What’s In A Name?

John Stewart made that very point when commenting on the LIBOR scandal by noting that the two lead protagonists were named Rich and Diamond, when Stewart said, “Are you kidding?” 

Well, we at Real Faux News have another entry for the "What’s In A Name" sweepstakes from the breaking news on the banking scandal at SCB.  It seems that they are accused of having made illegal trades involving the government of Iran and pocketing commissions of hundreds of millions of dollars in the bargain.  So why do “What’s In a Name?”  Because a New York bank regulator who has taken it upon himself to initiate the investigation is named Ben Lawsky.  So the greedy guys at LIBOR are named Diamond and Rich and the banking enforcer is named Lawsky!

So stay tuned because we’re waiting to find out if the guy behind the Republican Super Pacs is named Hiddenbucksman

Friday fauxlosophy

A bigoted Jew must have alzheimers.

IN THE USA TODAY

In USA TODAY the following two letters appeared:

Norman Bender wrote (“Renew assault-weapons ban,” Letters, Monday)

“James Holmes bought his weapons, including his assault rifle, legally.

In 2000, while running for president, candidate George Bush supported the extension of the assault-weapons ban.  And, given the carnage in Aurora, Colo., who could argue against that?  Alas, as president, Bush didn’t press Congress that hard to extend the ban and allowed it to expire in 2004.  What followed is part of our uniquely tragic American gun narrative.

History will judge how great a president Bush was, but part of the body of evidence in an assessment must surely include the body count of innocent victims of this not-so-innocent weaponry.

Philosopher Edmund Burke famously said “All that’s necessary for the forces of evil to win in the world is for enough good men to do nothing.”  Well, it’s time to do something.”

Also printed in that USA Today was a letter by Randy Soos from Tennessee (“Founders understood need for guns used responsibly,” Letters, Monday) where he says;

“As people argue anti-gun and pro-gun points, put me down as pro-gun.  USA TODAY reader Aaron Spital wrote, “There is no place for assault weapons in civilized society…killing machines that the authors of the Constitution never imagined” (“Stand up to gun lobby,” Letters, Tuesday).

If the history I learned in school is of any value, I would think that the folks who took on the British, including our Founding Fathers, would have very much appreciated an automatic weapon.  You have only to look around the world and see what it means for oppressed civilians to be without weapons.  I believe that to be the gist of the Second Amendment.

Yes, there is a place for assault weapons: in the hands of law abiding civilians.”

We find a number of Mr. Soos’ comments quite interesting.  First, if our Founding Fathers, amateur soldiers, fighting on their own terrain had assault weapons, we’re just guessing the British and Hessians would have had them too, which could well have negated our home field advantage.  Second, it is generally accepted that when you wish something were different historically it is to achieve a better outcome, and while I have never read a history book printed in Tennessee, it’s my strong impression that we actually defeated the British, and we most definitely do not speak with an English accent.

Slightly Off Base

Baseball, a precision game, has a lot of imprecision in its language.  When a batter comes up and the team is down by a run in the bottom of the ninth they say he’s “the tying run.”  No, he’s the “potential” tying run.  He has to get on base or hit such that he scores.  There are a number of other rather silly baseball phrases and one of the most common is after 4.5 innings the announcer says we’re half way through.  No you’re not half way through, because one team has batted 5 times and the other team only 4. So you’re not half way through.  What you’ve done is play 4.5 innings.  Another involves scoring and the term “sacrifice” fly.  That’s where a person hits a fly ball deep enough so a runner from third can tag and score.  Sometimes a batter might be deliberately doing that, sacrificing himself; other times if it’s a big difference in score and he just happens to hit a fly ball where a runner happens to be on third with less than two outs.  It’s a scoring aberration that has become a custom.  But, for a number of years, believe it or not, a fly ball which scored a runner from third was an RBI, but it counted against your batting average,  The idea was that you were trying to get a hit, but failed.  This rule actually existed in 1941 when Ted Williams had 406 and he would have hit somewhere in the neighborhood of 415.  Again, baseball, a precision game in terms of stats and analysis has some remarkably imprecise language.

Friday Fauxlosophy

In reference to Mitt Romney tax returns: Every dollar he doesn’t pay, is one the American people have to.

Mitt Romney, Bain’s “Sole” Man

The Bain Capital SCC Filing says as follows: “Mr. W. Mitt Romney is the sole shareholder, sole director, chief executive officer and President of Bain Capital and thus is the controlling person of Bain Capital.” Yet he says he had nothing to do with it in those years when he signed their filings. Maybe he was just helping by inspiration. Maybe he wasn’t the sole man, maybe he was their soul man. Or maybe he’s being just plain disingenuous.

Mitt, Your Calendar Doesn’t Fit

Mitt Romney had a fundraiser planned for Jerusalem, obviously to attract Jewish folks. It’s to be a $50,000 per plate affair so we assume the food will be at least pretty decent, possibly even kosher. But, what Mitt’s people didn’t do, as have the Evangelicals in the past (so Mormon’s and Evangelicals may be more alike that we think), is to actually look at a calendar. That day, which is actually the 9th of Av is a solemn fast day in the Jewish calendar. It is done to commemorate the destruction of both temples. Apparently, this was no oversight. The Romney people knew it was a day of fasting, and therefor only wanted it to be "small" event. Huh? As going back years when the Evangelicals supporting Robert Dole had a planned Yom Kippur lunch for American Rabbis, which didn’t have high attendance, once again, these folks that love Jews so much and respect Jews so much don’t seem to be terribly aware of the Jewish calendar when they plan so much. So Mitt, your calendar did not fit.

