SPREE PARTY CANDIDATES

With all the attention given lately to the tea party, a far more important and perhaps more ominous trend is taking place in current politics, a trend I would call the “spree party”. And that of course is when incredibly rich self funders have bought their way into electoral prominence. But according to these folks, Meg Whitman, Carl Fiorina, Carl Paladino, Linda McMahon etc. it’s never about their own personal aggrandizement, it’s all about job creation. And you know what? As candidates they are right. Because consider the hundreds of millions of dollars that they collectively flow into the media, print and bulk mailing industries to help with what they hope will be their own personal political tsunamis. Alas, should they be elected, the political theory that have given shows they would not create jobs, but in fact endanger current unemployment benefits and even the level of the minimum wage. But were they to be defeated they will no doubt run again and again (see Ned Lamont), and every 2 years be a boost for the economy as spree party candidates.

FAKE FAUX FOLK FACTS

The Supreme Court passed a law which basically allowed anonymous donations to political candidates and with that some very greedy, very rich, very right wing people are trying to influence the election (as in buying it). One of their best is three “just plain folks” in West Virginia talking about how that darn Obama is messing things up. Well it turns out those just plain folks were actually in the Oregon diner in south Philly filming that and they are all actors and told to wear hey seed type stuff. You have to give the Republicans credit, they say we depend on the hay seed vote to make hay and not say who they are as the fake faux folks don’t want the facts, to get out that is.

FRIDAY PHILOSOPHY

FRIDAY PHILOSOPHY

Why has the saying “all the common fears” so much more resonance than “all the common calmness” the former doesn’t even have a reiteration?

REPUBLICAN RESPONSE AND RESPONSIBILITY

Sharron Angle has been playing the tea party “angle”, with positions that are extreme even for her peers and Nevada Republicans. On such things as Medicare, Social Security, veterans affairs, education and other stuff she is even too far right for the Republicans, to the point where a number of them, including Bill Raggio the Republican leader in the State Senate and Dema Guinn the former first lady of Nevada and widow of the Republican Governor at that time are endorsing Harry Reid, they say they will personally vote for Harry Reid’s reelection. Imagine too extreme for the Tea Party and not rich enough to be part of the SPREE Party.

RWJ ALERT, HOLY TOLEDO

Rich Lott is the Republican congressional candidate in Ohio for the 9th District. He has a hobby, and that is that he enjoys being a historical re-enactor. He likes to pretend he is a particular character, and he spend the weekends doing the exercises and imitating what those characters would and did do. So, what’s the rub with his particular obsession/passion as a role player? That’s because of the character he’s played, that of a member of the Nazi SS. That’s right, he likes to wear an SS uniform on the weekend, run around the woods and parade around, and to repeat, he is the current candidate for the 9th District in Congress for Ohio. Oh, shock of shocks, to RWJ (of course that means right wing Jews), he is a Republican. He doesn’t really believe in Nazi ideology, as he explained saying “you have to admire the country of Nazi Germany, a relatively small country compared to the world which militarily accomplished such great things” We wonder just how many Jews will vote for this guy. Some will, because he and they are Republicans, right? Mr. Iott offers that he did his costuming as a father and son bonding thing, and they happily wore SS uniforms together. Some fun. Seems they quit the group some 3 years ago when his son lost interest. He on his website said they did it out of admiration for the bravery of the SS Troops that gave their all so that they can be free. Actually that’s the epitome of a complete sentence as opposed to a complete truth, a trait we at Faux News Network regularly ascribe to the right wing. Mr. Lott pointed out that however unsavory the goals of the Nazis were (you think?) the Nazi SS gave their lives for the country they loved and to be free. The gifted Bill Maher made this complete sentence into a complete truth pointing out they would be “free to kill Jews.” As we always said, conservatives are always better with complete sentences than complete truths. Oh, the 9th district in Ohio includes Toledo, so we say again to RWJs “Holy Toledo look at who your Republican party is backing”.

