LAUGHTER WITH OUR APOLOGY

Joe Lieberman who is (for now) the Chairman of Homeland Security in his role as an "Independent Democrat" has expressed great concern about how the Nigerian terrorist smuggled explosives onto a plane. Joe claims and a full body scan would have detected it and an FBI expert on the news today disputed that. When we see that "Joe Jowl face" talking about a full body scan, we know we should not laugh because this is serious business, so we apologize for not being able to control ourselves from laughing.

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AN AIR-HEADS UP ON TERRORISM

Topic 1; Ounces of prevention We are told that 3-5 ounces of material for explosives are enough to be lethal, so they only allow people to bring 2 ounces of liquid style substances or less. Imagine if someday people figure out that 2+2+2=6 and they all get together on the plane to combine their "2 ounces or less". Topic 2; Either late or never... This idea that in the last hour of the flight is the only time someone can detonate explosives is weird. How about the first hour? Why not in Europe where the security procedures are not nearly as efficient as ours? Why not over the Atlantic ocean? This idea that it can only be at the end of a flight...either late or never?? Topic 3; Body scan of work People are arguing about what a body scan in an airport will show. Can it show stuff that are taped to the body? Will it show some chemicals? They admit there are others it wont show. It would be noce to have some science and forensics. Is a body scan as good as bomb sniffing dogs? We know that dogs can sniff almost anything, so why are there not more dogs in our airports? Underwear is not going to scare off dogs, they kind of like sniffing there. Topic 4; Their screens, our screams The flight to Detroit that was nearly bombed by the Nigerian terrorist originated in Brussels where he went though a simple and very basic inspection. Can we insist that all flights entering into the US can ONLY be inspected by OUR people? Hopefully, our security people were not just hired to "fill jobs". Or perhaps our security dogs? It's American lives at stake here, we should not have the spectra of our screams based on the competence of their screens.

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AN OLYMPIC BATTLE IN AN OLYMPIC CITY

A court in Rio De Janeiro has finally ruled that David Goldman of New Jersey can take his biological son back to the USA, after his mother who had taken him there died in childbirth leaving him with his stepfather. This was a 5 year battle the was finally won. While he cant make up for lost years, he can certainly make up for lost emotion.

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THE RAIN MAN

Ken Peak died this week at age 58. He was the human idea behind the movie Rain Man, and his brain was studied by NASA to attempt to figure out what made this autistic yet brilliant mind tick. It bring to mind the great line from Woody Allen in Sleeper when they say they will dissect his brain he says "its not my brain, its my second favorite organ". Rain Man has always been one of our favorite films, we wish we'd known that Mr. Peak was alive all this time, he is literally the reining rain man.

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HEALTH AND SUFFERING

The Senate passed the health care reform bill 60-39, and Sen. Harry Reid was so tired that he mistakenly voted "no" and had to be corrected. Interestingly, on Wall St. the health care stocks have dropped a small amount in share price. Does this mean that they wont have the 480% profits anymore and might have to settle for 300%? How terrible. The ones getting helped here are American humanity. Our latest naming nomination for the health care bill is the "American health humanity bill".

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THE RIGHT LEFT EARLIER

In a pre-Christmas vote, the Senate passed the Obama health care reform bill. The last time a Senate vote was done on Christmas eve was 104 years ago in 1895. Like social security in 1935 and Medicare in 1965, this will one day be considered a "groundbreaking" piece of legislation. Unlike in those votes however, this time were no Republican crossovers who voted to support this bill. What does that tell us? That the needs of the American people (however slowly) are being met, and those needs are not left, and it tells us what the right has left namely the American people. Interestingly,m the vote was 60-39 (not 60-40) because 1 Republican left early for Christmas and didn't even bother to vote. Surely he would tell you that the future of this nation hangs on stopping this bill, as long as he didn't have to be there to do it.

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POTENTIAL POPE PLOPS

Last year on Christmas, Suzzane Maiolo attempted to approach the Pope on his way to midnight mass (we assume to receive the blessing) and security prevented her from reaching him. This year, same lady and same Pope and same time of year, she was actually able to knock him over. Interestingly, now is not only the height of the Christmas season, it is also the height of the football season. So next year, when she undoubtedly will come for him again, we suggest that he practice the "leg whip" to avoid the oncoming rush and to protect him from potential Pope plops.

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BEYOND THE PALIN UPDATE

Discussions from insiders have continued to emerge as Sarah Palin's book "going rogue" has continued to sell in high numbers. Apparently, at the very end of the campaign when they realized Obama was winning she started talking about the "birther" stuff and other racist ideas, and Palin was extremely upset that McCain would not let it go on. We have often said that there is smug, cutesy and folksy, in terms of annoying traits of public figures. Smug and cutesy are nothing compared to the danger of folksy.

