IF IT AINT BROKERED?...

There is a definite similarity between what brokers and airplane pilots do, but there is an eerie difference as well. Your airplane pilot is figuratively and actually in the plane with you...your broker is not.

SOME (MORE?) POLITICAL ILL IN ILL.

While the NY Yankees were failing (at least as of Tuesday) to financially induce pitcher C.C. Sabathia to sign with them, another far less legitimate pitch was being made. That was regrettably by Illinois Gov. Rod R. Blagojevich pronounced according to the NY Times Bluh-GOY-uh-vich, whose middle initial maybe "R" but his political affiliation is "D" as in Democrat. As is now widely known Blagojevich was scheming to sell the US Senate being vacated by President-elect Barack Obama. Let's be clear here, even if the "clear channels" bunch proves not to be, no one, but no one including the FBI investigators armed with stacks of evidence and hours of tapped tapes is even hinting that Mr. Obama had even the slightest bit of culpability, much less knowledge of what was going on here. In fact it is known in Chicago circles that Mr. Obama has long been estranged from Mr. Blagojevich.
Briefly, the plot the Governor had hatched involved many anticipated nest eggs including getting millions in bribes, eventually a non-profit funded (in his mind, in his scheme) by such people as Warren Buffett and Bill Gates, and revenge against reporters who had criticized him in the bargain. While millions or more words are sure to be sent and spoken on this matter, we at the Faux hope that complete truths will be the norm rather than just complete sentences. We would hope they would emphasize the fact that to repeat this scandal has nothing whatsoever to do with our President-elect and that in fact Democrat Blagojevich replaced a disgraced Republican Governor George Ryan. Mr. Ryan's claim to fame, or should we say infame, is that he is now in prison for racketeering and federal fraud. This prison (we're guessing) and even maybe his cell, has room for a new roommate.

WE PLAGIARIZE IN ADVANCE AGAIN; THIS TIME IN THE NY TIMES

Most if not all of you loyal Fauxvians know that since our inception (when was that?) we have compared President GW Bush to another stubborn, folksy aristocratic commander, Captain Edmund John Smith. In review, Captain Smith was a self-assured, from the gut leader whose writing contained the phrase "I never met an obstacle I couldn't personally overcome." Alas, he was also a bit lazy and when he wasn't at his best he wanted his rest and got it, no matter what the circumstances. This lead to his leaving the bridge of his ship despite reports they were in an ice zone and leaving a novice on watch. His ship of course was the Titanic, bad job reviews followed. So when this past Sunday the NY Times featured a cartoon by Mike Luckovich of the Atlanta Journal Constitution we were "caught again," plagiarizing again. What is depicted is a ship named the "Bush Presidency" illustrated very much like the Titanic, sinking in ice filled waters. At the front of the now doomed vertical craft is Mr. Bush in a captains outfit proclaiming his regret that the iceberg chose collision. It stopped short of saying if we don't keep shopping the iceberg wins.
Link: http://projects.ajc.com/gallery/view/opinion/luckovichdec08/

IN MEMORY OF RIVKA AND GAVRIEL HOLTZBERG

In India, the world's largest democracy (yes that's right), it became very unsafe for the first time in a long time. For the first time in virtually any time it became unsafe to be Jewish in India. The Chabad center in Bombay it seems was one of the specific targets of the terrorists and a number at the Jewish center there were wantonly murdered including Rivka and Gavriel (known to his friends as "Gabby") Holtzberg. They left behind a two-year old son who will never know his wonderful special parents. He is not and will never be alone however because his community, or should we say communities of Jews, the Chabad group to name one, will be there for him. We at the Faux grieve for the Holtzberg family and we encourage you to donate to help support them at www.chabadindia.org

Joe's Lost-er Man?

Who can forget, whatever candidate you chose, “Independent Democrat” Joe Liberman's non stop presence along side of , behind, and in the ear of (as in to help with the necessary Sunni Shiite distinctions, for one thing) GOP candidate John McCain. Then the American people spoke and everyone waited for the Democratic leadership to have the pleasure of stripping Ole Joe of his cherished Homeland Security Chairmanship. The precedent was there wasn’t it, didn’t George W Bush with almost a 1 ½ % victory margin in 2004 say, “I’ve got political capital and I’m going to spend it”, although we had no idea at the time just how sub prime his ‘capital’ would be. But lo, beyond the Democrats leadership was the Democratic leader, President elect Barack Obama who let it be known he wanted Senator Lieberman to keep his post. This was not “no drama”. Obama, but was instead “a more mellow drama” Obama. And Joe Lieberman should in the name of common sense have found his way and from now on be the best team player he can possibly be. Think about it Ole Joe, if you’d been a Republican who crossed President Bush, you’d have been sleeping with the gefilte fishes.

