THE DEMOCRATS BOUNCE INTO DENVER, CONVENTIONAL WISDOM?

To pounce on the bounce, that indeed is the convention challenge for both parties, as in what happens in the polls after each convention. Right now it's Obama 49% and McCain 43%,, what will next week bring?

Will the choice of Joe Biden as VP bring up Obama's ratings, and how will it play with Hillary Clinton's supporters? Planned Republican keynote speaker Rudy Guiliani; when asked by George Stephonopoulos "presumably you know how many homes you have" (by the way he didn't answer) insisted John McCain resonates with the average American. At least, with the average American who doesn't know how many homes he or she has. An additional irony, Rudy Guiliani is concerned that the Democrats will make that a focus of their "attack ads"-- and on that Rudy is some authority. Also of interest is that during his entire interview he did not say "9/11" even once.

The bounce from each convention, we'll see, what is of interest. In closing what Mark Halpern of ABC news said this past weekend, "No one is saying Joe Biden is not ready to be President," and added that included all the Republicans who've weighed in with criticism.

We believe it will be the Biden bounce. Smart man, smart pick.

THE CONCERNS OF HER ENEMIES

There are a lot of people "concerned" about Hillary Clinton (and her voters?) these days. The McCain campaign certainly is, just look at their ads -- and Rudy Guiliani can't help singing her praises as he gets ready to make the Republican keynote speech in Minneapolis, although since Joe Biden became the Democratic UP nominee interest in the "under/over" on how many times Rudy will use the phrase "9/11" has been muted. Lest we forget when Mr. Biden is brief he's chief, a case in point being his quip during the primaries that every sentence spoken by Rudy Guiliani contains three things: "a noun; a verb and 9/11."

But, back to Hillary and all those right-wing Republicans who just can't rest easy because they're too concerned that she's being "disrespected." Come on, that's about like some heads of the KKK getting upset if Barack Obama had been denied his rightful nomination. These people tried to cut Hillary's heart out for over a decade between Bill Clinton's challenges, and theirs was the idea that she would have been a front running and eventual party nominee. And if that stuff weren't enough, the right wing talk show circuit attack dogs made her daughter Chelsea the object of some viscious humor to put it quite mildly.

So here then is what we'd like to see Hillary open with at the Democratic Convention: "These people are as sincere in their concern for me as they are for you middle America." Don't believe it sisters check McCain's record on women's rights, and his "supreme" plan for the courts where it's your choice ladies, for now.

FLAG LAPELS PINNED DOWN, WE THINK

Now that both candidates, Obama and McCain are wearing flag lapels (most of the time) it would seem that matter is settled for now. But in some form, or some other race this important non-issue is sure to again be in question so we've got the Faux solution. In patriotism as in so many other inclinations, one size does not fit all, so why have one size on lapels for all. We suggest three sizes starting with a minuscule one, almost too small to see and that one can only be worn by veterans of a foreign war. Senator McCain obviously qualifies and we feel that makes the statement "better to serve the flag than wave the flag." Incidentally, more than one heroic gentleman from the "greatest generation" who served in WWII and Korea personally echoed this sentiment to me. For regular non-political people who want to wear a flag lapel (if there are any regular non-political people so inclined) there should be the very regular sized ones available. For people with only one Vietnam-era deferment, as long as they weren't retroactively a chicken hawk, the standard lapel we suppose is OK too. But where it gets challenging is when you have people with three (i.e. Trent Lott, Rudy G.), four (our prez), five (VP Dick), or up to seven (Mr. Homeland Security himself, John Ashcroft) deferments; what is the proper size flag lapel to symbolize the "extent" of their service? The results of our survey are in and by unanimous dictatorial decree we recommend a super deluxe extra large flag lapel for all with multiple deferments, and front line Vietnam attitudes well after there were any front lines. You see, a large lapel to compensate for a small shall we say...resume.

WHAT, (if) OBAMA'S BEEN CHEATING, T O O?

No one who's seen the news, read the NY Post, or an actual newspaper, doesn't know that Mr. Edwards cheated on his wife Elisabeth. We all know only too well about Bill and Monica, and that, outside of harming a marriage, harmed our country. Rudy Guiliani of course strayed in his marriage, but did not do his deeds out of sight far from home, but rather in his home with his then eight year old son in the next room. The fact that both his children at last count were working in Barack Obama's campaign, and they were even when Rudy was running, is a rather clear comment on their feelings about their dad. So then...what if it turns out Barack Obama has been cheating on his wife and it turns out is way more super rich (as in financially elite) than we thought and actually has eight homes? Does it matter? Or isn't the most important criteria of someone's presidential timbre (a concept that virtually all countries but ours seem to get) how capable, energetic and maybe most important, adaptable (because you never know what the day will bring you) that someone will be for our benefit, not his.

