AS OF NOW, MR. OBAMA AND MRS. CLINTON STILL HAVE AN APPOINTMENT WITH THE CONTESTED RACE CARD

Barack Obama for some weeks now, especially in Pennsylvania has been, because he’s had to be, a campaign warrior, but he is anything but a happy warrior. His last victory of any substance was Wisconsin way back on February 22nd, with a way more crucial than originally supposed Indiana primary looming. There are nine more contests, with eight of them being popular vote primaries and while trying to figure who we want (we haven’t yet) it’s just as tough to figure who can recover best from this bruising, and yes, wounding contest. Our offerings: to Barack, accept you may have a stop loss situation before your tour of duty is complete; the battle could go for a while yet. And to Hillary we say, of course, you can rightly continue your possible sojourn to the nomination, but please know, it’s your duty to know when your possible tour has finished and be prepared to leave battles on the battleground.
There is this to remember: the increased Democratic registration has been unprecedented; forcing even the knee reflex right writer George Will to still expect a Democratic victory. This is a contested race, but we feel it’s more about the younger voter issue than the race issue. They may have to decide whether they are true to their ideals or one specific candidate, and ideals are meaningless unless at the end of the game, you show up and play, which means vote.

FRIDAY FAUXLOSOPHY

You will meet many many more people who are really friendly as opposed to those who are really friends.

COULD HILLARY BE MORE POPULAR NOW? OR WHO AS THE DOORS WOULD SAY INTO CAN “TOUCH ME NOW”

Right now the popular vote in the Democratic primaries so far is 14.3 million for Senator Obama and 13.8 million for Senator Clinton. But if you count Florida, which by law apparently Floridians have done, the lead becomes less than 300,000 with still some contests to go. Rep. Shella Jackson Lee (D) from Texas pointed out this past Sunday that she considers (and we at the Faux tend to agree) that the cup is half full or more, because more, a lot more people have shown up to vote in the Democratic primaries than any time in history. The question, so many seem to agree, is who of the three candidates (remember we’ve still got John McCain with the world’s best frozen smile) is most “in touch”. That, alas, seems to have political ads focusing on who’s most not in touch. Naturally they all have a story from Barack’s being raised by a single mother, to Hillary with her ground breaking journey (for a woman) from Yale Law degree to her very realistic presidential candidacy. And Senator McCain, the descendant of not one, but two Navy Admirals had to recover from a grievous stay in Vietnam as a prisoner of war. We wonder, though, if having married the very, very rich Cindy McCain (worth between 100 and 200 million dollars) when he calls the Obama’s and Clinton’s very well off, me thinks the gentleman pretexts too much.

G-D D#$%! IT. OH WAIT, THATS OKAY WHEN ITS THE RIGHT NOT THE WRIGHT

That's it, left wing democrats; we have had enough with out of control ministers. Go ahead and justify the following remarks and the venom they spill. And never mind the caveats that Jeremiah Wright's remarks were based in 2001 - we've got more stuff from that era and more recent as well. Consider this one (in condemnation of the Catholic Church); "when Adolf Hitler came to power he said I'm not going to do anything in my lifetime that hasn't been done by the Roman Church the past 800 years". Okay, and then there's this (regarding Muslims in America); "this survey revealed that while American Muslims live in America, 82% are not loyal to America". More recently there came this explanation (Sept 18, 2006) of the devastation of Hurricane Katrina; "I believe that New Orleans had a level of sin that was offensive to G-d". Enough Reverend Wright, Enough.
Ragingly and righteously submitted.

P.S. Ahem, uh well, it turns out all the above quotes were actually made by ardent John McCain supporter Pastor John Hagee, but don't worry my right winged angels (that does make us fly in circles huh) while they (the quotes) are on video, John Stewart who aired them (and his audience) are sworn to secrecy. Besides Senator McCain when confronted with such statements said none the less "I'm glad to have his endorsement" but he smiled that warm and frozen smile of his, so it's alright, right? So take that selective listeners on the left. How about Michelle Obama's senior thesis in her college years. that's got to be more relevant.

