BILLARY VS HILLIAM

As a fascinating after thought (and some after words) in the wake of Hillary Clinton's resounding loss to Barack Obama in the Democratic South Carolina primary, the first comments were by Bill, not Hillary Clinton, thus the "Billary" references by so many. We at the Faux think that by herself,Mrs. Clinton is a formidable self, but at the very least she must see to it that her husband William, if he must be on center stage with her, not upstage her in the bargain. Make his comments follow her in every sense. It would then be a short step from Hilliam to Hill, as in the one he must climb.

THE SEARCH FOR MITT, NOMINALLY

We at the faux recently asked for input regarding a proper nick name for, in John McCain's words, “THE CANDIDATE OF CHANGE”, Mr. Mitt Romney. We are using (for now anyway) the submission of Charles A. Sandras and will refer to Mr. Romney in terms which are a reflection of his defectionsof so many positions, and he'll be known here as Flit Romney. Flit certainly has done just that, switching effortlessly between blue state and red state positions on matters of gun control, abortion and taxes to mention a few, depending on what state he was campaigning in at the time. And rather than call him a “FLIP FLOPPER”, we call him a FLIT FLIPPER (you see world?) Because it suits him, and well, because it rhymes. Mr. Sandras will win two Yankee box seats for a game in their first home stand of 2008, and as for Flit Romney, the Flit is his bit.

FOR RUDY TUESDAY, EVERY DAY’S A TAX CUT NEW DAY

On “This Week with George Stephanoupoulos”, Rudy Giuliani didn’t mention 911 once, not even once. But, he did repeatedly mention cutting taxes (by nine hundred and eleven percent?). What is most fascinating he said regarding the choice between temporary or permanent tax cuts, and these are his exact words “I would rather err on the side of permanent tax cuts”. Exactly, why make possible misjudgments (if they prove to be) temporary when you can make them last indefinitely. Oh, P.S., Rudy Tuesday’s ads in Florida are not talking about 911 or terrorism either; has Rudy come to fear the use of fear itself?

GETTING HIS KICKS, THIRD TIMES A CHARM

After two crucial misses against the Packers in this past Sunday’s NE Championship, kicker Lawrence Tyres didn’t wait for Giants Tom Coughlin to order the field goal unit out on a 4th and 5 from the Packers’ 30 yard line. He told post game interviewers he basically ran out on his own (a fact confirmed by Coach Coughlin as well) and then absolutely drilled the longest field goal in a playoff game, by an opponent, in the history of Green Bay’s Lambau Field, 47 yards. This kick would have been good from 57, as it flew and flew into Giants and National Football League lore.

FROM “24” TO 48: JACK BAUER MEETS REALITY

In the Glendale City, California jail, “24” star Kiefer Sutherland, faces a complex reality (that alas does not pervade his show), and that is we are all human with failings and propensities and our private, real tortures.
Mr. Sutherland was serving a 48-day sentence for a drunken driving conviction, not his first, but is scheduled for early release. Hopefully, he’ll take responsibility for his weakness in the future, and not put himself, or others, at risk and realize human failings and punishment are not always that simple. We wish him well; his father is really good in “Dirty Sexy Money”.

FRIDAY FAUXLOSOPHY

Real changes in the structure of politics, business, sports, et al, are much more possible before the entrenchment of real money.

SOME WISH THEY WERE (ACTUAL VOTERS) IN DIXIE

One thing about those patriotic folks of the right who claim to love America (and we would hope actual Americans) more is that they always seem to want Americans to vote less. From their inaccurate “Felon Lists” in Florida in the 2000 election, to ID “requirements” (and the fees that go with them) they often seem to challenge would be voters more with barriers than issue and policy considerations.
Well, you know, in Saturday’s South Carolina Republican primary, they did it again, but this time to their own. We’ll explain. It seems that in a county near the coast of South Carolina, the local poll workers failed to set up the electronic voting machines properly and the paper ballots they used as a substitute were insufficient in number and thus many desiring to vote were turned away. Thus in this GOP primary, as in so many elections before regarding voter’s rights, it’s “Turn away, turn away, turn away, Dixieland”.

STRIPPERS PREFER EUROS _AND_ WE GUESS, EUROPEANS

Three good friends, passionate Bush supporters all, recently took a trip to Europe (the name of the country is being withheld by the Faux) and upon returning, one confided to me that I just might have been right about some of my criticisms of President Bush and just what he’s done to our image abroad. And the answer, it turns out, may have fallen, or actually did fall into their respective laps.

