THE DISQUALIFIER

Be it an airline pilot steering your pane through a storm, be it a fireman or a policeman planning your rescue under perilous circumstances, be it a surgeon operating on you and confronting the unexpected or be it being a President in such times as these…brains should not be a disqualifier. For those of you so celebrating...happy new year, enjoy, prosper, and reflect.

IF SHE DOES NOT FIT THERE IS NO RESPITE

“Is he qualified to lead?” The Republicans have asked (and answered to their own satisfaction) so many times regarding Barack Obama. Under the topic of what goes around comes around, the Presidential debate on this past Friday provided a go around come around moment. After the candidates had concluded, the Vice Presidential candidates were invited by the news networks to add their thoughts. So Joe Biden came on for several minutes and answered Brian Williams questions, but where was Sarah Palin? She’d been invited to be sure, but the Republicans instead of sending the former beauty contestant into the contest sent on her behalf Mr. Congeniality. That’s right, it was Rudy Giuliani who did the vice bit for the Republicans that night, his forced and frightening grin in full flower. But that begs a more important question, the one with which we began. Never mind is Sarah Palin qualified to lead the nation should the moment arise, the Republicans don’t feel she is yet qualified to follow.

FRIDAY FAUXLOSOPHIES

1. I am uncomfortable as a Jew agreeing or voting with people in this generation whose previous generations were pretty sure we had horns.
2. If at all possible, the lord and health permitting, you should live your life on terms such that your death provides not a single aspect of relief.

ON MAKING THE STADIUM SAFE FOR RELIGION

Two summers ago, just past my 60th birthday while watching my beloved Yankees, I left my seat for a restroom break in well, kind of a hurry. The mega-size giant cola had kicked in. As I turned to cheer for an inning-ending double play, I was stopped by a chain being thrown in front of me and when I tried to avoid that my arm was grabbed by a security guard who informed me I had to stay and "show respect," which translated into an enforced "joining with Kate Smith to sing God Bless America." Personally, I consider it a joyous obligation to pray which is by definition praising the Lord but I'll be damned if someone's going to tell me how or when. My answer was (while a policeman approached) as follows, "First, I'm sixty and so is my bladder, second I was in the armed forces when virtually all those who now use religion to influence politics were working on their multiple deferrments, and third, another thing that blesses America is the Bill of Rights. And finally, back to my bladder." People had gathered and the policeman present forged the better peace and said "I think this man should get to go to the restroom." My final rejoiner was to (hopefully) inject humor into this subject by asking "Why would we all want to join Kate Smith? The lady's been dead for over twenty years!" Most who had witnessed this chuckled, although there were one or two glowering exceptions. To be fair, since I had witnessed more than one previous such incident I was probably a bit on the ready, especially since one time it was a gentleman of around eighty who was being "held." Fortunately that time as well the uniformed policeman intervened and calmed things down. Is "God Bless America" really that crucial to our nervous post 9/11 DNA? If so why does no other professional baseball, football, basketball or hockey team seem to deem it necessary? Since Irving Berlin wrote the song in 1938 we've had Pearl Harbor with WWII to follow, the Korean War, and the Cuban Missile Crisis among other challenges, none of which made us frightened enough to try and enforce any type of group religious homage. The brutal murderers of 9/11 may have combined their treachery and our complacency to inflict personal and property damage on America, but they could never hope to destroy the essence of America, our democracy, our Constitution or our Bill of Rights. All of these exude our treasured freedom and tolerance. What concerns me is that if enough of us get frightened enough, we can do the very harm to America ourselves that those cowardly hijackers on 9/11 could never do. To Mr. Bin Laden, that may have been the whole idea.

THOSE COUNTRY FIRST REPUBLICANS

What would be an exceptional act of selflessness? The GOP uses the mantra "Country First" but is that what John McCain actually did when he decided on Sarah Palin for VP; as in that she's truly the readiest in the land to serve in his stead, ok. Is it selfless to retain the biggest tax breaks for those who have had the biggest incomes and no doubt the biggest bank accounts in America, many many of whom are McCain donors? Aside, we know Senator McCain says you have to make 5 million dollars a year to be considered rich, but that begs the question all the more. Really, isn't someone who is, and has, made that kind of money done pretty well off America and who more should give something back considering our pressured, deficit ravaged government. That is one way, a path Republicans never choose which would be putting "country first".
When Elizabeth Edwards said to John McCain referencing her battle with cancer that wasn't it wonderful that she (and he) had such great health care plans available due to their economic and political status. Mr. McCain didn't seem to think so, and bristled that he didn't have much of a health care plan in North Vietnam, as if to say he knows what truly wretched health care is. We agree Senator, and once again with deference to your service and imprisonment you seem to feel reassured that since the Republican health care plan is more compassionate than that of the North Vietnamese we should be gratified. Nah, providing better health care than that of the "Hanoi Hilton" should not get you or the Republican party kudos. Aspire to better please.
No, here is how the Republicans seem to show their selfless selves. And that is by asking us to forget about the selves they have been and what they have done after 8 years of controlling the Presidency and 6 of controlling congress; they are asking us to forget that Republicans are Republicans. if on election day the American people buy this pig and a poke, with or without lipstick we deserve what we get.

