LAUGHTER WITH OUR APOLOGY

Joe Lieberman who is (for now) the Chairman of Homeland Security in his role as an "Independent Democrat" has expressed great concern about how the Nigerian terrorist smuggled explosives onto a plane. Joe claims and a full body scan would have detected it and an FBI expert on the news today disputed that. When we see that "Joe Jowl face" talking about a full body scan, we know we should not laugh because this is serious business, so we apologize for not being able to control ourselves from laughing.

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AN AIR-HEADS UP ON TERRORISM

Topic 1; Ounces of prevention We are told that 3-5 ounces of material for explosives are enough to be lethal, so they only allow people to bring 2 ounces of liquid style substances or less. Imagine if someday people figure out that 2+2+2=6 and they all get together on the plane to combine their "2 ounces or less". Topic 2; Either late or never... This idea that in the last hour of the flight is the only time someone can detonate explosives is weird. How about the first hour? Why not in Europe where the security procedures are not nearly as efficient as ours? Why not over the Atlantic ocean? This idea that it can only be at the end of a flight...either late or never?? Topic 3; Body scan of work People are arguing about what a body scan in an airport will show. Can it show stuff that are taped to the body? Will it show some chemicals? They admit there are others it wont show. It would be noce to have some science and forensics. Is a body scan as good as bomb sniffing dogs? We know that dogs can sniff almost anything, so why are there not more dogs in our airports? Underwear is not going to scare off dogs, they kind of like sniffing there. Topic 4; Their screens, our screams The flight to Detroit that was nearly bombed by the Nigerian terrorist originated in Brussels where he went though a simple and very basic inspection. Can we insist that all flights entering into the US can ONLY be inspected by OUR people? Hopefully, our security people were not just hired to "fill jobs". Or perhaps our security dogs? It's American lives at stake here, we should not have the spectra of our screams based on the competence of their screens.

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AN OLYMPIC BATTLE IN AN OLYMPIC CITY

A court in Rio De Janeiro has finally ruled that David Goldman of New Jersey can take his biological son back to the USA, after his mother who had taken him there died in childbirth leaving him with his stepfather. This was a 5 year battle the was finally won. While he cant make up for lost years, he can certainly make up for lost emotion.

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THE RAIN MAN

Ken Peak died this week at age 58. He was the human idea behind the movie Rain Man, and his brain was studied by NASA to attempt to figure out what made this autistic yet brilliant mind tick. It bring to mind the great line from Woody Allen in Sleeper when they say they will dissect his brain he says "its not my brain, its my second favorite organ". Rain Man has always been one of our favorite films, we wish we'd known that Mr. Peak was alive all this time, he is literally the reining rain man.

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HEALTH AND SUFFERING

The Senate passed the health care reform bill 60-39, and Sen. Harry Reid was so tired that he mistakenly voted "no" and had to be corrected. Interestingly, on Wall St. the health care stocks have dropped a small amount in share price. Does this mean that they wont have the 480% profits anymore and might have to settle for 300%? How terrible. The ones getting helped here are American humanity. Our latest naming nomination for the health care bill is the "American health humanity bill".

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THE RIGHT LEFT EARLIER

In a pre-Christmas vote, the Senate passed the Obama health care reform bill. The last time a Senate vote was done on Christmas eve was 104 years ago in 1895. Like social security in 1935 and Medicare in 1965, this will one day be considered a "groundbreaking" piece of legislation. Unlike in those votes however, this time were no Republican crossovers who voted to support this bill. What does that tell us? That the needs of the American people (however slowly) are being met, and those needs are not left, and it tells us what the right has left namely the American people. Interestingly,m the vote was 60-39 (not 60-40) because 1 Republican left early for Christmas and didn't even bother to vote. Surely he would tell you that the future of this nation hangs on stopping this bill, as long as he didn't have to be there to do it.

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POTENTIAL POPE PLOPS

Last year on Christmas, Suzzane Maiolo attempted to approach the Pope on his way to midnight mass (we assume to receive the blessing) and security prevented her from reaching him. This year, same lady and same Pope and same time of year, she was actually able to knock him over. Interestingly, now is not only the height of the Christmas season, it is also the height of the football season. So next year, when she undoubtedly will come for him again, we suggest that he practice the "leg whip" to avoid the oncoming rush and to protect him from potential Pope plops.