I’ll explain.

They visited, it seems, what is purported to be the best strip bar plus, in that region of the Old World and it turns out that some of the lap dancers had such antipathy to Americans, that they wouldn’t do either; laps or dances. And those that would, held the position (as opposed to assuming one) that these guys should not “F*&k with us, but give us Euros”. Now how bad is America’s image, and the mettle of the dollar when the exotic dancers found these guys and their bucks so unexotic and well . . . not buck worthy. Oh, by the by, we wonder when these tourist come to grips, (sorry) with the serious issues raised here: Namely will a democratic victory in ’08 bring us / them improved contacts for Americans…. abroad.

THE GOP AND WOMEN VOTERS: HEADING OFF THE PROBLEM

America’s women, as the demographics do show, are 52% of the population and as our experience should show, they are over 60% of our intellect; in fact, current college applications validate this. They (women) are also the pollsters (and history) confirms approximately 59% Democrats, so what are Republican strategists to do. Past ploys have included telling women they should acknowledge men are the “heads of the household”, (an official evangelical statement), or not to worry their pretty little heads,
or . . . just to pat them on the head. And since any woman politician who has soft moments is weak, or who has assertive moments is shrill, or who stands up for herself is uppity, how could anyone vote for a female candidate anyway. One clue: Switch the credentials and imagine any male candidate with the achievements, academically and legislatively of say, Hillary Clinton and there wouldn’t be any such questions, generalizations as to weak, shrill or uppity. But pretty little heads, as noted, shouldn’t worry about such stuff, and women today don’t worry, instead they act. Makes a historical conservative think they were smart to resist giving women the vote in the first place, although that wasn’t exactly a conservative plan anyway.

AN INCURIOUS GEORGE GETS IT CLASS BACKWARDS

Let’s be fair to the GOP, they realized Bill Clinton’s record as in gaining respect for U.S. leadership round the world, the successful economy, the relative success in Bosnia, etc., was a total failure, in their terms, any way, so they did all things opposite. For instance, in his first year in office, President Clinton visited many countries including those in the Middle East to actually see first hand what he was actually going to deal with. Mr. Bush on the other hand preferred to spend his presidency, the first seven years of it anyway, unencumbered by such input and, waited until the last year of his presidency to visit Israel, et al. It’s kind of like finishing up your college career and then attending classes; and that, Faux folks, is getting it class backwards.

FRIDAY FAUXLOSOPHY

THE SECRET TO A GOOD RETIREMENT IS TO NOT ACT RETIRING.

WHAT DOES IT TAKE FOR OUR GOVERNMENT TO KEEP THE SAUDIS OUT OF ARMS WAY?

As President Bush honors Saudis Arabia with his visit, proclaiming them “our friend”, it makes us wish the leader of OUR GOVERNMENT would listen to just what OUR GOVERNMENT can say for certain about Mr. Bush’s “friends”, the Saudis. While they (the Saudis) have fought terrorism inside their own country, they’ve hardly done the same else where as 41% of the foreign fighters who entered Iraq in the last year with the intent to kill Americans are of “Saudi Arabian origin, more than any other country”, according to NBC News and Michael Jacobson of the Washington Institute for Near East Policy. These unsettling facts are confirmed by OUR GOVERNMENT. Also acknowledged is that we have been unable to curtail funds from rich Saudis to al Quaeda, and again this is confirmed by OUR GOVERNMENT. So how then are we to understand Mr. Bush announcing during his visit, and proudly so, of a large new arms deal with the Saudis and OUR GOVERNMENT. Shouldn’t OUR GOVERNMENT know by now to keep the Saudis out of arms way?

Oh bye the bye, since we all know the warm regard with which this more highly armed Saudi Arabia holds Israel, can we expect another “us, good friend to Jews” bit from the republicans in the 2008 election.

WILL BUSH’S STATE OF THE UNION BE NEWT-ERED?

Newt Gingrich has noticed and so probably has the Republican Party that after the Iowa and New Hampshire primary, this change thing is not going to charge. And Mr. Gingrich noted that the president’s final (whew) State of the Union should respond. There’s no concern of recession by Mr. Gingrich, however, when talking of Michigan claiming that government spending, not the problems of the auto industry are the root of, for example, Detroit’s economic woes. OK, Newt wants to give President Bush in put but he also won’t keep his mitts off the Michigan primary, predicting Mitt Romney will win that one. Newt goes on to say that he sees him (Romney) as having a real chance at the Republican nomination. No, he (Mitt) can’t, at least not until we get him a good nickname, anyway.

