AND NOW FEMA NEWS, THEY REPORT AND THEY DECIDE

Some time back, we referred to this administration as the commissars of the right; opposing the Russians in ideology but emulating them in style. And as many of you no doubt heard in the tradition of the “spontaneous” town meeting, and their own more foxy version of Pravda, the administration’s news comrades are FEMA-ing their oats again and this time at the scene of the California wildfires where FEMA held a fabulously faux media news conference, with everyone present, but the media. It seems the “reporter’s” questions were asked by FEMA employees to other FEMA employees and, surprise, they approved of themselves. Alas, at least for now, the truth tends to come out in these United States and we’re assured when the administration says they were embarrassed, an emotion we didn’t know they were capable of and they’ve promised the public such a bad act won’t take place again. And you know them; it won’t, at least not without better actors.

IS RUDY TUESDAY ALRIGHT WITH THE EVANGELICAL RIGHT?

On values issues, et al to get healthy poll numbers, Rudy may be socially diseased, according to John McCain who says culturally the Republican base don’t want a new day. So then does Rudy, our own Mr. Mine One One, need to flip on social issues to unite the Republican Party? According to a John McCain memo if he doesn’t flip, he’ll flop. To his credit, Senator McCain also recently reminded us on the torture question that yes, water boarding was, is, and always will be torture, back from when it was first employed, namely in the Spanish Inquisition. To anyone, including Attorney General Nominee Michael S. Mukasey, who thinks it’s OK, we guess that Spanish thing was just the compassionate conversionism of its day, eh.

THE WE PROUDLY PLAGIARIZE IN ADVANCE DEPT, AGAIN

    Of all our favorite principles, none is more fauxly favored than our masthead “we have nothing to fear so much as not having the use of fear itself” and we give all due credit to Karl “Roosevelt” Rove, whose embellishing perspiration was our inspiration.  But now, in Monday’s New York Times the much read and discussed Paul Krugman, has devoted his whole column basically to our concept of what frightens so many Republican politicians the most is a world without being able to frighten Republican voters.  And you know us, gang, if we plagiarize someone in advance once; we predict  . . . we’ll do it again.

CAN A LIBERAL WIN BEN STEIN’S MONEY?

    For the informational benefit of those who don’t know him, Ben Stein is an extremely educated man (Columbia, Yale Law) who went on to be a speech writer for Richard Nixon.  He then gained fame (and some fortune) on Comedy Central TV as a host and creator of shows, but now according to some conservatives has crossed the line, at least party lines as this long, long time Republican has gone frankly, Franken.  We refer, of course, to one Al Franken, noted actor, author, liberal activist and now candidate for the Democratic nomination in the Minnesota Senate seat in play in the 2008 election.  Mr. Stein’s reasons for contributing to Mr. Franken’s campaign include the current Republican’s failure to live up to their self proclaimed legacy as proponents of individual rights, and he gave the party’s desertion of Senator Larry Craig (R) for Idaho as a case in point.  On running against incumbent Norman Coleman, Al Franken who is a native Minnesotan, remarked that in a race of two Jews who’ve resided in NYC, at least one will have actually been born in Minnesota.  Guess that’s the kind of answer which wins Ben Stein’s money.     

FRIDAY FAUXLOSOPHY

    We must never forget that virtually all the freedoms we consider “givens” in their formative time had to be “takens”, often at great risk by brave people of good intent.

ZZ FLOP?

    Did Dick Cheney really find the cabinet meeting to discuss the horrible fire situation in California so boring that he fell asleep during said meeting?  Someone should have whispered oil prices rising, that’s the only way you could get a rise out of that Richard head.

