of Hilary. She’s the biggest game, she’s the livest game, and we’ll see in the forthcoming debates if she continues to have game.

OOPS RUDY CAN’T RECALL! OH WELL, JUST A KERIKAL ERROR

Rudy Giuliani’s former police commissioner, Bernard Kerik, surrendered last week to a variety of federal indictments. These include corruption and tax violations and lead people to question Rudy Tuesday’s judgment as to potential cabinet appointees when he’s sworn in as the 911th, we mean 44th president. It seems city inspectors advised the then hizzoner that Mr. Kerik had an obvious conflict of interest as he worked for a corporation trying to generate some lucrative contracts with NYC for work involving its prison system, and Rudy says he did, in fact, have a meeting with the inspector but as to the exact content on Mr. Kerik’s conflicts, he just can’t recall. He can’t recall, perfect because now at least we know one of Mr. Giuliani’s cabinet members: Alberto Gonzales, the man who could never recall, for Attorney General.

THE A ROD ALL TIME A PLAN

Many have been giving Mr. Rodriguez grief for opting out of his contract with the NY Yankees d u r i n g the seventh inning of the concluding World Series game, denying the Red Sox their due celebrative attention. To those who say he went too far, we say he didn’t, considering His needs (and are any others as important) go far enough, and to that end, we’ve some suggestions. First he should announce his choice of a new team during the Super Bowl, preferably during a tense drive in the second half. Second, his new contract should have two “opt out” dates, the first to be November 7th, 2008, and the second January 20, 2009. That way, he can interrupt the ’08 national elections, and, if he so chooses (and he will) also be a talking point on Inauguration Day. Then A Rod will be the A-vent, the A-topic and thus the biggest A of all time.

NO LAPELS SAY IT JUST AS WELL

Some members of my family were involved militarily in WWII, Vietnam, and the Gulf War; none have ever worn a flag lapel. Another group of family members consistently wear the flag lapels and often sport the shirts with a “United We Stand” logo. This is fine because a “United We Served” logo would have been inappropriate since none of them ever wore this country’s uniform for a minute and to be frank, in most cases, by specific and for their personal safety, intelligent design. My late father-in-law, Colonel Robert Matheson, who fought in the tank battles in the blizzards of Europe, and his best friend, Charles “Chick” Aimes (still with us) who also fought with him under General George Patton said it best “Wear a little pin of flag, nah, I served the flag”.

As to what these old war dogs said about our Flagger-In-Chief, this being a family blog, we can’t repeat.

THIS FRIDAY: A QUESTION OF FAUXLOSOPHIES

A political query: There are many throughout history who’ve viewed prejudice as a scourge and many as well who’ve used it as an opportunity. From which tradition do your candidates descend?

RUDY SEZ: IT’S MINE ONE ONE

This Monday, November 11th, or should we say the Monday nearest the 11th, marks the celebration of Veteran’s Day. November eleventh is, of course, the anniversary of (a temporary) armistice, to end hostilities in WWI, known then as the Great War. General John Pershing, or so the legend goes, liked the number eleven even more than Rudy Giuliani likes the number nine eleven (well, at least as much) and thus the signing took place the 11th day of the 11th month, and . . . on the 11th hour, although the rumor that it was eleven minutes after the hour has never been resolved.

Such a number nuance has, of course, been used as a cornerstone of New York City’s own Rudy Tuesday’s (Tuesday 9/11/01 – his one great day) campaign to run for president, while continuing to stand upon the shoulders of those who were victims, and heroes on that tragic day. He has claimed their heroism and sacrifices as his symbol, despite their many vigorous criticisms, and latched onto the combination of the nine and one and one as if it were his own invention, and all the while we thought they were part of the Arabic number system. But he could milk it even more.