BARAK OBAMA: ENOUGH AGE TO BE A SAGE?

So if he is too young; he’s older than the following when they became president: JFK, Bill Clinton and, that noted non-Democratic Reformer Teddy Roosevelt, and he’s certainly been getting the recent endorsements of his elders, i.e. John Kerry and many Democrats from “Red States”. He was mature enough to help change the death penalty in Illinois so they actually had DNA testing and didn’t put to death (kind of a final step we would say) people who were actually innocent. Of note, many Republicans still aren’t sure about this as policy or philosophy; please don’t be surprised Fauxvians.
And, on “This Week with George Stephanopoulos”, we at the Faux had yet another “plagiarizing in advance” moment when Mr. Stephanopoulos pointed out that Mr. Obama is the exception: an insurgent candidate in the best financial shape of all, even more so than even Mrs. Clinton.

A RUDY TUESDAY UPDATE

Most of Mr. Guiliani’s staff, we’ve learned and so has America, is not currently actually getting paid and in the words of George Will, he’s “on financial fumes”. We’d suggest perhaps that he use family members, as has been the practice in many previous campaigns for many politicians, but there’d be a caveat. The first is that his current wife is considered odious by virtually all mainstay staff members, and the second is that both his children are currently employed in a political campaign, working for Barak Obama, in fact

ON “PRO LIFE” FOLKS: A DEARTH ABOUT DEATH, AS IN PENALTY

On “This Week” with George Stephanopolis, Mike Huckabee was nothing, if not consistent about the total sanctity of life and even waffled on his original states right’s argument against the federal government intervening in the Terry Schiavo case. But, why, oh why, didn’t the normally direct George Stephanopolis ask him then do you support the death penalty; which as we understand it results in humans being put to death. Aren’t those lives sacred to Huckabee and the many other Republicans who claim that all life is sacred?

REAL CHANGE OR LOOSE CHANGE

From the Iowa caucuses through the New Hampshire primary and beyond, it’s obvious what is even more challenging to the candidates than strategies on terrorism, the economy, health care, et al., is how to use this year’s magic word and/or concept: “change”. As was compiled by The New York Times in Iowa’s aftermath, the major candidates used the term a combined 29 times in addressing their faithful. Yet we in the electorate know little really does change after any election: we’re a capitalist world power with the complex challenges to match. So the question is again, which relatively few changes can realistically be made. And that noted, why doesn’t any politician offer this “change”: I’ll change the way we use “change” – I won’t splash the canvas, I’ll paint the canvas.
Of course, America needs changes and a candidate with the will to get at least some implemented but moreover, we need one with the judgement to know which ones are feasible. Too many intended changes that can’t be actualized will again let the people down and become political loose change.

FRIDAY FAUXLOSOPHY

We confide to the degree that we feel unjudged.

IS THE FAUX A SERIAL PLAGIARIZER?

We just thought of some good names for a breakfast meal: total, cheers, Raisin Bran, oh wait, those have been taken and besides that would make is cereal plagiarizers, not serial ones. And we just may be, BECAUSE we’ve done it again, and this time it’s not just the little old “Advocate’s” ideas we copied before they thought of them, no this time it’s the NY Times. In Thursday, January 10th’s op-ed page, the center article is by Andrew Kohut, President of the PeW Research Center entitled “Getting It Wrong”. This refers, of course, to the new Hampshire primary and why the polls predicting, no declaring, in fact, a victory for Barak Obama over Hillary Clinton were wrong, and by so much. A key reason, Mr. Kohurt concludes is “the long standing pattern of pre-election polls overstating the support for black candidates among white voters, particularly white voters who are poor.” We believe he’s right, and…….we’re caught because we raised that very possibility in a number of previous faux news releases, referencing the 12% defeat of Ron kirk in the 2004 Texas Senate race, when the pre-election polls had him as even. Sorry Mr. Kohut, we promise this time will be the last time we plagiarize in advance……until the next time.

PLAGIARIZING IN ADVANCE: THE RUDY TUESDAY DEPT.

A local publication called "The Advocate" with a reputation of having a very direct, shall we say non-conservative view, is the most recent victim of our repeated habit at the Faux of plagiarizing in advance. This time, it involved our repeated description of a former NYC mayor who had one "good day" from his political point of view, anyway, namely, Tuesday, 9/11/2001, and has used and re-used and morphed his moment into an entire political platform. And, as he faced each new day, we came to call Mr. Rudy Guiliani, "Rudy Tuesday". And so . . . when "The Advocate" in their recent issue, referring to the upcoming primaries, led with the headline "Rudy Tuesday", we knew they had us. We've specialized in "anticipating" ideas in other columns but we're OK with “nicking” them on names as well.