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BEYOND THE PALIN UPDATE

Discussions from insiders have continued to emerge as Sarah Palin's book "going rogue" has continued to sell in high numbers. Apparently, at the very end of the campaign when they realized Obama was winning she started talking about the "birther" stuff and other racist ideas, and Palin was extremely upset that McCain would not let it go on. We have often said that there is smug, cutesy and folksy, in terms of annoying traits of public figures. Smug and cutesy are nothing compared to the danger of folksy.

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RIGHTS THAT AREN'T CELL-PHONY

A court in Ohio had ruled that in the name of privacy rights unreasonable search and seizure should apply to cell phones, as lots of personal data is often stored there. We commend that. Any rights that didn't include someones personal communication device would definitely be against the spirit of privacy laws, and would ignore the fact that technology has reached the point today where phones are often among the most personal objects we own. If the court had ruled otherwise, those privacy rights would be pretty cell-phony.

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LET THE HEADS ROLL...

By now we all know that a 23 year old Nigerian man tried to blow up a Delta airlines flight from Amsterdam to Detroit. Apparently, his father had gone to the embassy in Nigeria and told people that he was very concerned about his son's extremist views. It is reassuring that they had let every aircraft in the air at the time (in the US) know within the hour and they are working around the clock to understand the disconnect that allowed this man to board a plane to the US. Joe Lieberman (who we have recently been criticizing regarding his health care reform views) brought some good points, asking how a man on the terror watch list did not raise suspicion when boarding. Homeland Security secretary Janet Napolitano responded by saying that there are so many lists that cross referencing for every name is impossible. We have to find out where the blame lies; if it is in the embassy in Nigeria, they should be fired. If in the Obama government, they should be fired. Someone let his pass and needs to lose their job, unless of course it is the President clearing brush.

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THE GOP GETS TO NO BY BEING SLOW

Senator Mitch McConnell is of course criticizing the Obama administration's efforts to reform health care and admitted that the Republicans did everything they could to slow down the process of passing the bill. They wanted to go slowly (if at all) prompting us to nickname them the "party of slow". Interestingly, a bit of history about the party of slow and particularly Sen. McConnell; One of his major objections is that this bill will cut Medicare (actually it's a 21% drop in doctors fees in the coming year). Yet Mr. McConnell's record as a leader of the party of slow regarding Medicare; In 1995 he voted for 270 billion dollars in cuts over 7 years. In 1996 he voted for an additional 158 billion in cuts over 6 years. In 1997 he wanted to slow the growth some more and voted again for 393 billion in cuts. In the party of slow Mitch McConnell is the lead turtle.

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FAUX PHRASE-OLOGY

We have a new Faux phrase-ology to introduce - "social behindsight". Since all the progressive movements in this country, including the most fundamental, from breaking away from the British and ridding ourselves from slavery all the way through social security and Medicare, were at the outset were disliked by a majority of people. Yet once they were there a vast majority would NOT consider giving them up. That is true social behindsight.

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WHATS ON THE POWER GRID, GRANDERSON TO YANKEES

Many Tigers fans are not happy about the recent Granderson trade to the Yankees, and we at the Faux have heard from them. We must remember the following though when analizing a power hitter. You must look road vs. home power, because you play alf your games on the road. Consider history Roger Marrus hit 61 homers with the 1961 Yankees and everyone was saying if not for that short porch in Yankees stadium, he could not have done it. Actually though, of his 61, 31 were on the road and only 30 were hit at home, he was a true power hitter. Now lets look at Granderson, as we know that Detroit has a rather spacious stadium. If he had 10 at home and 20 on the road, we can expect 40 home runs from him at Yankees stadium. Joe DiMaggio hit 240 Homers on the road and only 120 at Yankees stadium, meaning he "got killed" by playing half his games at Yankees stadium. So home is where the heart is, and maybe where the power is...if the fence is of your liking. We would love to see how Granderson plays in the new Yankees stadium, I guess we will all be experts a year from now.