MCCAIN-PALIN FAUX FRIEND TO WOMEN MOMENT

Here is this week's McCain-Palin Faux Friend to Women Moment, and again this does not reflect the view here at the Faux.

Said about Cindy McCain, in public: "She is such a c*nt."
The source: Senator John McCain-Faux friend to women.

Aside: a Faux financial bit of speculation-Cindy McCain did make John McCain sign a prenup.

2 FRIDAY FAUXLOSOPHIES

1. Sarah Palin is to women's interest as Clarence Thomas is to that of blacks.
2. Each election cycle it seems the Republicans are able to convince us, out of fear to vote for them. And after each election cycle within a frustratingly short period of time we come to realize that they were whom we should have been fearing.

AH, THE LEGEND OF SARAH PALIN

We're told that when she took over as governor of Alaska, she sold the corporate jet "on ebay and...she made a profit," the source of this being John McCain at the Republican convention. Turns out she listed it on ebay, failed to sell it, but did finally sell it privately, at a $500,000 loss. We've heard (again from John McCain) how she said "Thanks, but no thanks to the bridge to nowhere," Mr. McCain's poster child for waste in government but actually she only did so after she had been (way) for it before she was against it. Then, only after congress had informed Alaska the bridge was a no go, did she follow on board but she did “lead” in one respect, she kept the money, well over 200 million dollars. Mr. McCain also informs us that Ms. Palin isn't your typical “grab money from Washington” type, unlike, say, Barack Obama. Interestingly, as Charles Gibson also (and more truthfully) informed us, and perhaps Ms. Palin in their interview, that Alaska's federal money received came to $231.00 per person whereas Illinois, Obama's state, got federal funds equal to $22.00. That's obviously less than on tenth that of Palin's booty. And speaking of booty, what we're not told is what's in her tax return, because she hasn't released it; something to do with charging the state a per diem when she was working at home, and not reporting it as income?
The Republicans want us to be concerned that Sarah Palin may be unfairly treated in the press due to sexism (like they were really concerned for Hillary), but, do world events ever grade on a curve? Will the genocidal leaders in Darfur , the ruthless Vladimir Putin or the murderous Osama Bin Laden cut her any slack because of gender? Aside from the sure to come fake endorsement of Barack Obama by Bin Laden, this is the type of weakness they'll pounce on. So if before she's even president she's already expecting deferential treatment by our press, what about world events? Hey, if she's that weak, or Republicans think she is, and they should know, than she’s just not ready to lead. Think about it, she's not even ready to follow. And what does it say about Mr. "Country First" McCain, picking Sarah Palin as the best qualified person to be president in his stead?

TRICK OR TREAT: REPUBLICANS CLOUDING THE VOTE

Halloween stuff is overflowing on the retail shelves and that Republican spirit of trick or treat as to voter's rights is also on the scene. This fog of denial that resulted in the ballots of so many American citizens not being counted was a clear and present danger in the 2000 Florida recount, and more than likely was as well in the 2004 Ohio Presidential tally. Remember that, were the electronic voting machines of Diebold (whose CEO just happened to be George Bush's leading fundraiser in Ohio) were programmed to have no paper back up? Note, the current governor has mandated Ohio machines have paper back up this time, which has upset many Republicans (why would such a patriotic group react this way?), but the phrase "Republican voting machines" will always engender laughter among the well-informed. So now in 2008, what are, may we say it again, these honest patriotic Republicans to do to make sure just the "right" people vote? Well how about this; in the state of Virginia the local registrar incorrectly suggested to students being registered by the Obama campaign that there would be "dire possibilities" for such students who registered to vote at Virginia Tech rather than in their home towns. In not one but two such releases of misinformation the local authorities said that their registration (in the hotly contested state of Virginia) might cause loss of scholarships or health care. A classy bunch, huh? Of course once this attempt at voter intimidation was challenged by civil rights lawyers, the county registrar immediately scaled back the threats and nonsense, for now. As soon as they can think of another avenue to steal or impede the electoral process, especially among minorities, the elderly and the young, the Republican right will no doubt deny or at least attempt to deny their rights. At least, dear readers, you feel you can be thankful that there's not Pat Buchanan running in this year's Florida ballot...well kinda sorta. That’s because one of Pat Buchanan's best and most active boosters and fundraisers over the years, and these are his own words and thoughts, is one Sarah Palin, who is running in every state and will put the Pat Buchanan philosophy demographically closer to the presidency than it's ever been. So vote you young people, vote and remember you can win this thing, but they will never let you win a close one.