MILLIONAIRE RELIEF, THERE IS HOPE

The State of Connecticut is the fourth highest in the number of millionaires in the United States. Number one being Hawaii, number two being Maryland, number three New Jersey and number 4 being the nutmeg state. It grew by 8% in the last year and at least as many of the public worries and votes on behalf of those living in the Linda McMansions who may well have to pay 3% more taxes, there is a little glimmer of hope their numbers have swelled by 8% even if they have to pay increased taxes of 3%. When these folks contribute to campaigns against the President and the administration saying the government hasn’t done what they were supposed to on the economy, we assume they mean…not for them.

A J BURNOUT

The Yankees have a pitcher that they signed as a free agent, with what we believe is a five year contract, this year being the second year. Last year while in the regular season he had a 5.00+E.R.A, in the post season he did win a key game in the second game of the World Series. This year, whatever lobotomy he had last year didn’t take hold. He may have a 100 million dollar arm (his contract is more than that), but he has a ten cent head. He just can’t get it together and he’s screwed up game after game, he has lost 10 of his last 11 starts. Here’s the outside, we at FauxNewsNetwork.com propose to be his agent; we see two of the following three manufacturers as possible sponsors, Rolaids or Tums (obviously one or the other and since the Yankees advertise them as well). We think a partnership with Johnny Walker Black, of Johnny Walker Company would be in order. Because, when you watch AJ Burnout, I’m sorry again, Burnett, pitch you want to take antacids and drink.

OILS WELL THAT IS NOT ENDING WELL

Apparently estimates that 75% of the oil had dissipated or been removed are under attack. People are claiming that 50% of it is still there in this largest of all oil spills in the Gulf of Mexico off the shores of Louisiana and other states. Either way 25% or 50% left is really rough and the process has to continue. But the independent panel reviewing it said that the government’s reaction was basically very sound after a first few hours of chaos. Well, I mean sure the folks of Katrina didn’t read the weather map and apparently the Obama folks didn’t read the spontaneous oil rig fire map. Has that one been updated? Well, any way for now oils well so far has not ended well but hopefully the payouts and the support for these folks continues.

WARMING TO THE TRUTH

On September 27, 2010 Los Angeles recorded a temperature of 113 degrees Fahrenheit; yes that’s right 113, the highest in history recorded for this time of year in that city. The rally to dispute global warming had to be cancelled when no air-conditioned buildings were available.

DEBATE; PALIN VS DASH - THE SPUNK SQUARE-OFF

Palin uses Twitter, Dash uses Barker but apparently they have been able to communicate and we will be giving you at Faux News some excerpts of their recent and ongoing debate. Dash began: “You say you’re a Pit bull with lipstick, I’m not scared of Pit-bulls, I’m all muscle and I’m way quicker than them and by the way I know how to snap a neck” Palin:“Did I tell you I’m a really big Pit-bull with lots of lipstick? And also I can morph into other species.” Dash: “I attack other species; I recently bit a 200 pound deer on the leg and have in the past killed numerous lizards and other animals”. Palin:”Did I tell you that I’ve switched from being a Pitt-Bull to a Mama Grizzly? And tell me how some little cultish Terrier is going to stand against that.” Dash: “Listen, you have no idea of my speed and what I got through on death row. You’re on “speech row” and my needs are much fewer, just a couple bowls full of the proper food each day and a few of my stuffed animal possessions. You however are on a money tour. “ Palin; “Listen just because you no longer have to go out on a leash and are trained, the Republicans took the leash off me after the first month in the McCain campaign. I take no backseat to you. Besides, if I believed and understood evolution, I’d know that dogs are the decedents of Mid East wolves, and I hunt wolves, Dash.” Dash: “According to Levi Johnson (you’re almost son-in-law several times), you don’t know how to operate a gun, much less shoot one. Based on your aim, I’m safe, I’ll just lean right, fake left; all you do is shoot right.” Palin: “Are you just like this mixed Terrier, of supposedly Tibetan Squirrel Terrier? Are there any squirrels even in Tibet?” Dash: “Which shows what a good job the breed did, Terriers are the smartest dogs, not that I want to throw up your education, and I question it. I went to puppy-obedience school and completed the class the first time.” Palin: “Puppy Obedience School!? I went to college.” Dash: “Colleges, you went to six of them, we are not even sure you got a degree. And I got the silver medal for puppy sit-ups.” Palin: “This is incredible, I am arguing with a Terrier and what’s this about, The Book of Dash on Faux News Network?” Dash: “Yes, folks felt the need to talk about me, and incidentally, I apparently wrote the same percentage of my book that you wrote of yours.”