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THE BRITISH PERSUASION

Britain was the first country to impose a 50% tax on the hefty bonuses bankers were receiving, France followed close suit, and recently Goldman Sachs (and plunders) announced they would do the same. That would mean that their top executives would be paid in the form of long term stock, they wont have those huge cash year-ends, but they will still do very in the company and the shareholders do very well. Apparently this is going to be a 5 year plan (forgive the old reference to the Soviet Union). The reason we have nicknamed them Goldman Sachs and Plunders is because until now it seemed they really didn't concentrate on making money for their shareholders as much as they did for themselves. Hopefully now that will have to change. Additionally, the shares that they get wont be able to be sold for 5 years (eternity in the financial world), which means that will have no choice but to live off their 7 digit annual salary until then (and maybe clip coupons).

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THE NY POST-IT NOTES

The NY Post, a bastion of right wing rectitude, was quite critical of Elliott Spitzer's moral failings, and they say rightly so How can you defend a man (especially a head of state) paying a woman for sex? Well, actually they have changed on that a bit. Ms. Dupre (Spitzers mistress) who was previously condemned for selling herself for sex, is now being allowed to sell herself for telling about selling herself for sex. Yes, she will now be writing for the NY Post.

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THE NAME IS THE GAME

A couple months ago on Meet The Press, Thomas Friedman stated what might be the golden rule in politics. He said "when you can name an issue you own the issue". Look at how the Republicans have called the inheritance tax the "death tax", and look at the way they have been able to call the womans right to choose "anti life". With regards to health care, what been lacking sorely on the right is frankly a good name from the left. So we thought up a couple choices and they all come down to security. How about the "health security act" or the "American security act" or the "insurance security act". To name it is to claim it and for health care (as will everything in politics) that's the name of the game.

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DON'T GET INTO ARREARS WITH YOUR TELOMERES

Your telomeres are protective caps that protect your DNA from getting damaged, and they are indicators how long you will live. They found thos after the study of Danish twins in which one looked younger, was biologically younger, and lived longer. Protecting your telomeres can be done by not smoking, maintaining a healthy diet and regular exercise. This brings to mind the to spoof from Billy Crystal "its more important to look good than feel good". Having seen him we know, his telomeres are never in arrears.

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DIABETES REDUCTION, SWEET

Research has shown that for every cup of tea or coffee that you drink daily, you lower the risk if getting diabetes by 7% You get your caffeine, you get your jolt, and you are improving your health.

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ORNAMENTAL ARGUMENTS

The Obama administration has been "caught" sending ornaments from previous administrations to school children. And it gets worse; they were red and gold, and the children had to decorate them however they want. The Obama administartion has been accused of "brainwashing" because the only way to really wash a brain thoroughly is letting people do what they want and think on their own, a real cleansing. No worries, however...the right jumped in to save the day. The pointed out the flaws in this Obama scheme. Obviously, letting kids do what they want is brainwashing, and teachers have to drive with these ornaments in their cars which puts them at risk, and yet even more fascinating; in an interview with Samantha Bee, a Republican critic said that due a socialist Obama policy EVERYBODY is getting a present at Christmas time. When Samatha Bee pointed out that Jews have Chanukah, this critic said agreed adding "sure, all 12 days of Jewish Chanukah". You cant make these people up, but sometimes you wish they were made up. Intellectually, these people are kind of ornamental.

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NEWS SHOCKER; RIGHT WING REMARKS ON MEDICARE BASS ACKWARD

The right wing has actually gotten a fact wrong on the health care debate (who would have guessed?). According to the AARP, the Republican remarks that Medicare is going to be cut back in the Obama plan were either mistaken or deliberate lies. There are no recommended cuts in benefits, in fact according to AARP there are major increases in Medicare. Also, the so called "doughnut hole" will be filled and seniors will be able to buy drugs at cheaper prices. This is shocking; who could have thought the Republicans could have been so bass ackward on the health care debate? Could it happen a 2nd time?

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JASON AND THE GOLDEN EASE

There is a baseball player named Jason Marquis who has quite a career and record. He is literally the "golden fleece" of winning with a seeming "golden ease" wherever he has gone. Consider this; he has been in MLB for 10 years, and every single year his team has made the playoffs (Braves, Cardinals, Cubs and Rockies). He is a 31 year old free agent from Staten Island, who plans to go back there when he retires. Additionally, consider this; over the last 6 seasons he has won 11 or more games, and he celebrates both christmas and Hanukkah because even though his wife is Christian, Jason Marquis is Jewish.