AM Radio, PM Mood, Something to Be Thankful For

The mood of Rush, Bill O and Sean is of course bleak those days. We’re not sure how people who’ve lived off an anti-Semitic under tone sit Shiva politically but they’ve still got (almost) two months of cherishing President Bush, and not having to fear not having the use of fear itself. One of their most often used much devices to justify a reversal of the Constitution at “24” hours notice (yes, Jack Bauer is back) is to quote the imminent supreme court justice Robert Jackson as follows “the Bill of Rights is not a suicide pact”. On being fair and balanced we wonder if they’ll remember (as their “war on Christmas season approaches) another thought from a supreme justice, “if we don’t have the freedom of irreligion, then we don’t have freedom of religion” which seems quite relevent. Go know, the source of this wisdom is that very same gentleman, Robert Jackson; aren’t facts fun. And speaking of religious freedom that is one of the things we should truly be most thankful for at this Thanksgiving time.

SO YOUR NEW DOCTOR SAID "I DON'T BELIEVE IN MEDICINE"

Yeah, imagine that. Your old doctor retires and your new one to whom you have been referred says by the way he doesn't really believe in medicine. At least that's what he says when he introduces himself to you. Or say your airplane pilot doesn't believe in flight plans, FAA bulletins, or updated weather reports. How about if the detective trying to track down the person who robbed your irreplaceable belongings doesn't believe in forensics or databases concerning similar crimes. And even more chilling, say you need emergency surgery and the on-call surgeon doesn't like to spend lots of time reading the latest medical journals or improved techniques on blood clotting or other possible complications. No, this medical practitioner prefers to operate on instinct. Feel better and...safer yet? No huh, so why did we so uncritically accept Ronald Reagan's "government is the problem" or the "fuzzy math" (fuzzy to him obviously) disclaimer of G W. Bush regarding economic matters, so tranquilly. No one can be any good at a profession in which they don't believe so lets see just what President-elect Obama can do, but wait on judging him until hes had the chance to actually do it. Since the 2 aforementioned presidents, R.R. and W, along with Bush Sr. combine to produce over 85% of the total debt incurred in our history and none of them much liked government, we've got 2 questions. First, can anyone doubt these supposed "fiscal conservatives" weren't very traditionally conservative or very fiscal for that matter, and second, if they disliked the idea of government why the f&%k did they run?

WISE WIZARD OF THE WEEK AWARD

This goes by acclamation to Northern Reb for his precinct prediction of Mr. Obama getting 338 electoral votes was by far the closest of any of our pundits. And for a long time that was his exact total. Mr. Obama's performance exceeded that number of course, but N. Reb's performance far outdid that of Ray S. T. Coadd, C. A. Sandras, and of course Norman who was at once so very certain and so very wrong.

FAUXNEWS; THE AFTERMATH

It's obvious America has spoken at the ballot box and how; the plurality achieved by President-Elect Barack Obama is greater than both of George W. Bush's victories combined. And it appears when the count is complete you could add Bill Clinton's re-election margin his second time around and Mr. Obama's advantage would still be more. We are working on some post election features which may become regular so what may follow over the next few days is our trial run.

ELECTION PREDICTIONS

Norman;
Obama loses with 268 electoral votes and losing another 70 to states with voting machines, recounts etc. Supreme court insists on a revote. When Mr. McCain wins, please please don't aggrevate him. Just because your blood pressure is up don't get his up, need incentive? consider this phrase...President Sarah Palin.

Raymond S.T. Coadd;
Thanks to an extreme amount of support from right wing Jews McCain wins every swing state by .0004 percent. McCain loses popular vote by 8 million. To ensure further such “success” the Republicans fund a new organization called “Rabbis for Jews for Jesus” with the motto “better the anti-semite you know than the anti semite you don’t”.

Charles A. Sandras;
Obama wins after a 60 day recount due to challenges involving among other things ACORN. For those not familiar with ACORN’s problems, homeless people given vote list to fill out completed one list with the names Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck. The republicans base their protest on 2 factors. 1. Sexism because Minny Mouse and Daizy Duck were not included and 2. The notorious rightwing Disney would have only republican characters. The democrats finally win believe it or not when supreme court justice Scalia changes his vote due to family values issues upon learning that both Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck plan to come to the polls as usual not wearing pants.

