FROM THE ASHCROFT OF DEFEAT – THE EAGLE SOARS

    John Ashcroft is one strange bird, and not just
because, like birds, he intensely fears cats, considering them agents
of Satan, dogs on the other hand, we guess work for purgatory. 
Really he’s known for that, the cat stuff, we mean.  And it’s not
certainly because of his rendition of “Let the Eagle Soar” – which is
actually sort of functional.  No, what distinguishes Mr. Ashcroft
and where he really spread his wings is an episode of what we at Faux
News Network.com would call Attorney General Hospital.  This all
took place in March of 2004 when, according to former Deputy AG, James
Comey, the White House tried to get the seriously ill Mr. Ashcroft to
sign off on a continuation of eavesdropping, despite the opinion of
Mssrs. Ashcroft and Coley that the program, as proposed, was
illegal.  And who were the men dispatched on this White House
mission implausible, why it was White House Chief of Staff, Andrew Card
and one Alberto Gonzales.  Once made aware, John Ashcroft refused
to go along and that is to his credit.  Mr. Comey’s memory of that
time is clear; he and FBI Director, Robert Mueller, had to arouse a
virtually unconscious John Ashcroft to avert yet another presidential
mis-adventure; that darned Constitution.  Mr. Bush, could you
please remember your job description and get rid of Gonzales finally,
although, in fairness, you’ll have to remind him of what’s happened
because we’re sure he’s already forgotten.