The Non-Elite John McCain: A Game of Crazy Eights

Eight is the number we at the Faux have on our mind whenever Senator McCain uses one of his Republican hammer words “elite” to describe Barack Obama. Why eight, we’ll explain. First even if we divide the assets of John and Cindy McCain in half, he’d be worth eight figures and this just plain guy with his wife owns eight homes. He’s hoping, no doubt, to serve eight years in the White House, and it’s been eight years since he ran and was unfairly smeared and defeated in the 2000 Republican primaries, but he embraces the same fund raising machine, in secret of course these days so his memory seems to have lasted that long.
Mr. McCain’s attacks on Mr. Obama include mention that he did not chose to serve his country in the military (as Mr. McCain did for so many years), while making no mention in previous campaigns of the legendary non-service of Mssrs. Bush and Cheney, who have, we believe eight deferments between them. And as to Mr. Obama, the last time this country drafted men to service was in the Vietnam War and at its peak (the Tet Offensive of 1968), Mr. Obama was in his eight year of life. That’s right, he didn’t volunteer at age seven to serve. Guided by such mental synopses, Mr. McCain is sure to run a campaign which will remind us of an eight ball, because either he’ll end up behind it or we will.