A THAIN IN THE BUTT

John Thain was the former Merrill Lynch executive who handed 4 billion dollars in bonuses to his former employees just as the firm was being taken over by Bank of America. He is the same gentleman who spent 1 million dollars to renovate his office with such things as a pair of chairs for $87,000, the famous commodore legs for $35,000, as well as many other assorted goodies.

Here's the fascinating part about Mr. Thain; many insiders believe that he was John McCain's choice for to be the Secretary of Treasury. And if people wonder why we at the Faux are still intense about the election that the good guys already won, its because it's increasingly more frightening what might have been had they lost.
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SOME PRETTY TONE DEFT STUFF

President Barack Obama's first interview was not given to a member of the US press, it was given to Al-Arabiya a moderate Arab Saudi station. No President before Barack Obama even used the word Muslim in his inaugural address, but we predict that almost every President afterwards will. And President Obama tome here was pretty open; he spoke about his own Muslim relatives, about having lived in Muslim countries, and he said "all too often the US starts by dictating". Obama wants to start with everyone listening, not just the moderate Palestinians, not just the moderate Israeli's, but Hamas the everyone includes you.
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FRIDAY FAUXLOSOPHY

The earth revolves and evolves and so must our brains.

THE CONSERVATIVE MOMENT ON STAGE - WE HAVE NOTHING TO FEAR SO MUCH

Reading Bill Kristol in the NY Times on January 26th reminds us of a line said by John Stewart on The Daily Show "Oh Bill Kristol, are you ever right?" We would actually rephrase that to say "Oh Bill Kristol, are you ever even center?" Bill Kristol looks back to the times of Ronald Reagan and attempts to enumerate all the positive legislation that conservatives have proposed, and we are thinking Iraq, Katrina, the stock market, social security in the stock market, what planet was he watching?

Conservatives have never been good at governing, they have been good at electioneering. They are good at using methods of hate and fear which they have done by their own admission and will continue doing as long as it works. This leads us to one of our main quotes by Karl "Roosevelt" Rove "we have nothing to fear other than not having the use of fear itself".

P.S. In his article Bill Kristol does mention FDR, but he only mentions a speech he gave after Pearl Harbor, purposely missing his message about how Republicans use fear to grab government, not to run government.
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HERE'S TO HOPING PITTSBURGH STEELS THE DEAL

Kudos to the Roonies, owners of the Pittsburgh Steelers, for taking a stand so unlike their fellow owners in the NFL. Specifically they came out in support of a non-Republican candidate, obviously our now President Barack Obama. The NFL has been described by Faux News Network as the ultimate communist cabal among very rich right wing Republicans as they share their unbelievable lucrative TV contracts and charge such high license fees that the NY Giants are receiving most of the money for the new stadium on the backs of the fans who have been loyal for 5 or 6 decades.

For this reason we give kudos to the Roonies for taking this stand, and we predict the Pittsburgh Steelers will continue to take their "stand" and we are rooting for the Steelers and with all due respect to the Arizona team (which has a great story) they just may not be in the "cards".
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OILS WELL WITH LEBANON

We heard on ESPN sports and apparently its correct that the only Arab country that has been a democracy from day 1 is Lebanon. It is also the only Arab country that has never had oil. Due to their lack of oil they actually had to take care of their people, encourage citizens to work and give women equal voting rights.

So oils well in Lebanon...because they have none.
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WE PLAGIARIZE IN ADVANCE...AGAIN

As you know, prior to the campaign being settled we at the Faux had a number of nicknames for a number of candidates. We called Hillary Clinton "Hillium" (not Billary), we called Mike Huckabee who always seemed to be 3rd in the polls "Mike Heck-of-a-three" and we called Mitt Romney who changed all his positions "Flit Romney". Rudy Guiliani who had one good day in his life (9/11, a Tuesday) became "Rudy Tuesday", are our now recently inaugurated President we called "Barack to the Future" Obama. He was actually saluted with exactly that title at the Australian open two days ago, exactly 17 months after we first gave him that title.

