Wednesday, January 28, 2009

WE PLAGIARIZE IN ADVANCE...AGAIN

As you know, prior to the campaign being settled we at the Faux had a number of nicknames for a number of candidates. We called Hillary Clinton "Hillium" (not Billary), we called Mike Huckabee who always seemed to be 3rd in the polls "Mike Heck-of-a-three" and we called Mitt Romney who changed all his positions "Flit Romney". Rudy Guiliani who had one good day in his life (9/11, a Tuesday) became "Rudy Tuesday", are our now recently inaugurated President we called "Barack to the Future" Obama. He was actually saluted with exactly that title at the Australian open two days ago, exactly 17 months after we first gave him that title.

We have plagiarized in advance in the past, but we have seldom plagiarized this far in advance. Again, that's the up and over from down under and we thank the Aussies for saluting our President and of course when we plagiarize next in Australia we will attampt to make it on a more current basis.
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Posted by Unknown at Wednesday, January 28, 2009

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The Faux News Network Principles

A) We distort, you abide
B) Or we retort if you deride, unless we choose not to
C) Complete sentences are acceptable in lieu of complete truths
D) It’s OK to criticize the 2006 Democratic Congress for all America’s problems since 2001
E) We shoot from the flip
F) We’re not always accurate but we’re always certain
G) On what we feel is wrong in this world, we can’t stop people from saying I don’t agree or I don’t care, but we won’t let them say I didn’t know
H) The director’s board has a whim of irony
I) In times of emergency, we should rally around our President: In times of democracy he should do the same for us
J) We proudly plagiarize in advance, examples available upon request
K) It’s easy to be fun-based when you’re fact based
L) Good news parody makes for good news parity
M) And, of course, our goal is and always will be to be the most trusted name in Faux News