A Post WWII First, No Vets To Vet

For the first time since WWII, neither Presidential candidate has worn our country’s uniform. The reasons vary. In the case of Mitt Romney he got a draft deferment to work as a Mormon missionary, which they often do in hazardous, desolate places, although Mr. Romney’s was in Paris France. Often their conditions are harsh, virtually Spartan. In his case he lived in a palace with a busboy and a cook assigned to him. Nonetheless Barack Obama was challeneged by theMcCain people as the where was he on the Tete offensive and the Democrats incorrectly answered that he was six years old. He was in fact seven. But be that as it may, for the first time since WWII there are no former people in uniform in the Presidential race.

Birthers, Wifers, Weavers

We all know what the "birthers" are, the people like Donald Trump who despite actual birth certificates, nurse witnesses and newspaper announcements, still claim that Barack Obama was not born in Hawaii. The (shall we say) energetic, Bill Maher has taken up a parallel approach on Romney calling himself a “wifer” saying he’s not saying all Mormon’s have many wives. He hopes it isn’t so. But he just questions among other things, “How, if Mitt has one wife, all his children are thirty?” They just of course look that way. But we have a group of our own at Real Fox News. Since Donald Trump is the center of the Birther controversy, we are the "Weavers". We’re not saying what percentage of his hair is real or not, we’re not saying the time that it takes to address it each day, and we’re certainly not suggesting that someone in the crowd impromptu, vs the pie in the face that Bill Gates got some years ago (and that was wrong), try a bucket of water over the top to see what happens. No, we’re just saying that we hear these questions and we certainly hope they’re true, that Mr. Trump and his hair are equally genuine.

When Is The Political Right, Right?

Republicans have given us predictions that unemployment would rise to 9%, it’s now around 8. They said that that consumer confidence would go down, it’s now the highest it’s been since 2007. They said that gas prices would continue to go up and they’re down. When is the Right, ever right? Currently, historically, philosophically, economically? We’d be happy to view such instances. Could they be produced?

One Man, One Women, and No More Than One Generation

Mitt Romney speaking at Liberty University founded by Jerry Falwell, where blacks and whites were not allowed to hold hands; yes, that bastion of tolerance said that marriage must continue to be defined as one man and one woman. But that was a complete sentence and not a complete truth; because the complete truth would have been going back no more than one generation. Because if you go back two generations, Mitt Romney’s grandfather didn’t have just one wife, or two or three or four, no, he had five. Which is, not to judge Mitt Romney on the behavior of his grandfather but as noted conservative religious theorist Ralph Reed said he’s with Mitt Romney because he supports a principle that’s going back 5,00 years. Which brings us to one last thought; we know the Mormon’s are long lived, but did Mitt Romney’s grandfather go back 5,000 years?

WORD OF THE WEEK

This is our word of the week and we don’t have words every week. But it’s where someone knows just enough political facts to make wrong arguments and make them in a reasoned way another version of course was a complete sentence versus a complete truth. This weeks word is "braindangerous".

Gitmo Texas

For three years President Obama tried to get the masterminds of the 9-11 attacks tried in civilian court. They will now be tried in Gitmo as the change in venue received too much resistance. Civilian courts have had a pretty good track record (actually, a perfect record) of putting terror suspects away. We thought of a compromise: If you can’t be in a military court, and if they wont allow a cilvilian court, why not compromise? Try them in Texas.

Jane Has Cancer, Well No

"Jane has cancer and has no health insurance" is the actual title of a website by a lady who put in for a compassionate public to help her with her “breast cancer challenges.” Over $8,000 was raised and she did spend it, well, on her breasts, actually for any augementation as opposed to any health measures. She did have a problem with her breasts as in her own self image and she wanted them larger. She took the money, and she’s under arrest. Bless the people who gave to her so that they don’t feel like boobs. Sorry, couldn’t resist it. But, she does get to keep them. Who says crime doesn’t pay or at least augment.

Let’s Nip This Crap In The Bud

Pine Ridge is one of the largest Native American reservations in the country. Alcohol is forbidden. However the liquor stores in Whiteclay, Nebraska, population 10 (that’s right t-e-n) sells more than 4,000,000 cans of beer and liquor annually as Anheuser-Busch uses that as it’s gateway into the Indian economy where they are not legally allowed to sell. 90% of the arrests by tribal police are alcohol related as are a similar percentage of juveniles. Frankly, if Anheuser Busch would have the capacity for shame they would probably have it, but they don’t. Mockery and money are the only way things get changed in this world and what little we at Real Faux News can do, we recommend agreeing with Nicholas Kristoff in calling for a nationwide boycott against Anheuser-Busch. They can’t feel but they can count.