RUDY TUESDAY, A BACK STAB NEWSDAY

We at the Faux said it in the spring and we’re saying it now – the Red Sox are the best team in baseball and are well on their way to the franchise’s 7th World Series Championship. That said, Mr. Mine One One, oh we mean 911, Rudy Tuesday (the one day he’s lived off since) has brought his knee pads to New Hampshire, really. You think not, this supposed "all time" Yankee fan (he brags how in NYC elections, he’s told Mets fans so) is rooting and tooting (that’s not a bean town joke) for the Red Sox. If the best team wins the Series fine, at least the Sox’ ascension has showed us how desperate Giuliani is to be the best primary candidate in New Hampshire and in this primary, he’s showing his true colors, indeed, and they ain’t true blue.

THE SUMMIT OF VOTERS VALUED

            This
past week, a politically conservative group called the “Values Voters”, held
their summit, and so they called it the Values Voter’s Summit and all those vying for the Republican
presidential nomination attempted to make the ascent.  We at the Faux truly value values, especially
the valuable ones and on that values thing, would like to offer some
perspective of our own.  Nowadays at
least, virtually all political camps, from far right conservatives to far left
liberals, support certain freedoms and the values they represent as a “given”
though in the struggles of their time, they were not given but had to be
taken.  The abolition of slavery,
securing women’s right to vote, and preserving access to all that is America without
regard to religion or race, among many others, and the values that inspired
them, were anything but unanimous back in the day.  And to be historically fair, conservatives of
those times    r   e   s   i   s   t   e   d      e   v   e  r  y   o  n  e    of these changes though by consensus they do
accept them today.  So here’s our rub,
does anyone every wonder at these “summits” what are they against today, that they
will readily accept as self evident down the road, kind of an “Historical Values
Voter’s Summit”.  That would be a
discussion truly worth a trip up the mountain, for again, values that
historically and morally prove to actually be valuable.

  

           

 

INDEFENSIVELY OFFENSIVE

We heard it in the Vietnam era, and we hear more now than ever and in an increasingly strident voice. It goes something like this: YOU PLAY OFFENSE, YOU DON’T PLAY DEFENSE and, of course, they’re talking about our invasion of Iraq, as a sports analogy but n o t as the quagmire of a war it is, and for the sad record, this conflict has already outlasted, time wise, our involvement in WWII. But they make a good point; do Mr. Romney and Mr. Giuliani, two who frequently talk in these terms, because really does anyone ever win in sports by playing any defense? Does a baseball team in the playoffs worry about their defense and pitching, and do the Red Sox really count on Josh Beckett, or does a basketball team concentrate on stopping the opposing teams best, as in blocking shots and, did Bill Russell really help the Celtics to championships? Right, or does a football team worry about a pass rush and great line backing in their Super Bowl runs, and was Lawrence Taylor really that valuable and why would a hockey team ever count on having a great goalie in their run at a Stanley Cup, and did the Canadiens really need Ken Dryden? No, they’d just worry about playing "offense" with no concern with what damage was inflicted against them by the opposition. Yes sir, only play offense said Mssrs. Giuliani and Romney, although as Vietnam eligible draftees, they had six (6) deferments between them, and that, to avoid serving in a war in which they professed to believe. See, they didn’t play offense either, they did what they wanted the American people to do, just play cheerleaders. They just talk the talk, offensively that is.

FRIDAY'S FAUXLOSOPHY

If you write with verve, you can well hit a nerve.

And that said if any out there in the Fauxvian Universe has something to contribute - send it, we'll give it a look, and if you wish (your choice) we'll make up our own kind of twisted titles for your offerings; hope to hear.

BUSH AND SCIENCE – POLES APART

    This week, the U.S. Government’s own report card on climate and the Artic indicated some rather low grades as opposed to the environmentally necessary low temperatures for that region.  It seems that since 2005, a full 23% of the ice has melted and the usual new ice made during the winter is just not developing.  To underscore the vastness of the short fall the report pointed out that an area 1 ½ times the size of Texas should have been renewed but simply doesn’t exist.  How can our administration deny or delay coming to grips with such indisputable and ominous warming trends.
    On a related, but hopefully not too belated storyline, Steven Colbert recently mentioned that Hilary Clinton has charged President Bush with waging a war on science, based on his truculence regarding global warming and stem cell research among other issues.  However, Mr. Colbert said that based on the success of Mr. Bush’s other wars, science should eventually be in good shape.  Mr. Colbert’s “optimism” aside, it’s a time honored sales pitch to “get ‘em while they’re hot”, but in the matter of the Artic, the climate trends which threaten it, and the prospect of another such administration following this one, the travel industry may need to advertise to those wanting to visit the Artic “get there while it’s cold”.