BRING BACK THE TRUTH IN POLITICS, BY GEORGE!

It is undisputed that we live in a polarized political age. This unfortunate dynamic just might be improved if we had increased transparency, because what one knows they are less likely to fear. However, no candidate in anyone’s memory has been less transparent, particularly regarding his very complicated personal finances, than has Gov. Mitt Romney. And while the facts must be known to be judged, it’s hard to envision multimillion dollar bank accounts in Switzerland and the Cayman Islands helping to create US jobs. Romney’s approach stands in stark contrast to that of his father, Gov. George Romney, a wealthy and successful man in his own right, who released 12 years of tax returns when he ran for president. The American voting public should demand loudly and repeatedly; that Mitt Romney bring back the truth in politics, by George. He would then be honoring the memory of his father and respecting the intelligence of the American voter.

Fast And Furious Has A Past That’s Curious

We’ve all heard of Fast and Furious, the program by which our government agency sold guns to Mexican drug lords for purposes of tracing where they were, where they went, which somehow got lost in the condemnation of the President who is, as we shall see, not the initiator. Attorney General Eric Holder won’t release these documents which he said would endanger agent lives. We find it was started in ’06 by George W. Bush. Interesting. Not sure what will come out of this, but Fast and Furious does have a past that’s curious.

CAMPIAGN ADS

Mr. Romney likes to bet $10,000 at a clip. I’ll bet him the American people’s trust. I’ll bet him he can’t do what I’m doing and make no pledges to any outside interests just to work for their jobs. No pledges to people who are financed by billionaires who are going to give me tax policy. Pledge to give every one of my income tax returns. Again transparency. And a pledge to say honestly what I have to gain or lose, by the Bush tax cuts being extended or not. I will tell you what I personally have at stake so you will know I’m involved with what you personally need to have happen. That’s my pledge.

Disney Ain’t Dizzy

The Walt Disney Company acted in a very straight forward, non-dizzy manner and this is not junk talk, they’re taking their junk food ads off the Disney Channel. Wowwy. Less junk food ads means less junk food consumed which mean less obese children. The next thing people are going to tell me is that cigarette ads started forty years ago really worked. Well, they did if you believe 19% of the population not smoking signifcantly less than the 40% then. Again, Walt Diney, well balanced, not dizzy.

A Post WWII First, No Vets To Vet

For the first time since WWII, neither Presidential candidate has worn our country’s uniform. The reasons vary. In the case of Mitt Romney he got a draft deferment to work as a Mormon missionary, which they often do in hazardous, desolate places, although Mr. Romney’s was in Paris France. Often their conditions are harsh, virtually Spartan. In his case he lived in a palace with a busboy and a cook assigned to him. Nonetheless Barack Obama was challeneged by theMcCain people as the where was he on the Tete offensive and the Democrats incorrectly answered that he was six years old. He was in fact seven. But be that as it may, for the first time since WWII there are no former people in uniform in the Presidential race.

Birthers, Wifers, Weavers

We all know what the "birthers" are, the people like Donald Trump who despite actual birth certificates, nurse witnesses and newspaper announcements, still claim that Barack Obama was not born in Hawaii. The (shall we say) energetic, Bill Maher has taken up a parallel approach on Romney calling himself a “wifer” saying he’s not saying all Mormon’s have many wives. He hopes it isn’t so. But he just questions among other things, “How, if Mitt has one wife, all his children are thirty?” They just of course look that way. But we have a group of our own at Real Fox News. Since Donald Trump is the center of the Birther controversy, we are the "Weavers". We’re not saying what percentage of his hair is real or not, we’re not saying the time that it takes to address it each day, and we’re certainly not suggesting that someone in the crowd impromptu, vs the pie in the face that Bill Gates got some years ago (and that was wrong), try a bucket of water over the top to see what happens. No, we’re just saying that we hear these questions and we certainly hope they’re true, that Mr. Trump and his hair are equally genuine.

When Is The Political Right, Right?

Republicans have given us predictions that unemployment would rise to 9%, it’s now around 8. They said that that consumer confidence would go down, it’s now the highest it’s been since 2007. They said that gas prices would continue to go up and they’re down. When is the Right, ever right? Currently, historically, philosophically, economically? We’d be happy to view such instances. Could they be produced?

One Man, One Women, and No More Than One Generation

Mitt Romney speaking at Liberty University founded by Jerry Falwell, where blacks and whites were not allowed to hold hands; yes, that bastion of tolerance said that marriage must continue to be defined as one man and one woman. But that was a complete sentence and not a complete truth; because the complete truth would have been going back no more than one generation. Because if you go back two generations, Mitt Romney’s grandfather didn’t have just one wife, or two or three or four, no, he had five. Which is, not to judge Mitt Romney on the behavior of his grandfather but as noted conservative religious theorist Ralph Reed said he’s with Mitt Romney because he supports a principle that’s going back 5,00 years. Which brings us to one last thought; we know the Mormon’s are long lived, but did Mitt Romney’s grandfather go back 5,000 years?