WHAT TO CUT; ROAD WARY

In Louisiana, some years ago there was a horrific bus accident due to the operator's losing control. That very driver at fault had in fact been reportedly hospitalized for heart and kidney problems but was still permitted to drive; twenty-two humans died in that mishap. As a result, some seven years ago in 2001 the National Transportation Board of Safety recommended eight steps to crack down on unsuitable drivers...good luck to us all, because to this day the Bush administration has not implemented a single one of the eight preventative measures.
That makes this case another case in point to think about when considering where the Bush/McCain philosophy of cutting back on what government is supposed to do will leave us. Zero implementations of eight life-saving recommendations, eight recommendations for the safety of our families put behind the Bush tax cut eight ball, how 'bout it Republicans. Do you think unfit drivers endanger only the children of Democrats? Oh, for the record, it was shown that this past year, over 1,000 drivers were permitted to keep on truckin' although they had either seriously impaired hearing or vision. But again, we can't say for sure that our would-be commercial driver who couldn't hear AND see got to keep their license-you had to be able to do one or the other.

T. BOONE DOCKS THE REPUBLICAN BALANCE SHEET

No one could have missed the ads being run by Texas oil man T. Boone Pickens with the (obvious) mantra that we can't "drill our way" out of our current energy problems and dependence on foreign oil. Mr. Pickens, who experienced an intellectual Renaissance at age 80 is of course favoring the use of the everlasting, inevitable Texas winds.
Speaking of Texas winds, and keeping with the Faux News principle that complete truths are far preferable to complete sentences, it was Mr. Pickens who at the cost of three million dollars financed the Swift Boat campaign against John Kerry which may have been the most significant (and fraudulent) ad of the 2004 political campaign. And it may have been the single most effective factor in keeping Mr. Bush in the White House. That noted, and it should be, T. Boone was becoming quite the critic of the Bush bunch. Many of us cannot help asking, what now, T. Boone? For one thing, the facts (this time) are on his side. Consider we in the United States now possess three percent of the world's oil reserves and are responsible for twenty percent of its consumption. Brings to mind a Bible verse, "You were weighed in the balance and found wanting," which may be what's moving T. Boone Pickens to balance the scales of his legacy having enabled a pretty unbalanced group of men to endanger our security, our economy, and quite possibly our planet. Hope he keeps his focus on swift winds, not swift boats this time around.
I suppose if you use Republican fuzzy math you could drill the 3% we have 10 times to exceed the 20% we use.

THE ECONOMIC MR. OBAMA

Don't be so economical with your economics, as in tax policies Mr. Senator, chart the chart. Tell someone who is making either $30,000, $50,000, $70,000, $200,000 or whatever what will actually happen to them under your tax plan. Be clear where Mr. McCain is attempting to be vague. The Tax Policy Center confirms that 60% of the tax payers in this country, which could be considered a majority, will get back all of $3.00 a week under Mr. McCain's plan. This computes to 43 cents a day or a postage stamp with one penny back, that's the change you get with John McCain. It may be "change you believe in" but you will spend it all in one place. Where you differ, Mr. Obama, needs to be shown and shown again. You can then tell your would-be voters that a vote for you IS a vote for them. Harry Truman said "If I lose; you lose," you can then say, "If I win, you win."

UNTIL THE ELECTION: 100 DAYS BUT QUITE A WAYS

John McCain recently claimed ( then disclaimed) that 16 months sounded like a pretty good time table to leave Iraq and then said he didn’t use the word ‘time table’. Interestingly, Mr. McCain still maintains we were greeted as liberators, and that Saddam Hussein “posed a threat to the security of the United Stated of America”. Senator McCain also says that when he said that Barrack Obama would rather “lose a war to win an election”, that didn’t mean McCain was questioning his patriotism. Because that’s not the low road Republicans usually take, right…..
It’s also fascinating that John McCain couldn’t make the senate vote on the housing bill (which passed 72 – 13), but says he would have voted for it. Fine, but on the Medicare bill where Ted Kennedy came straight from Chemo treatment to vote for it and break the 60 vote plateau, 99 senators were present: all except John McCain. The Libby Ledbetter bill is coming up arguing a women’s right to sue when the victim of blatant salary discrimination and Mr. McCain has indicated he wouldn’t vote for that. So why isn’t the Democratic line against McCain; to those Medicare recipients, women and those struggling with the mortgage crisis, “he doesn’t vote for you, why vote for him?”