OILS WELL THAT SPINS WELL

From April through July BP has spent 93 million dollars to enhance their image. That‘s three times what they spent the same period last year, but of course they weren’t polluting major portions of the United States last year. We hope the payments to innocent victims will vastly exceed the payments for the not so innocent oil company to improve its image. In any event, oil’s well that spins well.

BEYOND THE PALE, WHAT’S NEXT A TERRIER?

Dash Sarah We hear that Sara Palin has spunk. My terrier has spunk, he’s 15 lbs, he bit a deer on the leg, he’s killed a number of moles and other rodents, he faces anything down (faced two foxes in a fight and drove them off) now my terrier has spunk. He however, despite his total self confidence, gets no responsibility in long term financial or healthcare planning for the family. Now for those of you who are offended with me comparing Sara Palin to an animal, she always does that with herself. She was a pit-bull with lipstick, then she was a Mama Grizzly, so should she get executive office. I think we are entitled to know what species she’d serve as. And again on the matter of spunk, she can’t match up with my Dash.

RESISTING THE URGE

Clemens Taking A Oath On Monday, August 30, 2010 Roger Clemens pleaded not guilty to having lied under oath at a Congressional hearing. According to reports, he then left the court and went golfing. So we are trying – really, really trying - to resist the urge to talk about how well the driven man drove, how well the man with the iron will played his irons. And as far as putting and putts? History will be the judge; we did try to resist the urge, really.

"THE BABBLING OF THE BROOK, AN UPDATE ON HEY SCHOOL BOY REMEMBER “SCHOOL GIRL”

Wow, that’s a complicated title, we will explain; David Brooks certainly is as educated as they come, and has earned his magnificent piece of journalism real estate on a regular Op Ed column in the New York Times. But he is still the master of the not as far right, of the complete sentence as opposed to the complete truth. A flash backward is in order; there used to be a singing group called “Tom & Jerry” and they had a song called “Hey School Girl” and they had a t-shirt that stated they were 300 something on the hit parade, and their motto was; nowhere to go but up. Now, flash forward; Mr. Brooks points out that Iraq has the twelfth fastest growing economy in the world and is expected to grow at “7% for the next several years”, yah but again, think of this school girl situation, nowhere to go but up. After our 2003 campaign of Shock and Awe or based on what Halliburton and others did, Schlock and Claw, Iraq had nowhere to go but up. We certainly wish them well, but again, put a complete truth with that complete sentence; look how far down they are and as their economic development hopefully grows, could that include 24 hour electricity that most countries in the world have and actually what they used to have.

THE LANGUAGE OF LANGUAGE

Ok gang, you Fauxians out there converse regularly in English, although many of you (we have no doubt) have other language skills. But worldwide what are the most popular languages? In reverse order 10th most popular is German, 9th Japanese, 8th Russian, 7th Bengali, 6th Portuguese (I guess a lot of South America there). Ok, ready for the top five? (drum roll) the fifth most spoken language is Arabic, 4th English, uh oh, so that means there are three more, you probably guessed Spanish that’s 3rd. Did you guess Hindi is 2? We didn’t. And of course because of the population despite the one child policy the number one is Mandarin Chinese. We wonder when that is going to be offered regularly in school, in high school and pre-high school courses. In any event we think of English as the universal language of the world for literature and commerce because it’s ours, but it’s obviously something to think about speaking of speaking of languages.