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A DOSE OF IN-GENDERED EQUALITY

The world economic forum did an extensive survey on salary, political influence, life quality etc. to determine the gender equality on a country by country basis. The good news for the US is that we are not last, and we get a little better we can catch Lithuania, because they are 30th and we are 31st. Iceland incidentally was 1st. Hey, 31st is better than our life expectancy rank in which we proudly place 37th in the world. However, on the matter of white financial CEO's we rank #1, which is good; it implies we don't leave them behind. Having a black man as President makes some wonder when the white man will have their chance...

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THE TRUTH WILL SET YOUR FEE

There is something called the health blue book which is a website that tells you how much your health care actually costs the insurance companies so we can get a feel if the markup is anything close to reasonable. We think the health care markup is similar to the stadium beer markup. In Yankees stadium, Citifield, and Fenway park they sell a cup of beer for $8.00 and their cost is 25 cents per bottle. What this blue book can do is make a lot of states feel blue or turn blue on the the health care matter; We have a feeling that the insurance companies will have their superb profits insured. This is an industry that devoted 20% of its workforce to NOT serving its function, their sole job is to DENY claims.

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FROM WEALTH CARE TO HEALTH CARE

Could the same people who resisted social security and Medicare (and have been historically proven wrong, as we at the Faux have often pointed out) really attempt it again? Please understand that when real health care reform happens there will be tumult, threats, socialism, people will cry that the sky is falling, communism, fascism, Nazism, but ultimately it will become sacred. In future generations, the same people that are against the Democrats and Obama now will be then, only they will claim to support his health care policies as they do now with social security and Medicare. We are offering a special prize for whoever can come up with the originator of the following saying; "true conservatism is to believe that nothing should ever be done for the first time". This country is all about doing things for the first time, and that's why we support health care, not wealth care.

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WHERE THERE IS A "WILL" THERE IS A SWAY (UPDATE)

George Will pointed out that regarding the attacks on Tim Geithner and the dire unemployment challenges in this country that it will get worse. He pointed out that in 1991 and 2001 after similar unemployment downturns when the economy recovered (for a time) unemployment still got worse. What he is really saying to Obama is; don't you dare be as stupid as George H. W. Bush (president in 1991) or George W. Bush (president in 2001). Interestingly, he was then preaching patience and saying that job growth follows economic recoveries, and only now hes become a populist.

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FAHRENHEIT 480

No developed country on earth has a private insurance industry that is so profit driven and so high priced that it eats up such a huge percentage of every dollar that Americans earn. In the last 8 years they have ad a 480% profit, and 20% of their workforce is devoted to denying claims. Its as if 20% of the police or fire departments were devoted to stop the call answering of the other 80%. Why is this sustainable? Well, lets just say for starters they donate heavily to political campaign, and mainly to Republicans. Not to say that other parties are free from their own glitch, as we know that "independent" Joe Lieberman's wife is on the payroll of the insurance industry. For 70 years there has been no major health reform, and the Republicans now claim that they have their own bill with better options (under the "fair as they gotta be" doctrine). We ask, what stopped them from putting together this bill when they had a Republican President, house, and Senate? We answer, its because of the Republican donors, and its burning up the economy!

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A JOE LIEBERMAN WAKE UP??

Yesterday on Meet the Press, Joe Lieberman (I-CT) may have lost some cred for the anti-insomniac Jo-Do's, which of course is a recording of his voice. He said he would not vote for a health care bill that would raise the deficit. To his credit David Gregory responded by asking Joe if he would vote for the Afghanistan troop increase which is unfunded, and Joe has voted for them throughout the Bush years even though they were never funded. Joe candidly admitted that until Bush we had never gone to war without having a plan to fund it, Joe acknowledged that because of the wars we are in the economic hardships that we currently face. This admission is a wake up by Sen. Lieberman, and while we still endorse Joe as a cure for insomnia, his words yesterday actually had a waking up effect.

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HEARD FROM 'DELAY KAY'

Senator Kay Hutchinson (R-TX) has tried to explain away Sen. Dick Durban's assertion that the Republicans have slowed down the debate on the health care reform bill. She said "we just saw the bill Thursday". Obviously. And you never knew what was in it, and you never knew that a health care bill was even coming, huh? Where were the clues Kay? It was in all the papers! We may hear more and more from good 'ole delay Kay.