THE SHUT YOUR TRAP BECAUSE IT IS A TRAP FAUXLOSOPHY

To Michelle Obama, Bill Clinton, and Reverend Jeremiah Wright, take a breath. First we could use the break because taking that pause would mean you are not talking because in this You Tube age when you open your trap, you can fall into a trap. Consider please that given the tenor of your sound bites the ones who can be bitten are the ones you claim to love and/or support. So please give us less ego, less sounds, and for those who need you at their back or by their side, less traps.

SOME CORRESPONDING THOUGHTS

There may never be a white house correspondence dinner to match the 2006 classic engineered by Stephen Colbert. Nonetheless, the 2008 edition (Mr. Bush's last) featured his own unique brand of, heh heh, humor. He attempted to play the political pundit and talked about all the 3 major candidates for his office. He mentioned John McCain not being there, allowing that Mr. McCain wanted to distance himself from him, he noted Hillary Clinton's absence by saying that she couldn't get through the sniper fire, and said Barack Obama couldn't make it because he was at church. Mr. Bush's humor, alas, reminds us of what we've said at the Faux that complete sentences are frequently used in lieu of complete truths (case in point; the Bush administration). Here's how he may have more fully developed his humor with (dare we say it) a more Fauxvian flavor; Mr. McCain isn't here so I guess he wanted to distance himself from me, trying perhaps to get as far away from me as he was while serving/imprisoned in Vietnam, hey I was free from duty and everything else. Mrs. Clinton couldn't get through the sniper fire, its too bad my national guard unit from Alabama wasn't around to give her support. And Mr. Obama was at church and if there is one thing that my administration would never do, its use religion as any kind of refuge for political gain. We would then have rated our Presidents last performance a full 3 heh hehs.

FRIDAY FAUXLOSOPHY

Affection without respect is something better given to a pet.

A FAUXVIAN FOCUS ON SOME NON-STOP NUMBERS

In the recent days, the news and the numbers have been all about the Catholic Church and alas . . . the war in Iraq. Regarding the church, here are the numbers that count: 11,000, 4,400, 50, 2 and an all-important one. They relate, sadly, to the sex scandals which Pope Benedict has shown determination to face and it goes like this: 11,000 victims, 4,400 priests who were culpable, 50 years the time period over which this went unchecked and 2 as in two billion dollars in payments and settlements by the Church. And the 1, that’s one big hope and benefit of the doubt which must be given to the Pope who has been forthright enough to meet some victims face to face and to commit to changing the cannons involving the churches intent to reduce tolerance and increase punishment for such inexcusable conduct. Again, this is one benefit of the doubt we would hope all people of good will want proven worthy.
Now on Iraq, the numbers are numbing and are not all that worthy of hope and there are many of them. They are (drum roll): 31, 300,000, 320,000, 30,000, 19 and 12 and also 27, 104, 1,600, 700, 2, 6, 35 and maybe 100 . . . These figures have to do with the personal cost of the war: 31 is the percent of soldiers who return from Iraq and Afghanistan with some mental disorder, 300,000 suffer PTSD, 320,000 have suffered traumatic brain injury, and 30,000 have been the victims of physical wounds. To continue, 12% of the troops after one tour show combat stress and for those who’ve been sent for two tours, the number rises to 19 percent, and as the Rand Report, our source material (hope Mssrs. Bush and McCain take some time to actually read up on this) informs that only 50% of returning soldiers dare to ask for help and by the Army’s own admission, at best half (they claim) get the help they so desperately need.
Now we like to be a fun Faux but these numbers cry out, they are of a human toll and there are more, which have to do with an ongoing involvement in Iraq, namely the U.S. Embassy in Baghdad. There are 27 buildings, covering 104 acres, offices for 1,600 people at a construction cost of (so far) over 700 million dollars. The number 2 as in two billion dollars is again relevant because that is the supposed cost to operate the complex each year, when it opens, that is. Six is the number of months construction has been delayed, and wait, they forgot to build a place for General Petraeus and his staff, which will cost another 35 million dollars.
Bye the bye, since diplomats (as in ours) are refusing to volunteer to serve in Iraq, the government may have to order some there, because it’s obvious with such a “city within a city” (in the words of NBC’s Brian Williams) we’re going to be there a long, long time, but less than 100 years, right?
Fauxvians, we thank you for your indulgence if you could follow, at all, this rather lengthy nomenclature. If it made you ache and you just wanted to put your head in your hands, fair enough, so many who’ve heroically served there, now wish they had that option.