On balance, Republicans should make no moral judgments on Mr. Edwards without acknowledging an adulterous relationship began by a heroic, and much much younger John McCain that changed his personal life for the better, at least politically and financially? Because the future Cindy McCain, brewery heiress now worth over 200 million dollars, (and they actually have eight homes!), was the lady he was drawn to (and she willingly to her married suitor) when shortly after McCain returned to the U.S. as a justly celebrated ex-POW, his first and long forgotten (by the media) loyal wife had been injured in an auto accident, was no longer as attractive and was forsaken. The McCain people always claim that this election should be decided in his favor based on his greater experience. Well he is a pretty experienced philanderer.

All this of course is nonsense and has nothing to do with how skilled and intuitive a president someone might make, would that we voted the best and most common-sense interests for ourselves and our families rather than our purist ones. Alas, we haven't so far.

RUDY SEZ: IT’S MINE ONE ONE

This Monday, November 11th, or should we say the Monday nearest the 11th, marks the celebration of Veteran’s Day. November eleventh is, of course, the anniversary of (a temporary) armistice, to end hostilities in WWI, known then as the Great War. General John Pershing, or so the legend goes, liked the number eleven even more than Rudy Giuliani likes the number nine eleven (well, at least as much) and thus the signing took place the 11th day of the 11th month, and . . . on the 11th hour, although the rumor that it was eleven minutes after the hour has never been resolved.

Such a number nuance has, of course, been used as a cornerstone of New York City’s own Rudy Tuesday’s (Tuesday 9/11/01 – his one great day) campaign to run for president, while continuing to stand upon the shoulders of those who were victims, and heroes on that tragic day. He has claimed their heroism and sacrifices as his symbol, despite their many vigorous criticisms, and latched onto the combination of the nine and one and one as if it were his own invention, and all the while we thought they were part of the Arabic number system. But he could milk it even more.

For instance, should he be nominated, we suggest he demand the election be moved up to September 11th, and should he be inaugurated, January 19th as in 1.19 (the closest we could get) comes to mind. Of course, he will place his hand on the Bible at 11minutes after 9, and no doubt, berate all who oppose him for nine hundred and eleven minutes. And he’ll be as beloved as he was in New York on September 10th, 2001, another day and number of nuance. And, by the by, when Senator Joe Biden recently remarked that Rudy Tuesday’s sentence consists of a noun, a verb and the phrase “911”; that was just not fair Mr. Biden, because Rudy’s occasionally pitches in with an adverb.

IS RUDY TUESDAY ALRIGHT WITH THE EVANGELICAL RIGHT?

On values issues, et al to get healthy poll numbers, Rudy may be socially diseased, according to John McCain who says culturally the Republican base don’t want a new day. So then does Rudy, our own Mr. Mine One One, need to flip on social issues to unite the Republican Party? According to a John McCain memo if he doesn’t flip, he’ll flop. To his credit, Senator McCain also recently reminded us on the torture question that yes, water boarding was, is, and always will be torture, back from when it was first employed, namely in the Spanish Inquisition. To anyone, including Attorney General Nominee Michael S. Mukasey, who thinks it’s OK, we guess that Spanish thing was just the compassionate conversionism of its day, eh.

RUDY TUESDAY, A BACK STAB NEWSDAY

We at the Faux said it in the spring and we’re saying it now – the Red Sox are the best team in baseball and are well on their way to the franchise’s 7th World Series Championship. That said, Mr. Mine One One, oh we mean 911, Rudy Tuesday (the one day he’s lived off since) has brought his knee pads to New Hampshire, really. You think not, this supposed "all time" Yankee fan (he brags how in NYC elections, he’s told Mets fans so) is rooting and tooting (that’s not a bean town joke) for the Red Sox. If the best team wins the Series fine, at least the Sox’ ascension has showed us how desperate Giuliani is to be the best primary candidate in New Hampshire and in this primary, he’s showing his true colors, indeed, and they ain’t true blue.

RUDY: THE POWER OF THREE UP-DATE

    If Hiz911honor were a lost sheep, this past week
would indeed have been a three-bleat.  First the chairman of Mr.
Giuliani’s South Carolina primary operation, Thomas Revenal, had an
operation of his own and was arrested for cocaine trafficking. 
Next there is the specter of another mayor of New York, a man people
actually like, who has chosen to leave the Republican Party but . . .
not center stage as a possible independent presidential
candidate.  And it has been revealed that Mr. the Whole 911 yards
was kicked off the Iraq study because of his attendance record, which
was a below ground zero as in the exact number of meetings he attended,
that’s right, zero.

    Hiz911’s explanation was that the group’s
discussions might have had political overtones; so let’s get this
straight, he put his political image over helping a committee entrusted
with the mission to develop and recommend defenses against a future
terrorist attack.

    Rudy’s explanation reminds us of what Stephen
Colbert said in his appearance on the Bill O’Reilly Show:  to the
effect that Mr. O’Reilly (Mr. Colbert calls him Papa Bear) gets criticized for the
content of what he says, but “never credit for how loudly you say
it.”  Kind of like Rudy’s bullhorn post-9/11 being balanced by the
bull that he did a single pro-active thing before it:  WE think
his supporters are in for a Rudy awakening.