Oh, on ABC’s “This Week” on his latest promise to reduce taxes he bungled as follows “I’ll keep tax cuts low, okay. Is it too much to expect a president who speaks coherently, more often than not? And we ask again why vote for a man who won’t vote for you?

And finally (for now) just how does Mr. McCain distance himself from the Bush Economy while aligning himself with all the Bush economic policies? More to follow.

FRIDAY FAUXLOSOPHY

It is sad, pathetic really when someone embraces their former tormentors who have changed nothing but their targets.

BLESS IT ALL; DO SOME FANS TAKE LAUNDRY OVER THE LORD?

Outside of organized religion no profession more regularly invokes or involves the worship of God than does major league sports; the teams and their athletes alike. That said, no venue in which these games are played more frequently trumpets its heavenly connection than does the New York Yankees. In all games, all season long including the recent all-star game, midway in the seventh inning those attending the Stadium (and perhaps those viewing) are asked, in fact virtually instructed to rise and according to the home team’s definition “honor America” by singing “God bless America”.
In the spirit of full disclosure I should point out that I personally believe in my right, no make that my joyous duty to pray regularly, but I feel just as strongly for those who do not wish to be at all pressured into references to the Lord in prayer be it public or private. I am also a Yankee fanatic and regular Stadium attendee who literally reveres the NYY uniform but not the “God bless” bit every blessed game. Does this really honor America? Others seem to differ, because every major league game at every major league park begins with the playing, and hopefully by all the singing (individually I may possess a but more enthusiasm than skill) of our national anthem, the “Star Spangled Banner”. Now that’s honoring America. “God bless America” on the other hand seems to give deference or credence or both to those who believe in public entreaty to the Lord, oblivious to the feelings of those who don’t, because that may be their personal choice.
I know many will disagree with my view, but if an audience wide singing of “God bless America” every game makes the Yankees more holy than other teams, none of whom do it daily let alone weekly, it should give those truly religious non-Yankees fans pause. Consider Red Sox, Mets fans and others; if your own team doesn’t publicly and regularly “God bless America” every game and you root for them and thus against the Yankees aren’t you choosing laundry over the Lord? Oh, and to my dear Yankees if you must out bless everyone else could you not so very often suggest that we “please join with Kate Smith” because why would we want to? She’s been dead for over 20 years.

THE ELECTRIC MR. GORE

On this past week's "Meet The Press" (gosh, without Tim Russert it seems it's lost it's fastball) Al Gore was the exclusive guest. For those who thought he's just go on and on, in fact he went on and ended up with some major facts of life for us all. For instance, there is how almost universal agreement among scientists that for every one percent degree the average annual temperature goes up there is the following climate change or should we say climate charge; namely that there is a ten percent increase in lightning strikes; Ohm, the humanity.

SOME FEMINIST FAUXWORDS

During the after (sometimes during) dinner act (there actually is one) of Faux News we often talk of women in the political (not in the biblical) sense. After all it is an election year, so in the past primary campaigns there is the repeated question of whether either of two "minorities" as in a black man (Mr. Obama) or a woman (white, as in Mrs. Clinton) could lead the Democratic party. We were puzzled, not by the answer but by the question. Since women are in fact a bit over 52% of the population aren't they a pretty major minority? Add to that, that according to those in academic work who rate such things over 60% of the quality applications for undergraduate admission are turned in by women. So we are compelled to ask that if ladies are 52% of our population and 60% of intellect, why do they get 77% of the salary as men for doing the same job? Which brings us to the Lilly Ledbetter act, so named because on her job working for Goodyear in Alabama, Ms. Ledbetter got in fact very uneven pay for just 30 years or so...well, who knew she can't take a joke. This is going to come up (again) before the Senate sooner than later and it will be nip and tuck for the forces of fair to get the 61 vote total needed to get it passed. Again, these things get through or don't in this congress by razor thin margins, as witnessed by the Medicare reform which just thankfully by one vote. And since John McCain was the only Senator absent that day we wonder if he'll miss the vote and the boat on equal pay for women, as he was out (no doubt) campaigning for their votes while he's to busy to vote for them.

