TAKING A DOG POUNDING

Now suspended Atlanta Falcons QB Michael Vick is currently facing Federal charges involving a large scale dog fighting operation.  A statement (supposedly authored by Mr. Vick) was read by his attorney, Billy Martin, in which he (Mr. Vick) “respectfully asked” that people withhold judgment until “all the facts are in”.  Fair enough, but we at the Faux do like animals, especially those that help people, like dogs, and don’t like people who abuse them, acting, well kind of like animals.  Oh, and regarding Vick’s future statements, we’ll actually listen to and/or  read them when he actually writes them.

STRAY CAP NUTS

 Good news from Iraq; by barring cars in Baghdad during the celebration of their team’s winning of the Asia Cup in soccer, there were no car bombings during the festivities.  Now the bad news: at least 4 Iraqi’s were killed and 17 wounded by stray gunfire joyfully set off to commemorate this victory.  Imagine what these guys do when they lose.

FRIDAY FAUXLOSOPHY

The only truly free market is a truly fair market.

NOW THAT YOU'RE SIXTY AND MORE

Happy Birthday to Mick Jaggar - now that you're 64, and still loved and...still listened to. Hopefully, in about, no make that exactly 2 years from now, those of you blogging in on the faux will still consider me a friend.

Editor's note; On behalf of the staff and friends of the Faux News Network, we wish a very Happy Birthday to our founder Mr. Norman Bender. Norman, May G-d bless you with a year of health, happiness, and continued success in all your endeavors. We love you!

THE NEW CENSURIONS

    Senator Russ Feingold, D-Wisconsin, has proposed
something with no legal significance but maybe some moral, and that is
to call for a motion in the Senate to censure President Bush.  Mr.
Feingold feels it should be on the record that the American electorate
expects accountability to all that’s gone wrong in Iraq, and, on point,
Gordon Smith, R-Oregon, said recently also on the record in session,
that this Iraq situation “may have criminal elements”.  David
Brooks, however, has commented this action might make Republicans who
wish to distance themselves from the president be drawn to defend
him.  Ironic, isn’t it, if despite Mr. Feingold’s attempt to be a
uniter, he winds up being a divider instead.  But . . . if that
proves to be the case, we’d expect Mr. Brooks to consider such
misdirection rather presidential, and give Mr. Feingold support
accordingly, because, that is a precedent we at the Faux did not “pull
out of the air”. 

BABBLE ON POSTSCRIPT

    On this week’s “Meet the Press”, David Brooks talked
uncritically on our president’s serenity that his cause in Iraq is, and
always has been just.  We have to choose between loosing, Brooks
asserts, 125 Americans a month over the next 5 years while “stabilizing
Iraq” OR ten thousand (10,000) Iraqi deaths a month.  Bob Woodward
asked him where that number came from; Brooks’ answer was lengthy and
qualified as his forte but then he quietly (and quickly) allowed that
he just “TOOK THAT 10,000 OUT OF THE AIR”.  The caps are ours, his
was a confessional whisper.  These seconds of candor are a poor
second to an honest approach, Mr. Brooks.  Really you should be a
beat writer because you never miss a beat, or a trick.

BABBLE ON POSTSCRIPT

    On this week’s “Meet the Press”, David Brooks talked
uncritically on our president’s serenity that his cause in Iraq is, and
always has been just.  We have to choose between loosing, Brooks
asserts, 125 Americans a month over the next 5 years while “stabilizing
Iraq” OR ten thousand (10,000) Iraqi deaths a month.  Bob Woodward
asked him where that number came from; Brooks’ answer was lengthy and
qualified as his forte but then he quietly (and quickly) allowed that
he just “TOOK THAT 10,000 OUT OF THE AIR”.  The caps are ours, his
was a confessional whisper.  These seconds of candor are a poor
second to an honest approach, Mr. Brooks.  Really you should be a
beat writer because you never miss a beat, or a trick.

WITH APOLOGIES TO THE VILLAGE PEOPLE

(WITH APOLOGIES TO THE VILLAGE PEOPLE) THERE’S



NO MAYBE, THERE’S NO MAYBE, THEY DO TOO, THEY



DO TOO, THEY DO TOO, GET NEW RECRUITS



    Mike McConnell, Director of National Intelligence,
recently conceded and (then nervously digressed) that our occupation in
Iraq has been an excellent device for al-Qaeda to recruit and
indoctrinate in the broader based Sunni extremist community.  The
National Intelligence estimate released this month allows that could
well translate into Homeland attacks, as in right here on us. 
Turns out those in D.C. who always talk about using their tools have
given al-Qaeda real tools . . . so much for our tools.