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RIGHTS THAT AREN'T CELL-PHONY

A court in Ohio had ruled that in the name of privacy rights unreasonable search and seizure should apply to cell phones, as lots of personal data is often stored there. We commend that. Any rights that didn't include someones personal communication device would definitely be against the spirit of privacy laws, and would ignore the fact that technology has reached the point today where phones are often among the most personal objects we own. If the court had ruled otherwise, those privacy rights would be pretty cell-phony.

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LET THE HEADS ROLL...

By now we all know that a 23 year old Nigerian man tried to blow up a Delta airlines flight from Amsterdam to Detroit. Apparently, his father had gone to the embassy in Nigeria and told people that he was very concerned about his son's extremist views. It is reassuring that they had let every aircraft in the air at the time (in the US) know within the hour and they are working around the clock to understand the disconnect that allowed this man to board a plane to the US. Joe Lieberman (who we have recently been criticizing regarding his health care reform views) brought some good points, asking how a man on the terror watch list did not raise suspicion when boarding. Homeland Security secretary Janet Napolitano responded by saying that there are so many lists that cross referencing for every name is impossible. We have to find out where the blame lies; if it is in the embassy in Nigeria, they should be fired. If in the Obama government, they should be fired. Someone let his pass and needs to lose their job, unless of course it is the President clearing brush.

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THE GOP GETS TO NO BY BEING SLOW

Senator Mitch McConnell is of course criticizing the Obama administration's efforts to reform health care and admitted that the Republicans did everything they could to slow down the process of passing the bill. They wanted to go slowly (if at all) prompting us to nickname them the "party of slow". Interestingly, a bit of history about the party of slow and particularly Sen. McConnell; One of his major objections is that this bill will cut Medicare (actually it's a 21% drop in doctors fees in the coming year). Yet Mr. McConnell's record as a leader of the party of slow regarding Medicare; In 1995 he voted for 270 billion dollars in cuts over 7 years. In 1996 he voted for an additional 158 billion in cuts over 6 years. In 1997 he wanted to slow the growth some more and voted again for 393 billion in cuts. In the party of slow Mitch McConnell is the lead turtle.

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FAUX PHRASE-OLOGY

We have a new Faux phrase-ology to introduce - "social behindsight". Since all the progressive movements in this country, including the most fundamental, from breaking away from the British and ridding ourselves from slavery all the way through social security and Medicare, were at the outset were disliked by a majority of people. Yet once they were there a vast majority would NOT consider giving them up. That is true social behindsight.

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WHATS ON THE POWER GRID, GRANDERSON TO YANKEES

Many Tigers fans are not happy about the recent Granderson trade to the Yankees, and we at the Faux have heard from them. We must remember the following though when analizing a power hitter. You must look road vs. home power, because you play alf your games on the road. Consider history Roger Marrus hit 61 homers with the 1961 Yankees and everyone was saying if not for that short porch in Yankees stadium, he could not have done it. Actually though, of his 61, 31 were on the road and only 30 were hit at home, he was a true power hitter. Now lets look at Granderson, as we know that Detroit has a rather spacious stadium. If he had 10 at home and 20 on the road, we can expect 40 home runs from him at Yankees stadium. Joe DiMaggio hit 240 Homers on the road and only 120 at Yankees stadium, meaning he "got killed" by playing half his games at Yankees stadium. So home is where the heart is, and maybe where the power is...if the fence is of your liking. We would love to see how Granderson plays in the new Yankees stadium, I guess we will all be experts a year from now.

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THE BRITISH PERSUASION

Britain was the first country to impose a 50% tax on the hefty bonuses bankers were receiving, France followed close suit, and recently Goldman Sachs (and plunders) announced they would do the same. That would mean that their top executives would be paid in the form of long term stock, they wont have those huge cash year-ends, but they will still do very in the company and the shareholders do very well. Apparently this is going to be a 5 year plan (forgive the old reference to the Soviet Union). The reason we have nicknamed them Goldman Sachs and Plunders is because until now it seemed they really didn't concentrate on making money for their shareholders as much as they did for themselves. Hopefully now that will have to change. Additionally, the shares that they get wont be able to be sold for 5 years (eternity in the financial world), which means that will have no choice but to live off their 7 digit annual salary until then (and maybe clip coupons).

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THE NY POST-IT NOTES

The NY Post, a bastion of right wing rectitude, was quite critical of Elliott Spitzer's moral failings, and they say rightly so How can you defend a man (especially a head of state) paying a woman for sex? Well, actually they have changed on that a bit. Ms. Dupre (Spitzers mistress) who was previously condemned for selling herself for sex, is now being allowed to sell herself for telling about selling herself for sex. Yes, she will now be writing for the NY Post.

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