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HIGH THUNDER AND A CLEAR SKY

Nellis air force base in Nevada is the home for the air force Thunderbirds. Their home show is on veterans day which was last week, and the show has to be seen and heard to be believed. Flying well past the speed of sound and oblivious to the laws of gravity, these pilots and their planes are as impressive a group of performers one could imagine. Its literally like one of these science fiction movies, except its lots of science and no fiction. Their spins, loops, dives, and changes of pace...if the G-force doesn't take their breath away, it takes ours away as we watch. We had the privilege of sitting with the family section, so we had a good of a lot of the maneuvers close up. The show consists of planes from different eras (Korea, Vietnam and current) flying together, but the show of shows is "high thunder" in a clear sky. Its worth seeing if you are touring that part of the country. Lastly, not that we ever want these folks in combat, but if they ever have to be, these are the guys and planes we want on our side.

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LINING UP WITH THE REST

For years the NY Times and the Washington Post have been known for their condemnation of gambling and refusal to put betting lines as part of their sports stories. Yet recently, the lines, the bets, the over/under etc. has become part of the heart of American sports viewing. Last Sunday, the NY Times sports section reported the NFL wins and losses, each game analysis and for the first time in recent memory the betting lines. We at the Faux congratulate the NY Times for finally "lining" up with the rest.

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FRIDAY FAUXLOSOPHY

Watching "This week" we noticed a new contradiction in terms to add to our list; A well known covert operation...enjoy!

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WHAT HELPS THE ARMY HELPS THE COUNTRY

Lt. General George Casey has it right on this weeks talk show circuit. He said that "what helps the army helps the country". Integration in the army helped the country on many levels including the returning blacks to the south, which helped remove the last vestiges of slavery (which believe it or not existed in various ways up until world war 2). What helps the armed forces helps the forces for good in this nation.

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FRIDAY FAUXLOSOPHY

What do you think about this quote "Medicare is socialized medicine, soon doctors will be told where they can move and soon they will tell your son where he can work". What kind of radical, fringe and historically wrong politician would come up with this? Well that was Ronald Reagan in 1961. When do they ever get it right? So many people from the left and right agree that once the health care bill gets passed it will become sacred and appreciated. It will become untouchable just like Medicare. The same Medicare the Republicans tried to defeat in the 1960's.

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PLAGIARIZING IN ADVANCE; UPDATE

As you in Fauxnation know, over the years we have successfully plagiarized the work of others, and we feel its even a greater compliment to them when we do it in advance. Here we go again; A cartoon in the NY Times week in review written by Mike Peters (Dayton Daily News) shows a scene in a school where early schoolers are being taught to use the verb "sacks" (as in looting and pillaging) in a sentence. The kids response? Goldman Sachs. Now, several times over the last year we have been calling them "Goldman Sachs and Blunders" so we extend to Mr. Peters an apology as we do to all those to whom we have committed this crime (including but not limited to Maureen Dowd, Cynthia Tucker, David Brooks and Thomas Friedman).

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THE VIRTUAL CONSCIENCE

Liz Cheney (Dicks daughter) recently complained about President Obama honoring the fallen soldiers by meeting their arrival at the air force base (this week 18 of then arrived). While there were cameras there, it was only after the President did a number of things that his predecessor never did. First, he checked with the soldiers families to find out what they wanted. Second, he chose to honor them as opposed to W whose respect was only virtual, never actual.

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IF HE HAD BEEN A TWEETER, WOULD HE HAVE BEEN SWEETER?

Look at the messages that people tweet, the broken grammar, the partial sentence...it's a phenomenon which has really grown over the past year. But think about it; if twitter had arrived 6, 7 or 8 years earlier, George W. Bush would have seemed articulate and "with it". Verbally, if he had been a tweeter, he would have come across as that much sweeter!