THE DAVID BROOKS BABBLE-ON DEPT.

    George W. Bush has had no more resilient if nuanced
supporter than columnist David Brooks.  One brief but revealing
exception occurred the night of the 2004 Democratic convention when Mr.
Brooks endorsed John Kerry after hearing him “report for duty” but
reversed his position in less than a day; concerned that . . . Mr.
Kerry might prove to be a flip flopper.  But that aside, to every
presidential misjudgment, Mr. Brooks in his column has extended a
presidential pardon.  So when discussing an unrelated subject to
the Iraq war, he mentioned the Greek philosophy that people “suffer to
wisdom”; we couldn’t help but think, great notion Mr. Brooks.  Why
not continue that thought in your next pro- President Bush column,
because based on learning by suffering under the Bush administration,
many Americans, especially the non-rich, non-health covered are much
wiser, and the Iraq people, by now, again courtesy of Mr. Bush, must
include many Solomons. 

 

FRIDAY FAUXLOSOPHY

It is rarely worth winning an argument if it loses you a friend.

THE PETTY, LOW, GUMPTION DEPT.

    On July 11th, Wolf Blitzer interviewed outgoing
Surgeon General, Richard Carmona.  Dr. Carmona had some stuff to
get off his chest including the pettiness of the Bush administration
which required him to mention President Bush some three times on every
page in every speech he gave.  But what he found to be really low
and what took real gumption was when he was invited to speak at the
Japanese Special Olympics and was DENIED PERMISSION.  When Dr.
Carmona pushed for a reason, he was asked wasn’t he aware that the
Special Olympics movement was founded by those “other” people, namely
the Kennedys and Democrats.  Compassionate conservatives, you
folks be the judge but don’t use this as a case in point of Mr. Bush
being a divider not uniter.  That’s because Stephen Colbert got it
right, OUR PRESIDENT IS A UNITER: 79% of our population can’t stomach
him and his bunch and you don’t get an American electorate any more
united then that.

WE REVILE KYLE

    Makes you think of Joe Torre’s regular use of right
hander Kyle Farnsworth in the Yankee eighth innings as their setup
man.  Well, they’re winning games; duh, can you say in friggin’
spite of?  One other theory:  Tums and Rolaids are having a
bidding war over Joe Torre’s endorsing them, and part of the deal is he
keep trotting out this yo-yo.  Think about it, Farnsworth has
pitched just one (1), 1-2-3 inning since mid-June.  Does he have
compromising photos of Joe Torre?  We’re stumped.

TWO WRONGS MAKING A RIGHT, AND WE AIN’T BEEN ATTACKED SINCE 9/11

    One of the first, and formative political anecdotes
I ever heard was about a farmer interviewed just prior to the 1936
national election.  This man, like so many other honest, hard
working Americans, had been virtually wiped out in The Great Depression
but under FDR’s revitalization, which included power projects to help
irrigate his land, he had come back from the brink to solvency. 
His dust had turned to green.  A reporter interviewing this man
was a bit non-pulsed when this member of the electorate announced he
would be voting AGAINST FDR in the coming presidential race.  This
man explained his thought process in “logic” relevant to much of the
right wing thought of today.  (I paraphrase):  “I voted
against FDR in 1932 and things got good, and I’m gonna do so
again”.  And on point, we believe, it was reported across the
nation, that the president’s own counter-terrorism advisors
acknowledged the grim reality that the Bush strategy for fighting and
weakening Osama bin Laden’s leadership of Al Qaeda has been a total
failure.  They’d get the farmer’s vote.

THE JOHN MCCAIN DOWN MARKET CONTINUED

    As pointed out on “Meet the Press” by Robert Novak,
John McCain has alienated the Republican base on many issues not just
outspoken, attention getting, support for the Iraq war.  These
topics included immigration reform, he feels we need it; global
warming, he knows it’s a hot issue; stem cell research, we presume
right wingers won’t refuse the cures, and campaign finance reform, his
own, alas, is broke.  Add to that his dogged insistence that the
earth is round and there were dinosaurs and you have a dogma
dilemma.  Oh, and talk about having ironies in the fire; the one
time John McCain really compromises his integrity, by going to speak at
Jerry Falwell’s Liberty University, what does it get him?  The
“agent of intolerance” (Mr. McCain’s words, not ours) goes and gets to
test his own theory on an afterlife so he’s no longer any help to the
Senator in this life, if he ever was.  Say, in the interests of
accuracy, we should probably make that ironies in the hellfire. 