IS IT IMPORTANT AND IS IT KOSHER ALL THIS TALK ABOUT PIGS?

Barack Obama made a remark about a pig being the same with or without lipstick (a bit of logic which actually does bring home the bacon, sorry) and that, is something that the media, at least those on AM radio assure us, is important. That the McCain campaign is committed to either ignore or work against legislation which guarantees equal pay for equal work for women, is unimportant. The Republican "defense" of Sarah Palin is important, but their zero rating by Planned Parenthood, to which a quarter of all American women will turn to in their lifetime is unimportant. That the Democrats may have inadvertently insulted women is important, but that Senator McCain (he is the Republican candidate after all) has used the word c*nt, and trollope in public to describe women, well we should say a particular woman is unimportant. Well...the woman, the particular woman he was describing was Cindy McCain, which down the road if she has a good prenup (and we at the Faux are betting she does) may prove to be really, really important, to John McCain anyway. Oh, under the topic of facts being okay there were 2 other politicians who in 2004 and 2007 used the pig and lipstick expression on a public forum; that would be Dick Cheney and John McCain, and emulating the Bush/Cheney team. And that folks, you know in your heart is important.

FRIDAY FAUXLOSOPHY

In their search for "divine" facts many miss the most earthly of truths, that in what Americans fear, want and need, we are so remarkably alike.

JOHN MCCAIN ON THE WAY TO A 30% APPROVAL RATING

Now begins the post-convention the post convention season featuring the purest concentration of political promises and rhetoric as the candidates hit the trail. One of the more fascinating boasts is owned by John McCain who claimed on Meet the Press that he could easily find 30% to take off the federal budget. But this it turns out might actually be a committment that the senator can keep, really. Some background is in order, specifically the case of Lily Ledbetter, a lady who worked for decades at Goodyear in Alabama as a supervisor and who discovered after her retirement that she'd been paid substantially less than all her male co-workers while doing the exact same job, despite her many superior reviews. Ms. Ledbetter's case was thrown out however because a local judge ruled she would have had to have filed her complaint whithin 30 days of Goodyear's first such transgression, i.e. she would have had to somehow know everyone else's exact salary at Goodyear within her first 30 days on the job. Fauxvians, do not try this at home or in your own workplace. So then after Ms. Ledbetter got no relief from her local court system many in Congress have picked up the gauntlet to pass a law in her name and on behalf of all women so shortchanged. Interestingly, John McCain has said he'd be against such an anti-discrimination initiative. Why, now please read this carefully, because if women were given the right to sue for being unfairly economically victimized, then they...would sue if they were being unfairly economically victimized. But therein is the genius of John McCain's budget-balancing plan, and it started with his nominating Sarah Palin as his vice presidential candidate. You see he'll continue to employ women in the government including all cainet staff advisory research, and even maintenance positions, and then...pay them all 30% less than a man would get for the exact same job. Apply such logic to any other government agency, and we'll have an all-woman work force and all since it will be in sync with Mr. McCain's "rescuing" women from the burden of having to sue at 30% less; budget saved, promise kept, and for the women who used to be paid the same as men for government work, the 30% change in their income will indeed be the McCain change they can believe in.

MCCAIN-PALIN FAUX FRIEND TO WOMEN MOMENT

Each week we're going to bring you an example of the advantage for women when John McCain and Sarah Palin take over the White House. We're calling it our McCain-Palin Faux Friend to Women Moment. The following is for informational purposes only and does not reflect the view of the Faux.

"Why is Chelsea Clinton so ugly? Because Janet Reno is her father."
The source: Senator John McCain -- Faux friend to women.

JUST WHO IS BETTER OFF UNDER REPUBLICAN PRESIDENTS?

There are many, it turns out, who are indeed better off financially when we have Republican presidents and we've got some relevant data on the subject. Now such information is only as good as its source, but we'll explain. A recent and very comprehensive summary was compiled in an article authored by Alan S. Blinder in his New York Times column "Economic View." In the spirit of honest disclosure Mr. Binder has been a Vice Chairman of the Federal Reserve and advised a number of Democratic presidents but as we like to say at the Faux, facts are fun, so here are some. From 1948 to 2007, there have been 26 years of Democratic presidents and 32 years of Republican ones. The chart to the left starts with the lowest income group, the 20th percentile and goes up on through the top 5% and states (adjusted for inflation) the yearly average income of these citizens. Mr. Blinder entitled the chart we're replicating "Family Income Growth."