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FAIR PAYMENT, A PENNY FOR THEIR THOUGHTS

South Carolina - Two South Carolina County Republican Party chairmen stepped up to rebut criticism of Sen. Jim DeMint (R-S.C.) in a newspaper editorial Sunday. But their defense of the senator might be overshadowed by their use of an anti-Semitic stereotype to praise him. After a Democratic state senator wrote in The State that DeMint didn't bring enough money back home, Bamberg County GOP Chairman Edwin Merwin and Orangeburg County GOP Chairman James Ulmer responded that he was just looking after the nation's pennies -- like a Jew would. "There is a saying that the Jews who are wealthy got that way not by watching dollars, but instead by taking care of the pennies and the dollars taking care of themselves," Ulmer and Merwin wrote in a joint letter published by The Times and Democrat. "By not using earmarks to fund projects for South Carolina and instead using actual bills, DeMint is watching our nation's pennies and trying to preserve our country's wealth and our economy's viability to give all an opportunity to succeed." "It's people like Ulmer and Merwin that make many folks fear for the future of the once Grand Ole Party," wrote the conservative Palmetto Scoop. But of course based on the tax cut sentiments of Mr. Ulmer and Mr. Merwin naturally Palmetto scoop and their Jewish readership will continue to support them.

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SAVINGS FROM TORT REFORM? EVEN 1 IS THE PHONIEST NUMBER

Folks we have a new hero and he is Congressman Alan Grayson (D-FL). As you may have heard, in the health care debate in Congress he said the Republican plan is to get sick and die quickly. At least, that's what many people think he said. What he really said was to stay healthy and as a "fallback" if you get sick...then die quickly. He also pointed out that when the Bush people were fighting for tort reform, the sent their own committee to get the facts and prove what Mr. Bush wanted to prove, namely that the amount of the health care dollars wasted by trials for damages according to their figures (with all they could throw in) were 1% of the money spent. Others say it was less that .5%.

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TRUST BUSTED

For 60 years the insurance companies have had an anti trust exemption. We at Faux News don't entirely understand all the nuances except that since they are backing out of some of their promises on health care reform at the 11th hour, President Obama in his radio address mentioned that they had gotten these anti trust exemptions for 60 years, and perhaps that should end. What is interesting about the insurance industry (among many things) is that they used to spend 95% of their budget on health care premiums and now they spend 80%. The rest is paid out in ever increasing bonuses while their clients have ever increasing struggles. As David Axelrod pointed out, 10 years ago the health insurance premiums were half of what they are now and 95% of their budget was spent on health care payouts. This has changed, and is a trust busted, and it may force the president to bust the trust. We have said before that our President has some very assassin like qualities. But the British government never minded James Bond because he was THEIR assassin.

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BIGGER TENT, MORE NEED FOR BENT

Will Rogers said (and many of us have repeated) that he was not member of any organized political party, he was a Democrat. That noted, because of the bigger tent the President has to pay the rent for this diversity and cant lead in the smaller more monolithic ideological domain of the Republicans. Its not, per se better or worse (although we feel that for the American people it does prove to be better) just different. A Democratic president has to have a different leadership style than a Republican president.

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NFL = NATIONAL FINANCE LEAGUE

Listening recently to the broadcast of the NFL's American conference representative from NY we were struck by a couple of descriptions of traditional football locales. 1. When the green home team got into the Wendy's red zone 2. It was being reported from the Subway fresh radio booth. We thought, why stop there? Why not give names to individual plays? Perhaps the Ace Hardware power sweep. Or the Sears line plunge. Or a leap over the goal line should be the Viagra vaults. It seems there is different product placement that can be used in virtually every play description. Now of course, the coaches might have to design the plays to coordinate equal advertising time, or your Lojack defensive coordinator can steal your patterns and be onto you. Wait, did the coach just question a call by throwing the "Army, be all you can be" challenge flag?

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ANOTHER FAUX NEWS STATEMENT

FDR wanted to be judged by the enemies he had made. We at Faux News say we want our aspirations to be measured by the tyoe of enemies we hope to make.

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SOME HEALTH PLEDGES OF ALLEGIANCE

Regarding the approval and choice which medical tests have - choice being whats best for ones health and approval being getting paid for it - please consider the following; doctors have an allegiance to their patients called a Hippocratic oath. HMO's have an allegiance to their stockholders, its called their bottom line.

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AN AUTOBIOGRAPHICAL ANECDOTE

I wrote a letter to the USA Today on the death of JFK Jr. The first day these were printed, I called up the editor and asked "have you gotten any more on target, pointed and yet more poignant letters than mine"? She responded "maybe", and I said "do you plan to print any"? She promptly printed mine.