ANN PREYING ON

    Ann Coulter has frequently, in the media, been described as praying mantis like, which we at the Faux maintain is unfair, not to her mind you, but to that voracious, but efficient insect.  Besides they consume to live; with Ms. Coulter it seems just the opposite and a case in point is her latest remarks on NBC’s “The Big Idea” that only Christian people had the “fast track” to the Lord.  She went on that Jews had to be “perfected” into being Christians.
    Now we Fauxvians do possibly share one belief with Ann and that is that of intelligent design versus evolution;   w  e  ’r  e   n  o  t      p  r  e  p  a  r  e  d      t  o     r  u  l  e     i   t      o    u    t , we’ll explain.  For the record, she was engaged several times but the marriages were never consummated, maybe the prospective suitors were aware what female mantises do to male mantises, and in any event, her would be spouses evolved to a better place.  But back to the ever preying Ann, at age 45+, who by good fate, fortune, or whatever, appears destined not to reproduce:  Can such a design be called unintelligent?
    Oh, food for thought, (we hope) to people of goodwill, Christian or Jewish, who find themselves, time after time, supporting and voting for the same political candidates as Ms. Coulter; keep in mind,  like all good mantises,    s  h  e       h   a   s t   o      c   o   n   s   u   m   e;  where do you fit in?
 

PROFESSOR ALAN DERSHOWITZ: INDESPUTABLE AND IRREFUTABLE

            We
at the Faux are honored to report that we really do have a report, having
interviewed Professor Alan Dershowitz, the irrefutable one.  Among his subjects of interest (well, they
all were) was Israel
and the constant and growing antipathy (of some) on the left towards the
Israeli’s policy towards the Palestinians and Her approach towards surviving in
general. It
is of note the professor maintained that so few people in the political center,
seem at the center of the discussions on Israel, and gave a rather definite
example of just how slanted this opposition can be.  His example, a memorable one, was found on a
picket sign (one of many he’s faced when speaking) which boldly proclaimed
“Gay’s For Palestine”.  Long story short,
Mr. Dershowitz wondered if those folks with the sign knew what the Palestinians
do to gays.  Well . . . it’s a rather
hard edged response and there’s no easy way to say it, and the punishment does
involve actually making a long story short. 
And . . . speaking of being unfairly cut off, public radio has had Mr.
Dershowitz on a number of times but  w i
l l    n o t   l e t   h i m   s p e a k    o n    I
s r a e l.  His guess and ours is that he
recognizes legitimate arguments on both sides, is not the extreme of their
dreams, and inevitably comes down not on the side of the State of Israel being
perfect, but on the side of they’re having a perfect right to continue being.  That said, we fauxvians wish that the powers
that be at NPR for all their other good works were just a little less tolerant
of the intolerant. 

ON RACE AND INTOLERANCE IN AMERICA: FROM NIXON ON THE REPUBLICANS NEVER MADE A DENT

    They say the Heavens rejoice when one repents, even in their last moments, but in the case of Harry Dent who passed two weeks ago, there was far more time for celebration.  First the bad: while working as a strategist for Richard Nixon’s 1968 campaign, Mr. Dent sought to take advantage of uneasy or just plain bigoted whites who resented the Civil Rights Bill of 1964, using such terms as “State’s rights” and “law and order”, Dent articulated what has been known as the “Southern Strategy” and was given a large amount of credit for Nixon’s 1968 election win.  
    Now for the ugly; this ploy kept working and became such an integral part of the right wing playbook, that Ronald Reagan opened his successful 1980 campaign at Philadelphia, Mississippi, (that of “Mississippi Burning” infamy involving the murder and torture of 3 civil right’s workers), with a pledge of reverence, again, for “state’s rights”.  And unfortunately, such divisive race based strategy, used repeatedly, from Willie Horton on down, has worked for the GOP to this day.  But now the good; in 1981, Harry Dent retired from his politics of darkness and saw the light and left the practice of law to become a Southern Baptist deacon.  That same year in an interview with the Washington Post, he candidly spoke of his “Southern Strategy” as follows:  “When I look back, my biggest regret now is anything I did that stood in the way of rights of black people”, he said, “Or any people.”
    He worked to help build churches and orphanages in Romania and in the end, he proved to be a uniter not a divider:  I wonder if our president, who brags he reads little in the news, saw Mr. Dent’s obituary.
   