For instance, should he be nominated, we suggest he demand the election be moved up to September 11th, and should he be inaugurated, January 19th as in 1.19 (the closest we could get) comes to mind. Of course, he will place his hand on the Bible at 11minutes after 9, and no doubt, berate all who oppose him for nine hundred and eleven minutes. And he’ll be as beloved as he was in New York on September 10th, 2001, another day and number of nuance. And, by the by, when Senator Joe Biden recently remarked that Rudy Tuesday’s sentence consists of a noun, a verb and the phrase “911”; that was just not fair Mr. Biden, because Rudy’s occasionally pitches in with an adverb.

THE FAUXGOTTEN WORD DEPT.

There are many who feel the most dangerous country in the world right now is Pakistan, and we at the Faux may have to agree.
And while our State Department, facing no good choices, seems to be saying “better the devil you know than the devil you don’t”, we’d like those folks to consider inserting the word “maybe”, before the “better” part of the relevant devilry. We in the Fauxvian Nation would also like our folks to consider just what Prime Minister Pervez Musharraf has done. He’s fired his Chief Court Justice, while defying our government’s wishes, and his own law as well, although President Bush, to his credit, has been clear in his disapproval. In addition, Mr. Musharraf has suspended his own constitution, closed down TV networks that opposed him and is talking about suspending his country’s next scheduled elections. But interestingly, to us at least, the Republican candidates (all of them) who’ve echoed President Bush’s past policies have been so focused on running to the right of him, that none have voiced any objection as to where supporting Musharraf unconditionally has led us. From front runners Rudy Giuliani and Mitt Romney, right on down, instead of asking regarding Mr. Musharraf’s silencing, jailing, and eventually disenfranchising his political opponents, “how can HE do that”?, they seem to be wondering in the ’08 election and beyond “when can WE do that”? Which means the real fauxgotten word from their point of view will be: better “envy” the devil you know . . .
One more thing, if these events mark the end of rule of law in Pakistan as we know it, they also mark the end of lawyer jokes as we know them. Because they’re the ones, in the streets, showing the courage to stand up to Musharraf.

WHAT A BLUNDERFULL WORLD THIS CAN BE

In 2003 Syria began building the nuclear reactor which the Israelis recently took out. Also, in 2003, we invaded Iraq which didn’t have any WMD’s. Is this another stanza of “don’t know much about geography”? And we know Iran has an imbecillian president, I’m a Dim Whack Job, who is well, imbecillian, but are any aware that Iran’s military budget is currently (according to the accurate, if overly fact obsessed Paul Krugman) equal to that of Sweden’s?

FRIDAY FAUXLOSOPHY

To those who say dance like no one’s watching, we at the Faux agree, ‘cause we write like no one’s critiquing.

THE ANCESTRAL DICK CHENEY (COULD HAVE BEEN) A SAVER OF LIVES, A FREER OF SLAVES

The NY Post and the Daily News, hardly the NY Times’ “liberal” rivals, reported that this week VP Dick Cheney went a-hunting again, this time at the Clove Valley Rod and Gun Club in Union Vale, NY, hardly the heart of the South but philosophy anyway, it showed the rather dark heart of the old South as a Confederate flag was prominently displayed at a garage on the Hunts’ Club premises. Mr. Cheney as is the right wing tradition with such symbols claimed neither he nor any of his party noticed, they never do. But . . . this got us to speculating what if the Confederate Army had consisted of Dick Cheney-like soldiers? They, of course, would not have noticed the human cost caused by the South’s enslavement of humans, would have been happy to bear arms but (like Cheney who, don’t forget forged five (5) deferments from service in the Vietnam era) j u s t w o u l d n’ t h a v e f o u g h t plus, if and when they did shoot, they’d probably just shoot each other in the face; witness Mr. Cheney’s infamous 2006 Texas hunting accident. It’s obvious there’d have been no Civil War and the Confederacy would have had to dismantle the slave plantation system and possibly avoided the destructive Reconstruction era as well. Because, to reiterate, if the Army had been manned by Dick Cheney types, the only thing they would have fought for was to avoid fighting.