Northern Reb;
Obama wins with 300 electoral votes. Ohio goes to McCain; Florida and Pennsylvania to Obama. McCain goes back to denouncing Falwell and Palin immediately announces a 2012 run. She hires Karl Rove as her manager.

APPROVING THE MAN WITH SOMETHING TO PROVE

With all the high-flying political rhetoric amidst the backdrop of our low flying stock market, focus on Iran-and the threat it poses to the middle east, particularly Israel-has gone into the background. Just this past month Israel approached our country seeking our approval as it were to pre-emptively strike Iran should the situation require. The Bush administration gave a flat out "no" and it goes without saying that a disapproving United States pressures Israel on many levels. Mr. Bush's reasons are his own-well it seems they always are, but among the factors here is that he may well feel since he had so long talked the talk about loving/supporting/courting (take your pick) of Jews and Israel and that he no longer needs their votes, he has nothing to prove. And therein lies the rub and the special way in which Barack Hussein Obama, the man with something to prove, may be the best thing for Israel, ever. Consider the very Conservative publication Ha'aretz in Israel-there's this idea Obama may well be one of the best if not the best friend Israel has ever had in the White House.

Let's review some quick history: Harry Truman, a Democrat we should remind the Republicans who claim to revere him, recognized Israel and was followed into office by Dwight D. Eisenhower. President "Ike" gave Israel his sympathy (perhaps) but nothing else, and to be brutally frank, sympathy is hard to lock and load. Then came JFK, whose father Joe in the words of so many in that time was not unsympathetic to a lot of the "ambiance" of Nazi Germany, to put it politely. So then JFK had something to prove, and that he did, sending Israel the arms she would eventually need in the 1967 Six Day War, need as in to survive.

To make a very long story just a bit more concise later came Nixon, that old "commie baiter" himself. But it was he who thus could and did choose to open relations with communist China. On point it was a Democrat, President Bill Clinton, who would engineer the greatest welfare reform, far more to the center than many would have predicted in his presidency. So worry not fearful Jews, heed the words of Ha'aretz, often called the "Fox News of Israel" which mentioned the Kennedys (not Nixon or Clinton) as making such a point, namely that Barack Middle Name Hussein Obama, the man with something to prove, will prove it to Israel's benefit. If you need further hints, it's known that many Arab states, specifically Saudi Arabia, are very un-thrilled at the prospect of an Obama presidency. Finally think, really think of what men like our current President Bush who feel they have nothing to prove regarding Israel have done outside of rhetoric. It took Mr. Bush over seven years to even visit Israel, and this past summer he forbid her to take any preemptive action against Iran should a nuclear strike seem imminent. Right, he doesn't have to help Israel, just profess his love, because he's the man with nothing to prove.

BEWARE OF THOSE REPUBLICAN SOCIALISTS

It takes a desperate man to sing a desperate song and in the last days of this campaign we find the socialist tune that the McCain bunch is singing about Barack Obama is hard on the ears as well as the mind. We are told and retold that Mr. McCain has a deep admiration for Theodore Roosevelt and Ronald Reagan and that they are in fact his personal role models. We would hope then that at some point Mr. McCain learns their actual views. That's because T.R. was one of the first passionate advocates of the progressive income tax (wealth redistribution) and R.R. originated the earned income tax credit (tax welfare?) to people making low incomes. Were these men socialists? According to McCain and Palin the answer would be yes if it serves them politically and if you take a fair and balanced look, ideologically Presidents Theodore Roosevelt and Ronald Reagan are socialists or maybe even Marxists compared to the current Republican ticket.

MAVERICK UPDATED

Circa 1960 there was a TV western show named “Maverick” about a gambler in the old west starring the gifted actor James Garner. There was poker, lovely ladies, gunfire and some fun plots, and our hero Brett Maverick of course survived it all. But most of all, the Maverick then had a warm heart and was never, ever mean. Times have changed.
MAVERICK
Who is the tall, dark stranger there? Maverick is the name. Ridin' the trail to who knows where, Luck is his companion, Gamblin' is his game. Smooth as the handle on a gun. Maverick is the name. Wild as the wind in Oregon, Blowin' up a canyon, Easier to tame. Riverboat, ring your bell, Fare thee well, Annabel. Luck is the lady that he loves the best. Natchez to New Orleans Livin on jacks and queens Maverick is a legend of the west. Riverboat, ring your bell, Fare thee well, Annabel. Luck is the lady that he loves the best. Natchez to New Orleans Livin on jacks and queens Maverick is a legend of the west. Maverick is a legend of the west.