FRIDAY FAUXLOSOPHY

    Religion can and should be ideally employed as the best of all guiding lights but by so many in authority, is regrettably used as the most shadowy of camouflages.

CHRIS ON A ROLL

    This weekend my dear son-in-law, Chris Hennessy, will be taking part in a 100 mile bike ride (whew) to raise funds to fight for a cure for MS.  Chris was so diagnosed in the last year but he’s made great strides and, as can be seen by Sunday’s trek, is continuing to cover ground; plus he’s giving a key note speech prior to the event.  So here’s to Chris as he rises to the challenge by riding to the challenge.

A FAUX PHRASEOLOGY ON A GENUINE ICON

Anyone and everyone who follows baseball, knows of the legend of George Herman Ruth, known as the Babe. Babe Ruth was baseball’s first great slugger and given his lack of chemical enhancements, may be still the greatest in that respect; thus the term “Ruthian”. In Greek and Roman mythology, there was a man named Hercules, the offspring of Zeus and Alcamore, who really got a rep for doing the heavy lifting of his day with the result that his level of physical prowess came to be known as “Herculean”.

Babe Ruth did exist although some of his feats are embellished in legend, and Hercules was, of course, born from myth, but there is an individual among us whose challenges and subsequent triumphs should inspire his own descriptive term and that man is Alan Dershowitz and we at the Faux feel the phrase of achievement in his, the legal fields of scholarship and law should be “Dershowitian”. Consider the man stood against the Soviets in the case of Anatoly Sharansky and our government, many times, involving a mind boggling scope of individuals. His clients included Dr. Benjamin Spock, David Crosby, Mike Milken, Mike Tyson, OJ Simpson, Kenny Rogers and even Harry Reems, to name but a few. His successes are as consistent as they are remarkable; they are truly “Dershowitian”. We at the Faux hope to have the honor of meeting Mr. Dershowitz soon.

GEORGE BUSH IN TONGUES

Much is made, in fact we at the Faux believe maybe too much, of our president’s challenge with language, and with well, complete sentences. To be fair, we’ll cite some recent examples but there is to come, the balanced part as well. The president’s veto on the S-Chip bill which passed both the House and Senate and would have given several million children from low income families’ health care is a case in point, and we will use Mr. Bush’s exact words. First he discussed the decision making process, “My job is a decision making job and as a result, I make a lot of decisions”. Oh, OK . . . and he continued “I want to share with you why I vetoed the bill this morning, poor kids first . . .” and again these are his exact words. An impartial observer, even one from a different planet, might be moved to utter but you’re putting poor kids last you . . ., since it’s obvious who’s getting the short end here; as in, is our childrens healing. But, to be balanced, our president is often a clear and even functional speaker (not as in Gettysburg address eloquent) mind you, but only; repeat only, on certain topics. He speaks clearly, when he clearly believes; listen to him on more troop surges, greater tax cuts and the regular use of the death penalty, his tongue is not tied because his mind is free. It’s only on such topics as realistically educating our youth (which does cost actual money) when he has his “is our childrens learning” moments. Again, to be fair and balanced or impaired and imbalanced, take your choice, George Bush is not a clumsy or bad speaker, he’s a clumsy and bad liar. But he is trying sooooo . . . hard not to be as he keeps practicing.