Friday, January 26, 2007

PAPA BEAR O’REILLY MEETS STEVEN COLBERT IN BOTH OF THEIR DOMAINS – IS O’REILLY AGAIN THE MASTER OF HIS?

      

          This past week marked the unique juxtaposition of the master
of the “no spin zone”; Bill O’Reilly and the man he labels as his imitator,
Steve Colbert.  Mr. Colbert insists he does not imitate but emulates the
man he refers to as “Papa Bear”, and they met for the first time last Thursday
on both men’s shows.  Mr. Colbert who practices more of a zen spin, was
quite “respectful”, in his terms to an a-typically addled Mr. O’Reilly; to wit,
Steve Colbert comfortingly offered that while Bill O’Reilly often gets
criticized for what he says, he seldom gets credit for how loud he says
it.  And Steven did not talk about “that thing” he promised he wouldn’t;
after mentioning, that well, he wouldn’t.  And “that thing” was, of
course, Mr. O’Reilly’s phone “courtship” of a very reluctant lady
employee.  While this event preceded the founding of Faux News Network, we
feel a comment is in order, especially given that one of Mr. O’Reilly’s many
crusades is against wasteful spending, in government anyway.  First some
background, it seems these rather suggestive calls, again according to Mr.
O’Reilly, were not to seduce the young lady but rather stimulate Bill
himself.  The cost for this approach to self enamourment was reportedly
between 3 and 10 million dollars, again this by a man who criticizes mainly
democrats for excessive spending.




          Thus
we have some suggestions for Papa Bear from his fans at FNN.C.  First get
some lubricant to cut down on your personal level of friction, you seemed tense
with Colbert; second, rent (or buy) a stimulating video, say one starring Mary
Carey, (hint: look at her not the phone receivers) and third, you have our
guarantee that based on your previous outlay for your own self spin zone, this
time you will come in under budget.  And on that matter you of
course should emit the last word.

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A) We distort, you abide
B) Or we retort if you deride, unless we choose not to
C) Complete sentences are acceptable in lieu of complete truths
D) It’s OK to criticize the 2006 Democratic Congress for all America’s problems since 2001
E) We shoot from the flip
F) We’re not always accurate but we’re always certain
G) On what we feel is wrong in this world, we can’t stop people from saying I don’t agree or I don’t care, but we won’t let them say I didn’t know
H) The director’s board has a whim of irony
I) In times of emergency, we should rally around our President: In times of democracy he should do the same for us
J) We proudly plagiarize in advance, examples available upon request
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