Wow, even the top 5% commanded more income when we had a Democratic Commander-in-Chief; and the only thing that really grew under Republican rule was the differences in income. Our United States is quite an economy and fifty-eight years is quite a sample, and while Republicans will try and spin this, it will serve us all if they remember the words of their idol Ronald Regan about "the stubbornness of facts."

We at the Faux wish to give a shout out and thanks to Joanna M. of Woodbridge for alerting us to "The Economic View," and thanks also to that crazy left-wing blog which provided compiler Larry M. Bartels with his data. Oh, the blog's name? It's the U.S. Census Bureau, heard of them? So then just "who is better off under Republican Presidents?" It would not be fair to say that it's only Republican presidents; it's their vice presidents, donors, and their families. Ask yourselves if you're in that club.

FRIDAY FAUXLOSOPHY

One of the truly saddest things about prejudice is that victims so often become imitators.

We need adaptable leaders because our future has this in common with our past: if we don't get it, it will surely get us.

FROM FULL DISCLOSURE TO RUMOR EXPOSURE

First, let's talk about the Democrats and VP nominee Joe Biden. While we've talked of Dick Cheney's many deferments from military service which seem all the more noteworthy since he seems so proud of them, fairness dictates that we mention Mr. Biden's exemptions as well. His count is five including a series of "2-S's" which all college undergraduates received in that era, before by the hundreds of thousands they graduated and were drafted. Joe Biden also had a "I-Y;" that deferment is medical, the result of an asthma condition which persisted over the years and which the medical review board felt disqualified him from the draft. Mr. Cheney, it should be noted, had no such physical challenges (his heart ailments came much later in life) but instead through multiple undergraduate transfers, a well timed marriage as the exemption rules changed, and the most timely family planning in deferment history avoided serving in a war he politically favored. A note is in order of medical exams: a college friend from a very well-to-do family confided that it took him a "fair number" of visits to the doctor before he finally got the diagnosis which partially exempted him. Did I mention that this very rich person was also very conservative? None the less Mr. Biden did get his I-Y status but given his family's modest means and his own resume of laborious jobs it seems to be what it is. Oh, Joe Biden's son is about to start his second tour in Iraq.

Now to the Republicans, the saga of Sarah, as in Sarah Palin, she has been mentioned in blog and rumor, including that she was an active member in a secessionist party advocating that Alaska secede from the United States, but a check of records by the New York Times finds no confirmation of this. Gee, we haven't had to deal with that kind of idea since the Civil War, which would have made for some good northern disclosure fun, but it's just not so.

What is confirmed, and this is no rumor, are the attitudes and opinions of a long time Palin advocate, Mr. Pat Buchanan, as to Israel in particular and Jews in general. He doesn't like them, and according to the highly respected ADL "publicly espouses racist, anti-Semitic, anti-Israel and anti-immigrant views," and...he's even got his own page on the AOL website. One of his choice items is from 1990 where he intones "Capitol Hill is Israeli occupied territory." A shout out to right wing Jews who don't consider this guy and his supporters dangerous, your membership in "Capos-R-Us" is paid up. That noted, if you tolerate Pat Buchanan then you've got to embrace the "maverick" Sarah Palin who's been a key supporter of Buchanan, including his 1988 run for president. In fact, Buchanan brags about what an enthusiastic operative Palin was on his behalf, calling her one of his best "brigadier fundraisers" and complemented her as a "rebel reformer." She organized rallies, raised funds, and no doubt fully embraced him politically and ideologically; wonder how the Republican "fool them Jews" committee will spin that?

GIVE ME YOUR LEFT, GIVE ME YOUR LEFT

While the above is the cadence given to soldiers marching, the left has been a fortunately dominant theme in the lives of some pretty significant leaders. Put another way, what do Caesar, Napoleon, da Vinci, Michelangelo and Einstein have in common? Answer: they were left-handed. As to what former presidents Harry Truman, Gerald Ford, Ronald Regan, George Bush Sr., and Bill Clinton have in common, you've probably guessed the answer's the same. According to those expert in probability, the chances of this many presidents of the last 11 being left-handed, given that roughly one in ten people are lefties, is almost a thousand to one. We'll tell you what is pretty certain -- and that is that the lefty improbability will continue as Barack Obama is a lefty...and so is John McCain.