OCCUPATIONAL THERAPY DEPT.

    Senator Jim Webb, D-Virginia, got it right this past
Sunday on “Meet the Press”.  Mr. Webb, a combat veteran in
Vietnam, has been there and seen that and feels the Congress and the
nation need to recognize that the so called Iraq war is not a war but
an occupation.  Plus . . . it’s a botched occupation at
that.  And as to our learning curve, Jim Webb is correct again
when he emphasizes that in the 4 years since “mission accomplished”,
we’re still experimenting with our military strategy in that
quagmire.  Can you say mission embellished gang?

FRIDAY FAUXLOSOPHY

    President Bush takes heat from all directions for his stubbornness – which brings us to:

                                                    
THIS FRIDAY’S FAUXLOSOPHY

    Mr. Bush has shown there is something far more lethal than a will of iron: that is a whim of iron.

CUT AND RUM UPDATE

    According to Elisabeth Bumiller of The New York
Times, Donald Rumsfeld is attempting a literary surge of his own and
has taken an office in D.C.  Mr. Cut and Rum himself is planning,
so the word goes, to write a book, on well himself, but is trying to
figure out a way for it not to be dominated by the Iraq war.  Oh
well guess you go to word with the story you have, not the story you
wish you ha

THE UNPARDONABLE BILL CLINTON

     “Scooter” Libby, as all now know, has been
pardoned by the “Insider”, we mean the “Decider”, our president, G.W.
Bush.  Bush, Tony Snow and others were quick to deflect criticism
by pointing out that President Clinton had a few unpardonables of his
own, although none like Libby who’d already been convicted, and might
just sing a song before he got his get out of jail pard.  But
they’ve got a point, particularly in the case of the infamous financier
and accused tax evader, Marc Rich, who was given his own life
mulligan.  What gives us a chuckle at FNN.C, is that Mr. Rich’s
lawyer was the aforementioned Mr. Libby.  See Bubba, what happens
when you trust a Republican.

THEY’RE CUTTING BECAUSE THEY’RE RUNNING

Senator after Senator, loyal Bush supporters on the Iraq invasion are
dividing from their uniter, on mindlessly, heedlessly staying the
course.  Senators Richard G. Lugar of Indiana and Peter V.
Domenici of New Mexico, (whose personal pull back is especially painful
to the administration) are among them, and a veto proof majority (60)
may be building in the Senate to set phase out dates for troop cuts.
But what is causing this to happen now, over four (4) years after
“mission accomplished”?  Perhaps it’s that a number of these
formerly pro-war Republicans are engaging in their own phased
withdrawal, not because they’re scared of terrorists, if they ever
were, but because they’re scared of their own electorate.  You
see, many Republicans, including the prominent Senator Domenici, are up
for re-election in 2008 and they’re cutting now because they’ll be
running then.

SOME GUT WRENCHING GENERALITIES

    It is widely agreed (even by our Generals) as
reported by the Washington Post, that the Iraqi government is unlikely
to meet ANY of the political and security goals or time lines President
Bush set forth in January.  Senior administration officials have
confirmed this, and on point, General David Petreus has recently
acknowledged there will be no military solution in Iraq.  That
noted, Chuck Hagel, Republican senator from Nebraska asserted Sunday on
“Meet the Press”, that with our military bogged down in Iraq, we can’t
find and fight the terrorism in OTHER LOCALES around the world WHICH
ACTUALLY MAY THEATEN US.  What to do: let’s first honestly face
what we haven’t done.  Senator Hagel says a great opportunity was
missed last year by Mr. Bush in not implementing the recommendations of
the Baker Hamilton Commission and, as to those who say if we withdraw,
there’d be a mess, a bold insurgency, and a civil war well . . . what
do we have now?  The commission’s approach may be our only
reasonable course, not perfect but reasonable.  Senator Hagel went
on to draw parallels between this war and the war in Vietnam; he now
feels that like Vietnam, the invasion of Iraq was built, best case, on
an “edifice of distortion”.