RECEIVING FROM ALIEN SIGNALS, SOME REALLY GOOD ONES

We at the Faux have been getting some faint but persistent signals which may be intergalactic in nature. Naturally we turned it over to the Diehard Unicorn Nullification Conservative Enterprise Society and they feel its from beings of higher order who possess incalculable might but, get this, will only use their powers for our protection and survival. Be there threats of nuclear terrorism, climate change, tidal waves or whatever, they will keep us intact.
Even more fascinating appears to be the reason for their largess; it seems that of all in the galaxy we are the most illogical, self destructive, and slowest learning planet, and they need us...they need us to laugh. That's because, and its not really all that surprising earth is the intergalactic comedy channel, more no doubt to be sent and received.

FRIDAY FAUXLOSOPHY

Many right wing insiders have shown little or no embarrassment at electoral and/or political gains accomplished by exploiting the views of bigots. But I'll give them this much, they've become uneasy about how bigotry has come to be viewed.

ON STAYING THE COURSE A LESSON FROM MR. ED…SMITH AND OTHERS

Just what conditions exactly would allow us to cut back on our troop deployment in Iraq. If “the surge” works, and things get more stable or if things suddenly get more chaotic would seem to suggest two different strategies. And they are two different scenarios. Presuming that things don’t stabilize, the Republican argument regarding violence and a breakdown of civil order seems to be as follows: we have to stay in great numbers because we cannot in good conscience (which we wish they’d had before starting that war) allow massive loss of life and the ensuing destruction to social order. But then what if “The Surge” works, well…there are many right wingers who also argue that if the surge is calming things down we have to then “stay the course”, (a strategy long ago used by Edmund John Smith) and keep great numbers of our forces there because well…you explain it and we’ll explain where Edmund J. Smith and a gentleman named Preston Marshall, neither of whom are currently household names come in.
First to Mr. Smith, who was, and always will be the original “stay the course” guy. He was a white haired patrician of around age 60 when he received the most important command of his life. He had gone to the best schools and was if not the brightest of students certainly among the best connected. He was a friendly sort, fond of giving people folksy nick names (sound familiar) and was supremely confident almost to the point of being supremely stubborn. In fact in his diary he essentially describes his personal philosophy this way; “I have never met a situation I could not overcome”…again does that ring a bell? Smith was man who deeply valued his personal leisure time as well, and on one night to remember he delegated what proved to be a crucial judgment to a very inexperienced subordinate, the results of which left him on the collision course in history.
Preston Marshall was a successful business entrepreneur with strong some might say harsh political opinions, and with ideological views to match. He was the owner of the Washington Redskins and held among his many strong social theories the conviction that “the Negro” could not be an effective player in professional football and so he refused to draft a young Black man named Jim Brown out of Syracuse. For the uninformed (we don’t mean as uninformed in Mr. Marshall, that’s just not possible) Mr. Brown really could play that game. Owner Marshall had in his employee a coach named George Allen (whose Muccacca son, the former Senator of Virginia we all know, and can now fondly forget) was also the Redskins General Manager. Mr. Allen coached and managed (the finances) by never telling any player or the owner for that matter anything they didn’t want to hear, emphasizing flattery and loyalty. Again if some of these characters may sound like they would be welcome in the Bush administration, we agree.
Let us then surge along to our lesson and as is our (hopeful) custom a punch line or two. First, regarding Mr. or should we say Captain Smith who “stayed the course” but left an inexperienced underling (on watch in the crows nest) alone when there were warnings of the ocean liner version of a quagmire, specifically an ice field. And with no Karl Rove to spin his tale, Captain Smith’s last command bottomed out and received poor job reviews as it was the good ship Titanic. Preston Marshall when he saw what George Allen had done to his team’s budget, remember Allen never told a player anything they didn’t want to hear, uttered the memorable line that he had given Mr. Allen an “unlimited budget and he’d exceeded it”. Captain Smith, Owner Marshall and Coach Allen are long since gone, and we’re certainly not claiming that Senator McCain is old enough to have been on the Titanic but we can’t help thinking he’d feel a kinship with these three gentlemen. Unfortunately, Mr. McCain as well as the Bush administration has lost out on two valuable lessons. First, that a commander-in-chief has to have limits and set limits and second, as Captain of our ship of state it might be best to concentrate less on “staying the course” and more on missing the friggin’ iceberg.