FRIDAY FAUXLOSOPHY ON THURSDAY

When certain people or groups disapprove of your actions, you know you are doing something right.

TRIMMING GOVERNMENT AND THE WINGS OF THE FAA?

Senator John McCain, in his quest to make the Bush tax cuts (which he voted against when he wasn’t running for office) permanent, has explained how. He’ll do it by cutting back on government services, but since the logical question is which one, we’ll provide weekly hypotheses of possible areas to trim the slack. The FAA, whistle blowers and all, has been pressured by the Bush administration, and the airlines, to ease up. They (the FAA) say they’ve got crucial, possibly life saving work to do, and despite extortion threats have whistled while they work. Which has resulted in over 1000 planes being grounded for such minor problems as fuel tank glitches and shattering windshields. How have they done so far, well for 2007 the stats are in and there were no fatalities for scheduled commercial airline flights. Oh, for those who like to look out on the right wing when they aviate, and we presume this means those who can afford private flights, generally not your less affluent types, there were four hundred and ninety one (491) fatalities on private flights. There are some flights of fancy going on in the fancy flight crowd if they don’t think the FAA inspectors inspect for a reason. We should all regret these deaths for the tragedy and possibly for the preventability. Anyway, so if we send away the FAA, can it be after we’ve landed?

IS JOHN MCCAIN JOHN MCSAME?

Senator John McCain on This Week with George Stephanopoulos says he’s “got an economic” plan, and the Democratic National Committee has an ad coming with some choice quotes and all of them are actually Mr. McCain’s own words referring to the last eight years and the economy. They go as follows; “Americans over all are better off”, “we’ve had a pretty good prosperous time”, “low unemployment”, “low inflation” “A lot of good things have happened”, “A lot of jobs have been created”, and “I think we are better off over all” . A couple of fact checks just might be in order considering the price of gas is up 200%, there’s been among the highest inflation in 17 years, 1.8 million jobs have been lost, and the income in the average American household is down $1,000, this does not apply to any of John McCain’s donors of course. Wonder how come the Dems left out our favorite McSame quote: “economic woes are often psychological”, tell it to everyday Americans pumping gas.
Oh bye the bye he said, he’s going start his economic reform by cutting all the ear marks passed by Congress. We’ll give you two from the past two years; two billion dollars, Emergency aid to Israel and a substantial increase in veteran’s Housing benefits. These gals and guys psychologically need homes, really.

HAPPY PASSOVER TO ALL OUR READERS

We hope we've given you enough Faux food for thought on the news to enable you to "Pass Over" until this Tuesday when we return.

WE’RE DRAWN TO A MAN WHO’S FAST ON THE DRAW

Political cartoonist, Mike Luckovich, of the Atlanta Constitution and beyond, admits to having a messy desk but he more than compensates with a creative and orderly mind. He’s been at the Constitution for 9 years and his skill of lampooning the three political persons running for president is legendary. Every four years he has his political Olympics to find if a picture (or cartoon) is worth a thousand words. His are, and hopefully we can, every now and then, provide a blogging blurb that is worth at least one picture.

DRY CLEANING COSTS UP; HANG ‘EM HIGH

One of the latest sources of inflation is being felt and passed along in the dry cleaning industry. Why, because hangers, with brass ends, due to raw material costs and tariffs on those imported from China, have doubled in cost to the cleaners themselves. For now, many dry cleaners are proactively recycling hangers whenever they’re reusable, which is often the case; no sense in getting too wired . . .

IRAQIS AND NEOCONS, BIRDS (CHICKEN HAWKS) OF A FEATHER

Having watched the Iraqi army retreat and retreat and retreat this past week, the thought comes to mind that Iraqis who will stay on and fight for Iraq (as opposed to their Mullahs) are as rare as neocons who did not avoid the vietnam draft. And as to the Faux "gun law" where only liberals are vulnerable to random homicides if gun laws are loosened; you guys shouldnt joke about that. Many conservatives really believe that.