FAUX NEWS NETWORK

A J BURNOUT

The Yankees have a pitcher that they signed as a free agent, with what we believe is a five year contract, this year being the second year. Last year while in the regular season he had a 5.00+E.R.A, in the post season he did win a key game in the second game of the World Series. This year, whatever lobotomy he had last year didn’t take hold. He may have a 100 million dollar arm (his contract is more than that), but he has a ten cent head. He just can’t get it together and he’s screwed up game after game, he has lost 10 of his last 11 starts. Here’s the outside, we at FauxNewsNetwork.com propose to be his agent; we see two of the following three manufacturers as possible sponsors, Rolaids or Tums (obviously one or the other and since the Yankees advertise them as well). We think a partnership with Johnny Walker Black, of Johnny Walker Company would be in order. Because, when you watch AJ Burnout, I’m sorry again, Burnett, pitch you want to take antacids and drink.