AAHNOLD SPEAKS ON THIS WEEK, AND FOR MANY WEEKS?

California’s Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger (pronounced by the honorable Arnold Caleeforneeya), spoke some cold truths on global warming this week. And pardon our phonetics, we know English is his second language (its our President’s first right ) but he calls it like it is pointing our that the Bush Administration at first denied and then avoided doing anything about global warming, their explanation being that China and India aren’t doing their share either. The Governor intuitively points out that being such followers didn’t get us to the moon among other instances of bold American leadership. He also points to (oh the sacrilege) that Jimmy Carter (Jimmy Carter?) had an intelligent long range energy program which Ronald Reagan short sightedly (short sightedly?) scrapped while other countries went progressively forward and some are saying Governor Schwarzengger should be Energy Czar Schwarazengger under president Obama. He answered this perhaps, in that same interview Arnold said when contrasting his description of John McCain as someone who “reaches across the aisle” versus his Republicans, Bush again policies he’s espousing while running for president. The governor said “let me tell you something, what is being said in these presidential campaigns is one thing but what people have done in the past is something else; we agree and case in point can any one find any “compassionate conservatives” in the current white house?

A SUNDAY FAUX FUNDAY

Some Sunday Funday Fauxlosophies;

1. Is there a greater emptiness than what must be inside someone for whom psychologically enough is never enough?

2. You will meet many many more people who are really friendly as opposed to those who are really friends.

3. Faux News Flash- We have just learned the name of the strip club establishment where all the Major Leaguers go when they are in Toronto; its called the "touch 'em all" cafe.

FRIDAY FAUXLOSOPHY

On behalf of all those who have served this nation despite reduced health care benefits and opportunities, it’s important that they continue to love their country. It is every bit as important that their country strive to love them as much.

DELETIONS AND SECRETIONS

We've often made it a point (or tried to) that the complete sentence differs greatly from the complete truth. Well, there is a recent example and its a beaut. It seems the vice in the presidency, Dick Cheney, had his office delete from senate testimony a health officials remarks to the effect that global warming may represent health risks to us all. The official (a Democrat to be fair) has resigned from the environmental protection agency (he was chief advisor on the climate to the EPA head administrator) because we guess that was all he could stands and he could stands no more. His exact words were that Mr. Cheney and chums (isn't that what they use to attract sharks with?) "were seeking deletions" of descriptions of the health risks (so obvious) from the warming. In answer, Oklahoma Senator James M. Inhofe (R) said "all administrations edit testimony" (even when its the truth?). Why couldn't they (in tribute to Alberto Gonzales just be honest and figure we wouldn't recall?

