ARMED WITH GOOD CREDIT

There is a consumer rights bill to protect credit card holders currently making its way through to Senate. And when all is set and ready to go, Sen Tom Coburn (R- OK) who is one of the reasons why the Republicans are no longer in power, suddenly added an amendment that people should be able to carry loaded weapons into all the national parks. While we are still not sure what this has to do with consumer credit, it seems that for some people every mission in life has to do with guns. Will he also argue for allowing loaded guns on airplanes? or into court? Isnt it interesting that NY which has the strictest gun laws in the country has only 80 gun related murders (not including domestic violence) out of 8 million people in 2007? The numbers for 2008 are due in shortly. So before we do a "slow burn on Coburn" we remind the Republican supporters and enablers of this; The technology and the weaponry is far advanced, but the idea that there will only be Republican or Democratic bullets randomly shot in public places (including national parks) has yet to "go off". Lets also not forget the Brady bill named in honor of the Reagan official who was grazed by a stray bullet and suddenly had a change of heart for gun laws. Now we can slow burn Coburn, and hope he doesnt learn the hard way about random bullets.

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ON THE CHENEY CHANNEL

Many wonder weather the Republican party will bend or break due to the new demographics and social philosophy of the US. We say they are already bent, because when they tolerate Dick Cheney as their spokesman they really tolerate and nourish and negative stereotype about them. In fact, if they cant get that man to go away and they continue listening to his ridiculous tirades about torture, think about the torture that is being leveled upon every well meaning and sensible Republican who has to listen to him.

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CRAIGLISTED

Last week a young pitcher from the Minnesota Twins named Craig Breslow served up a pitch to Yankees A-Rod which he hit for a game winning home run. Mr. Breslow is an interesting person, he has mainly played for several minor league teams and also helped win a state championship playing soccer. Interestingly, Mr. Breslow played baseball in college while studying at the prestigious Yale University and is often called the palyer with the highest score because of his boards. We wish him well and we hope that Craig should continue to be listed, as long ...as he doesn't beat the Yankees.

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ALL VICE ALL THE TIME

Dick Cheney is constantly on the news these days talking about how this country is less safe because of the policies of the Obama administration. The CIA and Al-Qaeda beg to differ, because it seems that Al-Qaeda is now becoign marginalized to smaller areas of Pakistan due to the drone activity provided by the CIA, and they are becoming less and less able to strike the west. In all of 2008 (under Bush) only 16 drone strikes were done and there were 32 already this year. Apparently they have been effective and reduced severely the extremist capabilities. Not to piss off the Pakistanis, but it appears that they and teh extemists are both more frustrated by Obamas successful planning.

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SOME NOT-SO-ARTSY CRAFTSY

In his speech at Yad Vashem holocaust center in Jerusalem, the pope was trying to craft a message which did everything but cut to the heart of the matter. Namely, that the 6 million Jews were not killed by some natural tragedy, they were systematically tortured and destroyed by the nazis. Thats a very sad thing. Because if anti-communist Nixon could reach out to China, as the liberal President Clinton could reach out on welfare reform, and as Ronald Reagan could produce the earned income tax credit, they all were able to go against their stereotype. Members of the Hitler youth group were Nazi party members, who pursued with vigor their horrible task. The least he could have done would be to use the word "NAZI" (the party of the Hitler youth of which he was a member), when describing the perpetrators of this awful tragedy. It would not bring any of the dead back to life, but it would give those that survived a bit of a better pulse rate to hear that from the head of the Catholic church. But he worked around those words and was not so artsily crafty.

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THAT JEW, WHO KNEW

US Senate candidate from Arkansas Kim Hendren recently decided to rally the party faithful with a statement that typically comes from Republicans (sometimes in public and sometimes more private). He reffered to Democratic Senator for NY Chuck Scumer as "that Jew". Mr. Hendren says he regrets usign the term at that meeting, well obviously...because that meeting was accessible. If this keeps up the Republicans will stay 9 short of a minyan for a whole lot longer.

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KEEPING CURRENT ON DICK DALE

Dick Dale, king of the electric guitar whose credits include the Frankie Avalon beach movies turns 72 today. Dick renewed his fame when his track was played with the opening scene of the movie Pulp Fiction, and we have seen him live as well. In the movies he had a scene where he played the electric guitar in the water. We at the Faux are great fans of Mr. Dale, but in terms of attempting an electri guitar in the water we say…please don’t try this at home.

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A PANIC ATTRACT

The Obama administration has been displaying its habit of using very calming language instead of very alarming of even disgusting language (case in point; H1N1 virus instead of “swine flu”). Nevertheless, we are seeing that less hysterical descriptions are resulting in more reasoned responses. The reason is because when we are led by a mature government, we tend to mature as a nation and act more responsibly. Wait, this just in…Egypt is killing every pig in their country…to be continued

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SING CANTOR SING, JUST 9 SHORT OF A MINYAN

With the departure of Sen. Arlen Specter and the imminent defeat of Norman Coleman in Minnesota, there is only one remaining Republican Jew in the congress (and none in the Senate) and that is Eric Cantor. If the Republicans really love the Jews so much (as the RWJ’s – Right Wing Jews falsely believe), why is there only one Republican Jew left in Washington? I mean really, they are still 9 short of a Minyan (a Jewish quorum of 10, required for communal prayer).

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RUSH TO GRUDGEMENT

Rush Limbaugh has “cheered” the departure of Sen. Arlen Specter from the Republican party, and has publicly announced to Specter “take McCain and his daughter with you”. Now first we need a good nickname for Rush Limbaugh; maybe Rush Drugmore or Rush Lymphdraw? We don’t know, but we would value your input. Secondly, this is the new Republican party, and the big tent may not be wide but they sure are high (on something). Because when John McCain is too left wing for you, exactly where is your center? So, thank you Mr. Limbaugh for your rush to grudgement.

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FRIDAY FAUXLOSOPHY

The greatest kind of charity is giving a man a job.

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OUR APOLOGIES TO JON STEWART

Once again, we have plagiarized in advance. On 4/29 we wrote how keeping Kosher and never “pigging out” will help people avoid the swine flu. While we were saying this “tongue in cheek”, apparently our friend Jon Stewart at the Daily Show was thinking the same thing. Last night on his show, he joked about how the Israelis refer to this flu as “Mexico flu” out of fear of mentioning the “Traif Chazzer (non-kosher pig). We apologize Jon, we plagiarized you in advance.

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