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HONDO MONEY'S GONZO

We haven't talked much about Hondo recently, and it really is time again. When we first picked on him, he was a regular at wrong picks and right wing jokes and he was down about $1100 on his betting, but he's now own $1700. Imagine if we would just bet against the guy...his last big picks were the Rockies and the NY Jets, and now he is so down he hasn't even come up with any right wing jokes recently. All he had today was something about Bernie Madoff showing up small in the shower. Hondo, ya gotta get ondo, and get back your Mojo. Currently though, if you want your money gonzo...just follow Hondo

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FAUX FIERY FOR THE FAR RIGHT

We are considering a line of apparel of several items which can be worn or displayed. One of our items will be designed for right wing Jews; it will be a Yarmulka and instead of having Yankees or Red Sox emblems (yes, they make those) it will have the confederate flag on it. We think its the perfect fiery for the far right Jew.

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THE DEBUT OF DELAY DELAYED

Tom Delay's star search turned out to be star crossed. He was an early scratch in the dancing competition "Dancing with the stars", it seemed he had hurt himself getting ready for the dance. Several of his warm up videos have showed up on cable TV and Youtube, and as Jon Stewart said "could he look more gay"? As far as his dancing style and given his political leanings, we cant really say he had 2 left feet, and it could actually be that he had no left side. Thus Delay is (for now) delayed.

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THE MEDIA FORAGE AWARD

The event is the family values symposium in Washington D.C. where all the right wingers gather and its generally presumed that the most moderate (left of center) is Bill O'Reilly. Actually, Bill O'Reilly was the recipient of the courage in media award. We found this very interesting because just prior to winning this award, Bill O'Reilly was demanding that no media be allowed to the event. Well, at least the letter on his "no media allowed" sign were written boldly.

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GOP= GOOD ON PRINCIPLES

Yes, there are Republicans who are principled. Yes, there are Republicans who would vote for the health care bill that Americans need to stop sick people from losing insurance. We can (and will) give you the names; Former majority leader and presidential candidate Bob Dole, former majority leader Bill Frist, former HHS secretary Tommy Thomson are among those who have come out publicly in favor of the health reform bill. These are recent statements of support, all expressing their support in the first week of October. Here is the funny whimsical part of these good 'ole principles; somehow they all do it when they are out of office or leaving office. Maybe that has to be the secret weapon of the Obama administration, to find those Republicans who are leaving office and get their support...they may be his best bet. Even these 3 have some problems with the plan, but it just seems that Republicans become more principled the less they become Republican. This goes back to Sonia Sotomayor, of the 9 Republicans that voted for her...4 were leaving office.

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WAYWARD WOODWARDS

We at the Faux have discovered more contradictions in this latest term being used "political ethics". 2 great examples of this are 1. Congressman Charles Wrangel with his various tax misstatements (he just doesn't understand that income is income) and 2. (our favorite) is Senator Jon Ensign talking his chief of staff into pimping his wife. We should never look at this as a cheap affair, as Mr. Ensign paid $12,000 for this woman's "company". Apparently though, the reason for the latest bitterness is that for the past six months he hasn't paid the bill and his chief of staff and pimp let him know...no freebies.

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FRIDAY FAUXLOSOPHY

It is safe to say that among two thirds of longstanding disagreements between human, no one knows who started it.

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TO PATRIOTISM THE RIGHTS OF YASSER

President Obama went to Denmark and attempted to persuade the Olympic committee to give the 2016 Olympics to Chicago. Alas, the feud between the world Olympic committee and the US still runs deep and for that and perhaps many other reasons even though the President did his best for his country, he failed to bring back the Olympics. Naturally, all patriotic Americans wished him well and feel let down for the country. Then there are the "Palestinian patriots" the Yasser Arafat's of the world who (as former Israeli Prime Minister said) hate others more than they love theor own. You want an example? Its on film all over the internet and cable. The right wing think tank called "Americans for prosperity" burst into wild applause when the news broke that Obama lost the bid for Chicago. If George Bush or Dick Cheney had tried to charm the Olympic committee they would have been all for it. So, are all patriotic Americans disappointed by the Olympics? We would say yes. These happy right wingers are just the Yasser patriots.

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ADHERING TO THE LETTER(MAN) OF THE LAW

By now everyone knows that David Letterman was the victim of an extortion plot and had a number of involvements with staffers on his show going back some years. This is obviously not ideal behaviour but some differences should be noted from many perceptions. 1. Apparently all the affairs were consensual. 2. It was Letterman that broke them off as the young ladies wanted to keep things going. 3. All these affairs took place before he was married. Perhaps it hurt his wife to know about this and we cannot presume to judge their relationship during these other relationships but its worth noting that under the letter(man) of the law hes done nothing illegal or felonious. Annoying, fascinating, being literally a car wreck of a scene, but not illegal.