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FROM THE DIARY OF KARL ROVE-EARLY SEPTEMBER 2008 I never liked this guy, I mean really he was against our tax cuts, said the war in Iraq would be difficult if it worked at all, never wanted to drill and even said (in his 2000 life) that if we repealed Roe vs. Wade many American teenagers would face unsafe abortions. Well, he has changed, but I just don't know. He's saying (not doing of course) all the right things, that he's against lobbyists (only 49 are on his campaign staff), and if he doesn't get self serve cred with Carly Fiorina, when does he? Oh, she was actually fired by Hewlett-Packard as chief executive but the stock was only down 50% from when she started; haven't these shareholders ever heard of the glass (ceiling?) half full? Anyway, Ms. Fiorina got a $42 million severance for herself-so she understands Republican business principles. So I guess that rebel bit of his will work, remember if you fool some of the people all of the time (sorry Lincoln you never were our type of Republican), -- oh my gosh he's just appointed Sarah Palin as his VP. Let me check, yes she's more religious and less scientific that Dub, this might just work with the voters and fool enough women too. Maybe he can really pull off that "Maverick" thing, if we just say it long enough and loud enough, yawn and...a channel with old westerns starring James Garner begins to play as Karl drifts off into wish and song...

Who is the false talk changer there
Maverick is his claim
Rewritin' himself to who knows where
A faith based veep companion
Earmarks are her game

Ruthless on how the truth is spun
Maverick is his claim
To bend to the base that must be won
Fear’s our best companion
Mock O’s middle name

Stock exchange ring your bell
The fundamentals all are well
With luck we can either bribe or dupe the rest
Mac blew off New Orleans
While living on Cindy's means
So Maverick as a legend serves him best
Yes Maverick as a legend serves him best

Stock exchange ring your bell
Having 8 digs is swell
Tough luck to those who have one home at best
Straight talk's a long lost dream
with Palin his "no thanks" queen
So maverick as a legend serves him best
Yes maverick as a legend serves him best

FRIDAY FAUXLOSOPHY

There may be few more important decisions for an individual than weighing relief of the moment versus satisfaction over time.

FOR THE "RIGHT" TO WIN, STOP THE RIGHT TO VOTE

They are at it again in Ohio among other places, they being the "patriotic" Republican party which loves America so much that it just doesn't want too many of us to vote. It's no secret that in the last few decades, if not longer, the Republicans have wished (some say prayed) for bad weather and bad voter turnout, while the Democrats have hoped for just the opposite. But since controlling the weather prayer wise or otherwise, the G.O.P. has tried to do it court wise, or in our point of view court-wise guy. Who can forget the "felonless" of Florida in 2000 which may have helped change the history of this country? More recently they tried and failed in a split the electoral vote scam in California, so now (some of) their current focus is on suppressing voters in Ohio and Michigan. In Ohio, their first attempt which the Supreme Court denied focused on "inconsistencies" in voter roles including such threats to Democracy as typo's and hyphens involving just a few individuals so they, the Republicans, naturally sought to challenge the right to vote of many thousands of citizens. This of course was done in Democratic districts. In Michigan they really put the compassionate conservatism (they don't really try and sell that crap anymore, huh) by arguing that those who had had their homes foreclosed shouldn't be allowed to vote since they no longer had an official address.
We are sure in other states, and in other ways right up until the polls close on November 4th and maybe after in recounts, the righteous right that so loves America will continue to mess with the right of Americans to vote.
Still there is the chance that Mr. Obama might just win, and maybe this one time Republican die hearts should think beyond the moment and put their country and their own posterity first. That noted, we say to the voter suppression, regression, and aggression bunch, please for the sake of your party and your legacy take something into account. Take into account that while you are perceived by so much of America to have (inadvertently?) grabbed the 2000 election, and may well have (accidentally?) benefited from the Diebold machined on Ohio in the 2004 election you would have to outright heist this one in 2008. You wouldn't then have a very supportive America or for that matter a very proud posterity. So look one time in the mirror as you reflect on history.