HOW TO KEEP YOUR “CODE WORD” ACCOUNT IN THE BLACK WHEN YOUR OPPONENT….. IS BLACK

Let's face it; the politics of race and divide have been a Republican staple since 1980, when Reagan kicked off his campaign in Philadelphia, Mississippi with the code word, "States Rights". The locals got the lily white message; they could (and did) ignore en masse the torture and murder of 3 civil right's workers and resist Federal (as in FBI) intervention when local authorities (as in KKK) seemed indifferent and, Mr. Regan assured them their rights were just alright with him.
When Bush '41 wanted to tap into the same vain, we mean vein of racist code, it was the repetitive pictures of parolee and recidivist felon Willie Horton; yes, the dark, black, menacing Willie Horton, whom the Democratic nominee Michael Dukakis had pardoned as Massachusetts governor and we all know how well that act worked.
In 2000 George Bush opened his presidential campaign at Bob Jones University, where whites and blacks were not even permitted to clasp hands; so much for uniting, not dividing. But again, each time the racist shadow was cast by the Republican National Committee it was used as a side shot against a white candidate. How would they (believe us if they can, they will) use such stuff against a black man; it would then have to be a frontal hit. And it could not be glossed over by happy blacks on stage as in the Republican Convention of 2000. We at the Faux think they're up, we mean down to the task; but it would sure be a different song and dance act this time, so stay tuned.

OBAMA IN IOWA ,FOR HIM DRAMA, FOR OTHERS TRAUMA

It has occurred to us at the Faux while watching and listening to Barak Obama campaign in Iowa, that the best indicator of electibility may not be capability or even likeability, but the spontaneous quality of adaptability. The man is, let's face it, remarkably facile and as he spoke, the "Meet The Press" desk, while seated, thought so well on his feet. He's a bright, reactive bulb and a black candidate who had people at the Iowa caucus proclaim their support for him in public. We've talked previously about other political contests, most memorably, Ron Kirk in the '04 Texas Senate race, where a black candidate polled "even" but lost solidly, by 12%, to be exact. In Texas, at least we took this to mean that people's feelings, for whatever reason, were different over the phone to pollsters than it was in the privacy of the voting booth. Along those lines, New Hampshire should prove one interesting test because the votes there are, of course, in private. One more "faux" fact; the traditional insurgent candidate, which so many have termed Mr. Obama, is typically hampered by funds and organizations which don't measure up to their supporter's entuhsiasm, NOT here: the smart money says there's real money coming if Senator Obama wins in New Hampshire, to the point where he can out-spend Senator Clinton, two, or even three to one. That's a big bill, for even Hil, though keep in mind she does have the open support of one Warren Buffet who's pretty smart with money himself.

FRIDAY FAUXLOSOPHY

I’ve had some experience in the plumbing supply business and was often asked about warranties; is that a 6 year heater, an 8 year one etc. So on that note, and for the New Year, this Friday Fauxlosophy:

Enjoy the day and take care of the day, because we are all born out of WARRANTY

"COMICALLY" BUT NO KIDDING, SOME "JEWS IN THE NEWS"

This past week marked the 85th birthday of Marvel Comics guru Stan Lee and brought to mind a bit of comic trivia. And that is what do Spiderman, The Fantastic Four (Marvel Comics), Superman and Batman (D.C. Comics), to mention a few have in common? Well, the answer is that these uncommon characters were all created by Jewish writers. Does the Talmud give much attention to imagination or mutants, probably not, but some of its ethnic sons do, and as to what other super heroes are of Yiddish origin, we’re not sure, perhaps our readership can tell us. In any event, some years (many in fact) ago, I had the privilege of meeting Mr. Lee and he’s a fantastic guy with Spider sense to match; at the Faux hope that at 85 his days are simply marvelous.

TRUE COMPASSION

Nothing better seasons great affection than great compassion.

IT AINT OVER TILL...

Yogi said “It ain’t over till its over”. As the New Year is upon us, we at the Faux say for this New Year and every New Year, enjoy every day cause . . . “It ain’t over till its clover”.

BE CAREFUL

In bad weather step carefully, a broken ankle can be a tough heal.

A FAUXLOSOPHY AS THE PRIMARIES APPROACH

It seems more authentic to believe in a political philosophy and find a candidate who emulates it; than vice versa.