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THE (UN)QUESTIONABLE CLARENCE THOMAS

It was reported that on the first day of this Supreme Court, new Justice Sonia Sotomayor asked more questions in the course of just over an hour than Justice Thomas asked over the course of several years. What does it take to have a questioning inquisitive mind? 3 Things; 1. You must be questioning 2. You must be inquisitive and 3. You must have a mind. Thus we have the UNquestionable Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas.

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CONSERVAPEDIA DOT CON

Conservapedia is apparently a conservative version based on wikipedia to explain the "liberal bias" in the Bible. Kudos to Stephen Colbert who once again pointed out the website and such accuracies as honing in on "Jesus fed the poor", "the meek shall inherit the earth", and others. Its so unfortunate that so many of these websites end with .com when it really should be .con based on its content. They will be a steady source of information and laughter, we are not sure in which order.

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NOBEL PEACE/CONFLICT PRIZE

President Obama has won the Nobel peace prize for 2009, and given that 9 is about the number of months he has been in office...its quite a surprise. He certainly has changed the tenor of negotiations, and he certainly has goals that would more than qualify for such recognition. Commentator Bob Schieffer believes that this will ultimately cause Obama more grief, and allow the right wing to go nuts (something they never do...). As he receives the peace prize he will be ordering between 10,000 and 40,000 more troops into Afghanistan, a smart move as we have seen that these military surges have produced very tangible results in Iraq. Perhaps this is just Europe hating George W. Bush, perhaps this is some kind of emotional bribe (speaking of bribes, we did very well bribing leaders in Iraq) but in the meantime there will be conflict on the peace prize.

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SOME SLIPPERY SLOPES IN ASPEN - NEWS ON JEWS AND FUN WITH NUNS

click here for the article Whats wrong with this story? There is a place in Aspen, CO called the Silver Lining Ranch that was supposed to be sold to Chabad of Aspen, the Jewish resource center. The ranch was founded by ex-tennis star and now nun Andrea Jaeger who has made this her lifes work. You see, the ranch gives terminally ill children a place to play happily and comfortably for their time left on this earth so they can feel like full humans. Due to economic hardships at her foundation she couldnt fund the operation, so she wanted to sell the ranch property to Rabbi Mendel Mintz (of Chabad) for $13.5 million in an agreement where both organizations would benefit from the 6.5 acre property. It would be renovated to be a Center for Jewish Life and simultaneously serve as a camp for the terminally ill children. Sounds like the happy ending to a 1930's movie of the star athlete nun and the enterprising rabbi working together. Somehow the local residents put such legal pressure on Chabad that they had to withdraw their offer. We at the Faux suspect that at a Chabad center for Jewish life there might be some Jews around the place. I mean, what gives it away? While these folks will deny it, this is clearly anti-Semitic. Chabad didnt want a multi-year court battle which would leave these ill children with nothing in the meantime. I would love to know to political background of the people who have stopped this "awful" union of an enterprising rabbi and a charitable nun. Those who read us regularly probably already know. Some pics nun Andrea Jaeger Rabbi Mendel mintz

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FRIDAY FAUXLOSOPHIES

1. There are reliable people who aren't honest and honest people who aren't reliable. People who are honest and reliable are, in some ways, the rarest of gems. 2. Mark Twain once said "its not what you pay a man, its what hes costs you". In these economic times it would be revised; its not what you pay a man, its what he saves you.

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IT STICKERED IN MY MIND

On Cape Cod - the land of Obama sticker rock, where the President vacations on Martha’s vineyard – all the cars drive with windows closed tight. It is 95 degrees outside. Then came along one exception and the sticker that stuck. A rambling wreck of a car with windows open (probably because there was no a/c) and her McCain/Palin sticker on her bumber. It made me think; in this land of the well-to-do, this lady couldn’t afford an a/c for her car, which makes us assume she probably can’t afford health insurance either. We respect her right to vote her choice, but this sticker definitely stuck, as we wondered why she would choose that way. We hope she gets a/c sometime, and we hope she has health care all the time.

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