THE BUSH INEPTITUDES AND PLATITUDES DRONE ON

It’s obvious to all in our intelligence network that the Al-Qaeda is regrouping in the tribal areas of Pakistan. Naturally our officials in the military there requested more predator drones to help with the surveillance and to protect our ground forces. The answer they received from the oil’s well Bush bunch was “no”, that none were available because they had been diverted to Iraq. The insightful Paul Krugman has helped break this news, pointing out the reason for this travesty namely that Exxon Mobile, Shell, Total and BP are about to sign “no bid contracts”- the beginning of their once again accessing Iraq’s oil. It’s been over 3 decades since they have been able to and that’s a long time between drinks, or should we say gulps, so expect them to be thirsty. Can Mr. McCain help here by adding to his tax plan some additional aid and rebates to lubricate the oil industry’s latest venture? Or is the Al-Qaeda to be ignored, relegating the victims of 9/11 to a status not unlike that of dinosaurs whose past demise served mainly as fuel for our fuel. Finally, as we are so often reminded Mr. Bush and Mr. McCain always but always back the troops. Although the lack of drones proves troop support doesn’t necessarily include air support.

ONWARD COMMISSARS OF THE RIGHT. WE PLAGIARIZED WAYYYY....IN ADVANCE

The recent headlines make it clear, torture it seems has been outsourced or should we say in sourced from the communist Chinese to us, and they of course had learned the lessons of their own brand of compassionate conversionism from the Soviet communists. Compassionate conversionism is, of course, the methods by which prisoners are made to say or convert to any type of confession or logic, just so their inquisitors (Spanish Russian, Chinese, us take your pick) will stop. This methodology interestingly has been off the table for years as far as the Israeli government is concerned because they want interrogations to result in actual intelligence which can be of strategic use as opposed to that of a propaganda nature. Our administration, however, prefers the system derived from Stalinism on down, seeming to find “godless” communists more worthy of emulation than the questioners of the Israeli Mossaud. Thought the American right liked, or at least appreciated the judgment of the Israelis, and, we saw it coming so what follows is from a previous piece, entitled, “The Commissars of the Right”.

As America attempts to debate whether, as President Bush claims, the Social Security System will be at peril in the future, the echo of a very real peril from the past has surfaced in the process: namely, the danger of propaganized news. Among the chilling cased in point are Mr. Bush’s “town Meetings” on Social Security, where it turns out “spontaneous” questioners now admit to being rehearsed, as much as five times through, before the president arrived. These are hardly isolated incidents given this administration’s penchant for planting and employing reporters to produce its own “news” releases as well as its extraordinary talent for creating self-serving appellations for its would –be laws or programs, such as the "Clear Skies” and “Healthy Forest” initiatives, to name but two.

Regrettably, such misinformation and misnomers are not unlike the tactics used most successfully by communist Russia and promoted relentlessly in the Soviet state newspaper. Ironically, said publication was named Pravda, which is Russian for “truth”. It makes one ache when the policy of our government, in dealing with dissenting views, departs from our glorious tradition of openness and begins, at least, to resemble those of other nations with whom we’ve had or might have had armed differences.

HOW CAN WE ALL BECOME WEAPONS OF MASS INSTRUCTION?

These are dangerous times for our country’s security and for the truth, which go hand in hand. Consider then, what if someone told you low key, straight out, that Barack Obama was a Muslim? Well approximately 11% of American holds that opinion, the only problem being that it’s totally erroneous, he is life long Christian. What then to say or do, or not say or not do.

Remember when people including our nation’s administration were telling us that Sadden Hussein and Iraq were responsible for the 9/11 attacks? What did so many of us say or do then? Did we question, did our media?

Get this one gang, on more hand one occasion I’ve been told by college graduates that they find the Comedy Channel Show “The Colbert Report” so much more palatable than Jon Stewart’s “The Daily Show” (Mr. Stewart produces both and both shows are of course political satires) because Mr. Colbert is so much more “reasonable” as in more conservative then Mr. Stewart. They really think that. How to answer?

In the coming election much attention is focused on the candidate’s tax plans. The respected TPC, the Tax Policy Center quoted as authority by conservatives and liberals alike tells us Barack Obama’s tax plan would result in a reduction of 2.7 trillion dollars over the next 10 years and Mr. McCain’s would knock off 3.7 trillion. So when Mr. McCain calls Mr. Obama’s plan the biggest tax increase in history, do you keep a straight face? The differences of course are just who will get what refunds in both men’s plans: which we’ll discuss along the way, but for now lets discuss how we of Faux news can deal with these “fauxs” of the truth.