    This all brings to mind the thoughts of my dear late
father-in-law, Colonel Robert Matheson, who served under a man named
George Patton, on the front, in the WW II European Theater . . . at the
height.  Bob said to rest assured that Patton’s men did not like
the General one whit.  Robert’s comments were short and to the
point but spoke volumes:  as he explained that when Patton’s
soldiers called him “blood and guts”, we need to remember it was “his
guts, our blood”.   And it doesn’t take a great deal of
thought to see that that’s how Bush, Cheney and company have conducted
their adventure in Iraq: their guts, others blood.  Their cronies
get tax refunds, their children don’t serve while others suffer and
sacrifice.

TORTURE SPIN CYCLE

    I read with interest that Rudolph Giuliani is
separating himself from torture practices which have taken place under
the Bush administration, notably water boarding, a practice, as the
Times pointed out, that was first used in the Spanish
Inquisition.  Spain has long been condemned for that sad chapter
in its history but we need to remember that the Spanish authorities did
not have the strategy of Karl Rove or the tones of Tony Snow to give
them a more respectable voice.  Much can be done with spin and
qualifiers, for example, they might well have described their
philosophy as say “compassionate conversionism”.

THIS FRIDAY'S BEG YOUR PARDON FAUXLOSOPHY

The tragedy of G.W.Bush is that he had the personality of a follower and the charge of a leader.

RUDY: THE POWER OF THREE UP-DATE

    If Hiz911honor were a lost sheep, this past week
would indeed have been a three-bleat.  First the chairman of Mr.
Giuliani’s South Carolina primary operation, Thomas Revenal, had an
operation of his own and was arrested for cocaine trafficking. 
Next there is the specter of another mayor of New York, a man people
actually like, who has chosen to leave the Republican Party but . . .
not center stage as a possible independent presidential
candidate.  And it has been revealed that Mr. the Whole 911 yards
was kicked off the Iraq study because of his attendance record, which
was a below ground zero as in the exact number of meetings he attended,
that’s right, zero.

    Hiz911’s explanation was that the group’s
discussions might have had political overtones; so let’s get this
straight, he put his political image over helping a committee entrusted
with the mission to develop and recommend defenses against a future
terrorist attack.

    Rudy’s explanation reminds us of what Stephen
Colbert said in his appearance on the Bill O’Reilly Show:  to the
effect that Mr. O’Reilly (Mr. Colbert calls him Papa Bear) gets criticized for the
content of what he says, but “never credit for how loudly you say
it.”  Kind of like Rudy’s bullhorn post-9/11 being balanced by the
bull that he did a single pro-active thing before it:  WE think
his supporters are in for a Rudy awakening.

DAVID BROOKS, THE BABBLE-ON DEPT.

As I read David Brook’s description of Scooter Libby being the only one
“sane in this asylum” and that of President Bush’s “getting it right”,
I was struck by the thought that Mr. Bush had one more important task
before him in this matter.  That would be, of course, to present
Mr. Libby with the customary Medal of Freedom to add mettle to Mr.
Libby’s actual freedom.  And gang, don’t go worrying about Mr.
Liddy’s (whoops...we had a G. Gordon moment there) I mean Libby's future employment without a law license; he can be counsel in
Dick Cheney’s mythical non-congressional, no executive branch of
government, which also operates without a license. 

YANKEE FANS HAVING FITS

    The Yankee fans among us must acknowledge the oft
reported homily that if the shoe fits, wear it.  That said the
performance of this year’s team must be termed as pucking
fitable. 

A BAD INITIAL IMPRESSION

    Watching Dick Cheney skirt responsibility, and the
Constitution, brings to mind that this past week marked the 35th
anniversary of the break-in at the office of Daniel Ellsberg’s
psychiatrist, Dr. Lewis Fielding.  Mr. Ellsberg, of course, was at
the head of Nixon’s hit list, having been instrumental in the release
of the Pentagon paper but I’ve always been most fascinated by the
identities of the two main perps in this affair: former FBI agent

G. Gordon Liddy and former CIA agent, E. Howard Hunt; talk about
initial bad impressions.  Fortunately, and symbolically, President
Nixon and Vice President Cheney never chose to be called R. Milhouse
Nixon and R. Bruce Cheney, respectively, and that’s a good thing. 
Because with all due respect to all the fine men I know named Richard,
isn’t it fitting that those who know Mssrs. Nixon and Cheney, and
historically we all do, can properly address them as
Dicks.