YOU MIGHT GET SHOT, BUT YOU WONT GET WET

At the Tampa Republican convention this year due to the heavy NRA influence over the state of Florida they will be allowed to block people carrying squirt guns which look like weapons but just not real guns. That’s correct, there will be no way the State of Florida or the local police can prevent people from walking around with real guns strapped to their hip locked and loaded up to 30 round magazines, but squirt guns however are forbidden. So you might get shot but you won’t get wet.

Bit By Bit Mitt defines Mitt

So according to Federal law the nature of Mitt Romney’s donors finally came out and only nine percent gave $200 or less. It’s one on one literally, the one percent of the one percent for the one percent. Or, to paraphrase Abraham Lincoln, government of the one percent by the one percent for the one percent.

Re-plagiarizing in Advance

We are re-plagiarizing in advance again and it’s the great one. We are complimented and of course apologetic to have plagiarized in advance as we have so often done, and this time it’s the great Steven Colbert. Not only did we pre-empt his thunder, but we've been doing it apparently repeatedly for many months with our phrase when people are giving the go ahead to the former speaker "the aye of the Newt". And last night that was his lead segment, exactly that of the "aye of the Newt". We are at once gratified and as we said a little chagrin because we have plagiarized in advance in the past. We sometimes used most of someone’s phrase, this time we used all of it. Hope you can forgive us.

Making Legal Waves, Micro Style

This is a new one but at the Grand Hyatt in Denver they have a microwave if people wish to reheat their coffee. Which they will kindly do, if … you sign a waiver stating that you understand that microwaving might affect the taste. You fill out the form, sign it, date it, print your name then they will microwave your coffee. Talk about making microwaves on a legal scale.

What’s Broken in Florida

What’s broken in Florida is not George Zimmerman’s nose. The lawyer for George Zimmerman had said he claimed his nose was broken in the fight and he also had a gash in the back of his head. So he brings up the argument for self defense. So let’s look at the photos. Oh wait, he took none. But there are some surveillance videos shot after Trayvon Martin was lying there dead and it shows Mr. Zimmerman with the police and his head and face are visible the whole time and they are unmarked. What has left a mark is Florida justice and hopefully this makes a mark on people. You gotta wonder how these self appointed yahoos can carry guns and do what police can’t, shoot people without reports or accountability. No policeman can do that nor should they. And this guy, unmarked, un-bloodied and in their attitude un-bowed, never even has to make a report on how he took another human life. There is a lot broken in Florida but none of it is George Zimmerman’s nose.

WOULD THE REVERSE BE ADVERSE?

This marks the beginning of a new feature. Also done as a stand-up act at Real Fox News in which we describe a rumor and or factoid about a person in the public's eye and say if it had been about some one on the opposite side of the argument would have been major, minor, or non existent issue. But would the reverse have been adverse? What if we were to tell you that George Zimmerman the shooter of Trayvon Martin had been involved with drugs and suspended from his daily rounds because of it? Important or no? What if we had told you that Trayvon Martin had been arrested for a violence in his household and a different time for an assault on a police officer. Important or no? We are guessing people might not think that marijuana with George Zimmerman was not all that big a deal but they did when it was actually Trayvon Martin and it actually wasn’t so. And we might think that people would make a big, big, big deal if Trayvon Martin had been arrested for assaulting a police officer and violence in his home, but actually that was never the case, what was the case with George Zimmerman who was arrested for domestic violence one time and assaulting a police officer another. You have to ask yourself in this “liberal media” as portrayed on Fox News, is it a big deal that those are facts about George Zimmerman’s background? And again how do you get involved in a self defense situation “standing your ground” if you are pursuing someone after the 911 people tell you not to? Reverse, adverse more to come.

Good "job"news

Good job news is that the economy for a third month did show solid gains and did add over 225,000 jobs. All patriotic Americans are overjoyed, particularly Republicans. Well, not as much. Many suckers had improvements, some didn’t. But again the old joke: The difference between a recession and a depression is in a recession you don’t work; in a depression I don’t work, so unemployment is still very individual and very personal. Mitt Romney pointed out that 25 million people in America were still unemployed or under employed and he only laid off a portion of them. Gas prices are hurting, but in the three years that Obama has been there, the reversal of private job losses has stopped and the growth of government has also been stopped. The biggest shrinkage has been public sector jobs. That’s what Republicans wanted, isn’t it? Well, maybe only if they could take credit. And again, Mitt Romney and Bain are not responsible for the majority of these people still unemployed.