Take heart, there is hope because when enough so called “liberal” (the main stream news papers and network news sources) continue to say the truths often enough, conservative folks will begin to (have to?) get and even admit it. In fact all the previously mentioned myths were eventually (a key part of the process) acknowledged by people on the right; just reluctantly and softly and when possible just once. Or you might try this one I used when facing an obviously erroneous right wing legend. “Gosh, if the smart folks like you get unfairly tricked, what will have to the rest”? Because many people of good will can be tricked but a few of ill well, and by being weapons of mass instruction, we just might be part of the healing, the healing of the truth.

WHEN IT COMES TO ANAL COMPULSIVENESS ONE NEWS NOW IS THE ONE

For those who were not aware (we weren’t) One News Now is the name of a right wing Christian website. After having made a mockery of our political process, they have now done the same with regard to their homophobic selves. It seems they picked up on their word monitoring network, which has a wide stance, that a track phenom named Tyson Gay had just set 2 world records for the fastest 100 meter dash in 9.68 seconds. On the One News Network site however that sport event was edited to read “homosexual sets record” (maybe because they refuse to say the word “gay”). They really did, although for the record Mr. Gay’s mark set in the Olympic trials may be judged as “windaided” and thus not count. Would that someone or something or some event could do the same regarding the bigots of “One News” who besmirch along with their targets the names of the many, well intentioned evengelicals who don’t share their intolerance and emulate such intolerance. How about a national election with no, or at least just a little bit of windaided prejudice thrown in (we do mean you AM talk radio) and one that gets honestly counted.

THE ENEMY OF MY ENEMY OF MY ENEMY IS…WELL YOU GET IT

Try and remember this scenario guys; The state of Israel has lived and survived in a region where many Arab states wish they didn’t. But two such enemies had a negative intention deficit with weapons in their hands and hate in their hearts and it was focused on each other. These enemies of my enemies were of course Iraq and Iran who were locked in a mutual cycle of enmity (not always good) and distraction (this time actually good) and it stayed that way for a long time. In 1981 Israel bombed an Iraqi nuclear reactor to be sure and successfully so but since then it was more or less okay, until around 2002.
Now to the present where we hope to be against such idiocies in the future so that in the bargain we can become what we would call weapons of mass instruction. Because you see in the “mensa” mindset which started an unnecessary war in Iraq in addition to putting our soldiers and our long term interests at risk tilted that balance of power. Thus with no Iraq to keep it pre-occupied, let alone occupied, Iran has been free to work on a nuclear reactor which Israel will no doubt have to pre-emptively defend against. And this will cost a loss of lives, Israeli and Iranian and the blood will be on the hands of the Bush administration, although we keep reminding ourselves they “love” Israel or as the British might say “they bloody love Israel”. The reason Israel might feel compelled to act before the next President takes office is because of the manner in which the current President mismanaged his office.

JOHN MCCAIN; FROM TAX POLICY (2000) TO TAX FALLACY (2008)

According to the Tax Policy Center Senator McCain’s tax plan would sure enough give refunds, which we’ll enumerate. If you are in the bottom 60% (often known as the majority) of US tax payers you will get a refund of almost $3, that’s three dollars a week, or .43 per day. You are advised here not to spend it all in one place. If you are in the top 1% of all tax payers you will get back $800 per week, and if you are in the top one tenth of one percent (.01) you will get back over $5,000 per week. So far, so fair, if you’re so rich. Minnesota governor Tim Pawlenty (R) when defending Mr. McCain’s program this past Sunday was asked by George on “This Week” for a response and honestly and sadly he could think of nothing to do but change the subject. But we at the Faux have thought of a bargain for you folks available at 43 cents a day, it’s called a postage stamp and you get one cent change, and you can write your other “rich friends” in the 60% and make plans for how you will spend your $3 next week. Don’t write the people in the top 1% who are supporting McCain, while they may be receiving more from this country, trust us, they could care less.