We have plagiarized in advance in the past, but we have seldom plagiarized this far in advance. Again, that's the up and over from down under and we thank the Aussies for saluting our President and of course when we plagiarize next in Australia we will attampt to make it on a more current basis.
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NEW WEBSITE

A specialized website which many men and a few women should subscribe to (we havent started it yet but we already have the name) and it is

www.shegivesawaymypunchline.com
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FUNDAMENTAL TRUTHS

By most accounting's, the Presidential inauguration had just under 2 million people in attendance, and by all accounting's (confirmed by the Washington DC police) a number that will never again be equaled...there were zero arrests. What we at the Faux wish, is that all fundamentalist society's (including but not limited to the Arab Mullah's and the American right wing "am" talk show bunch et el.) look and see the honest spontaneity of these people celebrating the American way of life and way of deciding government. This was spontaneous, unless they really believe or tell their respective hoards (or herds, take your choice) that these 2 million people gathered together 3 days before for rehearsal to "get it right". But "get it right" is what this crowd did, it was there for the right reason, and unlike when Saddam Hussein's statue was toppled and people were paid to cheer, in this case people paid for the privilege of cheering and are happy they did so. It was America at it's best and Americans at their best.

Again we hope the fundamentalist society's that we have mentioned have taken notice. And maybe despite themselves they will learn something... anything.
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BRIDGE SALE AT THE FAUX

We are looking to sell the Gowanus bridge, we can't sell the Brooklyn bridge because we have already sold that this month and we never sell the same bridge twice in a month. But here's how we're going to do it; we need a subcription list of the NY Post. On the front page of the NY Post and the NY Times is an article regarding the indictment of former power broker (and Senate majority leader) of NY Joseph Bruno, indicted in a $3 million scandal. In the NY Times front page article it is never pointed out that he is a Republican and neither is it (of course) in the Republican leaning NY Post.

But here is where we sell the bridge; We found subscribers to the NY Post that really believe that if Bruno had been a Democrat that it wouldnt have been a leading part of the front page article in the NY Post, and also we will sell those who believe that if the NY Times had printed the same article on a Democrat wouldnt have mentioned it in the article, the right wing "am" folks (who will hopefully soon be "pm") would not have been howling. Anyways, Gowanus bridge; reasonable price, great view, full usage and inside information into the traffic pattern.
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FOLKSINESS PART 2

Now of course the former Senatorial contender from NY Caroline Kennedy was a presumptive choice to replace former Senator Clinton. Her big problem you know is that you know has that you know kind of you know speaking crutch you know. So that's the beauty of folksy, because when you are folksy you deliberately don't want a speaking coach, alas in the case of Caroline Kennedy she really needed one. And therefore Caroline, verbally we never knew ye...we really never got to know Caroline Kennedy, but we hope she'll be back on the public scene sometime soon, in the meantime - folksy on!
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HEY LOOK GOP...WE'RE DOIN' FOLKSY

We at the Faux have always said that smugness, cutsiness and folksiness are the three classic sins. Smugness fools you, it doesnt fool your opponents, rather it makes you fool yourself. Cutsiness just nauseates you. But Folksiness is downright dangerous, look at former President Bush and his group. Now, we're tols that Kirsten Gillibrand the new Senator from NY is a centrist, and as the NY Times headlines says...she is "folksy". And here we thought that definition was reserved for Republicans...
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AND THEIR REALLY MEAN TO THEIR ENEMIES

The military wing of Hamas as in the past has showed themselves in the present to be some pretty twisted misters. They have been torturing members of Fatah for the following crimes; being moderate and (and it doesn't get any more traitorous that this) smiling in public. We at the Faux have a number of questions (not that Hamas would answer them). First, what are the penalties for sarcasm? Second, since these are your Arab brethren, what are your plans for your enemies?

P.S. These torture methods include eye gouging, leg shooting and roof throwing among others.

THE FINAL 4

Hillary Clinton was confirmed 94-2 for Secretary of State, which makes her the 4th in line to the Presidency, following the President, Vice President and speaker of the house. Yes, she didnt win the oval office, but she did make it into the final 4.

A DIET INTELLIGENTLY DESIGNED

In Hudson station (Washington DC) on election day there was a 20 minute line to buy the newspaper, as many people wanted it as souvenirs. We at the Faux bought the Washington Post for our friends back in New Haven, and one interesting piece that caught our eye was on Ann Coulter. We at the Faux believe that Ann Coulter and Laura Ingram really make us examine (and believe in) intelligent design. Think about it; those two ladies are destined to never reproduce...and it doesn't get much more intelligent than that. And then there was Oprah's magazine, in which G-d bless her "ever increasing" diet advice, we feel that Oprah giving advice on dieting is comparable to Dick Cheney giving a lecture on constitutional law.